Barebackers Are Ugly?
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3 December 2008 | 21 Comments
A new study out of The University of Toronto has concluded that “undesirable” gay guys are more likely to take sexual risks. Their logic goes like this… If you’re not attractive and you know it, you’re more likely to be an alcoholic and be depressed, and you’re more likely to not ask questions when a guy you consider hotter than you wants to bareback.
I’d like to offer a different explanation… That guys who are into their bodies are stuck up and inhibited. How many ads have you seen saying “only hot guys should respond” as if there’s a single accepted definition of “hot guy”, yet you know exactly what the person is talking about. He’s essentially saying “I’m conceited and you need to be up to my standards or I won’t touch you.” Anything that’s messy and real is beyond them – they want plastic and pretty.
I’m not saying all good-looking guys are like that, but the ones who are in the “I’m hot, UB2” crowd are pretty much like that. And being more “plastic” who knows if they’re telling the truth about their sex life. I can completely see them trying to keep up appearances and not being honest.
Then there are “regular Joe’s”, and the bears and the chubs, etc. who have gotten over themselves. They’ve found that you can have incredible sex with the most unlikely people. It’s no wonder that every time I come across a true slut – the type that sucks off or gets fucked by several guys a day and pushes the 1,000 loads/year mark – they’re almost always pretty average in looks. Yet they have way better sex lives than the “pretty boys”. Sure there are exceptions, like Dawson, but the general trend is true.
The other problem with the study is that it lumps racial minorities into the “undesirable” group. The research was done in Toronto and if you know anything about Toronto you know it’s crawling with Asians, yet Asians are generally pretty conservative sexually and always seem to have the lowest incidence of HIV of any racial group. So I don’t get how that didn’t confound the researcher’s conclusions…
I’m sure there’s some truth in what they’re saying, but there’s enough other things going on that the conclusion of the study seems pretty short-sighted…
Totally agree with you on this one. The āIām hot, UB2ā³ guys are more often than not BAD LAYS. I’m definitely a good looking, hot bareback fucker but can’t understand the whole superficial looks/build obesession that many guys have. As long as a guy is relatively good looking and HWP I am up for it!!
For Gods Sakes, you’re starting to sound like a Unpopular Highschool Girl complaining about being stuck in a certain crowd, and you don’t like it. People that usually care about looks, usually care about their inside health as well. As they said, the prettiest hookers are cops, since anyone with any self respect has better things to do.
First of all,there are no rules for sex. There is no manual that needs to be followed. Everyones expression of sex is as individual as each person is. Guys who only require physical perfection and beauty,are only going to get that,and nothing else.On the flip side,there are guys with beautiful,muscular bodies,who are not necessarily attracted to the same. Yes,like me,there are those who are turned on by simple expressions of personality-a nice smile,a sexy voice,sense of humor ,etc etc. As Andy said,as long as a guy is relatively good looking,and I would add Clean! and healthy
Lol, that was a funny contrast, anyways there are always exceptions to the rule, but there still is the rule.
I agree wholly with Dave here. I’d also say that the “I’m hot, UB2” guys hold no interest for me whatsoever; but it says nothing about how “good” or “lousy” a lay they are, just that they hold no interest for me specifically (I’m just not interested in the guys who take the “Gay-For-Dummies”, media-dicatated idea of an “appropriate” stereotype as something to live by), and the attitude is just not anyting I can deal with seriously.
Since I am attracted to a guy’s face before anything else, the idea of anonymous, glory-hole, or leather-hooded partners holds zero appeal for me whatsoever: these seeming to be popular bb activities could lead one to wonder…”hmmm…are they hiding their faces because they can’t get laid any other way?” (I know this not to be the case, btw.)
To give some credence to the source in discussion on the original post, I can say that a bb message board I read does show some members repeatedly posting items which reflect an utter lack of self-esteem. How much of this is sincere and how much is acting on some fantasy is something no one can say with certainty.
As an academic public health researcher (and a regular reader, personally), I really strongly suggest that you send a link or a separate email to the author of the study. To make a sweeping statement, researchers can be pretty narrow-minded when it comes to explaining the phenomenon we demonstrate statistically. We talk talk more to colleagues than the people on whom the data are based, and our explanations get more informed by the research literature than what everyone else thinks. Also, most people love push-back on their work–it’s ultimately what makes the next project that much better.
Both my professional and personal sides appreciate that you talk about research here. I just hope that there can be a feedback loop to connect the discussions…
Just like not everybody with a biohazard tattoo is poz, not everyone having risky sex is an out-and-proud barebacker. Those are a small minority. Most guys are just average. And while there’s no cause-and-effect logic behind it (guys bareback because they are ugly / guys are ugly because they bareback), there are common factors: E.g. low-grade depression both results in “letting oneself go” and having riskier sex. So while the study doesn’t fit every case (as you imply by falsely boiling it down to “barebackers are all ugly”), the general conclusion (i.e. less attractive men have riskier sex) might be true, nonetheless.
The mighty Geekslut once said (to paraphrase, as the site unfortunately is still down): Being healthy is like having the ability to build an empire. If you are planning ahead 50 years – and for bi guys generations beyond that, you act differently. You try to stay healthy and enjoy retirement with your hubby or your sister’s / brother’s grandchildren. It all boils down to the time horizon you envision and the choices you make. You don’t care about you teeth if you don’t know if you’ll be around 15 years from now.
