A few of the stories I related from IML had to do with one particular guy (he’s the guy from the paddling/whipping video). When you read the story below you’ll see he took a huge step at IML and started taking any load from any guy he thought was hot – no questions asked.

This is a critical period in his life so I wanted him to get his thoughts during this period down “on paper” since memories often revise how things really were to suit the thinking at a later time. It’s important to note that he had a hard time verbalizing what he was feeling when he was at IML. These are his thoughts two weeks later…

To the extent I was part of his story I’ve linked to the appropriate blog post where I mention him…

I’m not advocating that other guys take the same steps he is. But I think his thinking needs to be heard. Processes like this are how guys become poz, yet pubic policy “experts” rarely take people like him into consideration. They’re much happier with the simple stereotypes – like young kids on Tina, but I suspect guys like this guy are far more typical than the stereotypes. These are the guys who tell their healthcare providers friends and loved ones “it was an accident, I’m usually pretty careful”…

I’ve been asked to write down my thoughts from IML, specifically my thoughts on becoming a cum hungry bottom who decided, for the first time, to take loads from all men there. Without asking their status or health. I took loads from guys who told me they were negative. I took loads from guys who either didn’t know or who I suspected were positive. I took loads from guys I knew to be positive, but had no idea of their viral load. And I took loads from guys I didn’t even bother asking.

I wasn’t as much of a cum dump as I could have been. Sometimes I chickened out and stopped before they came, reverting back to old excuses I used when I wanted to get barebacked but I didn’t want them to cum inside me (“I’m getting sore, I already came, etc.”). I meant to go to a few total all out bb fuck parties but other things came up that prevented that (whether or not I did that consciously). And frankly, loads are at a premium even at IML … it’s like the busiest night at the hottest bathhouse, and bottoms are so easy to find that the tops were saving their cum for the fuck parties or for the next hotter guy that might be coming along asking to get fucked. So altogether I took loads from about 10 different men there (and got fucked at Steamworks by quite a few men where I wasn’t entirely sure whether or not they shot inside me.) I thought that was a pretty good total, from someone who has barely started taking cum up my ass and has never taken multiple loads like that.

So the question is: what made me start taking loads, no questions asked? It seems like a fundamental change from a former safe sex bottom who’s been careful to stay negative after about 20 years of getting fucked (I started out life with a girlfriend, and then as a top, before I discovered I love getting fucked at about age 25). It’s really just a progression in how i’ve changed my thinking. And fundamentally, it’s an acceptance of the extreme risk I’m taking and the consequences of taking that risk.

I’ve been described, by someone who observed me on the weekend, as a bug chaser. I don’t see myself that way. I know that’s the probable consequence of what I’m doing, but I’m not seeking to become positive. It’s more that I’m indifferent about the possibility of becoming positive. All things being equal, I would prefer to remain negative, I would prefer to be one of those incredibly few people that are essentially immune to the virus. I truly see it more as a progression of acceptance of risk. Or, probably more accurately, I see it as an example of extreme behavior that men often engage in, extreme sports, hyper-aggressive driving, drugs, gambling, whatever. It’s my version of that. Living on the edge, reckless or indifferent to the consequences because the thrill of living that way is adequate pay-off.

For the first 10 years of my life of getting fucked I never got fucked without a condom. I never bothered getting tested, because knowing my status would not have changed my sexual practice in any way, since I always practised safe sex. When I met my current partner over 10 years ago, we both got tested (me for the first time), and we fucked each other without condoms. That was a sea change in my practice. Before then, I wouldn’t even swallow cum. At the same time, medications started getting better, and people with HIV were starting, slowly and not so easily, to live longer and more manageable lives. And I started to relax my restrictions. I love sucking cock, and I started to learn and to love swallowing cum down my throat. I craved that moment when a man’s cock started to throb and I would feel his cum shooting down the back of my throat. One man I sucked off a few times I found out was positive, and instead of freaking out I figured, “it’s just a different place on the risk spectrum, and not so far along where I was before, the real risk of HIV transmission is fairly small”. I concentrated on making sure I didn’t get cum near my gums, that it was all the way at the back of my throat, etc. I started to negotiate risk with myself, always consciously and deliberately. I gave up the notion of absolute risk reduction that I held in my 20s and early 30’s.

