The other day I got to thinking… I was wiped and just wanted to relax. Mentally I was a bit horny, but just didn’t have the energy for sex. All I wanted right at that moment was a good massage. The funny part is that if a submissive bottom had given me a massage in the process of unwinding I probably would have gotten a hardon and a 2nd wind and would have wound up fucking him and giving him a load. But the idea that the fuck and the load were expected of me made me not want to deal with bottoms who were looking to get fucked.

And really, I think most sub bottoms have forgotten what it means to be submissive. They equate submissive with passive. Submissiveness is about service – meeting the needs of your top at the expense of your own needs and desires. In my experience there are a lot of passive bottoms out there, but very few truly submissive ones. Or maybe I just don’t communicate that I want more than a fuck. Still, if a bottom started giving me a massage when we were having a quiet moment – would I stop him? Absolutely not.

The thing is, it’s more than saying “I’ll give you a massage”. It’s about there being zero pressure for sex. You may hope for sex, but you shouldn’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen.

On a similar note I spent Sunday cleaning our place. A sub bottom texted me in the middle of it. I told him I was cleaning. He made it clear he’d be up for coming over and helping with cleaning. But he didn’t make it clear that he’d be OK with just helping with cleaning. I got the impression that he’d trade cleaning for sex. That’s not submissiveness. If he had made it clear that he’d be happy just cleaning, I might have said “come over”. And if he had played his cards right – say stripping down and cleaning in the nude – then he might have gotten fucked. But I wasn’t looking for a “fuck the houseboy” scene. I had to get the cleaning done.

So my advice to true submissive bottoms is stop looking for sex. Instead ask yourself what the top needs in that moment and give him that. Sure, do it in a way that may lead to sex, but don’t focus on the sex. In the process I think you’ll get plenty of sex and you’ll probably find a boyfriend/SIR in the process since you’ll be more than a fuckhole to the top.

A few years ago a guy worked for me. Then a few weeks ago he asked if he could interview me. It took me a while to feel comfortable with what he wanted to do, but I finally said yes and he did his interview 3 weeks ago just before I got sick…

The product of the interview is a video. The visual portion is random images that don’t really have much to do with anything. I like the end result – it’s a good video (IMHO)… Take a look/listen…

In case your wondering that’s not quite my voice. It’s been altered and sounds much more femmy than I really sound. At first he tried to butch up my voice but since I already have a semi-masculine sounding voice there wasn’t much he could do in that direction without making me sound like Deep Throat. So femmy it is… 😉

Tell me what you think of it…

I saw this picture on Facebook tonight and it made me think…

Which do you think is more dangerous? Riding a powerful motorcycle in your underwear or getting poz cum in your ass?

One thing is for sure – while both are dangerous, they’re both incredibly hot! I mean that pic is incredible. But honestly, they call them “murdercycles” for a reason.

Sometimes people don’t realize I’m just human, with a life, etc. Late last week a guy contacted me on BBRT and asked…

hey man, on a serious note, could i talk to you for a minute? I am writing a one man show called “[Title redacted]” and I have a hunch that you are a brilliant man, and a perv like me. if you could i would greatly appreciate it kind sir. [name & phone # redacted]

you can google my musically name, [name redacted] just so you know i am not a psychopath

cheers

I respond…

sorta busy right now, and prefer emails over calls…

I just hate talking on the phone – always have, unless perhaps I know the person really well. I even get my bf to order food for delivery. I’m a geek and phone calls just make me uncomfortable.

Then he really goes off on me…

its cool. Im trying to get a feel for a persons experience and it doesnt happen through email. in fact what is so concerning my dear is that although very fucking hot dude, your blog and site and whatever is a bunch of bullshit in my opinion now… because over years and years, u are always busy, and people i know who have hit you up have had the same sort of interaction. i know you would rather communicate through email because are absolutey a writer of fiction because you dont strike me as the type of man who is bangin a bunch of ass all the time and you use that really outdated picture of you creaming Dawsons hole as your claim to fame. And where are the releases for your amateur film company? You are no Paul Morris I am afraid because Mr. Morris is not just keeping focus on the disconnect which is/can be hot but he also through his ART captures the real beauty of it all

[Emphasis mine]. All that because I’m busy and don’t like phone calls… Seriously? And to be clear – I do ask the guys who fuck for me on camera to sign releases and show ID… I’ve just been too busy to get a site up and make the videos public (I have a life)…

So I said…

geez… that’s a lot of anger considering you don’t know me… i have a life. i do not exist to serve you or fuck your friends on demand.

