Load 2013-15

I know – it’s practically sad that I’ve only given 15 loads so far this year… At this rate I’ll only give 52 loads this year – half what I wanted to give. But I’ve been sick a lot this winter. So if I can just get over all that I should get back in the swing of things and the numbers should go up.

I’m just getting over a head and chest cold. I’m still coughing up phlegm every now and then and wasn’t really all that sure I was up for hooking up, but figured I’d give it a shot anyway. I was supposed to go to a gangbang tonight, but then I remembered I needed to go to a community meeting instead – but then that got scrapped when I had site problems with a new site and needed to stay home waiting for my host’s tech support to fix a couple things. So I’m sitting here writing this post while I wait for them…

Anyway, late this afternoon I looked around a little online for someone to fuck knowing I couldn’t make the gangbang tonight. There were a few options but then this early 20’s twink hit me up. The location in his profile was sorta far away, so I told him I didn’t want to travel that far. He came back saying he was actually close – that he’d moved and didn’t know how to update his location on his profile. That meant he was close enough that I didn’t mind going to him.

We started exchanging texts he he was telling me to be really rough. That was fine with me. So I get there and he’s actually incredibly cute – very much my type. But part of my “rough top” persona is not letting on that I actually like the bottom. A rough fuck should have a mental component – it’s not all about being physically rough. The bottom needs to feel like a hole / a piece of meat.

When I get to his (incredibly small) room he started pulling off my clothes. I got naked and he sucked my dick for a bit. I got semi-hard – but what I really wanted was his ass. So I got him to put his ass in in the air and I started a rough rimming of his hole. I’d bite his hole and sorta chew on it – not enough to make marks or break skin, but enough to rough him up a little bit.

When I was fully hard he got the lube and lubed up his hole and my dick. And I shoved in and pushed him onto his belly. I didn’t ease into it – he wanted rough after all. He tried to twist around and for a bit I fucked him on his back, but then I turned him over and went back to fucking him on his belly.

Problem was I started to smell shit. I didn’t see any, but I knew he wasn’t clean. But I just figured – what the hell – and kept fucking him – it wasn’t too bad… That’s sorta the problem with rough fucks – you gotta be really clean. I’m gonna get in deep and not be gentle about it. If you’re dirty I’ll find the dirt. After a while he stopped things and thought for a second about sucking my cock, but then realized he really wasn’t all that clean and neither was my dick. He used paper towels to clean up a bit and then excused himself and went to the bathroom. I cleaned up a bit more. It wasn’t as bad as it smelled. Everything seemed semi-clean to me (I’ve seen a lot worse).

In a weird way it was good that it he had to go clean out. I had started overheating from the physicality of the fuck and needed some down time. I laid on a part of the sheet I knew was clean and just jacked my dick – keeping it hard until he got back.

When he returned he went back to sucking my cock. Then he had me position myself more in the middle of the mattress and he started riding my cock. He was really going at it. I was sorta ignoring him – letting him do all the work and giving him no feedback. At one point he said he could cum without touching himself, but in the end he had to jack off a bit before he came all over my belly.

When he came I was thinking to myself “I hope you can still get fucked after cumming, ’cause I’m not done yet”. I pushed him down on his belly, spread his legs and went back to fucking him. This time it wasn’t overly rough – though I think he thought it was pretty rough. This time I was focused on having it work for me so things would feel just right and I’d cum.

Well, things did feel good and just as I was starting to cum he said “Don’t cum in me”. I don’t pull out. If you want me to pull out just don’t bother inviting me over. My profile used to be incredibly clear about it – now it’s not quite as clear, but still… By the time I had processed all that in my head he already had some of my cum in him, so I pushed in deeper and blew the rest of my load. I hadn’t cum in quite a few days so he got a nice big thick load up his hot little skinny twink ass.

