So 2015 was a slow year in some respects, but not in others… I only gave 31 loads last year. That was 2 more than 2014, but generally a pretty slow year. And those 31 loads were spread out over 59 times (sessions) when I fucked guys. So I only managed to cum about half the times that I fucked, which is not good, but more about that in a moment.

The 59 fuck sessions is up from 42 the year before, but there have been better years. 2008 was probably my top year – 67 loads over 89 sessions. But even as recent as 2013 I was did 55 loads over 77 sessions.

BUT where things went way up is in the number of fucks I gave – 176. Basically I went to a lot of sex parties last year where I’d fuck multiple guys in one session. Which also explains why I didn’t cum very often. If I cum early in the night then my dick sometimes things it’s done and stops cooperating – which defeats the point of going to a sex party. On the other hand, when I hold out and don’t cum, by the end of the sex party I usually don’t have enough energy to cum. And the other thing that limits how much I cum is the sex party facilities. I can usually only predictably cum when the bottom is on his belly, and the sex club I go to the most often doesn’t have any beds – making it harder for me to cum.

The other thing that is of note in 2015 is me getting back to the gym (started in 2014, but I managed to keep it going). The problem is that I got a shoulder impingement in late October / early November. It was consistent and concerning enough that I took time off from the gym since so much of what you do at the gym hits the shoulders. But it didn’t repair itself, so in late December I finally went to see a doctor about it. And I started physical therapy a few weeks ago. Bottom line is that I lost some muscle mass because of all that. And I’m now getting back to the gym but at a reduced schedule. My physical therapist has me mostly working my back to get things back in order.

So for 2016 I sorta just want more of the same. It would be nice to get to giving 50+ loads. I think the secret to that is to just force myself to get out there at times when I’m not really feeling like having sex. I mean there are periods of a month or more when I just don’t have sex sometimes. If I can eliminate those periods, my numbers will go up.  And then body-wise I just wanna keep at the gym. Perhaps not as much as I was doing since I’m being productive in my programming for some new sites and don’t want to mess that up. But as I get older I see how important fitness is.

This past week has been a tumultuous one for the porn industry. A week ago today a porn blogger named Zach Sire (see photo to the right and below) did a post where he “outed” a fellow gay blogger – the blogger behind Queer Me Now (who I’ll refer to as QMN for the rest of the article). The whole thing was really petty – QMN had won “best porn blog” two years in a row at the Grabbies and Zach apparently felt he should have won, so he set out to destroy the life of QMN. I don’t use that phrase lightly. QMN is from “a certain Asian country” where porn is illegal and QMN could literally go to jail if the authorities know who he is (a fact Zach knew and mentioned in his attack on QMN). AND it wasn’t just jail – thanks to Zach everyone now knows that QMN has a rather respectable mainstream career as well – one that could get obliterated if people found out he was a gay porn blogger.

But let me stop and give you a little background. QMN and Zach have two very different approaches to porn blogging. QMN is an adoring fan who writes about what he loves. Zach does some porn blogging, but he also has a section that’s basically a gossip column – he just seems to love exposing people’s dirt.  Any time a porn star goes to jail, he covers it. Anytime anyone says nasty about someone else in the porn biz, he covers it. Basically he uses that part of his site to kick people when they’re down and revel in other people’s misery. Which is why I think he’s earned the label ‘bitchy queen’ and ‘mean girl’ many times over.

I’ve sat and chatted with QMN at two industry events and he’s one of the sweetest guys you’ll ever meet. Most everyone in the industry knows him and loves him. So when Zach attacked him there was a huge backlash. A guy named Danny brought it to everyone’s attention. Over the years Danny has run a whole bunch of different porn sites for producers (everything from Asian stuff to HDK to Titan). He’s also a really sweet guy who lived in Asia for years and knows what Zach’s post could mean for QMN. Then Dominic Ford picked up the baton. He’s a porn star / producer who started a business a few years back to fight illegal content on tube sites. So he’s used to dealing with “bad players” in the industry and has contacts with just about every medium to large studio in the biz.

