Poz Hottie Under House Arrest For Barebacking
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23 October 2008 | 52 Comments
Get this one… A 23 year old DJ in Raleigh North Carolina named Josh Weaver is under house arrest for barebacking – complete with one of those electronic ankle bracelets. He had plead guilty earlier to having sex on three occasions without disclosing that he was poz and received probation that stipulated that he wasn’t allowed to have any unprotected sex. Well, he got an STD the health officials said could have been prevented with a condom and now he’s under house arrest for violating his probation.
Personally, I don’t get it. I can see criminalizing lying about your HIV status, but I don’t get how it’s the poz guy’s responsibility to tell if the neg guy doesn’t ask especially in anonymous situations. What happened to the concept of personal responsibility? NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HEALTH EXCEPT YOU!
He’s living with his father, so if he’s really lucky his dad is cool with him having guys over. Once his probation is up I’d suggest he come to some place like New York where disclosure isn’t mandatory.
I mean, a guy who’s that hot should have all the sex he wants… I know I’d fuck him 😉
ADDITION:
One thing I want to add here… If he’s on meds and has an undetectable viral load. He’s safer to have sex with than a “neg” versatile guy who’s running around barebacking and not getting tested regularly.
The laws were written in an era where poz guys were pretty infectious pretty much all the time. That’s not the case any more and I’d love to see one of these laws challenged on the basis of the person in question had an undetectable viral load.
To say that all poz guys have to disclose all the time and not require neg guys who haven’t been tested in say the last three months to disclose that their status is actually “unknown” simply makes no sense. The current policy is a lot like a scarlet letter.
“Thing is I understand why he didn’t tell me, and I can’t see sending him to jail for it.”
So then tell me why he didn’t tell you?
“His only responsibility is to tell the truth when asked.”
I disagree 110%! He needs to be a mature and responsible human being and disclose so his partner can make a rational decision based on the facts.
I have been rejected many times when I tell the other person I am HIV+. So what! I did them a favor. If they rejected me that means they would not have sex with me if they knew. They may be too shy to ask but they still want to know.
So it’s also my responsibility to tell them for their own sake. I also scold them for not asking me. And give them the same story I told you. HIV is not a manageable disease yet. It’s still killing thousands of people per year in the USA. Educate them. You will be a better person for caring enough to be honest.
A negatives guys respondsibility is to ask and a positive guys responsibility is to tell the truth especially if you decide to bareback. It’s a two way street. Why do you think many guys who are positive don’t tell their sex partners their status? Plain and simple, cause they are afraid of rejection.
It’s a bunch of BS that it’s the responsibility of only the negative guy to ask. Why is that? Who made that rule? You and your hormones?
Would you try and stop a guy who had a gun to his head and wanted to kill himself? Of course you would. Anybody would. What makes this any different? The risk of death is still there.
Many people don’t want to talk about it cause it can be an awkward moment. Well, that’s only and excuse not to be truthful.
By the sounds of the reply, the jails will be full of HIV people..and not criminals..and if you talk to a HIV specialist, like i do, with my partner, he will tell you all that i wrote in the first instance about downgrading from AIDS to HIV with treatment, i recently asked that queastion again, (last monday), and the specialist confirmed what i said, so would rather believe him! unless you are in a better position to confirm different..
thanks for the link, but its 2006 data,
if you look further into the topics, you will find entrys for HIV in high school with drug users,
and please if your going to `quote` me, use the full sentences, not only the bits that fit your reply..Thanks
Where I live it is a crime and but upfront disclosure is a defense. The law does not reference what it takes to know so all those don’t care, don’t know, unsure people who engage in regular bb action might be found to know or should have known they were positive. The reality is that it is not enforced but all it takes is one crazy, republican prosecutor with a bug up his ass (pun intended). Here’s the Illinois law.
Under Illinois law, you can be charged with a Class 2 felony: criminal transmission of HIV [1]. (A Class 2 felony carries a possible sentence of 3 to 7 years.) A person can be charged with criminal transmission of HIV when “he or she, knowing that he or she is infected with HIV: (1) engages in intimate contact with another; (2) transfers, donates, or provides his or her blood tissue, semen, organs, or other potentially infectious body fluids for transfusion, transplantation, insemination, or other administration to another.” The statute defines “intimate contact with another” as “exposure of the body of one person to bodily fluid of another person in a manner that could result in the transmission of HIV.”
