Grrrr… I just got stood up by a sub bottom and it’s not the first time he’s done shit like this… When I was first trying to hookup with him he’d cancel at the last minute, but he hasn’t done that in quite a while. He hasn’t been as eager as I’d like, but he hasn’t told me one thing and done another in quite a while.

The bottom is actually the bottom I fucked a couple of years ago with my PA. He was getting gangbanged and I think I sorta tore him up inside and he couldn’t really take dick after that. Then one of the tops told him he wasn’t really neg – that he was poz (making the fact that I tore him up a little more significant)… There was a lot of drama and the bottom didn’t really like the things I said when I wrote up the encounter. For a while he didn’t want anything to do with me, but then he finally came back for more – deep down he needed it.

Anyway, that fuck was one I videotaped – here it is…

And here’s an earlier video I did of him…

So here’s how it went down this time… He hits me up on BBRT and wishes me Happy Pride. I ask him if he’s looking and can host, he says ‘probably’ and asks if I’ve pissed yet (he likes to get pissed on). I tell him I can come over pretty much right away (he’s within easy walking distance). And he says “thats up to u SIR. [Whether I drink a bunch so I can piss on him.] or u can just come over and dump a quick load in me SIR. u tested recently?” I avoid the question about my status (just to sorta play a head game with him), and say “give me your address and i’ll come over now”. There’s a bit of a delay and he finally says “sorry SIR – could u answer my question SIR? have u been tested recently SIR?” Since he pushes the issue I answer – “last test was january. it was neg.” He comes back with “understood SIR. thank u for answering SIR. XXX west XXXrd street SIR. #XX. hole will be lubed for you SIR. no pa, right?” I tell him I’ll take the PA out to fuck him. He thanks me and says he wishes he got my 6 day load. I tell him he’ll be getting a 3 day load and it’ll be plenty big and thick. I get dressed and head over.

When I get to his place I press the buzzer. No response. I press again. No response. Then I call him and it goes to voicemail. I leave a rather terse message. Then I ring the buzzer a few more times. Then I text him. Finally I login to BBRT and see he’s left me a message… “actually SIR – just found a load a little closer and ready now. so gonna cancel on u – im sorry!” The little shit… I know it’s a lie – that he’s in his apartment listening to me ringing his bell and calling him. But there’s no point waiting, so I leave.

He finally responds to my text and among other things says “i have no good excuse but i really do apologize SIR.” He’s obviously a Catholic and doesn’t realize he’s dealing with a Protestant. Protestants only care about actions – apologies that aren’t accompanied with action are meaningless and sorta insulting. I give him an earful and tell him I’m just 4 blocks away – I can come back. I mean it’s one thing to get cold feet and that was his chance to redeem himself. He apologizes some more but doesn’t take me up on my offer to redeem himself. I tell him he should be a better sub than that and that next time he’s getting fucked with the PA as punishment. I know he doesn’t like it, but he can endure it… Seems like a good way to get back at him. He then gets back to me with more of an explanation…

i don’t have a good explanation SIR, like i said. i am actually in formal training with a master now to be a better slave SIR, and for the first time i just dug in my heels and disobeyed a direct order from him SIR. he has already told me i will be punished quite severely SIR. i am truly sorry to have let both of u down. i don’t know why i did it SIR. i am sure that he will correct the matter and you will have full access to my hole any time you need it in the future SIR. in spite of my behavior today, he is an excellent master SIR and has been training me well.

I’d love to be there when he gets punished. I don’t think he’s all that much into pain, but it would be sorta fun to take a whip to him and then fuck him in with the PA and dump a big load in his abused hole.

At the root of the problem is the fact that he’s a submissive cumdump who wants to stay neg. I think his misgivings about tops is what makes him disobey. Honestly, I think his life would make a lot more sense if he were poz. Being poz just sorta fits with where his head is at sexually. But it’s the conflict between the two that’s at the root of all of this. He wants to submit, but he’s concerned about the implications.

