This is probably way too much information, but here it goes… I got my parents’ Christmas card/letter yesterday and just shook my head in amusement…

We [family name] have ‘Breaking News’ – a new adopted daughter – SARA PALIN. She is such a breath of fresh air and helped us survive the election. Tonight the news broke that someone torched her Church. This saddens us greatly. The America we once knew is fast disappearing, but we are grateful to have lived 84+ years in a more loving atmosphere.

When my parents were born, blacks were segregated and couldn’t vote. Women couldn’t get jobs other than ones like secretary, librarian, teacher, cook, etc. One of the bloodiest most inhuman wars in history (WWI) had just concluded. They spent their childhood in the Great Depression. Then they went through Hitler exterminating Jews, the Japanese occupation of China, the massacres in South Asia, countless famines and brutal dictators, KKK lynching of blacks, race riots in the 60s, and so on, but somehow people like their son wanting to be treated as an equal makes all those other things look insignificant. Somehow all that other stuff is my mom’s definition of “a more loving atmosphere”, and gay people daring to live in committed loving relationships means she’s no longer in “a loving atmosphere”. That’s just fucked up! For a while I’ve had serious problems with my mom’s definition of the word “love”. This is just one more example of that…

Needless to say I don’t spend much time around my parents. Every few years I give it another shot, but I think the try a few years ago was my last.

I haven’t been finding John Stewart all that funny lately (Colbert seems to be a lot funnier), but damn – this segment on Gay marriage with Mike Huckabee shows politically he’s right where he needs to be. Maybe he should morph more into a Rachel Maddow sort of program, though being on Comedy Central sorta makes that difficult.

I especially love the bit where Huckabee says gay people need to prove why they deserve marriage and Stewart challenges him on the fact that people need to prove they deserve equality… Good stuff!

And sorry for not posting hookups – life’s been crazy lately and I just haven’t had the time or energy to fuck anyone. Maybe this weekend…

A new study out of The University of Toronto has concluded that “undesirable” gay guys are more likely to take sexual risks. Their logic goes like this… If you’re not attractive and you know it, you’re more likely to be an alcoholic and be depressed, and you’re more likely to not ask questions when a guy you consider hotter than you wants to bareback.

I’d like to offer a different explanation… That guys who are into their bodies are stuck up and inhibited. How many ads have you seen saying “only hot guys should respond” as if there’s a single accepted definition of “hot guy”, yet you know exactly what the person is talking about. He’s essentially saying “I’m conceited and you need to be up to my standards or I won’t touch you.” Anything that’s messy and real is beyond them – they want plastic and pretty.

I’m not saying all good-looking guys are like that, but the ones who are in the “I’m hot, UB2” crowd are pretty much like that. And being more “plastic” who knows if they’re telling the truth about their sex life. I can completely see them trying to keep up appearances and not being honest.

Then there are “regular Joe’s”, and the bears and the chubs, etc. who have gotten over themselves. They’ve found that you can have incredible sex with the most unlikely people. It’s no wonder that every time I come across a true slut – the type that sucks off or gets fucked by several guys a day and pushes the 1,000 loads/year mark – they’re almost always pretty average in looks. Yet they have way better sex lives than the “pretty boys”. Sure there are exceptions, like Dawson, but the general trend is true.

The other problem with the study is that it lumps racial minorities into the “undesirable” group. The research was done in Toronto and if you know anything about Toronto you know it’s crawling with Asians, yet Asians are generally pretty conservative sexually and always seem to have the lowest incidence of HIV of any racial group. So I don’t get how that didn’t confound the researcher’s conclusions…

I’m sure there’s some truth in what they’re saying, but there’s enough other things going on that the conclusion of the study seems pretty short-sighted…

Came across this video on how to knowingly get gonorrhea – sorta funny…  😉

Well, a couple of months ago, when I said I was having discharge and it looked like I had gonorrhea I got treated, but didn’t get tested. Now I sorta wish I had gotten tested ’cause I’m now thinking I didn’t have gonorrhea at all…

You see, the symptoms got better, but didn’t really go away. When I did the post that I got tested and was still neg, the reason why I went in was because I still had symptoms and wanted to find out what was going on. That time I had a full battery of STD tests and they all came back negative. So if the symptoms persisted then I probably didn’t have anything the first time.

Which makes me wonder what was going on…

So two or three weeks ago there were a couple days when I had a little pain in my balls (probably epyditimus), but it went away and I didn’t think anything of it. Then this past Monday I suddenly had pretty bad discharge again as well as pain while pissing.

I’ve been working a lot lately and since I work at home I sometimes work on the floor on my stomach. I have a desk with an Aeron chair, but there are times when I just like to lay on the floor. On top of that you have to realize that I didn’t jack off in the traditional sense until I was in college. To cum I always humped the bed in sorta this one man frottage sorta thing. In fact, I really used to like frottage when I came out. Did a lot of it and since it was the height of the AIDS epidemic it probably helped keep me neg (especially since my bf turned out to be poz). My favorite used to be to have the bottom cum and then rub my dick in his cum. Felt really great.