He looked back at me when he realized I hadn’t pulled out and said “You came in me?” and I said “I don’t pull out. I’m really clear about that…” He seemed sorta pissed and I didn’t really know how things were going to go at that point, so I just got up and started putting on my clothes. I was sorta standing in front of the door, so he couldn’t run to the bathroom and shit out my load…  I did mention “I was tested literally yesterday and I’m neg…” I think that made him feel a little better.

I got out of there as quickly as I could. On the way home he was texting me telling me how he liked how rough I fucked him, that he was sorry he wasn’t clean, and that he hopes we can hookup again. I told him, sure – but I’m not going to pull out…

Looks like I’ve got a hot little twink in the neighborhood that I can make into a cumhole… I bet in a few months he’ll stop asking guys to pull out… 😉

Three and a half years ago when I first heard of PrEP I had an almost visceral negative reaction to it. I mean I really hated the idea on a number of levels. And when the issue came up on Breeding Zone (my forum site) a year later I was still really opposed to it. And then it came up on the forum a year after that and I went on a bit of a tirade against it. In one of the discussions on Breeding Zone a while back the guys raised points that made me realize some of what I thought about PrEP might not be quite right. And over the last few weeks I’ve learned additional stuff that’s changed my thinking on PrEP to the point where I’m actually considering going on it. That’s a huge change for me. So you’re probably wondering what’s changed…

But first… if you’re not sure what PrEP is, it boils down to HIV negative guys taking Truvada (an combination HIV drug) in order to avoid getting HIV. The idea is that drugs that can control HIV in poz guys can ward off HIV in negative guys when they’re exposed to HIV.

When I first criticized PrEP I didn’t really think things through completely. One of my mantras was “what’s the point of going on meds for the rest of your life in order to avoid going on meds for the rest of your life?” And, related to that, I figured that a person on PrEP could become meds resistant if they didn’t take their PrEP consistently – since that’s the case with poz guys who aren’t consistent with taking their meds. But I had that all wrong. It’s not that your body becomes meds resistant – it’s that the HIV in your body becomes meds resistant. If you’re neg you don’t have HIV in your body, so you can’t become meds resistant (though more on that in a moment). Because meds resistance isn’t a big issue, that means neg guys can have a very different relationship with HIV meds than poz guys. Neg guys can go on and off meds. For example, if you’re going on vacation with your mother and you know you won’t have sex during that time, then it’s OK to go off PrEP while you’re on vacation…

The potential for intermittent PrEP use was probably the biggest factor in my change in thinking. For 20+ years I had doctors tell me I had a brain tumor (when I actually had a scar), and those same doctors told me because I had a brain tumor I needed to be on Dilantin – an anti-seizure medication that’s been around for over 100 years. The side effects of Dilantin are very well known and even when I started having problems with my gums they wanted to keep me on the meds. My neurologist (who was very senior at an incredibly well respected cancer hospital) said if I wanted to go off the meds then I needed to find another doctor (which is exactly what I did). Unfortunately, I no longer trust doctors as a result of that, and a few other, experiences. (Doctors now have to earn my trust).

Point is, I’m overly sensitive to doctors telling me to go on meds for the rest of my life. Most meds have side effects and I’d rather just not go there. When I thought PrEP meant daily mandatory meds for decades that just rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed like a scheme by the drug companies to pad their profit margins. Now that I see PrEP can be somewhat intermittent that changes things drastically. Side effects from medications are generally less of an issue when the doses are lower and the meds aren’t taken every day.

So last week it started sinking in that I was wrong on some fundamental points about PrEP and I started wondering whether I should go on it. After all, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve got maybe 10 more years of an active sex life after which things are going to start slowing down considerably. 10 years of intermittent PrEP seems a lot better than the maybe 35 or 40 years of daily HIV meds if I become poz. [Note, if you’re an 18 year old those numbers will be very different. So each person has to decide whether PrEP makes sense for them personally.] My boyfriend and I went to Callen-Lorde for STD tests on Saturday and my bf talked to his care provider about PrEP for me and came out with some flyers for studies. I started thinking that I would indeed go on PrEP.