Anyway, I won’t bore you with all the little details, but one important detail is that this isn’t the first time Zach’s exposed people’s identity. There’s this really wonderful woman who used to work for Treasure Island (she now works for Titan). Zach did  a whole piece on her a year ago saying what her real name was, what sort of work she did before working in porn, what sort of other things she’s posted on the Internet, and he imposed her face onto images of bareback fucking and cummy asses and generally implied that she helps in the transmission of STDs. As a result of Zach’s post on her she’s had to consider a legal name change if she wants to get out of porn. But if she does that she loses everything on her resume before she started working for TIM. She’s active on the webmaster board where all of this was being discussed, but she’s just one of many people Zach has fucked over. I mean you should see the things he says about Michael Lucas. In one recent tweet he said “@MichaelLucasNYC Better get back to your coffin, you vile piece of toxic shit. Sun’s coming up in just a couple hours in NYC…” Clearly Zach is NOT a nice guy. I mean I can’t imagine saying something like that about anyone – no matter how much I hate them. Yet Zach does it on a regular basis.

As the shit hit the fan last week people also found out that Zach has a business partner named Davyd Dixon who is a PR guy for many of the big studios. He conveniently claimed that he didn’t have any editorial control over Zach’s blog, but somehow his PR clients never seem to have the problems other studios have with getting slammed on Zach’s blog. (Hmmm…) And it’s not like Zach is even all that consistent. He slams Treasure Island and Lucas for barebacking – talking about how they’re spreading disease, but then he promotes sites like Sketchy Sex and complains that the Grabbies’ condom-only policy means they’re running out of sites to give awards to. His attacks are so random that it really does seem like negative PR rather than a genuine problem with the site or person he’s attacking. I honestly just don’t get where he’s coming from by promoting one site and slamming another that does more or less the same thing.

But seriously even if there is some difference I don’t understand, has Zach never heard of TasP? All the “toxic” stuff that TIM does, that Zach finds so objectionable, is fantasy. Poz guys on meds are some of the least risky people you can have sex with. In 19 years of guys being on ARVs, and probably millions of serodiscordant fucks, there have been no documented cases of an undetectable poz guy transmitting the virus. As a sex industry blogger Zach should know that. So what’s all the fuss? Let people have their fantasies. I mean the porn business is a business based on fantasy. Zach is hardly the god-appointed arbiter of what guys are allowed to jack off to.

Moving on… About 24 hours after the blog post on QMN went up “a hacker” brought down the site, took down the post on QMN, and redirected Zach’s blog to QMN. I don’t think QMN is technically capable of doing such a thing (IMHO, his site is a rather big mess technically). Instead, some people in the industry postulated that Zach just made it appear like he was hacked so he could then claim to be the victim. Which he promptly did in another blog post where he tried to justify his actions and say how horrible everyone was who opposed him. I was even quoted for having suggested on a private webmaster forum that he be permanently banned from getting awards at the Grabbies.

Then he did a video on YouTube where he goes into whether people like me and QMN deserve privacy. He tries to say that bloggers should be transparent and have their identities public (see timecode 1:27). But that’s not how the industry works. It’s a well-established rule in the industry is that no one reveals anyone else’s legal name. Yet despite that, there is still accountability. All my sponsors know my legal name, as do people I meet face-to-face at industry events (at least they know my first name – not always my last name – depends on how well I know them). If I do something it can get back to me – but it goes through a filter of people in the industry who understand my situation because they’re in the same situation themselves.

He then goes on to say that there is no expectation of privacy when you show up to public events (2:30). The thing is at those public events QMN’s legal name was never used. And I would bet the fact that he was from “a certain Asian country” and his mainstream profession were never mentioned either (at least not publicly). To say that, just because he showed his face publicly, EVERYTHING about him is now open for dissemination goes against the well-established rules our industry has lived by for decades. We have those rules because of the stigma mainstream society places on anything related to sex work. We don’t have an issue with what we do, but lots of other people do. Why Zach doesn’t get that, I don’t know.

