Yesterday I had the idea of possibly going to IML this year – never been before and sounds like a blast. My mind was racing all night about the possibilities – seeing a lot of pluses and a few negatives…

Anyway, that made me think about a lot of things including the fact that I really need to get back to the gym. Not that cubs and bears aren’t a big part of the leather community, but just that I’d really be happier with a different body composition (maybe more like a muscle bear or something)… Plus, when I mentioned it to my bf he said I should lose weight and fit into my old leather from 10 years ago – but that would mean I’d need to drop 55-60 lbs – not sure that’s going to happen before Memorial Day…

Either way – I didn’t sleep well – just got a few hours of sleep but when I got up I was in the mood to go to the gym (hadn’t been in over a year – or is it two years – can’t remember). Thinking about it I realized there’s like 5 different guys I could hookup with between my place and the gym. So I texted one of them – a black guy I’d been corresponding with on bnskin and manhunt. I didn’t hear back from him until I was already at the gym so I told him I’d go after I finished up there.

So after working out, I’m functioning on like 3 hours of sleep, no food, and just had an exhausting workout. I grab a Tropicana orange juice at a bodega so I’d have some energy, and head over to his place a few blocks away. His place is surprisingly nice – he did an incredible job turning a so-so apartment into a really warm, well-designed place. But more than that, he seemed like a really sweet guy – and his ass – OMG – it was fucking hot… He had this little waist and a perky little butt that made me definitely want to fuck him.

We go into the bedroom and he’s got a frame up for a sling. He pulls out the sling and some sheets and towels to put under it. Once he’s got it up we take off our clothes. I’m dripping wet with sweat (like literally dripping wet). I was hoping he’d take the hint and want to smell my pits and get off on how sweaty I was, but he didn’t…

When he took off his underwear his balls were huge. I asked if he did saline injection or something (I knew he hooked up with someone last night), but he said ‘no’. I touched them and they were hard and lumpy. Something was seriously going on down there and I was really wishing he’d offer an explanation, but he didn’t. Everything else about him was so good, so I kept going…

He gave me a little blow job and then climbed into the sling. It had been a long time since I’d fucked someone in sling (I own one, but never put it up – yeah, I know, I know…) I’m mostly hard and shove in and start fucking. The sling was a link or two too high for me and I had to get on my tip toes to get things lined up just right, but the bigger problem was that I just wasn’t “feeling it” (if you read the blog enough, you know what I mean)…

After a while I feel myself getting soft so I just pull out. I wanted to try another position (him bent over the bed), but my dick just wasn’t cooperating. Not sure if it was ’cause I was tired, or the chemistry was off, or the fact that I kept thinking about his balls, but one way or the other it just wasn’t happening. I had him give me a blow job, but nothing came of it.

So finally I wrapped things up and left…

Things may not have worked out with that guy, but maybe fucking guys on my way to or from the gym is a way to stay motivated and get to the gym. But probably should fuck on the way there – so I have some energy to fuck…

+

Load 2007-20

There’s been this bottom sorta chasing me online. One time we made plans and he never showed up, so my bf and I had things to do and went out and then I get a message from him asking why I didn’t answer the door when get got there…

Anyway, he was really eager to hookup with me, but at the same time he was a total high-maintenance bottom. He’d get all mad if I didn’t get back to him right away or if I had to cancel plans to hookup…

So yesterday I was aching to hookup and breed some ass. I hadn’t cum while I was away for Thanksgiving and then when I got back my attempts to hookup weren’t all that successful. A week had passed and I hadn’t cum. At that point I knew I had a huge load built up and I was determined to get it someone’s ass…

So after some hysterics on his part, the guy agrees to come over. I give him the address and ask him to confirm that he’s definitely coming over. There are a few more messages from him, but he never actually confirms. I send him a message asking for him to confirm, see he’s online, but never hear from him…

I wasn’t going to have him prevent me from busting my load. I mean I had to cum so badly that for like a day and a half I felt like I had to piss all the time – I didn’t need to piss – I needed to cum (don’t know how priests do it).

So I start looking for another cumhole – guys that loved to get fucked and take loads – not anything tender or romatic – just a cumhole. But the weird part is a few were online, but none of them were responding to their messages. Then just as I get a message from one of them, the doorbell rings.