The statute does not require that actual HIV infection take place in order for someone to have committed criminal transmission of HIV. In addition, under the law a person is not guilty of criminal transmission of HIV if the person exposed knew both that the infected person was HIV positive, and that he or she could be infected as a result, and consented to the action.
Well, needing to weigh in.
As a “neg” top who does fuck raw and is aware of the risks, I would prefer (and take it upon myself to ask) if the bottom were to “give me the choice” of fucking him if he’s poz. I know I’ve fucked poz guys before, they told me they’re poz.
Let ME decide if I want to play with a gun. Just tell me if it’s loaded if YOU hand it to me. Otherwise, it’s your responsibility if I blow my head off. Silly sounding, but just “my” opinion and probably the law in most states.
“@Tom – Why isn’t it the neg guys responsibility to ask his partner’s status? Putting the burden on the poz guy is just wrong. His only responsibility is to tell the truth when asked.”
No, it’s not. I know many poz guys who expect their poz sex partners to tell them if they got HepC because they fear that both the medication for HIV and the hepatitis will fry their liver. Because it all boils down to the simple fact: HIV is a communicable disease and is no different from other communicable diseases in that a neg guy can’t infect a poz guy, but a poz guy can infect a neg guy.
“And by the way – I’ve got personal experience on this… I was neg, a former boyfriend (of 3+ years) was poz, I asked a direct question and he didn’t tell me his status.”
An experience many neg barebackers know well. But saying something is costumary and using that as an excuse is just plain wrong.
Firstly, telling a young gay man “well, all the f*gs have AIDS” (i.e. expecting everyone to be poz – and yes, there is a difference between using the -assumption- that every hook-up -might be- poz in promoting safe sex and actually saying that everyone is) just means internalizing right-wing homophobic hate speech.
Secondly and most importantly, every violation or injury is subject to penalty. The only thing to get out of that dilemma, is by giving permission beforehand, be it by discussing status or by allowing your surgeon to remove appendix. Saying something is inherent or customary to the gay community, so it’s ok is the same as saying that Muslim women can be beaten and rapen by their husbands, because that’s what the koran says. Making such exemptions means turning law into injustice.
P.S.: Your “defense” of poz guys is completely understandable from a psychological standpoint – you are entering a phase (see blog entries concerning sero-sorting etc.) where you expect to test poz soon. Remember:
1.) Denial (nothing can happen to me)
2.) Anger (the world is out to get us barebackers)
3.) Bargaining (e.g. sero-sorting)
4.) Depression (e.g. ED)
5.) Acceptance (thinking like a poz guy or rather how you think a poz guy would think)
;).
TOTALLY agree with Raw Top on this one! If you’re barebacking, you KNOW this risk.
Doesn’t indicate if the guy is top or bottom, but I’d definitely take his poz load!
Sorry I gotta disagree with you on this one…I’m negative, and if I know that if I was poz it wouldn’t mean the end of my sex life, but if I were poz I woulc let them know. It’s my responsibility to share that beforehand. If I fucked him with a condom, maybe not, but if it’s bareback I think it is.
I understand fully the other guy should have asked, but like they say, it’s a two way street. It’s also his job to disclose that ahead of time.
rawTOP, sorry but I have to agree with Tom’s observations and comments. Too many young people are under the misguided belief that if they get poz, they just take meds and everything will be ok. As Tom states, that’s not always the case…
I know two poz friends, one doing reasonably ok with the meds but the other has all kinds of medical problems because his system can’t seem to take the same meds so he’s tired and sick all the time. As Tom states, depending upon the person, HIV may not be manageable for everyone.
As for giving excuses for guys who are poz and don’t honestly tell others (whether asked or not) when engaging in unsafe sex, I’m sorry but there are no acceptable excuses for them. It’s plain and simple selfishness and lack of concern for others. We all know some people do purposely infect others, whether out of spite or just plain maliciousness to put people in the same boat as them.
Should these people be jailed if they are knowingly putting others at risk? Possibly. As for Josh Weaver, if you read all the articles about him, you’ll see he has been asked time and again to be careful about spreading his HIV and to inform his partners, yet he doesn’t care, so the authorities are getting tired of his lack of concern about infecting others. They have equally cracked down on people knowingly spreading TB and hepatitis too.