He gets very specific about this point (3:00) “If you’re writing in a professional sense and you’re a blogger and a conveyor of information you are 100% open to being exposed in terms of what your name is and who you are”. That statement goes against everything our industry has lived by for 40+ years. It’s wrong. It’s dangerous. It hurts real people.

But then he goes on to say (4:00) that pornstars, on the other hand, “have an expectation of privacy  … They don’t want their real names to get out because there are a lot of people who are stalkers. Porn stars are sex objects. They will literally stalk them and they will find out extremely personal information about them, their families, where they live… Scary stuff…  And that’s why porn stars use porn names.” All I can say to that is “Dude, don’t you get it? YOU are QMN’s stalker. All those ‘scary things’ your talking about – you’re the one doing them!”

Then he goes on again to reiterate the point even more (4:36) “Porn bloggers are not porn stars, they’re bloggers. Just because they have the luxury of being behind a computer and never having to really show their face or their name… They’re not entitled to the same protections as pornstars who are putting their face and everything out on camera and who are objectified.” All I can say to that is I’m a blogger AND I’ve been in porn. Sure, I was only in one commercial porn video, but some consider it to be “the most important gay porn video ever made”. So some of us are both pornstars and bloggers. (Though I’m not sure I’d consider myself to be a porn STAR, but presumably he doesn’t mean that smaller porn stars don’t deserve the same protections as bigger porn stars.) And hell, privacy is clearly important to me – I even wore a mask when I was in porn. How much more clearly do I need to make the point about privacy?

But my having been in porn is irrelevant to whether I’m deserving of privacy. Sexually-based stalkers are not the only legitimate reason why someone would have a right to privacy. That’s basically saying that bloggers are too ugly to deserve privacy. All I can say to that is speak for yourself – just because you don’t think you’re sexually attractive enough to deserve privacy doesn’t mean I don’t deserve it, or QMN, or any of the other bloggers out there. Hell, if the United Nations thinks encryption is a human right, then we all have a fundamental right to privacy.

He tries to justify his actions by saying (5:25) “If you are publishing information online you are open to being exposed 100%. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. This is 2015.” But what he fails to ask is “is that a good thing?” And, “do I really want to be one of the mean girls who expose people?” Or maybe has asked those questions and he’s got so little going on in his life and so few prospects for the future that he doesn’t care about being exposed, and he knows he just is a mean girl, so he sees no problem with it.

His other point (5:55) seems to be that he’s free to violate the industry’s code of ethics because he thinks other people are doing things he thinks are unethical. That is completely the opposite of how people should act. It reminds me of the saying that “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves everyone blind and toothless”. The only way we’ll have a better world is if each of us does our part to make the world better.

So what can you do to make a difference? It’s pretty simple – never click the links on “mean girl” blogs. That’s how Zach and Davyd (and bloggers in general) make their money. You can also make note of who his major sponsors are and simply not buy memberships at those sites. OR at least buy them only via clicking a link on a “good” site. (And by that I don’t mean one of the major tube sites – they’re the topic for a whole other blog post – but suffice it to say they’re a bigger problem than even Zach & Davyd).

And if you’re a porn star who has influence over some of Zach & Davyd’s major sponsors – say something! This is a privacy issue. And while it might not be your privacy that’s threatened today. That may not be the case tomorrow. And when your privacy is threatened in the future you’ll need people like porn bloggers coming to your rescue.

Unfortunately a week after all this inane drama started, not much has changed. Davyd took down two tweets that mentioned QMN’s real name. The hacker took down the post about QMN, and they’ve edited the article on the woman who worked at Treasure Island so it no longer contains her legal name. But it will continue to rank for her name since it once ranked for it in the past. And Zach continues to say he did nothing wrong. He’s even threatened to take a camera to industry-only events to continue to out QMN (and presumably people like me).

