Bareback Blogger Thinks He Has Nothing In Common With Me
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3 August 2010 | 14 Comments
Over on Breeding Zone I archive the world of bareback blogging just because I’ve seen so many blogs fall by the wayside over the years and it’s a shame to see all their stories just disappear. Hell, a blogger named Geek Slut is the blogger who inspired me to start my blog and all his stories are gone now. I really wish I could go back and read his old stories, but I can’t.
Anyway, I pulled the feed for one blogger who took serious offense at the fact that I pulled and used his RSS feed. Umm, it’s public, he didn’t use snippets, and the last S in RSS stands for ‘syndication’ – which is exactly what I was doing. There’s long-standing precedents for archiving web content – take a look at archive.org and you can see what web sites looked like going back over 10 years. I don’t think he understands the web well enough to understand all that – whatever…
However, his biggest issue seemed to be that he hated being associated with me… On his blog he the following of me…
[rawTOP] repulses me physically, morally and character-wise; he’s sincerely damaged
I love how he throws in not liking my body with the other things – as if there’s a connection between the two. lol
Then he described our brief conversation as follows…
I then explained how I found his views, opinions and more importantly, actions morally repugnant to me and did not want to associate myself with him or his blog. He then went into a diatribe of how he’s a regular Mother Teresa and essentially providing a service to all young kids who (misguidedly!) want to become HIV +.
Actually, I never said any of that. I said more or less what I said above – that I’m trying to preserve the the written legacy of barebackers. In the brief conversation we did have he said the following…
The reality is, I hold NO opinions that coincide with yours (I don’t even respect them) and you do and write things on your blog that make me cringe, specifically intentionally trying to “convert” people to HIV to please an audience. That is so fucking twisted and abusive that it’s devoid of any morality. Meaning, and this is VERY important, I wouldn’t WANT any followers from your blog. I understand you’re only trying to make money. Just don’t do it off me as I don’t want to be in any way associated with you or your blog
Ummm… As far as I know, I’m neg. How exactly am I trying to convert people to HIV? (Sounds like a religion, the way he’s talking about it). If he’s talking about the fact that I find bug chasing sorta fascinating, I allow it to be discussed on my forum, and I think it’s a lot more honest than burying your head in the sand and pretending that being a bareback bottom won’t make you poz – well, yeah, but that’s not anywhere close to what he’s saying try to “convert” people.
Bottom line – my point of view is consistent and honest. His is just fucked up. He has a blog dedicated to his bareback exploits – that’s what you’d call promoting barebacking. Barebacking is risky – especially for bottoms. Yet he doesn’t want to discuss that risk apparently. In the same blog post where he criticizes me he talks about how he convinced to some tops to take raw dick. So he talks about how it’s fun to get guys to take risks, but then wants to pretend he lives in a world where there are no risks. Yeah, that’s way more responsible than what I do…
There are three mentions of ‘risk’ on his blog – one was the risk of getting caught having public sex, another was in a comment submitted by a user, and the third was he didn’t want to “risk” cumming too quickly, so he put on a condom to reduce the sensation and last longer.
There are also three mentions of HIV on his blog – one is in reference to me, the other two are complaining that he realized two of the bottoms he fucked were poz after he fucked them. [Dude, assume all bareback bottoms are poz and you’ll be a hell of a lot closer to the truth.] The words ‘poz’ and ‘pos’ never show up on his blog (only HIV).
Apparently his is a world where “neg” bareback bottoms are really neg and risk never needs to be discussed or explored. Problem is, that world doesn’t really exist. I know, I tried living in it and found things just didn’t work that way.
My approach is to acknowledge the risk, discuss the risk, figure out if it’s right for the particular person, and then have them take responsibility for their sex life and accept the potential consequences ideally before they take the risk. Yes, in some cases “accepting the consequences” means the person embraces the consequences and actually seeks out getting pozzed. It’s their sex life and it’s an informed decision – who is he to say that’s wrong? I have WAY more respect for bug chasers than I do for guys who think they can get fucked raw all the time and stay neg.
I know some guys just don’t want to think about HIV and risk. I get that. But if you’ve never thought about it and you’re kidding yourself by thinking you can have high risk sex and stay neg – then you’re doing a disservice to yourself and others. While there’s no need to constantly think about the risk – think about it long enough to figure out what’s right for you – so deep down you understand and accept the risks.
So what do you think? Does he have a point?
[And no, I’m not going to tell you who he is and I’ll delete any comments that say who he is… He doesn’t need the free publicity.]
We bareback bloggers are already discriminated against for being honest about our activities. It’s a damned shame when we start using sexual behavior as justification for bad-mouthing each other.
I find it amazing that gay men can be so judgmental, unfairly discriminatory and exclusionary, and so intolerant of views that differ from their own.
I may not agree with everything that you or anyone else says and does. But as a gay man I feel a certain brotherhood with you and other gay men, and I want your voices heard.
Whatever happened to celebrating our diversity? But obviously some men can only celebrate diversity only when they agree with the diversity being preached.
You present your story, your opinions and your point of view openly and honestly, and I totally respect that.
Be well.
I don’t want to get into the periphery of this pissing match, which I would have to come down on RawTop’s side on several of these issues… but because “syndication” is part of RSS, it is a distribution method for content… not a license to “archive” another persons copyrighted material without their consent. For instance, AP and many other news organizations may distribute news by RSS. They still hold the copyright, and unless you have paid a loyalty, you do not have the right to reuse that content in whole.