So it boils down to this, do we just allow people to ignore warnings about infecting people, some of which may die if they can’t tolerate the meds. Or do we do something about these specific people (regardless of how goodlooking they are) to stop them?
What I don’t understand is why he has to purposely select negative guys to play with/infect. Why can’t he just log online, find other poz guys or poz parties and have all the fun he wants. Why does he have to maliciously infect negative guys?
Do you have any answer for that? And what would you suggest to do about someone like that? Think about that!
What this man did in the eyes of the law is considered just as bad as him sticking the guy with a syringe full of poison, and I can’t disagree.
We can fight the disease, but people like this are bad. Please, HIV+ People, stereosort. There are plenty of websites that are all about that. One even has parties based in New York!
Don’t get me wrong, the Neg guy is just as dumb too. Anybody looking for HIV is ill.
As a POZ person… I take the it upon myself to be the bigger person and choose not to infect anyone else if possible. I ALWAYS disclose my status and only choose to BB with other POZ guys.
Unfortunately, before my diagnosis… a guy topped me BB telling me that he was negative (he begged and pleaded until I gave in)… knowing full well that he was POZ. He knew what he wanted to do and didnt care what it would do to me.
It isnt an easy lifestyle to live with (Even with the advancements in medicine) and I would never want to willingly expose any other person to this disease.
I agree with you, the other sexual partners should have inquired. But people living with HIV have a responsibility to protect others. POZ guys that willingly infect others are dangerous, and in my opinion, deserve a lot worse than a fucking house arrest.
I’m 24 and my life is forever changed… because someone was more interested in getting off than caring about my health and wellbeing.
Per Jimmy “Unfortunately, before my diagnosis… a guy topped me BB telling me that he was negative (he begged and pleaded until I gave in)… knowing full well that he was POZ. He knew what he wanted to do and didnt care what it would do to me.”
Jimmy,you’re NOT gonna like this, but apparently you didn’t care what it would do to you either. And then you try to defend your actions by putting the responsibility on the top “he begged and pleaded until I gave in”…and you did give in, because you were hot, you wanted the cock that was presented to you and you wanted the load in your guts as much as the top wanted to put it there.
Of course I believe that poz guys should tell their status. But human beings lie…constantly, about almost everything…and particularly so about sex.
This scenario kind of reminds me of the single woman who is impregnated on a date with a man she “assumed” to be infertile. Unless she was raped, she had a choice, and she made it. She may go to court, she may prevail and get “child support”, she may even collect it from time to time. But, usually, she is left with the responsibility of the baby. Kind of the situation that you are in, Jimmy.
Well Rawtop, I think you are outnumbered on this one. Having VERY personal experience in this area, the laws were designed to inhibit the spread of HIV once the person discovered they had it. If poz tops keep going around spreading their “seed”, how are we going to get rid of this monster? And whether you like it or not, get ready, because NY will be soon passing legislation requiring disclosure. So, where are you going to go then?
I have had friends to die with AIDS, and it’s not pretty. HIV is NOT manageable. It continues to elude doctors because of its ability to morphe and become resistant to retroviral treatment. I have an idea Rawtop, why don’t u get yourself pozzed, then talk to us about this a year after? I believe your thoughts and sentiments will be quite different once you have disease that you can’t get rid of and that you have to deal with on a daily basis. This ain’t diabetes brother.
I won’t go on and on and on about this, because you can’t argue with a brick wall.
@Rawtop – “If you want to put people in jail for not disclosing they’re poz, then let’s put negative guys in jail for not asking their partner’s status. It’s only fair.”
I think the difference is that the poz guys knows that he’s poz, while the neg guy doesn’t. I agree that if you take dick without asking (or even with asking) about status, then you are setting yourself up for some bad news. However, I think it is the ethical thing for a poz guy to disclose before they fuck. Whether it should be against the law… I’m not sure. From my previous posts, I’m made it clear that I’m a big proponent of personal rights, and the personal responsibility that comes with it.
In a perfect world, neg guys should not have to ASK their partner’s hiv status. But this isn’t a perfect world, and there are tons of poz guys who aren’t going to disclose their status even if they are asked. The reasons you might ask? Fear of retribution, and knowing that alot of neg guys don’t want to have sex with a poz guy. So, if they disclose their status, they might not get that piece of ass that they have really been after. This is a devastating virus that we are dealing with, not a cold or something else that can be simply cured with a shot of Rocephin.
