What Should A Young Neg Bottom Do?
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20 December 2007 | 21 Comments
Please Note: There seems to be some confusion about this post… I am NOT advocating for anyone become poz. Read the post (and my subsequent comments) carefully and you’ll see what I’m really saying. What I’m suggesting is only for guys where becoming poz is inevitable or very likely…
Don’t know why but I’m getting young guys asking me advice lately. First there was the teen who was in a monogamous relationship, but yearned for more than his boyfriend could give him (preferrably raw). Then there was a versatile bottom who barebacked a poz guy and started worrying about the risk he took. Now there’s this guy…
dear rawtop, i’m a long-time reader of your blog (big fan by the way) and was wondering if i could get your insight on my current situation: i’m a student at an ivy league school.. great upbringing, amazing career options ahead of me, and i know by heart all of the safe sex information out there (i was even a safe sex peer educator in high school). however, all i can think about is taking loads and being one of those gangbang bottoms in a treasure island video. i’ve always played safe, but tonight i hooked up with an older guy who i’ve fooled around twice before (safely) and i told him to fuck me raw this time. he gladly obliged, and when he dumped this huge load of cum in my ass, it was the most amazing feeling ever–i’m still rock hard just thinking about it. why is the appeal of cum so attractive to bottoms? obviously i can’t resist my urges all the time–am i destined to end up poz?
That was a hard question to answer, but I tried…
are you destined to end up poz? that’s a hard one… but i think you know the answer – probably more so than i do…
you probably saw my post on bottom’s having success in corporate america. so it’s not all that much of a dichotomy – in a way you can be a sleazy bottom by night and a high-powered whatever by day – they’re actually compatible with each other. [I should have added, “if you avoid drugs and other stuff that would limit your functioning during the day”.]
but at your age if you become poz you’re looking at possibly having it all end when you should be at the top of your career… i don’t envy you – it’s a horrible choice to make for someone your age.
one option some people would probably throw stones at me for suggesting is to find a long-term non-progressor to poz you. for a while i was on the community advisory board for an HIV vaccine trial here in nyc. the issue with HIV vaccines is they know there are certain strains of HIV which are extremely mild and once infected with one of those strains people last for many many years with no symptoms. while there is a slim chance of re-infection with another strain it’s highly unlikely. so while the medical profession can’t make people poz with one of these mild strains since they don’t know what the effects are 30-40 years down the road, individuals could effectively do the same thing for themselves and effectively vaccinate themselves. in other words, you could find some guy who was pozzed in the 80s and hasn’t even needed meds yet and have him poz you and chances are you’ll live a long time and that strain (once well established) will do a pretty good job of protecting you from other more deadly strains. if i were in your position i’d at least consider that as one of my options…
He responded saying…
thanks so much for getting back to me… what you say makes sense, but i don’t think i could ever go out there and get pozzed intentionally… i’d almost rather take my chances that i’ll stay neg (even if they’re slim?). i’m still trying to understand why i have this desire to take men’s loads… why is the idea of cum in my ass so tantalizing?
