Suggestion For Sub Bottoms – Offer More Than Sex
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6 May 2013 | 9 Comments
The other day I got to thinking… I was wiped and just wanted to relax. Mentally I was a bit horny, but just didn’t have the energy for sex. All I wanted right at that moment was a good massage. The funny part is that if a submissive bottom had given me a massage in the process of unwinding I probably would have gotten a hardon and a 2nd wind and would have wound up fucking him and giving him a load. But the idea that the fuck and the load were expected of me made me not want to deal with bottoms who were looking to get fucked.
And really, I think most sub bottoms have forgotten what it means to be submissive. They equate submissive with passive. Submissiveness is about service – meeting the needs of your top at the expense of your own needs and desires. In my experience there are a lot of passive bottoms out there, but very few truly submissive ones. Or maybe I just don’t communicate that I want more than a fuck. Still, if a bottom started giving me a massage when we were having a quiet moment – would I stop him? Absolutely not.
The thing is, it’s more than saying “I’ll give you a massage”. It’s about there being zero pressure for sex. You may hope for sex, but you shouldn’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen.
On a similar note I spent Sunday cleaning our place. A sub bottom texted me in the middle of it. I told him I was cleaning. He made it clear he’d be up for coming over and helping with cleaning. But he didn’t make it clear that he’d be OK with just helping with cleaning. I got the impression that he’d trade cleaning for sex. That’s not submissiveness. If he had made it clear that he’d be happy just cleaning, I might have said “come over”. And if he had played his cards right – say stripping down and cleaning in the nude – then he might have gotten fucked. But I wasn’t looking for a “fuck the houseboy” scene. I had to get the cleaning done.
So my advice to true submissive bottoms is stop looking for sex. Instead ask yourself what the top needs in that moment and give him that. Sure, do it in a way that may lead to sex, but don’t focus on the sex. In the process I think you’ll get plenty of sex and you’ll probably find a boyfriend/SIR in the process since you’ll be more than a fuckhole to the top.
THANK YOU.
Funny thing, I was having almost this exact conversation recently (with a guy I’d just fucked and bred). I wish this were required reading for all bottoms who claim or strive to be submissive. You nailed it.
Submissive does not also mean lie there and take it. I am an active submissive bottom. It is my role to anticipate the needs of the Sir. Whether it is to be tied up and made a fuck hole, be a rambunctious fuck pig, or a naked boy at his feet. Or in some cases a cock for fucking and breeding his hole. My pleasure is His pleasure always I get off in servicing the needs of the Sir sexually and otherwise.
Which is why there are few of us a lot of work 🙂
Not sure if I completely agree. There is the difference between a submissive individual and a submissive bottom. By adding the sexual term “bottom” the submission aspect of that person clealy is sexually based and to expect sumission in other aspects maybe a mistake. If you want submission in every way they need to express they are a submissive individual. With my boyfriend I would do anything he ask to make him happy. Cleaning, cooking, massage and of course sexually. But unless it was a friends with benefits situation with another guy I seriously doubt I would go to some strangers house clean just for the hell of it.
As an experiened submissive bottom , i believe the bottom should do whatever it takes to get the TOP in to bed , period . If a massage works , great. I love giveing massages. I don’t like cleaning , but if that works , why not ? I’m in it for the sex and we both know that eventually he will mount me . So why not make it easier for him ?
The thing is that -at least in New York- there seems to be a total, lazy bottom plague, (9 out of 10 times I hook up with someone claiming to be ‘versatile’ I am the one fucking them with no reciprocation, even after receiving huge compliments of my bubble butt and showing lots of interest in flip fucking….so it looks like being a total bottom is the new ‘versatile’) being that said, with that highly disproportionate ratio, they will take any dick from pretty much anyone and will do almost anything they are asked to in order to get that dick inside them.
Thanks for writing this. As a sub bottom I am always interested in how to please my top. I long for a big top guy who I can massage, touch, suck whenever he needs it. Tops do a lot of work fucking and I am pleased to learn that my future top boyfriend would appreciate this. And I agree. If I make daddy feel good he is going to want to make me feel good with his raw cock inside me. I hope that the sign of his appreciation is his hot load!