Then I started getting fucked without condoms. Just at the beginning, to tease myself. Or out in the park where it wasn’t easy to find a condom. Or in a backroom somewhere. Just for a minute, or two minutes, making sure I didn’t let the guy stay in me long enough to cum. (Knowing that it doesn’t take all that long for some guys … sometimes I would ask them not to cum inside me, and sometimes I’m pretty sure they did but I ignored the meaning of that). In those days it was pretty standard practice to pull out even if you were fucking bareback. Pretty soon, at the baths, I would always bring my condoms but I was as happy as not if the guy didn’t put one on before he fucked me. But I would always (try to) stop him before he came inside me. There were the usual tactics (see above). But the guy would usually ask whether he could cum inside me, or I would make sure he didn’t.

Then I got a boyfriend (on the side) with whom I had intense and incredible sexual energy. The first time we fucked with condoms. The second time I told him not to bother with the condom, and when I knew he was close I asked him to come inside me. And he did. And that was that. We fucked for the next 2 years, and I revelled and gloried in taking his cum (and piss) inside me whenever I could. I craved it. I lived for it. When we broke up, about 3 years ago, I felt empty and became obsessed with him, with cum, with piss, with being filled, being fulfilled, and all of that. It was only a matter of time before I needed to feel all of that inside me again.

Last year at IML I hooked up with someone I had met online, and he fucked me, and he came inside me. That was pretty much the first time since my boyfriend. (My partner and I no longer have sex … I guess that’s part of the story too.) I knew the guy was negative. I thought it was hot. I then met up with another guy, an incredibly hot daddy, who was the closest to my old boyfriend I ever met. The energy was intense for me. But he was positive. I craved his cum inside me. He fucked me bare, but we didn’t go that extra step. I felt cheated. I wanted more.

Then, two months later, I was getting fucked by a fuckbuddy (who I’ve always known is positive) … he’s always fucked me bare but has always pulled out to shoot his load on my back … with incredible control, I’ve got to admit. In the last year or two he’s played with the idea with me of not pulling out, he’s asked me to ask for his cum, but I’ve always refused. It was hot, and moreso because it was forbidden, socially taboo, a negative boy asking for his daddy’s poz cum inside him. But this time, last July, he was fucking me, and telling me to beg for his cum, and I was saying no, and he said “Just say, ‘load me up’. And I’ll do it.” And something in me clicked, and I wanted it so bad, and I said to him “Load me up. Please.” And he said “yeah, I’m going to shoot inside you and you’re finally going to take my cum”. And then I panicked, and I said “no, please don’t, I don’t want it yet” and he said “It’s too late fucker, you asked for it and I’m finally going to give it to you.” And he was pumping me harder, and holding me down, and I was crying “no, fuck no” and he started to shoot his cum inside me, and I came, an intense orgasm, shot a huge load in his sheets as he was cumming inside me, for the first time after years of fucking, and it was one of the most amazing orgasms I’ve ever had.

Since then, I’ve taken a few loads, but not so many. Some of them were poz loads. I’ve been tested since and I didn’t become positive. I’ve hooked up with some neg fuckbuddies and they dump in me regularly enough (about once or twice a month). I’ve become used to wanting and taking loads. And it’s at that point that I went to IML. I knew something would change this year for me there. I’d put my profile up on a bareback site. I’d talked openly with a couple of guys I chatted with before I got there about getting fucked and taking multiple loads of cum up my ass. I had planned to go to and got invitations to a couple of the bareback fuck parties. I tentatively planned a bareback fuck party of my own, inviting tops to come to my room one of the evenings to gang-bang me. I knew something would happen, but I didn’t know how far I’d let myself go. I wanted to have all the opportunities available.