Then yesterday I started validating what I had heard through the grapevine and the numbers didn’t match. The study that the CDC references for gay men on PrEP showed that PrEP was only 42 to 44% effective. I had heard people throwing around efficacy numbers in the high 90s. So my initial reaction was WTF? I started doubting what I had heard and started going back to my “this is rubbish” stance. Some of what I had heard was from my friend who had talked to the guys from Maverick Men. [Just for visual interest, here’s a pic of one of the Maverick Men guys in action…]

When I drew the Maverick Men guys into a discussion on Twitter they were kind enough to give me links to more detailed analyses of the study data.

Apparently the 44% is low because some of the guys in the study weren’t taking their meds like they said they were. Only 3 of the 34 guys who converted during the study had meds in their system when they came in with signs of initial HIV infection. [If you’ve taken the meds in the last 7 to 14 days the meds should show up in your blood.] That means 90% of the guys who got pozzed while “on PrEP” weren’t actually taking their meds and hence couldn’t really be considered “on PrEP”.

When the researchers did models that factored all of that into consideration they concluded that if you take PrEP twice a week you’ll have 76% protection (with the bottom of the 90% confidence interval being 56% protection). If you take it basically every other day you’ll have 96% protection (with the bottom of the 90% confidence interval being 90% protection), and if you take it every day you’ll have 99% protection (with the bottom of the 90% confidence interval being 96% protection). If you want to see a summary of the study look at this PDF (particularly page 11). And if you want to see the full study, look at this PDF. [There are now studies underway to validate and replicate those numbers.]

Of those options – every other day sounds pretty good to me. I’m willing to sacrifice a little efficacy for fewer side effects from the meds. After all condoms are only about 90-95% effective – so that seems like a reasonable benchmark to me. But if people want more protection then they can go with daily meds. And if they want even more they can do daily meds plus condoms and/or closely screening their sexual partners (which is what the Maverick Men guys are doing). Personally, I don’t mind a little risk in my life, but each person is different.

Now, I mentioned that things weren’t quite clear cut on meds resistance. The issue is that, of the guys who converted in the study, a fair number of them did become meds resistant to Truvada. The bottom line is that if you go on PrEP you have to take it seriously, and you need to be regularly checked by your doctor to see if you’ve become poz (among other things). And realize, if you have Truvada in your system those at home HIV tests won’t work – you have to see a doctor for an accurate HIV test. [I was wrong when I first wrote that last sentence. However, if you take PrEP intermittently and you become poz you could become drug resistant. An RNA HIV test can detect infection more quickly and is more likely to help you avoid drug resistance.]

So there we have it… Who’d have figured, but I’m actually looking into going on PrEP. Apparently you can just have a doctor write a script for it – insurance companies can’t tell the difference between Truvada for HIV treatment and Truvada for PrEP. Or you can join a study – there are several under way. I’ve made a call to the the one being run by Columbia University and some other sites (Adapt – HPTN 067). I’m waiting to hear back from them.

And before I decided to look into doing PrEP the first question for me was whether I was still neg. After all, that is the #1 requirement for going on PrEP. I didn’t get a test on Saturday ’cause I had done an at-home test on March 6th – I didn’t think it was necessary. But I was a bit of a whore a couple weekends in March, so I did another home test today and it came back neg (see pic to the right). Those slutty weekends were 3 and 6 weeks ago, and while I’ve been sick a lot since then it hasn’t been with “flu like” symptoms, so the test is most likely correct – though it would probably be smart to do an RNA test before I start PrEP.

I’ll give updates on what happens as I try to get into the Adapt trial (or, if that fails, when I get a doctor to prescribe Truvada).

Today I got inspired to start a petition to end condom use in gay porn. I mean – why not? I was watching some really hot videos off Sean Cody – videos where the tops would cum deep in the bottom’s ass and then it would leak or squirt out of the bottom’s hole. I was thinking if someone as mainstream as Sean Cody can go that far – really getting into bareback breeding fetish – the why can’t every one else just at least ditch the condoms and go raw?