Unfortunately the eco-system in porn is so fragile that we can’t deal effectively with the bad players in our industry. The sponsors could end this quickly by dropping him, and a few have, but they’re probably ones that didn’t do much business with Zach/Davyd in the first place. His bigger sponsors won’t drop him because they have a responsibility to their producers to make money and dropping him means less money. And there are so few other big affiliates out there that it’s hard for other affiliates to force the sponsors to do much of anything. We might be able to get a sponsor or two to drop Zach, but I’m not sure that would change much of anything. And it sets a dangerous precedent that might makes right. Sponsors should just do the right thing because it’s right.

So the bottom line is where you click links matters. Clicking a link to a porn site means that site will get a cut of the revenue. You’re helping fund the site when you click the link. So don’t click if you don’t like the site. Don’t give the mean girls money to support their bad habits.

P.S.

Kudos to Banana Guide and The Sword (where Zach used to work) for doing blog posts that stood up to Zach & Davyd. I think a lot of folks in porn are scared to speak their mind because they don’t want what happened to QMN & the woman from TIM, happening to them.

P.P.S.

In the event Zach thinks he needs to out me so everyone “understands my motivations”… Let me just save him the effort and state them clearly…

I run this site and number of others (the two biggest of which are Breeding Zone and Raunchy Fuckers). I support myself entirely on income from the sites, so yes, making money is most definitely a goal of mine. Though, in all honesty, I probably make more money (on paper at least) through some smart real estate investments my husband and I have made over the years (starting before I got into porn), so these sites help, but they’re not solely responsible for everything I have.

And yes, there’s some “controversial” stuff on my sites – stuff like bug chasing. But it’s all consistent with my somewhat libertine belief that people should be able to do with their bodies as they please. I provide places like Breeding Zone where people can safely express their sexual fantasies. Talking about sex is a good thing. For example being able to safely admit to being a bug chaser provides the opportunity for others in the community to say “That’s fine, but are you sure? Maybe you should consider PrEP…” Where I draw the line is things that hurt others – especially non-consensual and/or permanent harm. So, I’m fine with someone being a gift giver, but not when the neg guy has stated he wants to stay neg and takes steps to try to stay that way. Or a guy can fantasize about stealthing all he wants, but my moderators and I try to keep real-life stealthing off Breeding Zone.

And yes, I have other things going on in my life to the point that I value my privacy. I wish the world didn’t stigmatize porn, other forms of sex work, being HIV+, etc. – and I literally work to break down those stigmas all the time, but there’s still plenty of stigma out there. So no, it’s not OK to “out” me just because you don’t approve of every little thing I do. That’s not what this industry stands for, and doing so doesn’t make the world a better place. Discuss my ideas, not my mother’s maiden name.

I was chatting with a porn producer the other day on Skype and he told me that doing breeding videos with internal cumshots, was nearly impossible because so many of the porn stars these days inject trimix, and 80% of the guys who inject can’t manage to cum when they’re fucking – they have to pull out and jack off to cum! (Which is sorta sad, IMHO). So I asked another (well-known) producer and he hadn’t thought about it, but as he thought it over he thought it was probably true.

I’ve noticed that trimix is sorta taking over porn. When one studio shot at my house the producer offered all the models an injection of trimix before they started. And in some of the other scenes I’ve watched the more “professional” porn stars (aka full-time escort tops), bring their own needles and trimix to the shoot. Yes, they had rock hard cocks for hours, but losing the ability to cum makes me wonder…

I know there are times when I wish I could stay hard for hours – namely when I go to sex parties. I’ve thought of talking to my doctor about it, but I hate needles. I used to actually blackout when I got injections. I’m better, but can’t really look at the needle when they’re doing things like drawing my blood. So I doubt it would be a good idea for me to stick a needle in my cock at the beginning of a sex party. [It also explains one of the many reasons why I’m not an IV drug user.]

