SoCal Twink Looking For Poz Tops
Share: 
8 August 2009 | 52 Comments
Got this e-mail this morning and thought there might be a few of you in SoCal who can help this twink out in his quest for poz cum…
Hi my name is *** I was looking at BB shit today and came across your blog, k I know this is weird, but I’ve been trying for like a year to find a hot top to poz me my residence is ***, california aka orange county, seeing as it seems like you talk to people everywhere or at least know a few maybe you can help me I know it seems easy but I want it to be with a guy who is at least under 33, only because I want it to be really hot I want him to want to poz me and that’s the whole point of fucking me, long story short I’ve been trying to find a guy for a little over a year and have been unsuccessful, so if you could help me, refer me 2 someone or idk really but its my biggest fantasy, I’ve wanted to do this for 3 years took 2 to think about and 1 to start looking.
If you want to contact him, his e-mail is: [removed]
And for all of you who are appalled by this… Notice the part where he’s been thinking about it for 3 years… It’s not like he’s made the decision lightly nor is is likely he’ll stay neg once he’s made the decision to get pozzed after that much thinking about it…
Here are some pics of him. Had to crop out his face, but he really is pretty cute…
[pics removed]
UPDATE: The twink asked me to take things down, that he’s “got things covered now”….
If it isn’t too late to save Stupid from himself just a little reminder that to cover California’s huge deficit the Governator has slashed funding for all HIV education and treatment, so he’d better have & keep some good insurance or be ready to die quickly or pay for his own meds because there won’t be any more free rides from the taxpayers for idiots who infect themselves.
So SG, by extending your logic, any behavior exercised by an individual that results in his own illness would be excluded from coverage.
Not a bad idea–just look at the money that could be saved IF you exclude:
* alcoholics–no one forced ’em to drink;
* pregnant women–only cover pregnancy which resulted from rape;
* smokers who develop any smoking related illness–need more be said?
* hepatitis–the type that you get from eating shellfish–a very deliberate act. Of course hepatitis C would NEVER EVER be covered…
* any illness related to obesity–boom! we’ve just dropped an estimated 35% of the population!!!
Truly, this sounds like the kind of health care plan that Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove or any big name conservative could support.
It’s his body, let him do what he wants with it. I’m amazed at some of the judgemental responses considering that this is a website that deals with BAREBACK sex! I relate to Rylan because I often have those same desires, and they get stronger each day. If there was a video line dealing with poz tops fucking negative bottoms I would totally watch it. I am sure some of you would too, but probably would never admit it.
I am in San Fran now. Originally from the midwest
What a stupid kid!! If he really wants a disease so bad, he deserves to die in the most horrible way possible, alone in a street alley covered in boils with his organs shutting down one by one.
Perhaps he should find a gay therapist and talk this out. To me, this is like running onto a highway with cars going 70 mph. You know you are going to get killed if you do that. I am not against the barebacking so much as I am against wanting to become poz, possiibly getting very ill and maybe dying. I wish all people who are this careless could actually witness someone with HIV die. It’s not pretty.
If it makes any difference, I have spoken with this one before. He had a different email addy but a pic never lies. He is very lucid and sane in his request. He knows what he is getting into and the consequences. He is not just seeking the bug for the thrill but because of an inner need. I spoke with him just after I became poz. I did not meet the age requirement but he was very good about it.
For those with the die aidsy die attitude, I hate to burst your bubble. People who are poz can live for very long time without any visible signs. The healthy person looks no different from the poz person. Even without meds. So until they tell you, you will never know.
I wish him all the luck in finding what he is seeking. He needs understanding not contempt.
fucking horny…hope he finds someone to do it. 😀
wish i could find the same in the uk
When I read comments such as those from “hudson” I can only wonder what happened to this person in his life that made him so nasty, that he can so casually spew these vile thoughts. I don’t know you, and trust me I wouldn’t want to.
I just wish a few poz people will sit him down and explain everything to him beforehand. Of course he may not develop symptoms for quite some time, o they may come up very quickly. He may be fine and look great, or become subject to facial wasting…where you get that attractive “walking skeleton” look. I hate to see anyone willing to risk his good health for an inner “need” that I strongly surmise he will regret the minute the positive medical result is revealed to him.