However, on the other hand, I will acknowledge that there are alot of responsible guys out there with HIV who will not put another person at risk of contracting the disease by fully disclosing their status prior to sex or by serosorting or better yet, not having sex at all. Poz guys also have to be so careful when barebacking because they can become infected with other variants of the HIV virus that may be resistant to their current drug regimen. Bottom line: the risks outweigh the benefits. And before I get preached at, I am speaking from experience. Trust me, you don’t want HIV.
The younger “set” of gay guys do not have a point of reference to the devastating effects of HIV as most of us do that were around during the 80s when HIV was an automatic death sentence. Their belief is that if they get HIV, they will just “get on the medication”. The “medication” is an expensive, sometimes debilitating regimen that affects you for the rest of your life. Side effects can be awful, and the medication does not always work. So, the younger “set” needs to step back and evaluated their comfort level with HIV.
“Here’s another thing to think about… It can be safer to bareback with a poz guy on meds than a “negative” guy, which points out the idiocy of making poz guys disclose… These decisions are the responsibility of the negative guy who’s barebacking. If knowing is important to him, it’s his responsibility to ask and the other guy’s responsibility to answer truthfully.”
You are totally missing the point: What you mean is: Nobody needs to tell YOU (being a representative of the rather small subset of well-informed, deliberate neg barebackers) about his status. And that is correct. The law, however has to apply to everyone, not only to mid-aged big-city-dwellers. That also means the 16 year old who cannot distinguish love from infatuation and lets the other guy fuck and seed him bareback not because he wants cum up his ass but simply because the other guy’s a much stronger personality. Or the 34 year old Idahoan, who just came out and has his world turned upside down.
Having a seperate set of laws for New York City barebackers simply is not feasible, in fact it is discriminatory. But the solution is so very simple: Get permission beforehand, i.e. discuss status:
If you’re poz, disclose. (Also: If you don’t know, say so. If you think yourself neg, tell. The only difference is: A truly neg guy can’t infect a poz one, so that way there are no legal ramifications).
damn…i’d let this guy poz me in a heartbeat. what a fuckin stud.
“If you’re gonna bareback, you have to deal with the risk and consequences, don’t bury your head in the sand and blame the pos guy who didn’t disclose!”
Of course. I’m not saying that the neg one is totally free of blame. And seeing the other guy punished makes up for nothing, if you end up getting infected. I’m just saying that despite all that the law’s got that one right.
“The laws were written in an era where poz guys were pretty infectious pretty much all the time. That’s not the case any more and I’d love to see one of these laws challenged on the basis of the person in question had an undetectable viral load.”
Sorry, but that is BS. Agreed, it is probably quite safe to fuck a poz guy with undetectable viral load in a monogamous relationship. If you are promiscuous, it’s a bit russian roulette just like not asking at all.
1.) Viral loads in mucosal tissue do not mirror those within the blood, it takes much longer for them to actually drop, even if the guy has gone “undetectable” in viral load using blood tests.
2.) Viral loads fluctuate when there are other infections present. If you’re partner is a promiscuous barebacker, you cannot guarantee that he hasn’t just contracted the syph or one of the heps and thus is temporarily more infectuous.
3.) Chancres and genital warts open up pathways into the bloodstrem increasing the probability of infection manyfold.
To change a law based on studies that don’t actually apply to guys like the above mentioned “poz hottie” is ludicrous.
“To say that all poz guys have to disclose all the time and not require neg guys who haven’t been tested in say the last three months to disclose that their status is actually “unknown” simply makes no sense. The current policy is a lot like a scarlet letter.”
I know it isn’t always fair for a guy that has a transmittable disease to have to disclose. Just like it isn’t fair that I can’t become a pilot because I haven’t got perfect eyesight. But that’s just what happens when other people might be put at risk. The little girl playing in the street cannot harm the drunk driver.
Of course, that would mean that everyone actually would get tested – which isn’t the case. You could solve that by having mandatory HIV tests for everyone, but that would be a civil rights violation. So you have to make the best out of what is an imperfect situation.
I’m a poz guy in a state that does not require disclosure, and I definitely feel that mandatory disclosure laws are a boon for public health. Until we get to the point where HIV is curable (which I pray is very, very soon) it is a condition which would affect someone for the rest of their life. Even if the neg party does not ask, it is morally wrong for a poz person to not disclose status.
I can’t see how another poz person could justify non-disclosure in terms of natural law, but thats just my opinion of course.