However, I’m thinking of talking to my doctor about Muse when I go in for my quarterly PrEP check-up in a couple weeks. Muse is a suppository you put up your urethra. It’s more or less the predecessor to trimix – not quite as effective, and doesn’t require injection. Not sure if it causes the same problems with cumming like trimix, but at sex parties it’s fun just to see how many guys you can get your dick in. Cumming is optional (though nice).

So next time you see a breeding video with internal cumshots – give those tops a bit more  respect. They’re doing something most porn stars can’t do.

Just found an “open letter to Sean Cody” over at Queerty. The guy is bitching at Sean Cody for going bareback – he’s literally “distraught” about it. But look at what he says and you can see he knows bareback is better. Here are some quotes from his letter (emphasis and [commentary] are by me)…

I know that for years the straight adult film business has gone condom-less. Condom-less porn is hot. There is no denying it. In my own life, I always use condoms until I know someone for a very long time and even then you wonder, right? But guys, seriously, I am worried about your site. I am in my 30s and I have literally heard 18-year-olds say the following: “If I get something, it doesn’t matter. I go get on pills and I’m fine.” I actually moved over and got in the middle of this conversation at a bar. My buddies thought I was an idiot, but I wanted to understand.

So I asked them, “Why do you think not using a condom is okay?” The answer came, “Dude, no one wears condoms anymore that was like 10 years ago when you had to.” I said what the heck. Another guy, who looked to be about 20, jumped in to add, “Well, the porn companies stopped using them.”

Wow. So you see that at least in some cases these “kids” are watching porn and then thinking it’s okay. No one looks at the brief warnings you put at the beginning of the videos when you are horny, guys. I mean, look, it is hotter. …

Get with the facts. As a bottom, you can’t tell if a guy is wearing a condom or not. [That’s useful info!] I will admit as a top I don’t love wearing a condom, but I do it anyway because it is the right thing to do for me and my partners.

… I am sure I am going to receive a form letter from you that says something like “every performer is tested before the shoot and then retested” or some crap like that. But most guys who has seen one of your movies does not have the foggiest notion about all that. And even if he does, what are the chances that it will be on the top of his mind when he meets a guy while out drinking at a bar? Instead, it’s the image of the allure of raw sex that will be emblazoned in his mind. And this means me, too: I’ve fantasized about some of your guys at the very moment of decision when I’m with a guy. Even for me, it’s getting harder and harder (pardon the pun) to put aside the image. I’ve stopped watching a lot of your raw videos for that very reason: to avoid the temptation in my own sex life. By watching hot, healthy-looking guys going at it in porn I risk desensitizing myself to the dangers, especially since nowadays, the dangers can seem far in the future.

A lot of men of all ages no longer understand how dangerous HIV remains, but particularly young men who have not seen AIDS kill. They see HIV-positive friends (and even some porn models) thriving with treatment. And that’s good. But HIV still damages your body, and the treatment can be toxic over the long term.

So bottom line – young guys see the reality of HIV today – that it’s a pretty manageable disease and because they don’t fear HIV, they bareback – because it’s hotter than having sex with a condom.

If you were a marketer trying to sell people on the idea of safe sex that letter’s gotta be pretty discouraging though. Even the guys who are anti-bareback keep complimenting it saying how hot it is. The guy who wrote the letter is even going as far as not watching bareback porn ’cause he thinks it’ll make him want to bareback.

So to the guy who wrote the letter – Dude – you already want to bareback. You’re craving it. Just relax and enjoy your life. You only go around once. In 10 years when you’re in your 40s you’ll regret that you didn’t bareback more when you were younger. The guys who become poz today will have a very different experience than the guys who became poz years ago (provided they get tested regularly and find out quickly). And if you’re still worried – go on PrEP…

How long do you guys think it’ll be before the guy starts barebacking on a regular basis? I give him a year – two at the most.

The blogger over at Manhunt Daily is saying that, with this picture of Mike Dozer and Charlie Harding, bareback porn has stepped over the line and is now socially irresponsible…

He thinks it’s inappropriate for barebackers to call people names for using condoms.