I got my first load right away, from a neg top I’d been talking to quite a bit before I got there. Then I went to Steamworks, and lay on my stomach in my room letting pretty well anybody come in and finger my ass. Some of the men I wasn’t into, but the ones I was I lifted my ass and took some poppers and they knew well enough that was an invitation to climb on and fuck. The ones that wanted to put on a condom I told to leave. I got fucked multiple times, and I wanted to take loads, but by and large I didn’t get any (I only got one load for sure the entire evening, because men were walking in and out and fucking me for awhile but not coming). A few promised to come back and dump their load inside me at the end of the evening, but may have come by when my door was closed. But I had decided, by then, and for the rest of the weekend, not to ask status, to take loads from anyone, to let them cum inside me and to accept the consequences, whatever they were, and even to accept becoming poz, if that happened.

Why? For me, it was simply an acceptance of the risk. The benefits to me were immense … it was what I craved for years, to be a real cum dump, to take loads, multiple loads, from a bunch of hot men who wanted to dump inside me. To be completely and totally marked as a bottom. To have sex without fear of consequence. Asking status seemed redundant, or pointless, or somehow even rude. To accept loads from most men, why would I not accept loads from all? Chances are they might not know their status. I wasn’t going to insist on recent medical results. I wasn’t going to start asking for viral loads (on the theory that poz, but undetectable, men are as safe as neg men). If I was going to take one anonymous, unknown load, it seemed irrational that I wouldn’t take another one, or several, loads. I was clear-headed and purposeful in this decision. I would be (more or less) indifferent to who I allowed to cum inside me.

More or less. If I became positive, I would want to remember my sexual life (I would want to remember it in any event) as one of intense raw energy, of adventure and discovery, of hot sensual encounters that changed my way of thinking and of looking at things. I do not want men to fuck me, or cum inside me, just because they want to, or because I want some cum. I know this may sound contrary to what I’ve just set out above at great length, but frankly I don’t want just to get fucked by as many men as possible. I’ve got to be turned on by the situation, I’ve got to want the cum so bad it aches. So I organized a gang-bang, and although it didn’t turn out exactly the way I fantasized, it was still good, and a few men did come to my room and climbed on my hole and pumped a load up my butt. And that was a hot scene and it turned me on and the whole thing was worth it. But the hottest thing that night was that the first top who fucked me, who was also there, witnessed another dominant top come in and totally use my body (and mind), but he didn’t fuck me once. I responded to that as much, or more, than I responded to the anonymous loads. And that made me realize that there could be so much more to the weekend than being a complete cum dump. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to negotiate those two competing thoughts (as the dominant top put it, between being “just a hole” and being “more than a hole”.)

I think the man who asked me to write this down (the first top who gave me his load at IML), wanted me to record what I am thinking now, because I might live to regret my choice. He assumes, rationally enough, that I will become positive. That seems inevitable. He wants me to have this to remember why I did it. I won’t regret my choices, I’ve never done that. I understand pretty clearly why I’m at this point in my life. It’s not because of a lack of self-respect, or because of depression, or even a conscious self-destructive impulse. I’m pretty rational generally in my life choices. I live a healthy life, go to the gym often, don’t smoke or do drugs, and I’m in better shape at 46 than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m a professional, successful in my career, have many friends and am generally happy. I’m also at a point that if or when I do become ill, I’m set for that, with good benefits and a house and some money stashed away and other opportunities to explore if I can no longer work at my current job. I’m also at the age where I’m seeing friends, and family, die away, some senseless tragic deaths, not at all HIV-related: cancer, accidents, unforeseen events. Or quiet deaths, slipping away after long lives half-lived. Despite all appearances to the contrary, I don’t believe I’m being truly reckless about this. It’s not a coincidence that I’m doing this at this point in my life.