Damn… I mean what do you say to someone like this? If he goes for what he wants he’ll probably wind up poz. He’s got so much going for him which and he could lose it all just when he’s at the height of his career… He’s scared and while he’s a bit of a latent bug chaser, he can’t bring himself to go out and find a long-term non-progressor to “vaccinate” him, but if he doesn’t do that then he’ll most likely get something worse…
The only part of his e-mail that’s easy to answer is the question of why cum in his ass is so tantalizing… It just is. There are scientific studies that have shown that women who have unprotected sex and get cum in them are happier than women who either don’t have sex, or women who have their men use condoms. Simply put – getting bred makes people happy. In my opinion we’re biologically programmed to give and receive cum. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be the dominant species on the planet. The fact that safe sex educators ignore the extreme attraction to the exchange of cum is probably the biggest reason why they have failed…
I am so glad I’m not a young bottom right now… Yeah, I wish I had taken more risks when I was younger, but back then if you got pozzed you didn’t last very long. The risks I wish I had taken might have gotten me pozzed, but would seem tame by today’s standards. These days it seems like lots of guys want to be Dawson – they want to get as many loads up their cunt as possible. They want to be pimped out and just used as a good cumhole… Sure, some of that was going on when I was younger, but it was pretty underground. Now, it’s not only visible, but fairly easy to pursue…
Of course, each person needs to make their own choices – you are the only person who’s responsible for your health. Read what you want, ask questions, but your choices belong to you…
What would I do if I were in these kids’ shoes? I’d probably get myself pozzed/”vaccinated” by a long-term non-progressor. Not all strains of HIV are created equal, and from what I’ve heard and read mild strains of HIV can be effective vaccinations (realize that “effective” doesn’t mean perfect – just much better than the alternative). Then I’d go out and be the complete cumhole I wanted to be and take all loads…
But if I were more versatile and didn’t feel the need to get tons of cum up my ass on a regular basis, then the choice would be more difficult… There is a risk to “vaccinating” yourself, and I totally understand the reluctance of guys like the one who e-mailed me to intentionally get themselves pozzed – even with a mild strain of HIV… If you’re 20 you should have 60+ years of life ahead of you. Just because a long-term non-progressor has lasted 25 years without any complications doesn’t mean that if you got his bug you’d be fine for 50, 60 or 70 more years… It’s really a bit of a gamble where you have to weigh your risk level against the various options and what you think the outcome of each would be. Frankly, for young guys who don’t get much cum in their ass, serosorting is probably the best answer. It really depends on how easily you can find neg guys to fuck with…
These days, being 40, if I were to become poz I’m still looking at a pretty full life. I think the average life expectancy of someone who’s newly poz is something like 23 or 24 years. If I took care of myself, avoided recreational drugs (not a problem – don’t do them now), etc. then I’d probably be a bit above the average. Add in medical advancements and my prospects aren’t so bad. All in all, I’m completely comfortable with the risks I take.
But if you’re a teenager or in your early 20s who’s a cum-obsessed bottom the numbers aren’t so favorable… Plus, you’ve got the hot little twinky body so many tops want to breed… That’s when you either have to take matters into your own hands, or hope for the best… Hoping for the best isn’t a good idea (IMO). It’s better to be honest with yourself about your sexual needs and whether you can realistically see yourself staying neg. You can try serosorting, and it may work for you provided you’re not a gangbang bottom, but obviously there are no guarantees… If you can’t see yourself staying neg, think hard about your options and take a realistic course of action that you can look back on later and not regret…
Now, if you’re a cum-obsessed older bottom who’s still neg, personally I’d say “vaccinating” yourself by getting pozzed by a long-term non-progressor is a very viable option. There are guys who were pozzed in the early 80s who still haven’t had any medical issues… If you’re already say 40, and they’ve gone 25 years without problems, then there’s a decent chance their bug is something you’d die with, not from…
But as always, “don’t believe everything you read on the Internet” (including this). Do your own research, make your own decisions – just think outside the box a little bit when you do…
Wow, that’s a very interesting opinion you have. Lots to think about…
First time I’ve heard that interesting argument. Are you certain that long term non progression is linked to the strain of HIV rather than the particular immune system characteristics of the infected individual?
I would say that this guy should probably talk to a therapist instead of a blogger. Obviously, he still needs to make his own decision, but a professional therapist might provide a more objective opinion and/or even help this person get down to the bottom (pardon the pun) of his desires. I think it’s important to understand the reasons behind the desire.
…as for WHY he wants to take a load up his ass, it’s different than pozzing. Not that they cannot be related.
I’m guessing deep down he wants to take a raw load up his ass because he knows that the top really wants it there – and it is not wasted seed.
My theory is – even if you’re gay, inherently the sperm wants to find an ‘egg’ – even if it doesn’t exist.
I’m not saying the strain is the only determinant – just that it can be a powerful determinate. There are things like whether the person has a partial CCR5 mutation which can also slow down the progression of the disease (found in 10% of men with northern European heritage). And of course there are behavioral factors like avoiding stress and not abusing recreational drugs which can help…
There was a case very early on (in the 80s) that people were aware of… A guy in New Zealand (?) had donated blood and infected a bunch of people (before the blood supplies were screened). None of the people who got his blood had symptoms – they were poz, but completely healthy… So we’ve known some strains of HIV were far better than others for a very long time.