We’ll see what happens next…

So, my bf and I came to Montréal this weekend. I love this place – could see retiring here (but need to learn French first). Was hoping to shoot a bunch of porn this weekend, but most of the models sorta fell through. I think I might have a videotaped fuck session late this afternoon, but I did manage to get a solo model (Dimitri Roux – the pic on the right) to come in for a shoot yesterday. It was a learning experience for my boyfriend and me. It went pretty well, but one thing I learned was that amateur models should be paid like amateur models. He had wanted more but we stuck to our guns and I’m sorta glad we did. Good guy, nice body, great personality, but there were ways in which it were clear he’s not a professional porn star. That has it’s charm, but it has it’s limitations as well. He seemed a bit nervous and had problems getting hard and staying hard. My boyfriend offered to ‘fluff’ him, but he didn’t take my bf up on the offer.

So the weird part about this trip is I’m not all that horny. Montréal is a great place to come for sex. The bathhouses are pretty wonderful, the guys are sexy, etc. Last night my boyfriend was horny so after dinner we went out for one drink at a stripper bar and then I told him to go to a bathhouse and I just went back to the hotel.

One curious thing that happened yesterday was that we were at Priape and I wanted to buy some more lube. My boyfriend said he wanted to buy some condoms as well (he fucks raw or rubbered – depending on what the bottom will do). I reminded him that we have a bunch of (old) condoms at home. But he said some were so old that the glue on the wrappers was breaking down and they were opening up. To me old expired condoms are the ideal condoms – after all they’re more likely to break and the bottom is more likely to get your load… But I bought him condoms anyway.

But when he came home from the bathhouse he told me “I don’t think I can fuck with condoms any more”. He was fucking the bottom and the condom was turning him off. He took off the condom, the bottom felt his dick and knew he was getting fucked raw (and said nothing). My boyfriend pulled out when he came, but is pretty sure the bottom would have been fine taking the load. In other words my boyfriend is exactly where I was in my sex life back in 2003-2004 – when you realize few bottoms will say no to getting fucked raw or taking a load.

I did wake up with a big boner this morning. So tonight I want to go out to GI Joe (a bathhouse) and have some fun… Problem is I forgot my pills so that will limit me a bit, which is unfortunate.

I’ve been feeling completely normal the last few days and had plans to hookup with a guy this evening but he sorta canceled on me (though it may still happen).

So I figured I’d fuck the Brazilian from the neighborhood since he has a party listing up on BarebackRT (which even states his address, though it says not to show up without being invited). But he didn’t respond to the message I sent a few days ago saying ‘hi’, and he didn’t respond to my party request. So I was wondering whether he was mad at me. I sent a message asking him pretty bluntly if he was mad at me or something. He didn’t respond to that either. It wasn’t long ago that he was asking me to come by and give him a load so I really don’t know what the deal is with him.

Next the piss bottom I fucked with my PA was online. I told him I wanted to fuck him and he volunteered that two guys had cum in him this morning, but he said he was scared of me. At the same time he was friendly, so not sure how to interpret that.

Then a early-20s guy hits me up on Adam4Adam and says he saw my XTube videos, he thinks I’m hot, etc. Turns out he’s a couple blocks from me, but doesn’t want to hookup ’cause he’s “paranoid about diseases” (I think barebacking freaks him out). So that’s not happening either…

UGH!

UPDATE: The Brazilian got back to me today, said he wasn’t mad or anything and wants to take my load (no specific time). Said he had enough tops lined up yesterday and didn’t need more. But he coulda said that yesterday, so I still think there was something weird going on yesterday…

I know it’s been a while since my last fuck. Sorry about that. I’m sorta horny these days, but sorta not… And I’m just not all that sexually aroused… My mind has been more on work than anything else. Sure I look at porn during the day to do posts on the porn blog, but it’s not doing all that much for me. I’ve been jacking off just ’cause I don’t feel like bothering with hookups. But even when I jack off there are times when I’m just not into it – it feels forced and I don’t even get or stay hard…

Frankly, I’m suprised a period like this didn’t happen months ago. It’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of my sex life… But don’t worry – I’ll get back to fucking soon enough…  😉  I was thinking of fucking someone yesterday. Maybe I’ll take a pill and fuck someone later today just to keep in the swing of things…

The gangbang I told you about in the last post… Well, it was a shoot for Treasure Island. I was really psyched to be in another Treasure Island film. I got all ready. Had my boyfriend help me figure out what I should wear, etc… I couldn’t find my leather cock ring and needed to leave, so I grabbed one of those soft rubber ones.