Was it worth it? Yes, for IML I believe it was worth it. I had fun, and I learned a few important things about myself, and my capacities (and limits … places I might want to explore or grow). Will I continue doing this? Yes, but maybe not as a complete and utter cum dump. It would depend on the circumstances. I would do another IML weekend, or Folsom or whatever comes up. Incorporating all that into my regular life at home, I’m not so sure. I really liked the special adventure of that weekend, and the incredible high it gave me. And also there’s the general issue of sexual health, HIV notwithstanding (I ended up with another, more mundane, STD from the weekend, and remembered that sexual health in general is something I have to be aware of and protective of both myself and others, if I want to continue having a good fun sexual life.)

Would I recommend it to others? No, not generally. I’m not advocating recklessness in sexual practice. I’m not advocating going out and becoming poz, or seeking it. It depends on your circumstances. I’ve always believed we have to live with the consequences of our actions. If you’ve thought through the consequences and you’re willing to live with them, then you’re capable of making your own choices.

It’s certainly an easier choice to make now than it would have been even 3 years ago … more and more people are barebacking, more people are fetishizing cum and breeding and getting bred, it’s become almost a norm of gay sexual practice. It may turn out that this was the right moment for all of that to happen because of the advance of HIV meds, it may be that it was too early. Time will tell. I’m aware of the potential impact of social practice and social discourse on my own behavior, and it gives me pause to think I’m just living through an historical moment and that’s affecting my behavior. That’s probably one of the reasons I resist being a total cum dump, I want to observe this social change for a moment and figure out how it does impact on my life, and then figure out the course I want to chart through it all. But for the moment I’m pretty happy with the direction I’m taking.

Load 2008-30

I’ve been promising to write up this hookup for a while. It happened nearly a month ago – before I went to IML. Thing was, I had video of it, but didn’t have the time to edit it. Then I finally found the time to edit the video, put it up as a private video on XTube, but then the sub’s master never got back to him to approve the video… Finally the sub got enough other of his dom tops to say it was good, that I’m finally able to post it…

I should probably mention that I did a great hookup with another piss bottom yesterday and got a video of it – he was this masculine, musuclar Italian pig – very hot. But the video is going to be a pain in the ass to edit ’cause he has a bunch of tattoos and doesn’t want any of them to show in the video. But it’s coming and it’ll be pretty good…

So back to load 30… I’ve hooked up with this guy before – it was the hookup at the end of last year where I used him with another top. He’s a good, submissive bottom – he really gets into piss – but seems to like getting soaked in piss more than drinking it…

Last time it was mostly the other top’s scene, this time I wanted more control, so the hookup happened at my place. The bottom had already been fucked and pissed on by some other tops and had two loads in his ass. He made it clear that he wanted me to get other tops to use him, so when I saw this one guy online who was in the neighborhood I contacted him. The Brazilian guy had said he was interested in a 3-way. This was a very different scene than it would have been with the Brazilian guy but I contacted the top and he was game to come over, but he didn’t have much time.

The bottom was late getting here – in fact he contacted me when he should have been here already, but I told him about the other top and how he needed to get here right away if he wanted his load as well, so he hopped in a cab.

Turned out he got here just in time. I had never met the other top before. The bottom arrived, the top had been waiting outside and knew it was him. So the top came in right after the bottom. Since the other top was in a hurry I let him go first. The bottom got down on his knees and gave the guy a blowjob. I figured that would be a warm up for fucking him, but like 30 seconds later the guy had blown his load down the sub’s throat, zipped up and was outta there…

That was a bit of a weird start – but not in a bad way or anything. The sub knew I was going to film him, so I asked him if he wanted a hood. He said ‘no’ (I think they spook him).

He gets naked and I see another top has written “PIG” on his lower back with an arrow pointing down to his ass. Last time a top had written “Faggot Cock” on his dick – so getting stuff written on him is definitely something else this guy gets into.

I lead him to the shower ’cause I knew I wanted to piss on him, and we start off with a blowjob. Since he’s not wearing a hood I hold the camera up above him so you don’t see much of his face. And if you ever do see him from that angle – well, he’s already giving you a blowjob.

