Fan Letter: Should I Bareback?
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6 October 2009 | 18 Comments
Here’s an e-mail I received… I get a lot of questions like these, so I thought I’d share my answer and let others chime in as well…
Hi rawTOP,
I know you’re really busy (I read your blog, huge fan) so I’ll try to keep my fan letter brief. I can tell you’re a really smart guy. You don’t sugar coat your opinions, and you don’t back down from your positions. This makes your writing extremely gratifying and affirming to read. I know I can point my browser to your site, read some hot, mind-blowing posts, blow my load, and be happy for the day.
I guess that this is the problem. Lately, I’ve gotten more and more preoccupied with bb sex (reading about it, thinking about it, beating off to it). I used to think of your blog as a simple “safety valve” for these raw fantasies. But now, more and more, I’m finding myself swayed by your astute and foreceful arguments.
I guess, to get to the point, I’m hoping you’ll give me some guidance in this. I’m 22, just graduated from a really good school (ivy league) and since the job market is so shitty and my degree (liberal arts) is so useless, I’ve been escorting a bit to pay my rent, which has actually been really fun. I’m in a young, uninhibited time, and I’m plagued by hot dreams of going “all the way” as it were, taking raw loads from all cummers (generally, while vers for “professional” reasons, I’m a happy sub bottom when I’m off the clock).
In your extensive experience, do you think I should just go for it already, and maximize my fun while I’m young and carefree? Or do you think there are other factors I need to consider? I’m very curious about your opinion, since I look up to you. Do you have any words of advice?
My response…
You didn’t mention whether you were neg or poz. If you’re poz it’s simple – be a cum dumpster and have fun. There’s actually research out there that poz guys who take loads do better since their body is constantly being asked to defend against new strains of HIV. Fighting the other strains of HIV actually helps the body fight it’s primary strain of HIV and keep viral levels relatively low compared to poz guys who avoid sex or rubber up.
But I’m assuming your neg – hence the angst. Every person is different – there’s no single correct choice. There are guys for whom it’s not a question – always bareback or always with a condom is just 100% natural for them. The fact that you’re even asking the question says something, but like most of us you’re probably in the middle somewhere.
I can’t make that decision for you. All I can do is give you some guidelines… First would be to be realistic. If becoming poz would totally freak you out – don’t bareback. But also don’t pretend there’s no risk or never think about the risk. Be honest with yourself. There are ways to reduce the risk of bareback sex – but never pretend you’ve reduced the risks to zero. And whatever you do, if you become poz – don’t blame someone else. It’s your life – take control of it and own it.
Look at other areas of your life and ask yourself what sort of person you are… Do you take risks just to experience things and have fun or are you more calculated in your risk taking? Pick an approach to sex that’s consistent with who you are on a fundamental level.
These days you’ll probably live a long life even being poz, but it will probably cut short your retirement. If that’s not OK with you, then reduce your risk.
Thought I’d chip in here.
I bareback. I’m neg. I worry that that’ll change. I hope it won’t, but I know there’s that risk. I limit most of my encounters to a small group of trusted friends, and when I stray, I stay rubbered up with them for 3 months afterwards (like now, post-Folsom). The best you can do is be responsible and own your actions. Let people you play with know what you do, so they have informed consent at their disposal.
i bareback and could not imagine do it any other way – was staying “good” when i found out i was poz but then a friend got me to change my mind. i will never forget that first load — and take any and all loads now. i am very happy barebacking and tell people that. i am glad i am able to take loads — its sex as it should be.
I would be very curious to see a link to the the research that poz guys do better taking loads and being exposed to various starins of hiv than poz guys who don’t. Would want to share it with my doc on my next visit as he has been an hiv specialist in the east village since finishing his residency in 1987 and this is the exact opposite of what he tells me, even though he wants me to have a full and active sex life. Just curious.
I agree with the rationale that it’s your decision. What I will tell you is this: you’re young and there are better alternatives than escorting. You need to get another degree in this market; it’s necessary because a bachelor’s useless in this market regardless of where you went to undergrad(it’s like having a high school diploma- it won’t get you far).
My advice to you with regards to barebacking is that if you’re negative, you need to keep it a fantasy, especially in your circumstances. Having to pay for drugs is the last thing that you would want to do, especially without a steady job. Yes, the sex is hot, but there are pretty serious consequences that I think most people ignore when engaging in these activities. Becoming poz takes over your life (there’s this myth out there that it’s not that serious of a condition).