You do tend to glamorize the freedom one gains from seroconverting and you have made it a point numerous times to downplay the hassle and hazard that comes with being hiv+. I dont think theres anything wrong with barebacking and writing about it but Ive noticed when youre accused of erotisizing hiv you immediately become defensive and say your “curious about bug chasers”.Also,editing a private conversation to your favor and presenting it to your flock for vindication is a little self serving as well. More fucking less pontification please.
It’s true, you are a disgusting character and the world would be better if you just die.
I find it strangely curious that a person, or in this case, GAY MEN, would bother reading/reviewing another’s blog forum right up to the ‘bitter end’ despite feeling “repulsed” or “disgusted”…all I’m saying is that when I encounter an offensive blog or forum, I usually leave said blog almost instantly without the slightest inclination of returning.
Honestly, if any of these free-loaders feel so strongly about ANYTHING, perhaps they should seriously consider authoring/developing their own OR do the rest of the blogger community a favour and find a counsellor/psychotherapist who is paid to listen to their ridiculous rants…after all, isn’t your blog primarily ‘fiction’ and more importantly meant to reflect your PERSONAL/PRIVATE life??!!??!
Focusing on more pressing issues, with/to whom do we lodge OUR dissatisfaction about Blogger, Blogger Personal Pfivate Chat(rooms) and/or
I stayed, read because I care about our community: it’s health. The RSS argument is minor, dealt with already. The position rawTOP has put himself in is akin to the position that a HIV Negative man would, when allowing just anyone to fuck him.
It is honorable to leave even controversial comments up. Mine have been so. I mean no personal damage. There is a fundamental discussion going on, and it’s very American. The Individual as it relates to The Community.
Individuals have the right to voice in the USA, most of the time. Thanks for that right, here. Communities do too: and the Gay Communities simply are too many to agree on the life-death issue of Bareback sex.
This will not be solved within this blog. By dint of some policing force is the usual way to end it. The safe-sex crowd, which I love but missed the mark at being part of, will not be friendly to these threads. Obvious reasons.
You admixed the Individual issues: barebacking; your gripe with xxx; copyright; with Community issues: opening up the floor to Public Health matters; caring for our brothers and sisters. Does “Gay” have a limit to permissiveness?
I did not know you were HIV Negative until I asked. I read bits of your blog, and you wrote something somewhere that implied making a man HIV Positive. I thought your were evil, for a short time. And yes, I think it evil for a man to wilfully infect another man. The exception: mental illness.
We look like we suffer from a bad case of Defensive Anxiety. The world is coming down on us, even as we make gains civilly. Two strains: building up commmunity and another tearing it down/eating its heart out. We are our own HIV. Like a retrovirus. In by stealth. Back door. What a metaphor! The difference is this: we know the cure for our own deficiency.
What is baffling is that we here choose to continue to party and laugh at the Public Purse, Uncle Sam, and we don’t mind hurting our families and friends, who HATE to see us self-destruct. Collectively. Individually.
I am concerned for the image and the reality of the main Gay Community, right here in New York City. Would the average person think we were hip, or just plain stupid? Me, I can hide behind two strong mental illness diagnoses. I take responsibility for what I did: will NEVER transmit my virus to a Negative man. And I am nuts.
And lastly, damn. The AIDS Quilt. Do you remember it? Washington. Central Park. Ever put a felt object onto a quilt in memoriam? Have any of you known men & women who died before there was effective treatment? They so wanted to live, the majority of them. I tried, too. Herbs, wild schemes, money down the drain. Low T-cells were like bad report cards. [we blithely ignore the 3rd World]
Barebacking. See how they contrast. It is our heritage to honor the fallen. Barebacking is a reality, and it can be done responsibly. Moderately. But this PNP thing has to stop. Attending PNP functions sober is still being complicit. I stand accused, too. Now we can see what really matters. Your gripe, or all of us. peace to you rawTOP. I am able to see your soul. You are young at heart.
The link to my posts on your Breeding site reminds me of a guy who would save emails for years. You’d say something he didn’t like, and the email would be opened. He succeeded in making me look very stupid. Not exactly for what I wrote. For coming back to take more abuse.
Your poll-link “who would stay POZ” is a sample of 5 members of The Breeding Zone. And not all of them would choose POZ. I accepted my illness years ago.
I will lay off. We can hope that POZ tops will be thoughtful. Negative Bottoms might want to read how HIV is introduced into a human cell, what a retrovirus is, and what the medications are. The science of it.
Not addressing your “smoking is 5x more deadly than HIV” claim. Red-Herring.
Please do not say again that I deal with “issues.” Disabilities are not vague. I am Bipolar/Borderline – not inept. I am not a drug/alcohol addicted man. Been very tough on myself in my life: that’s what musicians do to get anywhere.
I’ll try to adjust my future judgments. I’m best to spend less time with this, in any case. …sly
Thanks for this important post. Rubbers don’t make for safe sex. Open and honest communication makes for safe sex. That means that bare sex IS safe sex when men act like men. Be responsible in your sex. And like you said, own up to your actions. Keep barebacking, but like you said, come to educated terms with your own actions. If you’re going to fuck like an adult, then ACT like an adult.