I mean it costs about $20 per HIV test. If producers are worried about their models becoming poz – just test them when they come in for the shoot. It’s not like $20 is cost prohibitive. And models who are taking a lot of loads and a little worried – they can go on PrEP until their sex life calms down. There really isn’t a good reason to keep using condoms. I guess there’s the “routine” STDs – but (at least for now) they’re all pretty much curable. And life isn’t zero risk… If a guy wants a zero risk life – then maybe he shouldn’t be a porn star.

Anyway, I assume you guys are all in support of porn being bareback – so check out the petition and sign it… If you’re a blogger or have an adult-friendly Twitter or Facebook account – please ask your friends and followers to sign the petition. The short URL you should use is http://bit.ly/117R0YK

I’d love to see 10s of thousands of guys sign. If I can get a lot of guys signing I’ll push the survey within the porn industry to see if we can get some producers to think twice about rubbers.

I just got back from a hookup with this Dominican guy up in Washington Heights. I should have been working, but I was horny and figured if I blew my load I’d be able to get back to work and really focus on work. Typically I only host during the day ’cause I don’t want to take the time off of working, but this time I decided I’d travel.

I’ve fucked the guy 2 other times and both of those times I’ve been able to cum, but this time I wasn’t so lucky. I get there and we take off our clothes and I’m loving his body… It’s naturally smooth with just a little hair in places like around his hole. He’s got a little muscle on him – but it’s more of a “lean muscle” sorta look – the type of muscle you see on guys who are just naturally muscular.

Apparently he’s not into much other than getting fucked. He pulled out his dick (a nice big uncut dick) and jacked it a bit, but he didn’t suck my dick, or even suck on my nipples… I felt up his body a bit (liked that), and then he got into position with his ass up on the edge of the bed. I spread his feet apart and started rimming him. That got me pretty much rock hard, so I grabbed the lube, but it was nearly empty and sorta bad/thin/watery lube (Gun Oil H2O).  I pushed in and pushed him onto his belly.

Initially it felt really good. When I was rock hard and thick everything was fine. But since I had given a load the night before I didn’t stay that way and when I went down even just a little bit his hole didn’t rub my cock quite right. I gave him a pretty long fuck – and a decent fuck, even if I do say so myself. But I never could get the position quite right or something.

And despite the fact that it was a nice day out and sorta the perfect temperature, he had his windows closed and it was warm in his apartment. I started sweating. Whenever that happens I know I’m probably never going to be able to cum. I kept fucking but I was getting hotter and hotter and sweating more and more.

I rolled him on his side and fucked him a bit that way, and then finally pulled out as I started going soft. I mentioned to him that I had overheated and he went and opened a window in another room, but it didn’t really help. Be brought me paper towels to wipe up but I used them to mop the sweat off me instead of cleaning my dick.

We laid there for a little bit and I was feeling up his body… It felt really good. I love his ass and couldn’t stay away from it so I went back to rimming him. That got me hard again and I fucked him a little more. But didn’t last long. So laid down a little more. But again I couldn’t stay away from his ass. I put him on his side curled up in a bit of a ball and then put a pillow by his ass and just laid there eating him out. I really do like his body and his hole…

I tried fucking again, but never really got completely hard. So finally I just told him I was going to go…

Other than not being able to cum, it was a decent fuck. I guess next time I’ll have to have him come to my place where I can control the temperature so I don’t overheat.

Load 2013-14

Apologies for now blogging sooner. Black Party weekend was a bit of a bust. I went out Friday night and did go to a sex party (hosted by Tony Serrano) and did fuck three guys, but I paced myself and then couldn’t cum. Then I went over to the Eagle where I had to wait quite a while to get in. It was supposed to be blackout night, but the lighting seemed pretty normal to me. The place was packed and there was some guys sucking cock, but almost no one was fucking. I got my dick sucked a bit, and sucked a few other guys, but didn’t give or get any loads. I stayed out way later than usual for me that night and it sorta ruined the next day. Then I started feeling a little under the weather. There was one other guy I fucked that weekend, but I just couldn’t cum with him (he was pretty beefy – which is a type I’m hit or miss with).