I had taken a couple pills before he came over and I think my dick looks pretty good in the video… I’m usually about fucking, but I gotta say I really like the oral parts in this video… I’m even using a screen capture from it as one of the pics in my online profiles.

Of course the point of putting him in the shower was watersports. We hadn’t discussed whether he’d drink the piss, but when it came time and I told him I wanted to piss, he leaned back and had me piss on him. I can’t show that part of the video ’cause it shows too much of his face. Plus, a lot of piss came out of the hole for my PA and since I was shooting from the top you can’t see that part. I had to try to piss in spurts so it would come out of the tip of my dick and show up on the video.

But you can see the puddle of piss in the video when I was done. The sub was all wet and had taken my piss and rubbed it all over his body. When I was pissing on him some of it even got in his hair… I should also mention my piss tends to be a bit rank and you could really smell it…

After I was done pissing on him, he dove onto my dick and kept sucking me… He was really turned on at this point – the piss does that for this pig. After a while I had him turn around. He starts fingering his hole and I ask him how many loads he had up there – “two Sir”… Love that part… I was thinking of fucking him, but figured it would be better in bed, so had him go into the bedroom.

I got him onto the bed, legs in the air. I was a little worried and had towels laid out. I didn’t want piss getting all over the sheets which would have disturbed my bf if he had noticed…

I fuck him a bit with his legs up, and then just didn’t want the distraction of the camera (I didn’t know where my tripod was, and didn’t think I could cum trying to hold a camera while I was fucking him), so I turned it off, flipped him over onto his belly and just fucked him.

It’s too bad you can’t transmit smells over the Internet ’cause the guy STANK! It was sorta like fucking someone in a public bathroom that hadn’t been cleaned in a month, only it wasn’t the bathroom that stank – it was him. I mean he really reeked… I can get into the musky smell of fresh piss, but this was piss gone bad. At first it was a bit off-putting, then I had the dirty bathroom picture in my head and I just fucked him like he was some piece of trash taking anonymous loads in some skanky bathroom. It was sorta hot actually…

Needless to say I got off and he took my load – the 3rd load he’d gotten in his ass that day…

I then had him go to the bathroom again and this time I told him to push out the loads he had in him. They just start running out. He catches some of them with his hand, and then licks the cum off his fingers. The guy proves he’s a good cumhole…

After we were done he put on his clothes and left. Needless to say he didn’t shower… He went out smelling even worse than when he arrived… Gotta love a pig like that (provided my neighbors don’t notice his smell)…

I’ve been chatting with him since then. He hasn’t taken any loads since that day. He’s always maintained that he’s neg and I’m inclined to believe him. Says he’s trying to be good and take less risk, but I know he’ll be back at it soon enough. You don’t walk away from barebacking when you get into it that much…

This one day I just about had him… He said he was wearing running shorts with no lining. I wanted to fuck him in the park next to me and then watch him walk around the park while my cum leaked out of his ass and down his legs for everyone to see…

Hopefully we’ll hookup again soon and I’ll douse him with more piss and put another creamy load up that sweet cunt of his…

Coming back from breakfast this guy comes onto me in the elevator. He’s flagging whipping top. He asks if I want to hang out and i say sure… He’s a hot, lean, older guy who looks “complicated”…

Walking down the hall he asks me what I like and I say I’m a top. He’s a top as well (obviously), so I wasn’t quite sure how it would go. The maid was cleaning my room when we got there, so after making out a little he splits and says he’ll be back in 5 or 10 when the maid is done. I lay down on the bed thinking he probably won’t be back, but then there’s a knock at the door and he’s back.

It was weird hooking up with him… He was really forceful and physical. When I put puppy mitts on him it was like I was wrestling him to put them on, but he was perfectly willing to have them on. Then I locked the puppy mitts together with a heavy lock. Shortly after I did that I realized it wasn’t necessarily a good thing to do. He put a puppy mitt on each side of my throat and it was clear he could have choked me if he wanted to, and given how forceful and strong he was it wouldn’t have gone well for me if he had had his mind set on hurting me.