Anyway, getting back on track here… I’ve sorta noticed that when I do a lot of “jacking off” while laying on my belly, I tend to get STD-like problems. Part of it is probably ’cause I don’t clean up – I just wear the cum stained underwear and pants around the rest of the day. I can smell the cum a bit and think it’s sorta hot. But my guess is the cum probably goes bad and a ton of bacteria probably invade since it’s a great source of food for them. So it’s probably not all that hygenic, but is good sex ever hygenic? Not that I’d call jacking off good sex, but going out in public smelling like cum is definitely a little edgy…

So when I got discharge on Monday my first thought was that it was related to jacking off – even if it was that the hole for my PA got irritated. I gave it a day or so to clear up but when it didn’t, I made an appointment and went to Callen-Lorde. I got this great NP who seemed like he was in Radical Faeries or something (he had orange nail polish on). Great guy and seemed really competent.

His first reaction was that even though I had discharge I probably didn’t have an STD. The fact that I was coming in monthly with similar symptoms made him think something was up. I also found out the tests from the second time were negative for STDs, but I had an elevated white blood cell count which indicated there was still some type of infection.

The bottom line is that he put me on Levaquin for 7 days and did another round of tests. So unfortunately I’ve had to say no to some hookups I really wanted to do since I can’t say for sure that I don’t have an STD.

The discharge had stopped, but I’ll wait until end of next week to fuck again. In the meantime, I’m jacking off on the floor and smelling like cum!

I know this post is going to be pretty controversial, but while I would have liked to see us win on Prop 8, after thinking about it for a few days, I think losing on Prop 8 is actually a good thing for our community.

The gay community used to be pretty political – in your face, and radical. We used to look bigots in the eyes and say “fuck you!” Now we look those bigot in the face and want to be like them. We’re running to the suburbs, setting up house like Ward and June Cleaver, and wanting those bigots to accept us.

Well, they’re bigots, why in the hell do we want their acceptance? Why should their acceptance matter? Why is it that our sense of self-worth is in their hands in the first place?

That’s why I think losing on Prop 8 is good for us. It’s a slap in the face to all the people in our community who are trying to be “straight-acting”.

Then there’s the 27% of the gay community that voted for McCain. They fit in there somewhere, but in a very complicated way… Needless to say, they horrify me. Only 15% of Manhattanites voted for McCain, how can nearly twice as many gay people vote for him? How is it that Manhattan is twice as liberal as the gay community?

Yes, I’m legally married, and I think we should have the right to marry and have our marriages fully recognized everywhere. I don’t want civil unions, I want marriage because “separate but equal” is always separate and never equal. [I’d love to get Obama in a room and have him, as an intelligent black man, look me in the eye and tell me that “separate but equal” is a good idea.]

While I want gay marriage, I don’t want our marriages to mimic straight marriages. There are those in our community who want marriage so they can be more like straight people, so they can be better in line with heterosexual norms. That’s just fucked up.

This summer I said I was really disappointed in Lambda Legal for telling gay people not to sue for their rights. I think the loss on Prop 8 sorta vindicates what I’m saying. I realize there’s legal strategy behind what they were saying and they didn’t want negative precidents, but for god’s sake 30 states have now made gay marriage illegal. We can’t even win equality in California where the Republican governor is fine with gay marriage. What does that tell us about the US right now? If you can’t win through being nice in a place like California, you’re fucked and it’s clearly the wrong strategy.

I think we should have a blitzkrieg of lawsuits and our rallying cry should be that we are not 2nd class citizens and we won’t just shut up and sit in the back of the bus. I think we need to hold friends accountable for how they vote, and even take it into our business lives and refuse to do business with bigots, when we’re able to do so financially.

I really like the fact that some people are talking about stripping the Mormon church of tax exempt status. We need to be in-your-face radicals. We need to make people see that it’s not acceptable to be bigots. For too long we’ve let the fundies take the battle to us. Let’s turn that around. Let’s show that you’re not “pro-life” if you start offensive wars that kill tens of thousands of people, and you’re not “pro-family” if you can’t respect loving, stable homes that happen to be gay, and you’re not “defending our children” if you don’t allow unmarried people to be foster and adoptive parents.

If you need a model for how a radical strategy works, just look back to ACT UP and the fight for AIDS treatment. ACT UP was throwing blood on people, but it raised the issue, made a point, and softened people up so they’d make deals with the moderates in our community. But now we have no radicals and the right wing extremists are painting our moderates as “too extreme” and “dangerous”. Well, let’s show them too extreme and dangerous so they can understand the difference.