I’m just curious what advice you’d give to a young neg total top? I am surrounded by young slutty bottoms — who are almost certainly poz — who want my load. It’s hot… but how risky?
just take your first load
and then you will be taking all the rest that come your way
Hey–
I’m the guy who wrote the post, I want to thank everyone who has commented so far (damn WeHopig, that story IS hot– and Kodi has his equally valid point). I wanted to post this additional email I sent to RawTOP, to give a fuller picture.
Thanks,
NegBottom
———–
Thanks, RawTop. I really appreciate your help here; your logic is
beyond sound. I can tell your readers already have some great insight.
Since I left out some key details, I’ll give some more. I’m neg, and
since I love to bottom i’ve been careful to stay wrapped– except, of
course, when I haven’t. I’m sure many guys know about this ridiculous
in-between state. It’s irrational and a little immature… but if I
only go raw “for a little bit,” just to feel how good it is, just to
get the thrill of it, and then wrap it up, it still seems like I’m
being careful.
Sometimes guys seem to know how badly I want it, or sense how much it
turns me on when they push just a little harder. Its like an animal
instinct. I’ve always stopped them before they came, which is hard (if
they’d just pushed a little harder, it feels like, they could win).
But the part of me is still cool and logical, in the heat of the
moment, and ends up winning out.
I guess I’ll wait until I’ve thought about your response (and others’)
a bit more until I decide on how to go from here. But I really
apreciate your help and guidance, and hope to update you on how I
navigate this big decision.
————
Yes you can become HIV+ from being a bareback top.
My friend became Poz that way and he’s not into receptive anal sex at all or sucking cock.
Barebacking even with other Poz people when you are Poz is not good for you either. You can still get other strains of HIV and other STDs too and you will not somehow get immunity to any of this from barebacking.
As for the person who wrote the email being Poz is no joke and since you already do bareback you probably are already Poz or have some STDs since you’re doing sex for pay and barebacking.
I don’t care how hot the sex or how hot the guy is becoming Poz is not worth it, especially not in your early 20s or at any age.
You will hate yourself forever and you will not be happy that you have seroconverted and the meds do suck and they will take years off of your life as well as being Poz will too.
@RawTop-At JoeMyGod.com on this post they are discussing barebacking/safer sex/viral loads/etc. can you go and post your opinions?
I have been poz for more than 5 years and being poz in this part of the world is not as easy as you guys. When I knew me being poz, somehow it was a relief to me. Of course I still have worries about my health and my love life and sometimes that’s not easy but since this is the life style I’ve chosen, I didn’t/don’t regret of barebacking at all because this is what I love to do. Everything has it’s risk, even walking on the street can got hit by a car or falling object and die, it’s whether you feel worthy taking the risk and the consequences.
Being HIV+ is now more like a chronic disease, like diabetes, which you need to take good care of yourself plus medication that you don’t like. The difference is you got them by no choice but with HIV, you do. If you and the people around you can treat HIV in this way, you probably won’t feel that hard after all.
I’d like to express my opinion on barebacking with other poz. I’ve been doing that since I got poz and taking loads from other poz guys. So far, I still have no need to take any medication, my CD4 is good and my VL is always low. The only issue would be other STDs. I really don’t see barebacking with other poz is an issue. (Based on my case and other poz buddies that I fuck with.)
Last word, if you become poz, think poz too and don’t stop enjoying your life.
I have made a conscious decision to fuck RAW only. My last status was neg. Though, since then in Aug of 2008 I have fucked only raw unless someone slapped on a condom. I assume in a situation everyone has something and I’ll catch it. I guess it comes from the perspective having died twice on the operating table I figure it’s my life to take a risk and if other people are to stupid or to high or to whatever to not protect themselves its there own damn fault. I don’t not get tested for fear btw. Knowing I was poz would be a relief.
Hello,
Just wanted to add my two cents.
I have to admit, the idea of being pozzed or whatever is actually kind of exciting, but the thought of actually having HIV is something completely different. I took HIV meds once as PEP and it wasn’t fun– they really can make you feel sick, dizzy, headaches, nausea, just generally not up to par… and then there’s the constant testing, worrying… some of the people around you probably won’t be able to deal with it… and there’s the stigma (yes, there’s still stigma), the alienation… the whole ‘you’re only cutting short your retirement’ aspect isn’t exactly true– you’re also damaging the quality of the life you already have.
It’s going to sound a little bit corny, but you can never really know what you might want in the future, and making a probably irreversible decision like this is going to commit you to one thing. There are other things in life besides sex, and even though great sex is a good thing with this it’s sort of like you’re placing more value on sex than everything else in your life. Is nothing in your life more important to you?
How about to do Raw with a boyfriend? 2 years ago my BF and me passed a hiv test. We are sill negative, and he cum everytime into my ass. sometimes i fuck him hardly and I cum 50% into and 50% everywhere like a porn star.