I think few people who pick up a cigarette think to themselves, “I’m doing this to get cancer” and similarly I think few barebackers think, “I’m doing this to become POZ.” It’s simply a potential consequence of the action undertaken, not an inevitability. It’s entirely a different mindset than someone who is seeking to become POZ. What’s his real motivation? Does he just see it as an inevitability that he’ll eventually become POZ and simply wants to get it out of the way for whatever reason? Or is there something deeper, that would best be addressed by a professional therapist? Yes, “It’s his body…” and he’ll do as he wishes and that’s his right, but speaking from personal experience I can say that years of personal introspection can be greatly elucidated by a neutral third party. Sometimes we seek validation by going to sources we know won’t challenge our beliefs or desires so we don’t have to face the harsher, deeper truth. It wouldn’t hurt for him to at least meet with a professional who deals with gay men and HIV, and if he still feels the same after a few sessions, more power to him. I’d rather err on the side of cautioning the man, than whole-heartedly endorsing his decision…but that’s just my opinion.
I am sure murderthelights@tmail.com is reading this..
@ murderthelights@tmail.com: We all did things when we were in our 20’s that we totally regret. Some posters here are equating smoking and alcohol use to getting bred by a poz top.
If you think HIV is the same as those, you’re really living in altered reality. Shame.
I agree with bbchub, well said…murderthelights@tmail.com here’s a place to go:
MPOWEROC
3303 Harbor Blvd Suite B-6
Costa Mesa, CA 92636
(714) 327.0236
What made me so nasty? I’m not nasty or vile, I’m simply invoking the spirit of natural selection. Stupid people, and those who do not deserve to live because of their stupidity, deserve to die in horrible ways.
Ok it is his body…so if someone decided he would be happier cutting off his arms and legs and living paralized, you would say it is ok?
That is absolutely not right, it is signs of a severe mental illness, and he doesn’t need therapy, he needs a fucking straightjacket and probably being tortured a la SAW so he develops a survival instinct and learns to appreciate being alive.
Why willingly infect yourself with a virus and then go on expensive meds on my dime? I just hope he dies before hand so that I won’t have to pay for his medical treatment. It’s one thing to be unwillingly infected, but to infect yourself you deserve everything thrown at you.
I’m not willingly infecting myself with a disease and then taking medications on taxpayer dime. You think most gay people agree with letting your self esteem get so low that you’re willing to get yourself infected by some random guy you’ll never see again? How about you step back and look at what you’re doing? Take care of yourself.
Sounds like there are a lot of closet Republicans on this website,lol. Seriously, if you are frequenting a website that glorifies bareback, aka unsafe sex, should you really be lecturing anyone?
why are health care costs going up?
You all are seriously retarded! How can anyone say that it is ok for someone to want to become infected?. I mean, I doubt that those who smoke do it trying to get cancer and those who do drugs are trying to get brain damage and fuck up their life. If one does that willingly and looking to hurt yourself…wow…there’s something seriously wrong with that person. And the most disturbing thing is that he wants to make an erotic experience out of it!! It is like that guy in Germany who was looking for someone to castrate him and cannibalize him, it is absolutely disgusting and sick. People who can’t appreciate what a great blessing being healthy is, do not deserve to be alive. They are already infected with something worst than full blown AIDS, they are the disease. And actually yes, if you condone such repulsive self-destructive behavior, you deserve to have all your human rights denied to you and be put out of your misery because you are not human anymore, not even animal since animals want to live and be happy too. You are an abomination, an insult against God.
Well, well, well….it took awhile, but it finally slipped out of the closet, didn’t it Hudson? “…an insult against God…”.
Another religious nut…oh excuse me, another compassionate conservative, on his crusade.
All I can say that this is a “gift” that one can not return if one gets sick of it. It can be said it’s a “gift” that keeps on giving and takes away all at the same time till the end. All I am going to tell you it to follow your heart and not your mind. Ones heart is pure and the mind get clouded
Gentlemen..
We are losing sight of the orginal post. A young man wants to take poz loads and he is neg. It does not matter what our opinions or religious or political beliefs are. What matters is what his prospectives and beliefs are.