But he didn’t. I could tell he liked dominating me, he liked the power and control aspect of what was going on. He was hard the entire time. It wasn’t really my style of sex at all, and I definitely wasn’t in control of the scene, but then again it’s not like he was in complete control either.

At certain points I tried to make it about his hole – fingering it, rimming it a little, but he didn’t really want that (not that his dick got soft or anything)… I knew he was into spanking (at least as a top) since he had asked me early on if I liked to get spanked. When I spanked him he had a strong reaction – he was totally turned on, but also didn’t like it. He liked to kiss, but almost never on the lips. The whole scene was a weird combination of tenderness and force. Which is what S/M is all about anyway, right?

When I had his pants down he wanted me to lick his balls. I did, but then I brought out my cock and ball whip and he was in heaven. He really got off on that. He asked what else I had, and I showed him a few paddles and used those on him briefly.

Then he wanted to use them on me. By this point I was pretty comfortable with him. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me – he just liked things a little rough, so I took the puppy mitts off and told him he could do what he wanted if he was gentle. He was actually too gentle – I had to tell him he could go harder…

Then he wanted to ride me like a pony. He got on my back and I took him around the room, then got on all fours on the bed and he rode me there.

It then sorta wound down. I think part of it was he liked it better when I fought back and towards the end there I was more submissive than he liked.

So after yesterday’s experience, I guess I have to revise what I said. I can be a bottom. Never for anything anal, but there’s a lot of other things in the S/M experience and if I trust the top, I’m good… It’s not like I’m going to want it constantly (I never got hard in the scene with this guy), but I gotta say it’s an interesting change from the ordinary.

As he was leaving he asked where I was from and what I did. I found out he’s a married “straight” lawyer who likes hooking up with guys behind his wife’s back. He had to leave to get back to work, where his wife thought he was. As he left he rolled his pants over his big shiny boots, to blend in more on the street… Curious guy…

Oh yeah, he left me the home-made whip he had been carrying around. It’s made out of plastic coated wire and has knots in it. I tried it out on myself after he left and it’s actually a pretty good whip. Stings a little, but is still pretty “soft”...

UPDATE: Later that evening I noticed the message light was flashing on my phone in the hotel room. Turned out the guy wants to hook up again when he’s in New York. Gave me his number so I could call him. I texted him instead, and he took a while to get back to me, but he did. I think it could be interesting… If nothing else, it’s different and by playing with him, it’ll expand how I use sub bottoms…

Load 2008-36

There’s a guy who was visiting NYC a month or two ago who I really wanted to fuck, but things didn’t work out. Well, he’s here at IML and we just hooked up…

Again, not a leather hookup (oh well), but he’s so totally my type I didn’t care. He’s a 22 y.o., short, black guy who’s got a really lean, slightly muscular body, and a phenomenal ass.

He arrives and he’s shorter and cuter than I was expecting. He was wearing a hoodie, flip flops and the bottoms from hospital scrubs. He started stripping down just inside the door – no shirt, no underwear… I was loving it…

We kiss a bit and then he climbs on the bed and presents his ass to me. It was a truly incredible ass, and a really nice hole. I get down on my knees and rim him, which he seems to really love – it kept him moaning…

After rimming him for a while I got some spit on the head of my dick, stand up and fuck him. His hole felt great – nice and reasonably tight boi hole… He takes the dick really well and after a bit of warm up I fucking him fairly hard. Then I push him forward and fuck him on his belly.

Fucking little lean guys on their bellies almost always gets me to cum, and this time was no exception. It felt really good to give him my load…

I roll him on his side and keep my dick in him. Pumping him a little here and there while we enjoy the moment and talk about stuff… He’s not into leather – just came with a friend ’cause he’d never been before…

After a while of laying there cuddling he got up to look at the view. While he was standing naked in front of the window I started rimming his ass again… Didn’t taste any cum cause I must have cum pretty deep. He asked how the cum tasted and I told him I didn’t taste any. Then when I was taking a brief break he basically farted some of my cum out of his ass and it landed on the carpet. It was sorta funny, but I could also tell it wasn’t all that “clean” (not shitty, but just not clean), so I cleaned it up with a towel and didn’t pursue it further.

