I just want to give a huge thumbs up to a fellow blogger top in DC who fucked a virgin raw and came in his ass… Then he was feeling guilty for what he did (he doesn’t always bareback, which is why he’s not in my blogroll), but the kid came back with e-mails saying…

I wanted to be there, but I was freaked … The only thing that kept me there was that you took the lead and didn’t give me any chance to change my mind … Thank you for making it so GREAT! The feeling of you cumming inside me was awesome. I fingered myself and tasted your load all night after I left. I will do almost anything if we can do it again sometime.

Needless to say he’s hooked up with him several times since then and dumps one or more loads in the kid’s ass every time…

I’ve never been one to really have the patience to deal with guys who are not sure they want to have sex. It did happen to me once – but it was a weird hookup (long story)… But if you’ve got the patience – take a lesson out of DC Top’s play book and get them addicted to getting cum in their ass with their first fuck…

There’s an article in the NY Times today about HIV infection rates in New York. In the five years 2001 to 2006 the overall rate of infection was down, the rate among men who have sex with men (MSM) over 30 years of age was down 22%, but the rate among MSM under 30 was up 32% (up 34% for blacks and hispanics).

They attribute the increase among young men to a number of things including drug abuse and a growing stigmatization of HIV among gay men which results in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude about HIV status.

I’m too much of a control freak to have addiction issues – when I was young I didn’t like feeling out of control, I never really have done many drugs (just X a few times and pot a couple of times), and I don’t smoke. It’s rare for me to feel drunk, and prescription pain killers don’t really do much for me either… The point is I feel for these young guys with addiction issues, but can’t say I really understand what they’re going through. But obviously guys who do drugs are having a lot more ‘uninhibited’ sex than guys who don’t – it matters how many guys fuck you in a night…

The other curious thing is the whole “don’t ask, don’t tell” thing that’s going on. I’ve had bottoms who had ‘negative’ in their profile tell me they were poz and they had neg in their profile ’cause they had friends who knew which profile was theirs who they didn’t want to know about their being poz…

The article talks about how being poz is now related to reckless behavior, not seen as a tragedy like it it was in the past. Personally, I don’t think of it as either of those items – but that’s the topic for another post… I think we see some of the stigmatization in the vitriolic comments on this blog. And ironically the condom nazis are shooting themselves in the foot – by stigmatizing guys who bareback, they stop people talking about it (people just bareback without any discussion) and the HIV infection rate goes up. I don’t mean to say they’re solely responsible, but they do play a significant role…

The article also talks about a 20 year old kid who realized one day that he was the only person in his circle of about 20 guys who was still neg. That’s absolutely unreal to me and makes me think things like a drug culture really are at the heart of the issue.

The other thing I found really disturbing in the article was the whole idea that poz guys aren’t worthy of relationships. There was one guy who talked about the fact that after he found out he was poz (at the age of 23) guys would hook up with him and maybe go on what he called a “pity date” with him, but no one seriously considered him as boyfriend material. Guys – that’s fucked up… First off, why is it that poz guys aren’t dating poz guys? And why is it that sluts aren’t seen as potential boyfriends? I mean Dawson has a boyfriend… This whole “be like straight people”, “be monogamous” shit is really counter productive. I just do hookups because I’ve got a boyfriend – but long-term relationships are important.

Take a moment, read the article and think about the issues it raises…

Our dear reader ‘ewelthorpe’, who loves to give me a hard time, posted a comment on my last post which went as follows…

Yeah, why not have goals of licking ebola and plague out of someone’s bloody ass? I mean – get a grip! And HIV aside, you must have contracted or spread at least a few viral or bacterial agents while doing your load goal making. Like warts/HPV, hepatitis C, syphillis. Crabs! Now fess up – the butcher’s bill, as it were. What else did you give and get while loading these folks up?

His melodrama is incredible, but nonetheless this post answers his questions – thing is, he’s not going to like what he hears – but then again, he never does…

For starters – a little education… Hepatitis C is something that is nearly always passed in blood-to-blood contact – so it’s an issue primarily for IV drug users, not barebackers (unless they’re slamming crystal). Yes, if my dick were bleeding at the same time some guy’s ass were bleeding it would be possible for me to get Hep C, but the chances of that are close to nill.

When I was younger I was avid about having so-called “safe sex”. I even had two safe sex posters on the wall in my dorm room (grad school), across from my bed… So I think it bears mentioning that during my safe sex phase I was constantly getting crabs and even managed to get Hepatitis B! I remember a time when I was feeling a little down (not too bad) and I remember the whites of my eyes being a little yellow. A friend commented about it, but I didn’t feel all that bad, so I didn’t go to see a doctor. Years later I got vaccinated for Hep A and B and I remember one of the shots making my shoulder really sore. After the vaccination they checked to see if the vaccines worked and realized I had had Hep B previously, my body fought it off, and I was now permanently immune.