I find it rather funny that someone at Manhunt is using the term “socially irresponsible”. Dude – your boss gives money to Republicans who fight against gay rights. That’s way more irresponsible than a porn star’s tank top could ever be. But lets move past that point and think about what he’s saying…

The denialist approach (just for laughs)

Problem? What problem?

Mike’s t-shirt simply says that condoms are for vaginas – it’s an affirmation that straight people should be using condoms for pregnancy prevention. He’s standing with AHF, CalOSHA and others and speaking out against the rampant levels of barebacking in straight porn.

[Update: Actually, it seems a version of this is actually the truth – Joe Spunk apparently talked to Charlie Harding and they saw a commercial promoting safe sex that said “condoms are for pussies”. They laughed and concluded that since neither of them had a pussy then they didn’t need a condom. In other words the whole thing is a joke.]

Or…

It looks to me like the image has clearly been photoshopped. Mike would never wear a t-shirt like that.

My view…

The first question that comes to my mind is “do we even want porn to be socially responsible?” Personally I feel like that’s too heavy a burden to put on something like porn. I guess if you come from the perspective of condom porn you may think that porn is just entertainment. But bareback porn has its (post-AIDS crisis) roots in free speech. The bareback porn stars of the late ’90s were vilified for what they did on camera, but they did it because they believed that consenting adults should be able to do whatever they wanted with their own bodies.

The other thing is – the t-shirt is a bit of a joke. I mean calling someone a pussy is hardly a first class put-down. It’s very 3rd grade school yard, or Mrs. Slocombe. If you don’t have thick enough skin to deal with that t-shirt, then you have issues. After all the punches barebackers have taken over the years from “condom nazis” that t-shirt is barely a playful slap in the face in retaliation. So, sorry Manhunt – I’m not feeling your pain. I’ve been called FAR worse names than ‘pussy’ for my choice to bareback. Just deal with it.

So bottom line – IMHO, Mike Dozer’s t-shirt is just playful free speech.

The other side…

On the other hand, if bareback porn is allowed to be socially irresponsible we need to make sure that there is adequate information available for people to make informed choices about using condoms vs. barebacking. I do that via things like the HIV/AIDS & Sexual Health Forum on Breeding Zone, while Manhunt does sexual health advocacy via Manhunt Cares. I give them a big thumbs up for that initiative, though where they seem to be failing is in driving traffic to the site. If no one sees it, what’s the point? It seems like it’s just a CYA sort of initiative. They have a crazy amount of traffic – they need to do better integration of ManhuntCares.com into Manhunt.net, etc.

At the end of the day it was just a t-shirt. If you’re doing a good job of giving sexual health information to your audience then it’s really not a big deal. Get over it.

Check out some of the scenes with Mike Dozer. His body keeps changing, but he always looks hot!

I am so sick and tired of meth addicts. These days I usually don’t bother with guys who are partying, but… The day after Jockstrap Night I was seriously horny ’cause I hadn’t cum and had had Cialis as well as herbal stuff, and with a hangover I wasn’t accomplishing anything, so I figured I’d hookup. This really hot tattooed muscle guy hit me up and wanted me to fuck him. I could tell he was seriously tweaked, but hot muscle guys can be fun – though when they’re partying they can be so flighty and unfocused that they’re bad lays – it’s a crap shoot with them. Well, my horniness won out and I said yes and headed over to his place.

Even before I went over I could tell something was up. He took FOREVER to respond every time I’d send him a message. In my experience that’s typical for meth addicts – time just passes at a different rate for them or something. They get distracted briefly and forget they’re chatting with someone online, etc.

So as I headed down to his place I tweeted “Headed to fuck a hot tattooed muscle guy but suspect he’s seriously tweaked. Fingers crossed.”

With WiFi & cell service in the subway these days I started receiving texts from him wondering where I was. I gave him responses but then he’d ask again a few minutes later. It wasn’t looking good… He was also rambling on about how he wanted me to humiliate him for having a small dick, etc. That’s all good, but usually guys who go over the top are in it for the fantasy, not the reality – so it made me worry just a little.