All in all a really good fuck. Didn’t capture it on camera ’cause I just wanted to enjoy his body. If he wants to fuck again I’ll see if he wants to videotape it…

Load 2008-35

After the 2+ hour gangbang with the sub bottom last night I was really tired and didn’t feel like going out. My primary goal being here is to rest and relax, and all these nights of minimal sleep aren’t helping. So I figured I’d just go back to my room and “order in” and then turn in relatively early. It’s not like it would be hard to find someone.

And it wasn’t… There were a number of options, but the one who stood out was this early 30s guy who had a hot lean body like I get into… He was staying at another hotel close by, so he he said he’s be over in 15 minutes…

He arrives and he turns out to be East Asian. And again, I’m fucking a guy who’s not in leather. He did have a studded leather arm band on, but otherwise he wasn’t a “leatherman” at all… He reminded me a lot of “Jonathan” from Latin Studs Mania and Naughty Hard Cocks (see pic on the right or follow the links), only he didn’t have tattoos. The other thing which was really apparent was how nervous he was. Actually I couldn’t tell if he was nervous, anxious, uncertain, skeptical or what. It didn’t really add up. He flew in for the event, but didn’t seem 100% comfortable…

He takes off his clothes (I keep mine on – I’m wearing chaps over jean, motorcycle boots, and a black t-shirt) and he’s got a great body… A little hairy, but tight and lean… He sucks my dick very briefly, then I rim his ass…

When he had walked in he mentioned, “all the cameras are off, right?” While I wanted to film it, I was also OK with just dumping a load and going to bed. I had shown him the two drawers full of toys (that, unfortunately, I’m not making much use of) just after he came in, but he wasn’t really interested in using them. Then when I’m rimming him he decides he wants to wear a hood and get filmed. We look through the hoods and settle on a black spandex one (double thickness with just a mouth opening). When we put it on him he was surprised there were no eye openings and took it off, then he put it back on and things went forward…

I set up the camera, positioned him on the bed, put on my hood, and went back to rimming him. He did have a really nice hole – just the type I like… He wanted lube for his dick, so I put some on my dick as well and start fucking him. He felt really good and I could tell there would be zero problems with me cumming. In fact I felt like I was going to cum pretty quick. He sensed it though and told me to hold off…

When I slowed down I noticed his hole wasn’t completely clean. It’s not like he was exactly dirty, but he was “wet” and the color was slightly browish. It’s the smell of shit that bothers me most and there was no smell with him, so I continued on… I was just glad I had put a towel under him…

We fucked for a bit with his legs up, then I flipped him over. The camera was a distraction and looking at the video I did a really horrible job videotaping it, but whatever…

Finally with him on his stomach I just unloaded in his hole. It felt good… Then I rolled him on his side and we cuddled for a moment.

Afterwards he was still acting a bit weird. Didn’t really want to share much of anything, but I did get an interesting story out of him. Turns out he came to IML last year, didn’t have a lot of sex ’cause he was neg and trying to be somewhat safe. He’d tell tops not to cum in him, stuff like that… But he did take one load at Steamworks and 10 days later came down with the fuck flu. Looking back on it he thinks it’s ironic that he had a bit of a lame time while he was here ’cause he was sorta trying to stay “safe”, but he still wound up getting pozzed. Since then he’s been taking loads whenever he can, and now he’s back at IML and wants to have the fun he missed last time.