Rawtop, yes you do have the minority opinion here, because it’s all about sex for you. You like bb/giving guys your loads, so status isn’t as important as the person being hot. That’s why you suggest bb with poz guys on meds as being safer (potentially giving false ideas to neg guys) just because you have dodged that poz bullet up to now.
But you’re just rolling the dice, knowing in the back of your mind that you’ll probably wind up testing poz so why bother avoiding the inevitable. That’s fine for you or for any other guy that doesn’t care about status as long as the sex is enjoyable. Your blog is great reading when talking about your adventures.
However, we’re not talking about guys like you who accept their actions and potential outcome. We’re talking about deliberate infection by poz guys who know and don’t divulge their status, even whether asked or not. I don’t know about you, but we’ve all heard poz stories and how someone trusted the other guy’s assurances, or how it was done purposely (guy was asleep or drunk, a condom deliberately cut, don’t worry I’ll pull out, etc. etc.).
For you to argue it’s the neg guy’s problem and somehow his fault even if they stupidly trusted someone to be a decent honest person, that’s where most of us are in disagreement with you. I’m sorry but you can’t justify the infected person’s actions. If he has any morals, he should play safely with condoms with neg guys or just play with other poz guys so he doesn’t have to use condoms.
And for those without morals, sorry, they should be locked up, no different than repeat child molesters, repeat rapists, or any others that knowingly continue to harm innocent people. And gays aren’t the only ones being locked up for infecting people, there have been straight guys who have also been locked up for doing same.
I think you need to put poz guys into two categories: those with morals and those without. The ones without are in the same ranks as repeat child molesters, repeat rapists, etc. You don’t think we should let the latter two groups free to roam about and do what they want? So why should we allow immoral poz guys do the same?
Look at it that way and maybe you’ll contemplate the issue less with your dick and more with your heart. No offense meant… as I generally do like your site.
“@BTRVisitor – If you haven’t noticed on the political posts – the people who comment aren’t representative of the average visitor. And even if they were, being outnumbered doesn’t mean I’m wrong. That’s something we as minorities should understand better than most people.”
Are you telling me you really believe the majority think with you? That it’s OK to not disclose to your partner you are HIV +? That it’s strictly the responsibility of the negative guy? I can’t tell you how wrong you are.
I think the problem is you are so into what you do (You have a barebacking web site for goodness sake) that you can’t remove yourself from your lifestyle and see the forest through the trees. The average person does not think like you on this matter.
This is a bareback site. I like to watch bareback. But that is different then not disclosing which I am totally against.
Hypothetically speaking, what if you were HIV+. You fucked a HIV- 19 year old who did not ask and you did not disclose status. Later you found out he died from HIV that you infected him with years ago. How would you feel?
Would you not feel anything or…
would you feel guilty? Would you feel remorse for being a part of causing his death? If you could turn back the clock and disclose, would you? Would you want to save his life by simply refusing to have sex with him?
“This is an issue of personal responsibility – nothing else. If you’re neg, you’re responsible to ask (and ask the right questions with sincerity). If you’re poz you’re responsible to answer truthfully. That, and that alone, is what will slow the spread of HIV. If you depend on someone else to tell you they’re poz, you will become Poz yourself.”
It’s a shared responsibility. If the end result is someone lives or dies based on what you say or don’t say then it must be shared. It’s too darn important to be selfish in this case. And….it’s against the law. The law says you must disclose.
“If you want to put people in jail for not disclosing they’re poz, then let’s put negative guys in jail for not asking their partner’s status. It’s only fair.”
I disagree again. The inaction of the HIV+ person to disclose may cause harm or death to another person. On the other hand, the inaction of the HIV- person not to ask does not cause harm to another human being. It cause harm or death to himself. A big difference in legal terms. People who kill someone else go to jail. People who attempt suicide go to a shrink.
I truly hope you see the light and change your ways. And please stop fucking bug chasers. The need mental help more then they need fucked.
Be a responsible human being.
I am enjoying the debate.
As one of the few who totally agrees with rawTOP, I feel compelled to say something. There are two aspects of this issue that I want to address.
