BareDerek checked out the cumhole from Detroit that I have listed in my directory of available, easy, bareback bottoms (see the pic to the right)…

Well, he googled the name in the e-mail address, hubscher313, and he found all sorts of interesting information…

• He’s “Looking for attractive single guys who know Christ.”
• He reiterates that again on a gay Christian site: “I’m trying to build my own relationship with Christ, and as a gay guy, am finding that somewhat difficult. Would love to meet a good looking christian guy to spend some time with.”
• But then on other sites he reiterates at least part of what he said to me – that he likes to PNP… On one site he’s got one profile that says he’s versatile – and another that says he’s a top, both say he wants to PNP.

If you’re like me and had a Bible thumper upbringing guys like this are all too familiar… They’re the ones who get up in church and tell the heart wrenching story about their struggle with _____(you fill in the blank)____, and how Jesus Christ made all the difference, and how they couldn’t have done it without him…

To me it’s just sad… I can just imagine what he’s going through. When he’s sober he tries to be good, but ultimately he’s not being true to himself and he needs more than that. So he does meth which lets his inner pig out so he can be the total cumhole he really wants to be. He says he “prefers” tops to be neg, but it’s clear that when he’s high his inhibitions go out the window…

Let me make a prediction… When he finally figures out he’s poz, he’ll go through depression and/or anger, when he gets over that he’s eventually going to learn to enjoy being a poz pig and realize it’s just part of who he is. Gradually he’ll stop feeling guilty about his desires and will be able to be a cumhole without the help of his “friend”, Tina… That’s when his life is finally going to make sense and he’ll be able to get on track and take control of his life and make something of himself…

Guys – stop torturing yourself! Accept yourself for who you are. Accept that there are things about yourself you just can’t change. Yes, you have free will and you can transform yourself. But sometimes you just need to accept that you may be something you don’t want to be. Whether that means you accept that you’re gay, or whether that means that come to terms with the fact that you’re hard wired to be a pig and will probably end up poz. It’s different for each person, but you just gotta accept yourself. The sooner you do, the sooner you can get on with life.

If you’re doing drugs to release your inner pig, and then beat yourself up about it later (go to bible study, whatever), then you’ve got a serious issue. Just accept yourself. You can either go through the downward spiral, have no job, no apartment, no self-control, and no teeth when you’re done, and then have to build yourself up from zero. Or you can start from where you are, accept yourself, and work up from there.

I know drugs are chemically addictive and you’re going to need professional help to get them under control. But (speaking out of my ass, ’cause I’ve never had a drug addiction issue), I honestly think accepting yourself and learning to love yourself are one of the keys to inching your way up rather than spiraling down…

I’m actually working something out with a drugs and barebacking research study here in NY and you’ll start seeing ads for their study on the site (more about that next week). But for a segment of the gay community (many of whom read blogs like this), this is a big issue.

Ultimately, I’m not the best person to look to for advice on this stuff, but the issue’s out there and it needs to be dealt with… It just kills me to see guys like this bouncing between the two extremes of a church-goer one weekend and a bug chasing cumhole fucked up on meth the next weekend…

It’s not an either or proposition. There’s a middle ground where you’re a well-rounded person who can be a slutty bottom and still have a great life surrounded by supportive things like friends and boyfriends… [sfverscumboy‘s posts this week about hunting for cum, meeting up with his bf, and hunting for more cum spring to mind…]