It is brave for him to express himself in this hostile world. Do I personally condon no.. but it is his choice/life not mine. He does not follow my religious beliefs so mine are not applicable. He does not follow my political/social ways so mine are moot. He is on a very different journey from the rest of us.
We do not have to approve or even associate with him but we must respect his path as his own. This is what separates the “enlighten modern people” from the dark age fundamentalist’s narrow belief that if you do not do it my way – GOD will get you and your evil ways. No respect for the individual who is different.
Have they won?? Only if we let them win. It is not over until we give up.
To those who bitch about HIV patients sucking at the taxpayer tit. Get a grip and figure it out. Personally, I’m unlikely to make to 70 (the year in which I’ll get SS benefits now that it’s been raised fro 65.) And, of course, my partner is not entitled to survivor benefits.
So, for that portion of the taxes I’ve paid on my wages (maxed out every year since 1989), when I croak, the government will get it all.
Fat motherfuckers eating endless cheeseburgers, developing diabetes and living for fucking ever while they get one limb sawed off after another are quite a bit more likely to “tax the system” than people with HIV disease. Everybody dies… most don’t know when to.
So now believing health is a blessing is religious fundamentalism? You people are disgusting!! What’s really the difference between someone who wants to get pozed and someone who is looking to castrate him kill him and eat him?
Rawtop, I think u post this bullshit just to get a laugh out of all the dumb comments posted here. That or you probably only post this shit because it drives ur website/advertising traffic thru the roof from all these people with “poz” fetishes. This kid doesnt need any help finding poz tops willing to fuck him bb, tell him to log onto adam4adam or something.
Did you ask this kid if he has good health insurance? Because he is likeley to need it the rest of his life. If not, the taxpayers will pay for it. I think I understand the interest in barebacking but to intentionally become HIV+? That is nuts. I think anyone that encourages it is criminal. That is you. This guy needs a psychiatrist to understand why he wants to be intentionally infected with a potentially fatal disease. This, as I watch my partner slowly dying from stage 4 cancer; he didn’t ask to get cancer because he thought it was “cool,” or it felt good.
@rawtop
Didnt expect how much people would get riled up?
Bullshit man, you’ve posted stuff like this before and got the same dam people spewing the same shit. This stuff gets pervy dudes excited, the others outraged to the point of blindless, and frankly it all pisses me off.
I dont think we should be advocating/ or as you rawtop call it “helping out” anyone become poz on purpose, this twink shouldnt be demonized either for wanting to have the sex he wants. Purposely infecting people serves no purpose, other then to work to the deteriment to our community. He should be having sex with “under 33yr studs” neg/ or poz (but undetectable of course).
Nick said it exactly the way it is. It’s one thing to be bearbacking, completely another when you’re seeking a disease. He’s sick in the head.
I did something like this myself, also in my early twenties. It worked, of course, and now – admittedly only a few years later – I find myself in a committed relationship with someone who’s HIV-negative. Looking back, I abandoned condoms for pointless trysts with random tricks, people without faces or names, and now I need them with my lover. And it sucks.
Because the truth is, HIV sucks. It isn’t fun, and it isn’t cool. The meds aren’t always as easy as people say, and I don’t want my boyfriend to have to go through what I’ve gone through.
As for you people talking about owning your regrets… Sure, own them, learn to live with them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try to share the darker side of your experiences with someone else heading down the same bleak road. Why glorify something that has ruined so many lives?
He does have a cute face. Google is your friend folks.
While this may be one reason for high healthcare costs, this is certainly not bringing down the system. In my State, people not only get methadone for free 7 days a week but they also get a RIDE to the methadone clinic on the taxpayers dime.
There are a million more reasons and that is why we need reform.
Michael, finally someone with some fucking common sense. It is obvious people like rawtop don’t have it, and more so, they are unable to form and feel real human emotions such as love and empathy, seeing as how he needs to fuck other people than his “partner”. It is very disturbing, very disgusting. The evangelics have good reason to hate the gays overall since most people in our community simply cannot even pass as humans, but merely as spoiled meat without soul.
Ummm… why are some of you here? I mean, really. I totally get that RawTop (the owner of this blog) welcomes healthy debate, but I am completely perplexed that some of the folks that apparently “troll” this blog are here. Some of the comments border on completely off the fringe radical (let me remind you guys, if you don’t already know it, or haven’t quite figured it out)… this is a blog for those who understand and (at times) welcome barebacking (which in my day, there was not even a word for it. We simply called it “sex”).