One, the assumption that the poz partner bears 100% of the responsibility is simply incorrect, yet that’s the reality that laws like the one referenced in this post attempts to reflect. If your goal is to slow the rate of new HIV infections, then laws like this are a very bad strategy, because they foster a child-like naivete in neg people. In other words, you get to assume that everyone is HIV- and you don’t have to actively protect yourself anymore. I suspect that many (if not most) of the new infections are people who are infected by a “neg” partner who unknowingly just got infected himself. I don’t have the study in my hands right now, but I know I’ve read a study published within the last several months that suggests as much. So: laws like this work really great if you want to reinforce the stigma that HIV+ people bear on a daily basis, and make the poz partner the bad guy, and you want to feel really victimized and wronged when you get infected, but they simply DO NOT prevent new infections. They give people a reason to NOT get tested (plausible deniability, or “but I’ve been playing safe! all my partners are neg!!!”) and they probably encourage more risk-taking behavior (if he’s poz then he HAS to tell me).
Two… yeah, I know people are probably going to scream about this one. But as a poz (mostly) top, I have to say that I’m sick of being everyone’s mommy. After disclosing to bb bottoms for years, and then getting the worst sorts of verbal abuse hurled at me as a “thank you” for my honesty, after watching probably hundreds of “neg” bottoms line up to be bred, begging me for it without asking a single question about HIV status or behavior, after seeing post after post in forum after forum viciously demonizing all poz guys as if I’m the problem, without acknowledging that sex is an interaction, after listening to neg guys whine as if barebacking is some sort of right they have, and I should just shut down my sex drive and go live in a cave somewhere so they can have their fun… I have to ask: why are you worth protecting, when you do so little to protect yourself? As for me, I am pretty sure when and how I got infected, and I DO NOT BLAME THE OTHER GUY because I know that I AM THE ONE WHO LET IT HAPPEN. If you are neg, and you want to stay that way, you play safe. Period. You don’t take loads, from strangers or otherwise. Any other strategy is setting oneself up to be a victim.
The problem isn’t that poz guys want to get laid, and they aren’t always completely upfront about disclosure. The problem is that neg guys (particularly neg bottoms) want fucking to not be risky, and they want someone to blame when (surprise!) it actually IS risky. And the stereotypical poz guy who just wants to knock up as many guys as he can, because he’s pissed off? That’s a straw man. I’m sure that there are guys like that, but the overwhelming majority of poz guys are NOT like that.
(Hypothetical situation), Say you have a cold and you spend the day coughing into your right hand and you don’t wash it. You go out, you meet someone, and you introduce yourself to that person. He responds back and he goes to shake your right hand.
Do you shake his hand with your right perfered hand and assume that he should know the risk of spreading germs?
or
Do you tell him that you have a cold and that he might potentially catch your cold if the two of you shake and offer your left “safe” hand?
I’m miserable when I’m sick and it’s just not decent to purposely inflict your suffering involuntarily on someone else.
I gotta say it’s disturbing that you make sounding HIV positive acceptable. I’m a health care worker and spreading disease is never acceptable. There’s a right way and a wrong way to do things. Have some compassion for your fellow man and stop looking out for yourselves. I think this guy is a representation of young people today. Is this what we are leaving to the next generation?
And BTW this guy in some reports lied to his partners about his status. True or not idk but he’s has some mental issues and I’m glad the court ordered him help.
“After disclosing to bb bottoms for years, and then getting the worst sorts of verbal abuse hurled at me as a “thank you” for my honesty, after watching probably hundreds of “neg” bottoms line up to be bred, begging me for it without asking a single question about HIV status or behavior, after seeing post after post in forum after forum viciously demonizing all poz guys as if I’m the problem, without acknowledging that sex is an interaction, after listening to neg guys whine as if barebacking is some sort of right they have, and I should just shut down my sex drive and go live in a cave somewhere so they can have their fun…”
The thing is: You do exactly the same: You yourself “whine” that barebacking is a right of yours and for you to use rubber equals “living in a cave”. The problem is that there is more than one truth.
The moral truth is: Every poz guy should insist on condom usage, as not to endager his partner or otherwise disclose, so that the his partner can make an informed decision. Every neg guy should insist on condom usage as to protect himself, or if unable to do that, discuss status and realizing there is no guarantee make a decision he can live with.
The legal truth is: If you knowingly put your partner at risk without him agreeing to the full extent of what he is getting himself into, it’s your responsibility.
