Fear, Loathing, Shame, Self-Hatred & Mason Wyler

21 August 2010 | 25 Comments

UPDATE: I had an hour long IM chat session with Mason Wyler. It changed my perception of him and I think I understand him a lot better now. Read my write up of the chat

If you haven’t heard by now, Mason Wyler disclosed this week that he tested HIV+ in May, but he only came out with the news after having his status “outed”. What I’m about to say here is a lot of conjecture, but I’d almost put money on most of it being true…

Let’s go back to October 2008 when Mason posted a blog post with alternate wording to the song “Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer”…

Then all the gay boys hated him
as they shouted out with glee:
“Bobby with your unsafe sex,
you’ll die alone in misery!”

From that post it’s clear Mason looks down on poz guys and apparently thinks barebacking is so awful that barebackers are punished by becoming poz and that they will (or should) die alone in misery. Thing was, even when he wrote that, he was secretly attracted to barebacking. A few months after that post he put up blog posts talking about his attraction to bareback sex and bareback porn and then he’d take them down a little while later apparently out of shame/guilt. [Read more in my blog post back then about Mason’s love/hate relationship with barebacking.]

Now he’s poz and apparently still holds his negative attitude about poz guys. Even the wording of his disclosure shows he feels shame and self-hatred…

I tested positive. I have only myself to blame. I have HIV and it kind of sucks.

“Blame”… There’s no acceptance in that statement – just self-loathing and shame. I mean really, in what way has his life changed? Well, maybe some condom-Nazi studios won’t work with him any more, but other than that, how is his life all that worse now than it was a couple years ago?

And lets not forget – with the amount of sex someone like Mason has, there’s a good chance he got infected through safe sex. He hasn’t revealed details, but safe sex is not safe – it’s just lower risk. Have enough of it and the cumulative risk builds up. If he was fucking a lot with condoms then he could have very well gotten infected that way – which makes his shame all the more sad (potentially).

Then a few days after he disclosed his status he felt the need to clarify things a bit…

I have not gone around fucking, barebacking, or infecting HIV negative people. I am a sex fiend. I am NOT a monster.

So apparently he thinks poz guys who have sex with neg guys are monsters. Interesting choice of words. To be blunt, the poz guys I fuck are anything but monsters. And guys who have bareback sex are consenting adults.

So let’s put things in perspective… First off, he’s a HOT messed up little boy who is listening to all the wrong people. I mentioned he’s hot, right? I mean that is one beautiful poz ass…

Mason Wyler

But I digress… The issue here is Mason’s fear, loathing, shame and self-hatred. It’s just sad. He’s like this confused messed up little boy. Where did he get the idea poz guys die alone in misery? Really? Who gave him that idea? Probably “Condom Nazis”. And they think barebackers and bareback porn are hurting the gay community. As far as I’m concerned their fear and hatred does more damage to our community than barebacking ever will. Mind you, back in the day there really was something to fear – HIV could kill you in a couple years. But these days I’m more worried when I find out someone is a chain smoker or likes to PNP.

I’m not saying HIV is desirable, instead I’m saying it’s really sad to see someone like Mason hate himself for becoming poz. It’s completely possible he got pozzed by a high-viral load top while he was wearing a condom. Most poz guys are on meds, and it’s safer to bareback with a poz guy who’s on meds than it is to have protected sex with a poz guy who’s not on meds. I don’t get the sense that he has any big picture sorta perspective. It’s like he’s back in the late 80’s and he thinks his life just ended or something.

There’s a reason why I tell guys to accept risks before they take them. If you like taking anonymous loads, just accept the fact that you’ll probably become poz, it’s not the end of the world, and then go on and enjoy your life. I don’t get the sense that Mason is enjoying his life or that he’s accepted and embraced his new status. He loves sex and has only hooked up 3 times since he tested poz in May. For someone like him that’s just horribly wrong. It’s done. It’s over. Move on and make the most of it…

And for god’s sake reject all the negativity and the people who spread it…

I really hope Mason comes to peace with being poz and learns to make the most of it. I would love to see him in some good bareback porn – maybe getting gangbanged by a bunch of poz tops. That’s one video which would be really hot if it included “poz talk” – seeing him get past his fear and really embrace being poz and beg guys to shoot toxic loads in his cunt would be incredible.