Yes, I (and I dare say, most of us who frequent this blog) understand the red hot issues that surround this topic. However… some of the comments on here, by supposed “readers” of this blog are downright… well… fucking CRAZY.
Can I (or RawTop) keep you away? No, hardly. But I can tell you with pretty solid conviction, that your comments are falling on deaf ears because there are those out there that will make this choice no matter what you say.
Do I agree with it… sometimes yes, sometimes no. But, what I have come to accept in my life is that, in the end, we are all in control of our own destiny. YOU have nothing to do with it (and please, spare me the preaching about taxes, et al)… we ALL pay taxes and share the burden.
Are you welcome to share your thoughts? Absolutely (just as I am sharing mine), but please temper it with the reality of what this blog is about. In a way, it’s like a clubhouse. Come here if you want to smoke. If you don’t smoke, then find another bar to sit in.
It’s as simple as that.
I noticed there are a lot of people who don’t like RawTop read this blog. They must have some desire to do the things that he does. Too bad they are such pussies.
@adam
maybe they are reading it to stay informed. you know read all sides of the debate and form your own opinion. or maybe to know your enemy. know who you are up against.
one thing that kind of makes me wonder, is so many of these bloggers are out talking about converting, BB, pig et al type of sex. but all of them are hiding behind the keyboard. come out of the “closet” so to speak, show your face for your “cause”(or which ever word you use to call it). until then youre just a bitch with a keyboard.
Be and do things like rawtop? What things? not being able to have an erection without pills, not being able to cum as a normal healthy male could, or not being able to love as a normal human could?
I think bareback is the only way we as gay men should ever have sex, you may as well just use a dildo if you are unwilling to share the intimacy of another man by taking his cum. Now a days being poz is NOT the death sentence it once was. The first generation of poz guys lost so many friends and have a lot of pain and scars, both physically and emotionally. The second generation of poz men now are living wonderful healthy and happy lives. I became poz a couple years ago, and I am totally enjoying life, it really is not a big deal in my life. Absolutely no regrets here.
@Hudson
I’d rather be doing those things than coming here and looking down on someone for doing those things.
You idiot. The comments are still visible. You should be charged with terrorism and treated similar to a child molestor. You are disgusting, you are promoting harm and virulence. Watch your step, because since you take life itself with such disregard, you might as well lose it.
rawTOP…good for you for standing up to “hudson”.
not to toot my own horn (only ’cause i’m not pliable enough…LOL), but I pointed out to everyone way back in comment 14 “…I can only wonder what happened to this person in his life that made him so nasty, that he can so casually spew these vile thoughts…” … as everyone can see, those thoughts only got nastier and viler (“viler” coined it myself).
Even if I were in total disagreement with you rawTOP, i would support your absolute right to say it, and when someone is threatened as you were for expressing a belief, your freedom has been compromised, thus violating the most basic of human rights. There should be NO second warning to “hudson” in my judgement.
Be well, and good to see you blogging again.
OMG! LMAO!! Reading the topic comments on this blog is WAY more entertaining than the blog’s contents!
I have disagreed with RawTOP, and supported him both. I had to leave one forum for all the bugchasers, which I naturally want to protect. I see it this way: some people are not able to envision the future – some of us who are living that future might help.
Basically, a poz man generally chops his viable sex-life in half. I mean this: I am 48, and not bad looking. But with HIV-AIDS, I look crappy, and men don’t really go for me like they did just a few years ago. I mixed with those who use drugs to find acceptance and sex, which worked: but what kind of life is that?
I’m happy to see 51 comments on this hot topic. There are many arguments, and all are worth exploring. After we pass the one about expense (and public sympathy dying away), we can cut to the chase.
I became poz in 1994: I knew better. I was careless and felt somewhat invincible (at age 33/4). I actually believed that maybe I was being protected by something like the Holy Spirit. I was a church organist at the time. People are imaginative.
I allowed myself to become infected with (at that time) death because I was also a man who hated parts of himself. I felt unattractive (not true, but I felt it), and out of step with the gay world. I did “anyone” – usually from my knees or whatever desired – because I found this a way to relate with men. I made friends after chance encounters. The self hate only increased over time.