The reality is something different completely. Of the top of my head I could name half a handfull poz guys (i know personally) who even lie about their status. Not because, they want to “knock up” others, but because the other guy is hot and they either think nothing will happen (“uh, I started meds three days ago…”) or that they will simply get away with it (“sure he fucks so many guys that it will be hard to pinpoint who actually infected him”, “ah, well, he’s an out-of-towner, I’ll never meet him again”).
Wow, what a lot to say. Seems there’s only two camps going on here. One that the onus of responsibility is strictly on the poz person. Two, that the neg guy should assume all sex is risky.
Why in the hell does it have to be either/or?
As a negative person, I asked all of my sexual partners if they had HIV or any STD’s if they didn’t disclose first. I didn’t bareback all of the time, but on those occasions I did, those sexual partners *said* they were negative.
But lo and behold, I turn up positive.
What happened? Since I always asked about status before going into sex, someone either LIED about being negative, or were UNSURE since their last test and afraid to say so, or ASSUMED they were still negative.
So, who’s to blame here? Just me, because I made the decision to have bareback sex anyway based on what they said, that they were negative, when I could have as easily said that condoms are non-negotiable.
Now as a poz guy, I disclose WAY upfront before we even get naked, and before the sex begins. Twice, and yes, I use condoms every time now anyway.
The onus of responsibility is on BOTH people, period. One, for both persons to ask, two for both persons to disclose and three that both realize that bareback sex ALWAYS carries a risk, either by lieing, omission, or by simply assuming the negative person is actually negative. You have the responsibility to take care of your own sexual health because seriously folks….no one is going to do it for you.
speaking from experience.
It takes two to tango and you cant really put the blame on one party. The responsibility lies on both sides.
No it’s not a criminal act to shake hands but it also isn’t a criminal act to cheat on a spouse. Those are immoral acts. Its immoral to infect someone voluntarily.
It’s not just the poz persons responsibility but also the neg person to ask. Obviously the negs can’t sue him for not saying anything so sounds like they got what was coming to them, but he purposely had unprotected sex without disclosing his status and thats why hes being punished… so acknowledge that.
And yes its ok to put people under house arrest for PURPOSELY giving people a known life threatening disease. HIV may be manageable but having no virus is better than having a manageable virus.
You can’t shoot someone in the head and go to court and say well he didn’t tell me not to shoot him. He knew I was pointing a gun at him but he didn’t say to stop.
Everyone is caught up on who is more responsible for this, the top or the bottom. On a truly personal level, everyone is responsible for their own actions but the law does not seemed to be concerned about personal conduct only. The law is taking a position that regardless of whether the person is willing to engage in this behavior without asking the questions they should ask, we the ‘people’ are saying it doesn’t matter. If the person doesn’t disclose it, whether asked or not, you are at fault. The government has determined the greater good outweighs ignorant consent. I’m not sure if the guy disclosed in the case he would have been ok as he was under rules of the court to use condoms. So what you have is a probation violation that doesn’t really trigger the issue. All I know is what I do as an occasional bb top, which is to ask and assume they are lying when they tell you they are negative. And if I think I rubbed off too much skin from having sex with others or masturbating, then I wear a condom.
As follow-up on RawTops addition, I am not sure that someone saying they don’t know means they can’t be prosecuted. If you are taking loads bb on a regular basis, a talented prosecutor can easily prove that you knew or should have known that you were positive. That opens a lot of unknowns that in places like NYC, Chicago, LA, San Fran the prosecutors are busy charging real criminals. But in small towns in red leaning states or conservative areas like North Carolina…beware.
These people could have said “cap it” but they chose not to. Their fault.
Im neg, but this but this guy is fucking ridiculously hot, ill let him use my ass, fill me up, take a nap and do it all again. My choice.
… I wouldnt have to let him penitrait my hole if I didnt want him to, right?
Does anyone know the Florida STD disclosure laws? I can’t seem to find them anywhere.
@Martin, who says:
“The thing is: You do exactly the same: You yourself “whine” that barebacking is a right of yours and for you to use rubber equals “living in a cave”.”
Well, except I never said anything comparing a rubber to a cave. But to your first point, here’s the thing: I’m not whining that barebacking is a right. I know it’s a choice, for both me and my sex partners. I never said I stopped disclosing my status, either; I said that after the kind of thanks I usually get, and the NSA invitations I get from “neg” guys to plant my seed in their asses, I wonder whether the “neg” guy is worth “saving.”