A few years after that I had a friend who nearly died of Hep B – they almost didn’t find a liver soon enough, and even after the liver transplant he still has issues… So yeah, I was lucky, but the fact of the matter is “safe sex” isn’t safe – it’s just safer… My most serious STD came from safe sex – and it was an STD that could have killed me.

[BTW, if you get crabs, trim your pubic hair really short and wash all your clothes and bedding in really hot water. You don’t need the combs and nasty liquids if you just trim your pubes. I had to keep my pubes trimmed to avoid crabs – did that for quite a while (made my dick look bigger too…)]

I think it was around 2002 I had an outbreak of genital warts. I wasn’t hooking up much at the time and it’s hard to say when I actually got the warts since they can lie dormant for months or years. Something like 40% of gay men have them and (like most STDs) they can be contracted when you’re using a condom. [BTW, if you have warts treat them early with freezing or lasers. You do not want to have them spread and go through the pain of getting rid of them from inside your ass… I know a few guys who’ve had to do it and it’s extremely painful.]

Otherwise, I’ve gotten a total of two STDs over the past few years (been 100% bareback since the fall of 2004, and about 50/50 before that)… Gonorrhea in 2001 from barebacking at a bathhouse in LA (Flex), and chlamydia early last year.

As far as passing things on to others… My bf had to take two pills in 2001 since he had sucked my dick before I realized I had gonorrhea – but it was just preventative – he didn’t have any sign of it. The chlamydia was more serious in that I had no idea I had it (which is pretty typical) and don’t know how many guys I fucked before I found out. I contacted 2 or 3 of my regular fuck buddies and they got tested and all came back clean.

‘Ewelthorpe’ isn’t going to like this, but all in all I’d say I had a worse time with STDs when I was having safe sex. I mean Hep B is serious and I was getting crabs constantly… What little I’ve gotten barebacking either got caught quickly or was so mild there were no symptoms and didn’t get passed onto other guys – even if I fucked them multiple times… Your milage may vary (I expect it to since statistically safe sex reduces STD infections), but that’s been my experience…

Personally I don’t think that’s a horrible STD history for 18 years of sex… Especially since I’ve sometimes barebacked guys who take anonymous loads – if I’m going to get stuff it’s more likely to be from them than anyone else, but yet I really don’t get all that many STDs – years pass between infections…

That said – get yourself vaccinated for Hep A, Hep B and HPV – even if you have “safe sex” and think you’re low risk. It’s just silly to catch something potentially serious and/or painful that you could avoid with a simple vaccination… And if you think you have something – go to a clinic and get treated.

Well, 2007 was an OK year sexually… Got my dick in raw hole 42 times, 23 of those were holes I hadn’t been in before, and I got 24 loads in guys’ asses, 14 of those were guys I hadn’t cum in before. That’s generally better than 2006 when I only fucked 37 times and only gave 21 loads. Though I did fuck a few more new holes in 2006 than 2007 (26 vs. 23).

Last year this time I had grandiose notions of getting 100 loads of cum in asses in 2007 – but I gave up on that pretty quick. This year I’m going to set minimum and maximum goals. The minimum goals will be to give at least 36 loads (3 per month average) with a minimum of 2 a month, with more other months. In other words, no more going 90+ days without fucking. In addition I want to bareback at least 2 different teenagers this year (legal, of course), and go out of my way to fuck holes that already have a few loads in them, and bottoms who will do bondage/hoods/etc… The maximum goal will be 52 loads (average 1 a week). In order to make those goals happen I’m going to try really hard not to jack off unless I’m confident I’m not going to hookup in the next 48 hours… That should help a lot…

I know those goals are modest by some standards. There’s one bottom here in NY who posted on bnskin.com that he ‘only’ got 228 loads in his ass in 2007 when he was shooting for 250, and I’m sure there are bottoms who get a lot more than that, but I’m happy with my modest goals…

So I encourage all of you to think about what your goals are for this year. Quantify them, and then keep track to see if you’re achieving your goals.