I wouldn’t think the average therapist would be well-read enough on the topic to be of help. The only therapists I’d trust were ones who work for HIV vaccine trial centers. They tend to know a lot more about HIV than your average therapist. I’ve had really good luck in my discussions with them. (I was a participant in a study which measured how intensive counseling affected risk behaviors.)
hey, where’s a link for the 2nd guy who asked for advice. I never saw that blog entry, just the one you linked and that i’d already read. what gives?
PS: since U bareback would it also make sense for you to ‘vaccinate’?
There are a lot of things a neg bottom can do to stay neg, and beyond that to stay sexually healthy. There are no guarantees–there aren’t any in life, but that doesn’t mean you have to throw caution to the wind.
1. Ask your partner his status. This is not fool-proof, but most positive guys tell the truth to partners who ask. If you’re neg and the guy you’re with is poz, maybe you don’t fuck, or you top him, or you use a condom for getting fucked. If you’re hooking up online, you can ask before you hook up, so you’re not trying to negotiate this with your cock hard, your ass twitching, and your pants on the floor.
2. Don’t bareback when you’re drunk or high. Alcohol is still the drug most associated with seroconversion. Meth is up there, but alcohol still wins. If you’re gonna get high, try pre-arranging your tricks, so you know what you’re getting into before you get going.
3. Know the signs and symptoms of acute HIV infection. These include a sore throat, rash, fever, body aches. A lot of things feel like this, so you’re gonna have false alarms, but try to find a doctor who will include a viral load test with an antibody test for HIV if you have these symptoms. Use condoms during these symptoms until you know it’s not HIV. Nearly half of HIV infections among gay men come from partners who are in this phase.
4. Ration your barebacking. Consider it a special occasion. Taking the cum of somebody like RawTop, who only tops, and who gets tested frequently, is way safer than bending over for a stranger in a bookstore.
5. If you’re not sure about the guy you’re with, it’s OK to ask him to pull out to cum–no matter what. Personally, nothing gets my dick harder than a guy who says he won’t pull out once he’s in, but if I’m getting fucked by that guy, I’m making up my mind before he puts it in. And it’s still my right, even if it probably won’t get me a second fuck from this guy, to make him pull out if I have second thoughts.
6. My own opinion is that there’s enough risk from taking cum in my mouth that I apply rule number 1 to oral sex. I don’t knowingly take poz cum in my mouth. It’s less risky than in the ass, but I think the idea that you can’t get HIV from oral sex is scientifically wrong–but probably if a poz guy cums in a neg guy’s mouth.
7. Get vaccinated for hepatitis A and B. Get tested frequently for syphilis. Syphilis causes sores in the butt that can be completely painless, and it can raise your risk of also getting HIV. Also, get tested frequently for gonorrhea and chlamydia. Find a doctor or clinic who’s willing to test your mouth and ass with a “nucleic acid test”. That’s a DNA test that looks for gonorrhea and chlamydia. Every 3 to 6 months, plus anytime you have symptoms, is reasonable.
HIV meds are great and they save lives. But being on meds potentially for decades is not a good thing. None of these meds has ever been tested for as long as people may need to be on them. Yes, they’re getting better all the time. It’s still better not to need them.
I’m a 46 year old cum-loving bottom and I’m still negative. It can be done.
About oral sex, I meant to say “but probably ONLY if a neg guy gets a poz guy’s cum in his mouth or belly.”
Ahh. One more thing: If you slip up, and take a poz guy’s cum in your ass, or the cum of someone whose status you don’t know, you have about 72 hours to do post-exposure prophylaxis–that is, you start meds for a month to reduce your chance of getting the virus. Callen-Lourde in NYC and City Clinic in SF provide this. Find out now where you can get this where you are, if you need it.
OK. OK. One more. Sorry. Long term non-progressors appear to have genetic characteristics themselves that make them not progress. This does not appear to be (much) a function of the virus. Getting pozzed by someone who claims to be a long-term non-progressor strikes me as one of the least harm-reducing of the harm-reduction options.