Feeling a bit under the weather (or a lot under the weather) has been my story for too much of the year so far. If it’s not one thing, it’s another – usually a head cold, but then a couple weeks ago I got what we thought was food poisoning but as the days went by it was more like a gastro bug. Anyway, that cleared up just in time for me to go to a porn conference in Phoenix. One or two guys were a little flirty with me, but not enough that we wound up in bed, and security at the hotel was really tight so I couldn’t have anyone in and without a car I couldn’t travel. Plus, honestly, I still felt a little under the weather and didn’t feel like fucking.

That means it’s been almost 3 weeks since I gave someone a load – that’s not good… So I’m now trying to get back in the swing of things. I still cough a lot – guess I should go see a doc – and I feel a little run down, but trying to fuck at least a little.

Anyway… on to the fuck story… 😉

One of the things I love about anonymous sex is how surprisingly intimate it can be. Innocently85 posted a message on Breeding Zone saying he was neg in NYC looking for loads…

Just moved here and looking to be used by raw tops. Free any evenings and weekends. Total bottom, easy going, love being made into a pig and used hard. 27, 5’10, 150, blonde/blue. Live alone, love to play around or just put my ass out to be dumped in.

When I looked at his pics I remembered talking to him in the past. He was sort of a boy-next-door type. While he didn’t post in the bug chaser section, a post like that on Breeding Zone indicates at least that he doesn’t care if he gets pozzed. And his BBRT profile had “don’t care” for “your status”. While my last test was just over a month ago and it was neg, I gotta say I get turned on by the idea of pozzing someone. So it was a pretty big turn on to fuck him and think about knocking him up.

I don’t usually make plans to hookup, but I did with him. We confirmed the day before and then the day of. He was so accommodating. I told him I wanted it to be pretty anon – at least initially… I wanted him ass up on his bed in a darkish room. And that’s exactly what I found when I got there…

I stripped down – he had the window open and it was a bit cold, but I knew that would keep me from overheating. I rimmed him for a bit and then took some pics of his hole and my dick pushing in his ass…

I had taken a Cialis the night before and my dick was really hard. Plus, anonymous dark room scenes just turn me on – especially when it’s a neg bottom who is willing to give you pretty much anything you want. 😉

I got him onto his belly and started fucking him. His hole felt good. It had been a few days since I’d cum, my dick was hard as a rock and the hole felt good… I couldn’t ask for more… 😉  I almost expected to cum immediately, but it took a little while – though not long. But he definitely got my load.

After I came I just kept fucking him. It felt good and my dick almost refused to go soft. After a little bit I rolled on to our sides and continued to slowly fuck his hole as we spooned. That went on for a LONG time and he seemed to like it. I’d slowly caress him as I pumped his ass. It was a pretty intimate and connected moment. It’s sorta funny how you can have those moments with complete strangers. But I think it’s one of the healthier parts of bareback sex. Cumming in someone’s ass (or having someone cum in your ass) is such an intimate act – but it’s often done in rather sleazy settings. I mean the bottom in this case hadn’t even seen me yet, but he had my load in his ass and there I was caressing him as I continued to fuck him… There’s something about those moments that are really special.

The only negative in the whole hookup was that he had shaved at some point and was really stubbly all over – especially his chest which I had my arm wrapped around. Stubble is temporary, so it’s not a big deal. But my suggestion for guys like him is to buy a beard trimmer and trim your body with that if you don’t want to look so hairy. I mean – some of you are pretty hairy – just own that fact – but don’t try to be smooth – it’s just not who you are. Actually, knowing him and how submissive/passive he is – some top probably shaved him or told him to shave. So I don’t even blame him for the situation – and again… it’s distracting, but not a deal breaker…

Finally my dick got soft and came out of his ass and we laid there and cuddled for a bit. Then I tried felching him, but the only thing on the outside of his ass seemed to be lube – nothing tasted like cum. Which is fine – I’m glad my load was deep inside him absorbing into him.