This was actually a really awkward moment. Our (straight) neighbor from down the hall was over having a drink and a cigarette with my boyfriend. I hate the smell of smoke, so I make them go into the second bedroom, put a powerful fan in the window and stand next to the fan, but still here he was and I had a trick arriving…

My bf came out of the bedroom and asked if the bell was a trick and I say it was (he knew I was trying to hookup). He said it was OK that the neighbor knew we had an open relationship ’cause he had told him he had thrown a guy out while I was away at a conference for being fat and having a small dick. Apparently the neighbor (who we think is sorta gay, but in a relationship with a woman) was really titillated by the whole idea of me having sex in the next room and wanted to watch (but that’s another story – and thank god it didn’t happen)…

This story is getting pretty long and it hasn’t even started yet… Oh well…

So the guy shows up and I hurry him into the master bedroom before the neighbor sees him. He’s a bit femmy, but not a complete girl (in other words, fuckable). We start stripping, he sucks my dick, but it doesn’t get hard – just chubby… He asks me if I’m really neg and I say ‘yeah’. He then asks how I stay neg and I say it helps being a top and I don’t hookup all that much…

I turn him around and start eating his ass (which he really likes). It didn’t smell clean enough down there for me to really go to town on it, but it was clean enough… The weird part was how soft his ass was. Nice shape, but totally soft.

We then get in bed, he gets on his back and throws his legs in the air. It’s not my favorite way to fuck, but he had already started jacking his dick – again, not something I really like bottoms to do, but I just needed a hole and didn’t want complications. So I lube up my dick and start to fuck him. He has a hard time taking my dick, so we pause, he takes a hit of poppers, and I try again. This time he’s OK.

He keeps wanting me to talk dirty to him… I try, but mostly just want to fuck him, cum and be done with it. His hole did feel pretty good… Then I say something about wanting to cum in his ass and he says to hold on ’cause he wants to cum at the same time I do. I slow down a little and the next time I say I want to cum in his ass a moment later he cums. UGH! I didn’t say I was coming in his ass, just that I wanted to cum in his ass… I try to keep fucking him, but he can’t take it…

At this point I’m seriously pissed. I start thinking about who else I can hookup with who’d be an easy fuck and regret having sent a quick message to the cumhole who’s message I got right when the guy got to my place…

The guy suggests he eat my load, or that I cum on him. I make it crystal clear that the only way I’ll cum is in his ass. He gets this weird expression on his face and says “Really? Oh wow… It’s so real…” At that point I knew he never intended to get my cum in his ass and his cumming before me was a way to make sure he didn’t get cum in his ass. I feel used and just want him to leave. I even say something like, “well, so that’s it, eh?” He asks if he can come back (!), and then he puts two and two together and realizes that if he doesn’t take my cum now, he’s not going to get to come back.

Anyway, for some reason I didn’t kick him out right then and there and we spend a little time cuddling so he can recuperate and I can finish fucking him. I’m still not sure he’s going to let me cum in him, but whatever… We talk a bit and he tells me that he’s only ever done bareback with a boyfriend and then only after 2 or 3 months of dating. I asked if the guy came in his ass and he said he wasn’t sure – he just never saw the guy cum… (Weird). But he said lately whenever he gets fucked (with a condom) he’s jacking off to what it would be like raw – and what it would be like to take the load…

So after a while we start fucking again. This time I didn’t say much – didn’t want to tell him I was about to cum and give him the opportunity to fuck things up. He keeps telling me to talk to him and I do a little bit, but after a while I just shut up and fuck him.

Finally, I can feel my orgasm coming… Wasn’t quite sure how a 7 day load would go. First it just felt like cum was leaking out of me – that went on and on… I knew at that point he was getting my cum in his ass. And finally the I came in earnest – and that went on for a while too. It felt like I put a gallon of cum in his ass! The guy who didn’t want cum in his ass got a shit load of cum – planted deep too…

I knew he wanted to cum again, so I tried to keep fucking him, but eventually pulled out. He then started farting – but it was a really wet sloppy sorta fart. It was sorta cool and to me showed just how much cum I’d gotten up there. He was a bit embarrassed and then reached down and realized he was farting cum out of his ass…

While I sorta wanted things to be over at that point, he still wanted to cum, so we tried to get him off. I played for a while with his cummy ass, but after a while it was clear he wasn’t going to be able to cum.

I half expected him to go into the bathroom and shit the cum out, but he didn’t. He took a leak, got dressed and left. He left with a completely juicy ass and probably had a huge wet spot in the seat of his pants when he finally got to the end of his subway ride and stood up…

But more importantly – he’s now a cumhole. He’s gone from fantasizing about it to taking a load from a complete stranger – and a big load at that… I’m glad I could be the one to get him over the hump and started down the slippery slope…

So I’m thinking of not jacking off for the rest of the year – so none of my cum goes to waste – have it all get deposited properly in some guy’s ass… If nothing else it will keep me properly focused on sex. If I had done that at the beginning of the year I probably would have made my initial goal of 100 loads up guys’s asses this year. As it stands, if I’m lucky I’ll do 1/4 of that…