I don’t consider barebacking to be a right so much as a quality of life issue. When I tested poz, I was finally honest with myself that safer sex just doesn’t do it for me. Not only because I have a latex allergy, and polyurethane condoms break way too easily (besides being really really expensive), but because the swapping of cum really is what it’s all about for me. That’s the part that satisfies me. I wasted too much of my life before my seroconversion trying to pretend otherwise, and worrying about all the horrible things that might happen, and those times when I gave in and had the kind of sex I really wanted I spent all my energy afterwards beating myself up over it. I really had to let that go, and not just in terms of the sex I have, in order to maintain my sanity and health. I am willing to accept the risks of other STDs and a possibly shorter life (although we still don’t really know enough about how that works to say that barebacking at this point is really going to shorten my life) because I would rather die happy at 50 than miserable at 90. I understand that, no matter what we do, we are all eventually going to die. So I’m making a conscious choice to place quality above potential quantity.
I don’t see that same process going on for many neg, load-taking bottoms. They want the fun without taking responsibility for the risk; that gets put squarely on my head. And frankly, they’re the ones who have the most to lose in the scenario, so it’s puzzling to me that they would take the word of a stranger (if they even bother to ask) as the basis for their decision to skip the condom. It’s even more puzzling that it’s somehow my fault if they fail to even ask my status before they invite me to cum in their ass. I’m being held responsible for their assumptions, and I don’t appreciate that. I’m also being expected to be their nanny, and I don’t appreciate that either.
I think that the assumption that a load-taking, no-questions-asked bottom is already poz is actually a pretty fair assumption to make. The default assumption, however, is that we’re all neg unless we say otherwise, and while that assumption is more convenient if you want to bareback, it’s a pretty flawed assumption to make.
your an idiot blogger – of course it is the responsiblity of the person carrying a still potentially deadly virus to tell the person he is going to have sex with that they carry the virus — the only people who dont like that opinion are self center narcissistic HIV poz gay men who care only about the sex fun THEY can have and dont want to be bothered to care about others — disgusting.
Has anyone thought that it is possible that the hot DJ might have plead guilty to the first offenses just to get it over with. In north carolina the way people stereotype and act about gay people, added the fact that he has HIV, taking that to trial is already a bad idea when the jury will have a prejudice view of you already. And its very possible the second STD was given from a partner that wasnt as faithful as was said to be.. just some things to think about. Instead of getting the thought that this guy is just out to infect everyone from what you read in the original media posts.. maybe you should make sure you have a clear understanding of what is really going on here before you go bashing this guy.. and this is coming from a guy whos HIV NEG
I agree with Marineboi. Everyone LOVES to put out their worthless two cents of bullshit opinions when they are simply basing their foundation of idiotic judgement from what the lovely media decides what we should hear. Get your damn facts straight before you decide to cast any form of ill will amongst others. It takes two to Tango, if two people engage in intercourse, and no one asks or discloses their status? Both parties are at fault.
And just little FYI, being openly gay in the hick state of North Carolina doesnt really get you within peoples good graces there. On top of that, if you are HIV+? The level of discrimination will be rediculous!
Bottom line, know your shitt before you start talking shitt!
This Josh Weaver, I am going to tell you the truth about what the media doesn’t know. I am not a bad person never did anything to deserve this. I am just me I do not know why they are saying a gay DJ what does my Job have to do with this it’s my job nothing else I prefer to meet people off line so I can get to know them. This what stands on why I am convicted. 1st – while being HIV+ I had gonorrhea &Chlamydia 4 times which are curable that is one thing they were charging me for 2nd – I was exposed to syphilis that came back neg. and 3rd 3 people “Named” me in 3 HIV cases never knew who they were. I do tell people all the people I have dated are neg I told them I was poz and were safe. I am not mad at the world and not out there to infect everyone person I see. I pleaded guilty cause I just wanted all the stress lifted off my shoulders and the DA’s were taunting me and we all worked out a plea deal to play it safe cause I didn’t want to deal with all this then the media got hold of this really hurt when you think everyone hates you I never done drugs never smoked and hardly drink I never miss a day with my meds. Last time I was tested for my #s my viral load was under 48 which is undetectable and my CD4 count was 1226. I take really good care of myself. But I told you the real story, do not believe what the media says, hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.
@Josh, wow, you are definitely a hot guy. I’m neg, and I’d still be glad to let you bareback me any day of the week… I don’t see what the big deal is, especially since your numbers are low.