As I was crossing the avenue, about to get to his place he texted me and said “if the front door of my building is stuck I promise someone will cross over very soon too. We are having access issues.” Then a moment later he texted “I’m doing this”. That sent off huge warning bells. I started to see what was going on in his mind. I figured he was probably the type who couldn’t have sex unless he was high because he wasn’t honest enough with himself and comfortable enough with his sexual desires to do it while he was sober. But when he’s high he can tell himself “I’m doing this” / I’m really going to go through with it.

Then he texts me a pic of his ass (to the right) which reminds me why I’m there. I mean, a hot ass is a hot ass and can be a lot of fun to fuck.

I get to his building, press the buzzer and he buzzes me in the first set of doors, but I can’t get in the 2nd set of doors. I figure that was what he was talking about and don’t worry about it. I buzz again but he can’t get me in the 2nd set of doors.

Now at this point any sober person would have run down and let me in. But no, he stays in his apartment and continues texting me… “Are you in?” to which I reply “Throw on some shorts and come down shirtless to let me in” thinking it would be fun make a guy who’s high semi-expose himself to his neighbors. He responded “Give it 2 min please? If nobody works out I’ll get dressed.” I figured why not…

Then he texts me saying “I’m so spread open right now” and sends me a pic of his abused hole (to the right). I guess he’d been using a dildo on himself or something. Tight hole, loose hole, whatever… But he follows it with “Please come up and use me. Please.” To which I respond “Come down and let me in”. I mean time was passing and I was starting to get frustrated. But instead of coming down to get me, he replies “Get up here and split me open. Grrrr.”

Grrr indeed… With the frustration mounting I text him “I’ve been waiting 5 minutes already”.  Does he come down and get me? No. Instead he tries to do a FaceTime call and when I don’t answer that he sends me a video of himself talking to me.  Seriously? I mean I’m right down in your lobby. If you want to talk to me, come down and let me in…

A few minutes later I text him “I’m about to leave”. You’d think that would get him off his ass and down to let me in. He replies “Seriously?” and then a bit later “I just made a you a movie. I’ll come. Fine.” At this point I realized I didn’t want to fuck him anymore and I knew deep down that that meant I might as well not even try – it wouldn’t go well if I did.

So I left and from the street I sent “It’s 10 min. I’ve left. You’re fuckin’ rude.” Of course THEN he replies “I’m on my way” and I just reply “I’ve left”. He tries to blame the door for the problem and then winds up calling me “lame”.

At this point I’m over being semi-polite… “No. meth addicts are never worth the trouble.” He comes back with “You’re gonna start throwing names and crutches? I’m rude? Have a nice evening.” (BTW, if I didn’t mention it before – it’s noon when all of this is happening.) I challenge him by saying “Am I wrong? Don’t think so.” In other words I was 99% sure he was a meth addict. I didn’t call him any names that weren’t true. He response just didn’t make sense…

I asked you to give a couple min to allow a scene to carry on.

That’s all.

I’m sorry you’re upset. I wish you a good night.

“Allow a scene to carry on”??? To me that means he gets off making guys wait. Or maybe he didn’t mean that at all – who knows. The “good night” comment literally at noon (12:03 to be precise) was too funny. So I just figure I’d be brutally honest with him…

It’s not night. You don’t even know the time of day. You haven’t had a sense of time since I started messaging with you. Because you’re high you have no clue what 10 min of waiting feels like to someone who’s sober. Meth is going to kill you or at least make you a sad version of the person you could be. There’s nothing hot about you right now.

That was the end of the conversation. Never heard another word from him. I don’t know if being tough and brutally honest with a meth addict is even the right approach. But I do know that saying nothing and just letting them continue on accomplishes nothing.

Hopefully when he’s sober he’ll look at the string of texts and see things differently. Not sure that will help either though. I mean what does it take for a meth addict to stop doing meth?