Got home yesterday and wanted to hookup since I hadn’t cum in a few days. Didn’t manage to hookup with anyone, so this morning I get online. When nothing happens on Adam4Adam I pull out my credit card and cough up the money for Manhunt. Since bareback.com sucks now, and I’m stopping my paid membership there, I figure I’ll spend the money on Manhunt instead…

There were a couple of options, but one guy had contacted me before – looked like a small muscular latino and said he liked stocky guys. (Sounded like a pefect match). [I now know he’s light skinned black or mixed race, but whatever…]

So I go over to his place – full floor in a renovated brownstone in one of the best parts of Harlem. The name on his buzzer was Dr. John Doe (named changed of course) – a little pretentious, but maybe it meant he wasn’t a skanky cum dump…

He comes down to meet me – just like his pics – cute, lean, muscular… He was wearing a tank top and jeans that were riding low and showing his ass… Things were looking good.

We get into the apartment and start to kiss and feel each other up. Long story short, I get his pants off, and start eating his ass. Now the problems start. He just stands there. He obviously likes me eating his ass, but he doesn’t bend over or make it easy for me in any way… As a result, I have to keep ‘coming up for air’ since the way he’s standing I can’t breathe at the same time I’m rimming him.

He asks me if I like his ass and I say it’s pretty incredible. I play at poking my dick at his hole and then suggest we find somewhere more comfortable (since we were still standing next to the door). We go over to the bed and he sits on the bed, I raise up his legs and go to eat him out again. When I stop for a moment he tells me to keep rimming him. Demanding, but whatever… The whole time he’s jacking his dick.

I then go to fuck him. I don’t usually like missionary position when I’m fucking someone I just met, but whatever… The problem is, he won’t let his legs go back towards his chest – he keeps them straight up. I push, and he pushes back. This makes fucking him difficult. And he keeps repeatedly asking me to tell him how much I like his ass.

I try to flip him over and fuck him on all fours (since he never stopped stroking his dick) – but he’s still a bit rigid.

I’m losing it pretty quickly. He then says he wants to suck my dick, but won’t get up from laying flat on his back to do it – he makes me get in this weird position.

I try a little more to get hard, but it’s just not going to happen. I figure I’d suck his dick, but when I go down to do it, he doesn’t move his hand.

He starts asking what’s wrong. He obviously thinks I’m not into him, which is true, but it’s not a physical thing – it’s a chemistry thing. When you start talking about what’s going wrong in a hookup – it’s time to leave. So I say as much. On top of everything else I hadn’t gotten enough sleep, didn’t feel 100%, and the apartment was pretty warm (which always puts me off my game).

He keeps asking what’s wrong – if it was him… I keep deflecting the question… Oh well. I really wanted him to be a good cumhole, but that about sums it up – he doesn’t see himself as a cumhole. If I had to guess – he wants stocky guys who go gaga over him and keep telling him how wonderful he and his body is. He did have a great body – but to me it was just the perfect piece of meat…

Oh yeah, as I was leaving I noticed he had a painting of himself in the living room… It was one of the only pieces of art…

I googled his name when I got home. Let’s just say he’s doing well… Head of something at a pretty important institution…

So now I’ve got a 3+ day load in my balls and need to cum, but don’t want to waste it by jacking off. I’ll rest a little and look for a good bottom in a few hours…

Last night I was down in Chelsea with some time to kill. So I got on the web (via my cell phone) and saw a listing on Craigslist by a guy who had literally begged me to fuck him previously…

Me: “Where are you located?” (since his ad just said “downtown”)

Him: “im in chelsea teens/7th ave you and your stats”

Me: “39, 6′, 230, 8″, white. we’ve corresponded before-check past emails for my pics. I’m close and can stop by in a little bit if you want…””

Him: “hey dont see an old email from you but im HOT and HORNY you wanna CUM over or send me a DICK pic… do you know what I look like?”

Me: “What’s you address – I’ll be there in a few minutes… and yeah, I know what you look like you sent me a lot of emails trying to get me to fuck you… ;)”

Him (again): “hey im ready where r u CUM and Get it”

Me: “16 & 7 what’s your address?“

Him: “Kewl its 6pm now what time,I will send you my addy”

Me: “Not asking a third time… I WAS looking for NOW. the games are really tiring…”

I give up, sign out of mail and send a text message to a guy who gave me his cell number and told me to call him whenever I was looking to fuck, but he texts back that he’s off to a Project Runway party (which I didn’t really understand until I got home and my boyfriend was watching the first show of the new season – great crop of designers BTW).

So I check my e-mail one more time and he had finally sent me his address… I send a message back saying I’ll be there in a bit.

