Got an e-mail the other day…

Perhaps you’re not the best person to go to for advice in this, considering I have the feeling you’d have bias for one side, but…

I’m a sexually insatiable individual. I’m gay, and I think I lean towards the submissive bottom side. I would love nothing more than to take a big, warm load inside of my ass. The problem comes in when I mention that I’m in a monogamous relationship (with someone I do indeed care about a lot) that absolutely would not work if I went for an “open” agreement.

But I feel so overcome with sexual desire I feel like a complete perv. I need sex, lots of it, and I’m just not getting it (and due to time constraints, not able to get it with the current BF). I feel like a depraved horn-dog who needs a top to just pound my ass out hard and long till he leaves me dripping with his cum. Or even safely, I don’t care at this point. But I feel like I just can’t go through with it. Advice? Suggestions? Frequent masturbation isn’t helping…

In a later e-mail he said he’s 19, the bf is 20, they were virgins when they met, and they’re both neg (obviously)…

Let me start with Rule #1 – when you’re young you need to experiment. That’s the point of being young and gay… Settling into a monogamous relationship with the first guy you sleep with is so…. lesbian… (only they fight and break up)… I know it feels like true love, but how do you know what you like if you’ve only tried one thing?

The closest thing a twink should have to a relationship is a fuck buddy… Even if it’s another bottom he goes out to sex parties with…

I remember when I first moved to NYC. I went out with this older Cuban guy who was really sweet. I still think about him… But it just didn’t feel right – so I broke it off with him. He would have been a great boyfriend – bent over backwards to please me, and he was a really great guy… But I knew I needed more…

And looking back on it even though I knew I shouldn’t get in a long-term relationship I was pretty inhibited and didn’t get nearly enough sex. If I had it to do all over again I would do things very differently… I grew up in a conservative Christian family. My exposure to out gay people was in the form of them picketing the church services I went to (it literally happened – my parents were fond of one of the major teleevangelists of the ’70s/80s). When I came out I remember trying to figure out how much risk I was taking having sex. It was the late 80s and I figured as soon as you had much of any gay sex you’d get HIV and die.

The fear of HIV played a big part in my sex life. Perhaps it was a healthy fear since back then things were pretty primitive and if you became poz things looked pretty bad – a lot worse than they do now… When I came to NY I knew there were some j/o clubs where the floor was slick with cum. It was a scene I just didn’t want to get into – and I should have gotten into it. Most of the guys were pretty safe back then. Later when the Limelight reopened (a gay club in an old Episcopalian church) it was the first club to bring back the dark room. I used to spend hours in there. Guys would blow me for ages (I pretty much can’t cum from a blow job), and I’d get myself covered in other guys’ cum. It was hot and sweaty and when I guy would cum on me I’d wipe it all over my body… It was a wonderful thing.

So I had some of it, but there was so much more to be had. I went home most nights having done absolutely nothing. I was pretty shy and didn’t take risks socially when I went out. Big mistake. And if I wasn’t taking risks socially, I wasn’t taking much of any sexually either. Yeah, I did escorting, and a few other things, but I really regret not diving into things full force. Not being more assertive in picking guys up – I mean it was NYC – I probably wouldn’t ever see the guys again if I made an ass of myself, but I never took the risks. Never even went to the really raunchy sex club (wish I could remember the name of it)…

So the kid who contacted me (and others like him)… Get into the scene… Not so deeply that you become a meth addict or anything, but get out there, take risks and try things. Get past your inhibitions and really enjoy your sex life. You describe yourself as a “complete perv” who needs lots of sex… You know what you need – so go out and get it…

And don’t do what I did – I’d have a little fun and then find someone and wind up in a monogamous relationship. One became sexless, another was anything but sexless, but looking back I need more than one guy to fuck, and the latest one became sexless pretty quick and took a while to work it into the open relationship is is now… All those relationships really got in the way of the sex life I should have had – and I shouldn’t have let that happen… Very frankly, I wasted a lot of prime sexual years not having sex… I’m pretty happy with my current relationship, but I should have been honest about things and gotten it to be open a lot sooner…

If you get in a relationship do it with a top who likes to see you get fucked by other guys – someone who will pimp out your ass and keep things interesting for you. But one way or the other your current boyfriend isn’t good for anything but a platonic friend… He’s not what you should have right now. Trust me, been there, done that…