I agree both with Metalnoir and Martin, like I said before, there are always exceptions to that rule, but usually people who want to live longer try to keep themselves out of situations that are high risk. I respect everyones right to choose, and I bareback myself (only with my long time monogamous boyfriend), but chasing after the disease is a bit more then being a thrill seaker.
As for the plastic people, if you don’t like it, just don’t have sex with them, if you feel that they’re so stuck up, you probably wouldn’t want to have sex with them anyways.
I wouldn’t be so sure that the plastic people live in a different world with no HIV. For one thing, there are a lot of drugs in that world (circuit parties, anyone?) and where there’s drugs, HIV isn’t usually too far behind.
What may be different is that those among them who are positive and/or bareback don’t advertise it since it jars with the magazine-perfect picture of life they like to project. Have you noticed the backgrounds of their profile pictures? all glass surfaces and beige minimalist interiors? If your idea of living space is a show apartment, I somehow can’t see you will want advertise your positive status.
No one here has acknowledged that some of the bareback porn actors, especially the Eastern European men, >are< pretty ugly! For every cute Bel-Ami boy, there are a dozen skinny Slavic men in their 30s with cartoon-like angular cheeks, chins, and noses, and bad Euro-trash hairdos. The only appealing things about them are their lack of body fat and lack of inhibitions towards sex. But no one would look twice at most of them on the street. A lot of these men have that cartoon villain look– Other European porn actors have ridiculous fem looks which the porn directors dictate. They are not really fem or transgendered. RT even made fun of one really over-the-top weird looking scene last year.
I’m going out on a limb and say that Asians are not considered undesirable in Asia. š
That report is insulting! I live in Miami, land of the 8 pack, 5% body fat, surgically altered guys who want to look like porn models. They are unapproachable, arrogant bunch of assholes but in reality, they are extremely insecure. Why, you might ask. In their minds they need to “look perfect” to be loved and accepted by other gay men. They need to be constantly looked at to feel desirable and that calms down their insecurities somewhat until someone they perceive as more muscular, more hung, etc. shows up and they go crazy. I know many men like this. I am a hairy chub “bear type” guy who has not fallen into that madness. Yes, I love bareback sex but that is my choice not an insecurity talking. For the record, I find these Adonis’s revolting. Give me an average guy with an average body with a few pounds on him then let me loose! LOL!
I’ll go out on a total limb and say that any ethical race is not considred undesirable in their homelands!
The paper talked about ‘low sexual status’ men, rather than undesirable men.
@Mocha and BK, there are plenty of gay asian men, in Asian and Western nations, who consider asian men undesirable. It’s unfortunate but common and my guess is that it’s associated with colonialism: gay men from nations like Japan, which resisted colonisation and undertook development and Westernisation on its own terms, or Vietnam, which has a lot of national pride in its armed overthrow of colonial powers, seem to be happier dating other asian men than do men from countries like Malaysia and Singapore.
@Rawtop & SSmith: the methodology was totally fucked. The premise that lower sexual status reduces power to negotiate safe sex is based on a couple of quotes from ‘low sexual status’ men, about what they WOULD do if they brought a really hot guy home – the subjunctive tense tells me they’re story-telling, coming up with a narrative that’s plausible because both the interviewer and the respondent know the cultural logic that hotness equals power, although whether they’re citing the gay scene or Mean Girls is impossible to know. When one guy finally talks about what he DID do, it’s just: the guy was hot and neither of us mentioned condoms. How do we know that’s specific to his ‘low sexual status’ and not just ‘I wanted to have really hot sex’?
People say I’m hot and have a nice body, and I’m a total slut. I don’t bareback, but I give it up a lot and I’m really easy. You should see me at an orgy–even 60 year olds get a turn. the study had to do with bb, but I have to disagree with your idea that “hot” guys are too into their body to have a good time. someone could say I have “low self esteem” and that’s why im such a pig, but i would rather think it’s because i like to get fucked a lot.
The need to belong (socially/etc) is an accepted perversion. Many individuals seek out/experiment with many different social circles until they find acceptance; it can be said that a segment of this population that seeks “to belong” could be considered depressed/sub-par/etc. Due to the the desire to belong, it is possible that personal morals/ethics/etc that usually would keep a person “safe” have been abandoned in order to achieve acceptance…to belong.
And just to clarify, I live in Toronto and the infestation of gay asians in this city is disgusting…and yes, asians are not desirable in Toronto. We would like them ALL to leave, does any city really need another dollar store or counterfeit industry? Many options such as “asian culls”, deportation, genocide have been discussed…asians are not wanted in Toronto or the rest of the country.
Cheers!
‘Pretty boys’. Yes, I know the type. I pity them, actually: they’re shallow, terribly insecure and end up having little or no sex at all. And they’re usually not as ‘pretty’ as they think they are.
To me the hottest guys are the ones that don’t sleep around with everybody. The ones that everyone wants to fuck, but nobody gets. I love when they show inexperience during sex cause I’m more than willing to teach them. I don’t go for the superficial twinks that think their shit don’t stink. I’m a daddy chaser so that’s kind of the main issue. I find hot twinks to be too immature. They’re the type to act like they don’t want anything to do with me, but at the end of the night want to leave with me like it’s some kind of prize to end up with them. I’ve seen daddies do that too and it’s not cute. I just say no thanks and keep it moving.
Known sluts aren’t high on my list of attractive men. Not because they’re not good looking, it’s just I’d hate to be with a guy that everyone in the local bar has had a turn with. I feel like I deserve better than that and so does the person I end up with.