I arrive and it’s a ‘modest’ apartment (nothing particularly wrong with that- some cumholes live in real dives) . In the pic he had sent me he had really short hair, but now it was really long. We played around a bit, he sucked my cock. I wanted to rim him and he cleaned off the lube he had put on his hole. The whole time he’s trying to talk dirty and a lot of what he’s saying is focused on the fact that he’s black and I’m white. I can definitely get into the whole racial thing, but the way he was going about it wasn’t really doing it for me.

Then I went to fuck him… We’re both standing – he’s bent over a desk. Thing is his legs are longer than mine and my dick comes to a point about 2 inches below his hole. I can get in his hole, but not comfortably and I’m not in the mood to stand on my tip toes to fuck him (been there, done that – no fun…) I ask him to lower his ass, he doesn’t get it. I then push down (pretty hard) on his lower back and he stays right where he is. I move him around to the couch thinking that might be better. No luck. I have him lay on his stomach and he manages to lay in a way that’s awkward for me.

I’m so over the hookup and my dick is almost too soft to fuck. Then he says (still talking dirty) “You like your hard dick in a black hole, don’t you?” I’m thinking – Guy, can’t you notice I’m soft? What’s the talk about my hard dick? It’s not hard!

At that point I give up. I say “it’s not working for me”, pull up my pants, put on my jacket, grab my bag and leave…

For someone who I think (based on his Craigslist postings) gets fucked a lot – he’s a really bad bottom…

Load 2007-19

I’m out-of-town for a few days in a small city in the south… God I love NY… There’s just a weird karma down here… Mind you parts of it are so charmingly stereotypical – like the woman on the plane saying “Thank you so much…” just like Kyra Sedgwick – and then the waitress last night would could have been Kyra Sedgwick’s younger sister…

I’m finding it funny reading profiles that say “I’m just a country guy who’s recently moved to the city”. Guys – this place barely passes for a City. I know – I spent two hours walking “downtown” when I got a bit lost today (until I realized I had Google Maps on my cell phone). The place is a wasteland. I finally found the “good” part of downtown only to see boarded up buildings there too… Yes, there’s a nice part of the city and it’s quaint and charming, but lets just say you need to stay in the numbered streets and they seem to stop at 4th Street.

And the choice of men isn’t much better… It’s been a long time since my bf and I spent days apart and I was hoping for a little action. The thing is, the guys just aren’t all that hot (IMO). My bf might think so – he likes beefy/stocky/chubby white guys, but that’s not my type. And the black guys down here are different too – there’s more shades of brown in NY, and a different attitude (which is true for white guys as well)…

Whatever. Anyway, I tried one… It was an OK experience, he looked mostly black, was a little chubby but not too bad… Unfortunately he took off his shirt… I needed to fuck and I did, and I came in his ass. But then he wanted to keep going and I just wanted it to be over. I tried to play along, and finally he jacked off onto my chest – a lot of cum – my belly was covered in cum and it was dripping all over the place… But I was just glad when he left.

So that’s about it. Wish it were better, but whatever…

Last night I got to bed at 2:30 after drinking too much Wild Turkey over at a friend’s place. When I woke up I was still a bit “foggy”, but got hard pretty quick when I thought about fucking someone. The buppie I fucked a couple of times before was on Adam4Adam, so I asked if we wanted me to come over.

I had just gotten out of bed and thought about the fact that I should eat something before going over so I’d have some energy, but I figured this time would be like the other times and he’d offer me some juice and that would be sufficient.

When I got there the door was ajar which was different. I went in and didn’t see him. I was wondering if he was going to be ass up on the bed, which would be a big change for him. As I got near the bedroom he called out and said “hi”. When I got into the bedroom he was laying there watching TV (which he turned off).

I took off my clothes and climbed in bed with him. We played around a little and I went down and ate out his ass which seemed to really like… When I was done he reached over, got some lube and lubed up his hole and I slid in with him on his stomach.

I’ve always been amazed that I got off with this guy. He’s a great guy, but not really my type physically. Today it caught up to me since I was operating on an empty stomach. We switched positions a couple times, but I just couldn’t stay hard. Between not having enough energy and not being completely into him physically, it just wasn’t happening. After a while I just sorta kept my dick in him while he jacked off his super thick dick. As my dick slipped out of him, he came complete with the little ‘convulsions’ that seemed so weird the first time.

Since I wasn’t in a rush to get anywhere, we layed around a little while and cuddled. It almost looked like he fell asleep at one point. Then I got up, took a piss, put my clothes on and went home…

I could still use a good fuck today. The Brazilian sent me a message saying he’s interested in getting loads from me and my bf. I had notice that he posted an ad on Craigslist – looks like he’s seriously on the hunt today… Maybe later I’ll get my dick in him. Told him it would be nice if he had another load in his hole when we hookup… We’ll see…