I still don’t understand the weird chemistry between us. He was obviously here to do exactly what we were doing. I also don’t understand why he keeps coming to IML, but didn’t seem to wear leather… He’s a curious guy, but a decent fuck…

I’m not sure the video will get posted publicly. We’ll see. If so, I’ll update this post…

Well, I went to Steamworks last night. Heard it was blackout night – figured it would be fun… Actually I should back up a little… I was exhausted, tried to take a nap, almost skipped dinner (had pizza down in the lobby), then had a drink at the bar where I ran into the guy I fucked earlier. (I love the way he looks at me – it’s like puppy dog eyes…) He had just gotten fucked by another guy who had also fucked him (pretty rough) last year (think he said he didn’t get a load though), and was supposed to hookup with someone else and then head over to Steamworks. We talked a bit about him taking loads… He’s crossing a bit of a threshold psychologically, but more on that later…

So I get ready and head over to Steamworks. Nice place. Didn’t know what to expect with so many leathermen in town so at first I didn’t really get out of my leather gear. Then after about 30 seconds I realize everyone is in just a towel so I get out of my leather and just blend in…

The place was packed… “Blackout Night” wasn’t all that dark, but it was still hot… There were no rooms available and long waitlists to get one. It wasn’t a big deal for me since I don’t really need a room being a top. So I walked around… The place has a wonderfully confusing floor plan. Oddly enough despite the fact that all the rooms were taken, most had closed doors… They have a lot of gloryholes set up for sucking – probably a bit too many. Curiously what they didn’t have was a video room… There was a TV room with CNN on the TV, but no porn videos anywhere. That meant there really wasn’t a sexual place to relax and jack off if you had a locker, which given how tired I was a bit of an issue.

I look for bottoms laying on their bellies and, unlike the other night at Flex, there were plenty to chose from. Two in particular stood out – room 128 (who I thought was the hottest bottom there), and room 202 who wiggled his ass at me and seemed really eager. (If you were there and trying to figure out who I’m talking about – it was the guys in those rooms around midnight.) The guy in room 128 was this smooth Latino and/or American Indian guy who had a beautiful smooth ass that he spread really well – showing off his hole. He seemed interested in me, but changed his mind when I got in the room. It bummed me out for a second then I let it slide…

So I went back to the guy in room 202. He turned out to be Latino (couldn’t tell from the door) and he had the smoothest butt and hole… It was really a wonderful thing. He started by sucking my dick, then I rimmed him, then I fucked him while he had one leg on the floor and one on the bed. His hole felt wonderful… It was all silky (I’m pretty sure it was from loads). Then I repositioned him on the bed on his belly and fucked him that way… I was alternating pounding him pretty hard and then gently…

That went on for a while and then he asked me if I came. I said ‘no’, and I wasn’t sure if I could, so he wanted to take a break… Given that I’d already cum twice today it was no big deal. I felt like I got close at one point with him, but close doesn’t count when it comes to giving loads…

I walked around a bit more and saw the bottom I fucked and then saw at the bar laying on his belly in room 230… After our talk, I knew what that meant…

I continued on and discovered the sauna which was this complicated labyrinth that was pretty cool. I could tell my time there was ending – as much as I tried when I jacked off in the steamroom I just couldn’t get completely hard…

I walked around a bit more and saw a bottom on all fours. Went in (he barely turned his head to see who I was), and after feeling his sloppy hole I rimmed him. That usually gets me hard, but it didn’t that time, so I put my towel back on walked around one last time.

As I was getting my clothes on I see the bottom (who I fucked, ran into in the bar, and saw laying on his belly). I asked if he was in room 230, he said ‘yeah’. He told me two guys had fucked him and they both pounded him for a long time. I thought he said they unloaded deep in him, but this morning he sent me an e-mail and said he got fucked a lot last night, but doesn’t think he took any loads, even though he really wanted to… I asked “did you ask any questions?” He said “no”… He knows the implications of what it means to be a negative bottom face down in a packed bathhouse taking loads… He’s made his choice…

After winding things up with him I headed out and went back to the hotel…

I’m laying here this morning trying to get a handle on all the e-mails on BarebackRT. Started the morning off with 22 unanswered e-mails and it’s taking forever to clear them ’cause new ones keep coming in… Don’t know that I’m even going to bother with Manhunt – have more than I can deal with just using BarebackRT.