Dear RawTop,
I love you a lot. I’ve never felt love like this before and probably will never feel love like this again. You are my God, and as far as I’m concerned, Christmas is your day and not some dead old guys day. Please remain hot and keep the faith.
Love,
Me
mm – There’s no link to the second guy – I didn’t cover my conversation with him…
mm – Whether you choose to “vaccinate” yourself is a personal choice which will depend on your risk level and a number of other factors. It doesn’t make sense for me since my risk level is low – what I do is just slightly more risky than what a safe sex bottom does…
unholy – one word of warning about PEP – you need to be prepared for a month of feeling sick and throwing up constantly. I think it’s great for safe sex bottoms who have poz boyfriends and the condom breaks and he gets a load. It’s questionable for someone who’s intentionally taking loads.
unholy – Yes, there can be other factors which contribute to someone being a long-term non-progressor, but as the New Zealand example I cited before (in a previous comment) shows – it’s not just genetics. Often it’s just a mild strain of the virus. But it would be good to find out how other guys have faired that the LTNP has pozzed…
hows this… GET A BOYFRIEND!
okay i know thats a lil harsh coming from single me but if the guy is cute and has an ivy league education it shouldnt be too hard (im generalizing but its known to be true).
bfs breeding u rocks.
or get one fuckbuddy and stick to him
Nausea is not that common in PEP nowadays. It’s usually just two drugs for a month, and they’re not ones that usually cause nausea.
I had to do it for a needlestick a few years back when they routinely gave Crixivan. I was sick for something like 24 days, then I couldn’t take it any more and stopped.
But you’re right. PEP isn’t something you want to do routinely. It’s a backup.
PEP in SF is Combovir. It did make me nauseous and give me a headache everyday.
Some insurance companies offer coverage for PEP.
ewelthorpe – yes, HIV mutates, but some subtypes are worse than others and once you have one subtype reinfection with another is rare.
You are all stupid. All of you. Especially the man with the “6 steps a neg cum lover can stay neg.” Jesus H Christ. Yeah, your neg and you’re 46, but you’re body reacts to HIV differently than someone else, maybe you are immune, but thats not my point here. IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES ASSOCIATED WITH UNPROTECTED SEX DON’T FUCKING DO IT! and the whole boyfriend approach idea is fucked up too. Boyfriends cheat, its the truth. wait a few months to see if things are working out, and then get tested together and if you’re both neg go for it. The truth is that we are all at risk. I was infected the FIRST time I had sex and the guy didn’t even cum in me. If you like it raw, go do your research, find out what HIV is, how it is spread, and how it is treated. Oh, and here’s a NOVEL idea you dumb fucks. TALK TO A POZ PERSON!! They can prolly give you much better advice than any neg guy. Ultimately when it comes to risk bareback sex is very black and white. You’re either going to play safe and stay neg, or you’re going to play raw and most likely get HIV or something else. The new thing out there is rectal cancer from HPV, which there is no effective treatment for. Stop trying to straddle the bareback fence gents. Either accept the consequences, or don’t do it.
You are all stupid. All of you. Especially the man with the “6 steps a neg cum lover can stay neg.” Jesus H Christ. Yeah, your neg and you’re 46, but you’re body reacts to HIV differently than someone else, maybe you are immune, but thats not my point here. IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES ASSOCIATED WITH UNPROTECTED SEX DON’T FUCKING DO IT! and the whole boyfriend approach idea is fucked up too. Boyfriends cheat, its the truth. wait a few months to see if things are working out, and then get tested together and if you’re both neg go for it. The truth is that we are all at risk. I was infected the FIRST time I had sex and the guy didn’t even cum in me. If you like it raw, go do your research, find out what HIV is, how it is spread, and how it is treated. Oh, and here’s a NOVEL idea you dumb fucks. TALK TO A POZ PERSON!! They can prolly give you much better advice than any neg guy. Ultimately when it comes to risk bareback sex is very black and white. You’re either going to play safe and stay neg, or you’re going to play raw and most likely get HIV or something else. The new thing out there is rectal cancer from HPV, which there is no effective treatment for. Stop trying to straddle the bareback fence gents. Either accept the consequences, or don’t do it.