If you still use condoms sometimes, maybe you just start with a goal of not using condoms. Tops can pledge not to have another condom on their dick. Bottoms can pledge to not have condoms available for their tops, and make it clear to tops that they’ll go raw…

Think about what will take you to the next level… Maybe it’s putting out an ad for an anonymous hookup where you don’t get a pic, and you put on a blindfold and just let whoever it is dump a load in you… Or maybe it’s going to a sex club or bar with a dark room and guiding dicks to your raw hole. Maybe it’s breaking your record for the most loads you’ve gotten in your ass in a night or weekend… If you’re in a small town you may need to schedule a holiday around sex – go to Berlin or some other city where you can get good and raunchy…

But one way or the other – let’s all just take it up a notch this year…

Please Note: There seems to be some confusion about this post… I am NOT advocating for anyone become poz. Read the post (and my subsequent comments) carefully and you’ll see what I’m really saying. What I’m suggesting is only for guys where becoming poz is inevitable or very likely…

Don’t know why but I’m getting young guys asking me advice lately. First there was the teen who was in a monogamous relationship, but yearned for more than his boyfriend could give him (preferrably raw). Then there was a versatile bottom who barebacked a poz guy and started worrying about the risk he took. Now there’s this guy…

dear rawtop, i’m a long-time reader of your blog (big fan by the way) and was wondering if i could get your insight on my current situation: i’m a student at an ivy league school.. great upbringing, amazing career options ahead of me, and i know by heart all of the safe sex information out there (i was even a safe sex peer educator in high school). however, all i can think about is taking loads and being one of those gangbang bottoms in a treasure island video. i’ve always played safe, but tonight i hooked up with an older guy who i’ve fooled around twice before (safely) and i told him to fuck me raw this time. he gladly obliged, and when he dumped this huge load of cum in my ass, it was the most amazing feeling ever–i’m still rock hard just thinking about it. why is the appeal of cum so attractive to bottoms? obviously i can’t resist my urges all the time–am i destined to end up poz?

That was a hard question to answer, but I tried…

are you destined to end up poz? that’s a hard one… but i think you know the answer – probably more so than i do…

you probably saw my post on bottom’s having success in corporate america. so it’s not all that much of a dichotomy – in a way you can be a sleazy bottom by night and a high-powered whatever by day – they’re actually compatible with each other. [I should have added, “if you avoid drugs and other stuff that would limit your functioning during the day”.]

but at your age if you become poz you’re looking at possibly having it all end when you should be at the top of your career… i don’t envy you – it’s a horrible choice to make for someone your age.

one option some people would probably throw stones at me for suggesting is to find a long-term non-progressor to poz you. for a while i was on the community advisory board for an HIV vaccine trial here in nyc. the issue with HIV vaccines is they know there are certain strains of HIV which are extremely mild and once infected with one of those strains people last for many many years with no symptoms. while there is a slim chance of re-infection with another strain it’s highly unlikely. so while the medical profession can’t make people poz with one of these mild strains since they don’t know what the effects are 30-40 years down the road, individuals could effectively do the same thing for themselves and effectively vaccinate themselves. in other words, you could find some guy who was pozzed in the 80s and hasn’t even needed meds yet and have him poz you and chances are you’ll live a long time and that strain (once well established) will do a pretty good job of protecting you from other more deadly strains. if i were in your position i’d at least consider that as one of my options…

He responded saying…

thanks so much for getting back to me… what you say makes sense, but i don’t think i could ever go out there and get pozzed intentionally… i’d almost rather take my chances that i’ll stay neg (even if they’re slim?). i’m still trying to understand why i have this desire to take men’s loads… why is the idea of cum in my ass so tantalizing?

Damn… I mean what do you say to someone like this? If he goes for what he wants he’ll probably wind up poz. He’s got so much going for him which and he could lose it all just when he’s at the height of his career… He’s scared and while he’s a bit of a latent bug chaser, he can’t bring himself to go out and find a long-term non-progressor to “vaccinate” him, but if he doesn’t do that then he’ll most likely get something worse…

The only part of his e-mail that’s easy to answer is the question of why cum in his ass is so tantalizing… It just is. There are scientific studies that have shown that women who have unprotected sex and get cum in them are happier than women who either don’t have sex, or women who have their men use condoms. Simply put – getting bred makes people happy. In my opinion we’re biologically programmed to give and receive cum. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be the dominant species on the planet. The fact that safe sex educators ignore the extreme attraction to the exchange of cum is probably the biggest reason why they have failed…

I am so glad I’m not a young bottom right now… Yeah, I wish I had taken more risks when I was younger, but back then if you got pozzed you didn’t last very long. The risks I wish I had taken might have gotten me pozzed, but would seem tame by today’s standards. These days it seems like lots of guys want to be Dawson – they want to get as many loads up their cunt as possible. They want to be pimped out and just used as a good cumhole… Sure, some of that was going on when I was younger, but it was pretty underground. Now, it’s not only visible, but fairly easy to pursue…

Of course, each person needs to make their own choices – you are the only person who’s responsible for your health. Read what you want, ask questions, but your choices belong to you…