In 1999, I was in love with a man who said he was fine with HIV+. He mostly was, but when we argued, it came out that he “did not want to nurse another man to his grave.” After that, I began to show small signs of looking poz: cheeks sinking a bit. At first, I thought this was sexy in a guy.
I wanted to be with poz men, and all was well for a while. I met hundreds of guys, mostly at parties, here in NYC. I met guys in SF, too. I was always open (and not shy anymore) when the topic was sex. I was good at making love. But I learned this: poz men were in trouble, as a group.
From the first crack party to the shooting up speed in a van outside a bar on 8th/Folsom, I learned that many men used drugs (and alcohol) to get “in the mood.” I had no experience with drugs all through the 1980s, and not until I was poz. Poz was the magic word: it opened me up to the real underbelly.
I never became addicted, but I was close to it. I live in a hotel, I am on welfare for life. I also have serious mood disorders, which did not get diagnosed until things got really bad. Things can get really bad, fellas: some of us get to the point where we try to take our lives. Life becomes tough when you get stared at in small towns, when you go antiquing. You never feel completely at home staying with people who don’t know your status.
And cruising for sex, once a great way to meet people and experience life had to end. I still was an oral bottom for years after infection: I did not disclose. But in time, my face and perhaps plain age made men suspect. I cannot bear to go into a blue movie or sex club that is not for poz guys only. The sense of rejection is keen, sharp and it creates suicidal feelings in me.
At the same time, I know that poz was interesting. You get a lot of attention from the medical establishment. Lots of sympathy for the taking. It is a playing card, and instant excuse to get out of things, or to make others do things for you. I know all this, because I have gone through HASA in NYC. Welfare. It is like “cash and prizes.” But! You will have to live in slums. My place is clean, and I have a friend with some money, so I can get out. But I live in a hotel room – until I die.
The man of 33 wanted a young man for several reasons. The obvious ones can be skipped. The not-apparent ones are fascinating. Most negative men are repulsed by HIV sickness – this is different from “being pozzed up.” The virus is like any virus. Some men seek out sick-looking poz men, because that becomes sexy to them. It is dark, forbidden, dancing with death. These people want to play with death, but it is just a game. Usually, these people are drunk and/or high.
Our fellow of 33 is the typical: HIV does not look too bad in most men 33 and below. And most guys with only 5 years or so experience (unless you waited until you had an OI to get diagnosed) look fine and dandy.
There are some important things to remind everyone, over and over. Most of us know all of it, so I don’t have to help out. Making men feel guilty may work for a day, but it won’t get to the problem. Finding out how to help men want to live a long life, healthy on the outside and inside is our mission. Why do we have this mass-desire to drink the Jim Jones Kool-Aid? This is a human mystery – it is not uncommon. Religions can have dangerous rites, and people line up to risk it. People die in battle because the stakes are high: adrenalin rushes, and it’s like sex. It’s just so exciting to have unprotected sex! For some men. Short-circuiting that mass-appeal is a tall order. Others of you who are negative are keen on self-preservation, and cannot understand what in the world I am talking about.
Each man is a case in himself. He is D & D free, fat or femme or not. There are pressures: stiff manmeat or take a pill and hope for such. Bottoms: dime a dozen. Over 40 is old. Over 50 is really old. And over 60 is grand-daddy material. I will add over 70, since my best friend is 72 and negative, self-preservationist, and horned up. He is dumb to love twenty-somethings. Dumb as our 33 year-old. Blinded by hormones and willfulness.
What does not work is anger, censure and threat. What might help is teaching insight, and learning the ability to project 10 years hence. 20 years hence. 50 years hence. Our 33 year-old had every reason to live to be 93. But if pozzed up, carrying a virus that for now is not completely eradicated, especially in the brain (drugs have trouble crossing the blood/brain barrier), he will probably look and feel like hell at 53. 20 years of HIV is hard work. No one is alive with HIV beyond 40-45 years. And those who are are scarred up good. How sexy is it, really? The gay problem of youth worship and fear of aging and abandonment is so easy to see because of HIV. But it is almost intractable: we have no cure. peace to all