I get down there and this cute cub greets me at the door. It’s a small hotel room and they were in the middle of filming the top who was just before me. He was this massive black guy – very hot. Max waved ‘hi’ and they continued on…

The room was stifling hot ’cause it was small and there were 6 people (plus me) and really bright, hot lights for filming. On top of that I had taken a part of one of my pills and was feeling a little flush which just exaggerated the heat. I went into the bathroom to get ready and found it was the coolest place there. I put on the cock ring and sat down on the edge of the tub and waited.

The black guy was taking his time cumming… After about 10 minutes I checked my dick ’cause I was worried the cock ring was a little tight and didn’t want to have a purple dick. Then I saw it – a blood vessel had burst on the top of my dick and it created a big dark spot, and there was a smaller one next to it. It was just in the wrong place for filming and would have looked like I had a KS lesion on my dick or something…

When they took a break Max came over and I showed it to him. He went back to filming while he thought about what to do. But I knew the result – you just can’t film around something like that…

Dammit! I am so fucking bummed… The bottom was this early-20s twinkish jock. He was a newbie to porn and it would have been really cool to fuck him. He had 5 loads in him already and they were expecting to get about a dozen loads in him today…

And it was such a stupid mistake for me. I’ve had problems like that with metal cock rings before, but never with the soft rubber ones. I really should have known better – I could tell it was tight going on…

Hopefully Max will use me again soon… We’ll see. It sounds like that was the last in the current round of filming for him, so it might be a while…

On top of it I now have an ugly spot on my dick that’s not going to go away for a week or so. Who’s going to want to have me fuck them with my dick looking like that?

Oh well… That’s life I guess…

There’s this guy who has been wanting me to fuck him for over a really long time (2?+ years), but things just never worked out… So finally we set up a time two days ago for a quick pump-and-dump at his place before work. He gives me an address and a cell number but tells me to text him ’cause service is bad in his area.

I text him as I’m leaving, then I show up, buzz the bell, someone lets me in, I walk up a flight of stairs. The guy said he’d be naked in his bedroom, butt up, but the door wasn’t ajar and when I tried it (gently) it was locked. A guy immediately opened the door, but he didn’t look anything like the pics of the guy I’m supposed to meet – he just wasn’t attractive at all. Not butt ugly, but definitely below average. On top of everything he looked a bit confused. I asked “Are you expecting me?”, he said “No”, so I said “Sorry, I must have the wrong place” and I left…

I get out to the street and start texting the guy, but figure what the hell, I’ll call him… When I call his number I get “The PCS Subscriber you called is temporarily not in service.” I’m pretty sure if he was just out of range I would have heard something about “cannot be located”, not “temporarily not in service”.

I’m wondering who the guy was who answered the door and what his relationship was to the guy I was supposed to meet. I think there’s a good chance he was the guy, but one of those guys who never gets anyone ’cause he doesn’t look anything like his pics. Or he’s someone the guy knew. The address I had gone to was a a few blocks from what I had remembered his address was when we had talked about hooking up before – but close enough that I thought I might have been wrong in what I remembered.

Curiously, in the past he had given me an address that was on the same block that the blogger ‘confessions of a bareback top‘ had told me he lived on – and the pics of him and ‘confessions’ were similar enough that I thought they might be the same person. Who knows, maybe the guy who answered the door was ‘confessions’…

UPDATE:

It’s now early Feb ’08 and I’m convinced the guy who told me to come over was ‘Confessions’. The profile of the guy says he’s in the UK, and Confessions had a post last week asking where to go in the UK… The question is whether he was just jerking me and gave me the wrong address and phone number and had me show up at some apartment other than his. That’s what I think probably happened – although the guy who answered the door could have been him… I don’t really know.

In other words, I may not know if the guy who answered the door was Confessions, but I can say that Confessions was the same guy who for years wanted to take my load (he literally used the word “begging” when he’d ask me to fuck him). Sheds a whole new light on him – seems like all these things he says he’s doing to bottoms are actually things he wants done to himself…

He’s been a total prick lately in our private communications, but I still have a soft spot for him… If he’d chill out a bit, and possibly take my load, all would be forgiven…