What would I do if I were in these kids’ shoes? I’d probably get myself pozzed/”vaccinated” by a long-term non-progressor. Not all strains of HIV are created equal, and from what I’ve heard and read mild strains of HIV can be effective vaccinations (realize that “effective” doesn’t mean perfect – just much better than the alternative). Then I’d go out and be the complete cumhole I wanted to be and take all loads…

But if I were more versatile and didn’t feel the need to get tons of cum up my ass on a regular basis, then the choice would be more difficult… There is a risk to “vaccinating” yourself, and I totally understand the reluctance of guys like the one who e-mailed me to intentionally get themselves pozzed – even with a mild strain of HIV… If you’re 20 you should have 60+ years of life ahead of you. Just because a long-term non-progressor has lasted 25 years without any complications doesn’t mean that if you got his bug you’d be fine for 50, 60 or 70 more years… It’s really a bit of a gamble where you have to weigh your risk level against the various options and what you think the outcome of each would be. Frankly, for young guys who don’t get much cum in their ass, serosorting is probably the best answer. It really depends on how easily you can find neg guys to fuck with…

These days, being 40, if I were to become poz I’m still looking at a pretty full life. I think the average life expectancy of someone who’s newly poz is something like 23 or 24 years. If I took care of myself, avoided recreational drugs (not a problem – don’t do them now), etc. then I’d probably be a bit above the average. Add in medical advancements and my prospects aren’t so bad. All in all, I’m completely comfortable with the risks I take.

But if you’re a teenager or in your early 20s who’s a cum-obsessed bottom the numbers aren’t so favorable… Plus, you’ve got the hot little twinky body so many tops want to breed… That’s when you either have to take matters into your own hands, or hope for the best… Hoping for the best isn’t a good idea (IMO). It’s better to be honest with yourself about your sexual needs and whether you can realistically see yourself staying neg. You can try serosorting, and it may work for you provided you’re not a gangbang bottom, but obviously there are no guarantees… If you can’t see yourself staying neg, think hard about your options and take a realistic course of action that you can look back on later and not regret…

Now, if you’re a cum-obsessed older bottom who’s still neg, personally I’d say “vaccinating” yourself by getting pozzed by a long-term non-progressor is a very viable option. There are guys who were pozzed in the early 80s who still haven’t had any medical issues… If you’re already say 40, and they’ve gone 25 years without problems, then there’s a decent chance their bug is something you’d die with, not from…

But as always, “don’t believe everything you read on the Internet” (including this). Do your own research, make your own decisions – just think outside the box a little bit when you do…

Today I got an e-mail from the folks at In The Life about their January episode. Somehow they thought their coverage of guys having sex in bathrooms related to me somehow…

I watched the episode on the web (it’s not out yet, so you guys have to wait to see it), but there were a couple of stories in the episode that resonated with me. They had one segment on what the Bible really says about homosexuality. As a former fundamentalist Christian I didn’t think they got it quite right, but it’s important that they cover how some gay people find a balance between their faith and their sexuality. They related a story about a kid who was ready to commit suicide ’cause he felt like he couldn’t please god as a gay guy – he’d bought the gun and the ammo, but then saw the topic on their program and realized that there were places out there where he could be both gay and Christian. While I took another path from Christianity, I’m glad there are people out there like In The Life who people like the kid can relate to.

But the segment that was most appropriate was the story on guys having sex in bathrooms. Guys – entrapment still happens – nearly 40 years after Stonewall. There are still plenty of people out there who hate our guts. And the consequences can be dire – you can be labeled a sex offender and hassled and hounded for the rest of your life.

Please, don’t ever forget that we still are second class citizens who must demand equality. Back in the day we rallied around things like entrapment. These days we tend to ignore the problem figuring we have so many other rights. But we’re not there yet – not even close.

You don’t even want to know how much we’re spending to get my boyfriend his green card – something that wouldn’t be an issue if we were straight. Everywhere you look there’s inequality. While “civil unions” are a nice step, they’re not marriage and we should never be happy until we have full equality.

When people talk about gay cruising areas, ask them why they don’t have a problem with straight lovers lanes. It’s that way with the park next to where I live. The police harass and arrest the gay guys while they tell the straight people who park and make out in cars to just move along (if they do that much). It’s not right and we shouldn’t keep putting up with it.

If the topic comes up with straight friends try to find ways to get them to understand. For our friends we explained that both gay guys and straight people used the park for sex. That there really wasn’t a difference. We also pointed out that they ‘re safer with people around than walking through an empty park – that the guys are there for sex, not for violence… It took people a little thinking to understand, but now they get it.

Sex is still political, and we still have a long way to go – don’t forget it.