Finally I told him I was going to go. At which point he asked “Can I see you?” He had intentionally not looked at me – knowing I wanted anonymous sex. He didn’t have to go that far, but he did… It was sorta cute and hot… I said sure and for a couple of minutes we were face to face looking at each other, then I got up and dressed and left.

Load 2013-13

Sorry for not posting, but I had a head cold for 2+ weeks. It really wasn’t that bad of a cold, the problem was that it zapped my energy big time. I just didn’t have the energy to fuck. Even jacking off was difficult. I was horny and came just about every day (often more than once a day), but it wasn’t easy to cum. I really had to work to get the load and half the time I wasn’t even all that hard while I was jacking off.

I still have a few small symptoms, but I’m feeling good enough to fuck – provided the bottom is “my type”. And my little muscular Latino fuck buddy is definitely my type. I love his ass. So I saw him online and hit him up and asked if he wanted to come over.

I had actually tried to hookup yesterday, but I didn’t have much time and the guy who said he’d come over was a no-show. In contrast my fuckbuddy is incredibly reliable. But today he was a bit late – when he got here he said there were problems with the subway.

It’s funny with him – we clearly really like each other, but the chemistry is always a bit distant. We stripped down as soon as we got into the bedroom – it was almost perfunctory. I went over to him and paid him a little attention and he nuzzled up to me and sucked on my nipple, etc. Usually he’s really submissive with me, but today he wasn’t quite so submissive. I even sucked his dick a little. His dick is beautiful but not very big. He’s a short guy and it’s proportional to the rest of him. His dick would actually be good to top a guy like me who’s got a really tight ass and can’t take big dicks… But I digress… I knew he cums really easily, so I didn’t suck him for too long ’cause I didn’t want him cumming.

I then got him over to the bed on all fours and rimmed him. I was already hard, so it didn’t need to go on for long. I then got up, grabbed the lube, got my dick ready and then pushed into his hole. He’s always nice and tight, but I take it slow at first. Then when he’s stretched a little I can fuck him properly. I fucked him a little in doggy position, but didn’t like that he was jacking his dick. And his hole feels so good when he’s on his belly – so I pushed him forward on the bed and then down flat. He never seems to want to get fucked that way, but he always complies.

It took a little while to cum (I’m still not at 100%), but not long later I was blowing up his ass. There were multiple volleys of cum. I could feel shoot after shoot after shoot… Seems I gave him a pretty big load 😉

We played around for a few minutes more and then he got up and got dressed. He’s like that – likes to keep it pretty anonymous and quick. In this case I think he was on his lunch hour and with the train problems he had to get back to work. Which raises another question – he always comes over at lunch or after work, but he’s always perfectly clean even though I’m hitting pretty deep inside him. It was like he’s built to bottom… Lucky guy that he’s naturally clean or can get clean so easily (at work)…

So this weekend I’m going to try out some of the sex parties since it’s Black Party weekend and my bf is out of town. Should be fun 😉  We’ll see what sort of trouble I can get into…

And if you’re wondering… I’ve sorta given up on giving 100 loads this year. My spreadsheet says if I keep things up at the same rate I’ll only give 60 loads this year. I think I can do better than that, but 100 isn’t realistic with this slow of a start. Still, I think it’s possible to beat my all time high of 67 loads given – maybe I should shoot for 75 loads for the year.

Where I’m doing well is in number of guys I’ve fucked since I’ve been to a number of sex parties this year where I fuck a bunch of guys, but only give one or two loads. My spreadsheet says I’ll fuck 129 guys this year. That’s probably going to go way up this weekend if I go to as many sex parties as I think I will.