To which he responded…

no but i think you have a responxibility [sic] to your community. that was not a dose of anger btw. you see, through email and communication where there is little brain activity, it is hard to notice inflection, tone and demeanor

So apparently he thinks it’s my “responsibility” to fuck his friends whenever they want to get fucked. All I could do was state the facts in reply…

i’ve fucked 14 guys in the past 42 days. that averages a guy every 3 days… that’s not enough? i still have construction workers in my place every day & my A/C is out so it’s not like i can host during the day. if it weren’t for those factors it would be closer to a guy every other day.

honestly, you should see my inbox here and on A4A… a lot of bottoms want my load (not bragging, it just is what it is…) but there’s only so much time in my life to fuck and i only have so many loads in me…

If I tell you I think  you’re hot or I want to fuck you, I really do think your hot and want to fuck you. But I only have time to fuck so many guys… Whoever is close and easy when I’m looking gets my load (this guy was in Brooklyn).

It’s like the guy took it personally that I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone and I didn’t fuck his friends. Whatever… I have a life. I have no reason to apologize.

Does anyone else find it somewhat ironic that Erik Rhodes died while being a “safe sex” porn star? I mean some of the companies he worked for refuse to hire guys who do bareback porn, and if they do let their models do bareback, they’re definitely not OK with them having worked for Treasure Island. Why? Because they say bareback porn is dangerous. Yet, when was the last time you heard of a bareback porn star dying in the prime of his life?

[OK, there was Chad Noel, but despite everything that was said about him dying of an AIDS-related illness, others are saying he died of a drug overdose… Which brings me back to Erik Rhodes…]

The rabidly safe sex porn companies promote unrealistic body images that are harmful to their performers and to their customers. Simply put you can’t get a body like Erik’s without injecting anabolic steroids and taking human growth hormone. Those fuck with your body like crazy. All sorts of bad things happen.

Yet you can’t work at many of the rabidly anti-bareback porn companies unless you’re doing steroids and/or HGH – you just won’t be big enough to get on their roster. It’s not that they force you to do steroids, but they won’t hire anyone who isn’t huge and you can’t get huge unless you do steroids. So they’re essentially insisting the guys who work for them do things that are dangerous to their health in order to get hired, and yet they’re anti-bareback because… “it’s dangerous”. I don’t get it.

[Then there’s the issue about how many of the people behind those policies bareback complete strangers in their personal lives. I’ve even heard stories about some of them being gift givers… But this post isn’t about that…]

And their customers, many of whom are reasonably sexy and hot, start to think they’re not hot enough – that no one will will want to have sex with them because they’re not as hot, big or muscular as someone like Erik Rhodes. So they either pine away with unfulfilling sex lives, or they go out and start doing steroids and HGH and fuck up their bodies in the process…

And then there’s the issue of putting needles and syringes in the hands of someone like Erik. His personal blog has gone private, but a few days ago while it was still public I read this blog post from 4 years ago where he talks about all the drugs he did over gay pride weekend. Every day that weekend he got so high he’d forget stuff, or pass out and then throw up over people, etc. He was a total mess. Reading it and realizing it was from 4 years ago I was amazed he made it this long.

I’ll admit that in some ways bareback porn is like pretty muscle boy porn – it promotes something that can be damaging to your health. But there’s a difference. Barebacking is normal and natural – god created us gay and driven to have butt sex – barebacking is just a natural expression of that desire – it the gay version of what has made humans the dominant species on the planet. In contrast chemically induced bodybuilding is completely unnatural. There’s no biological drive to take steroids or HGH – that’s completely driven by a culture that values really big muscle. We can’t change biology, but we can change culture.

I’m sick and tired of producers of pretty boy muscle porn looking down on barebackers – trying to stigmatize us and get people to believe we’re the ones with a problem. Dudes… You’re in a glass house throwing stones. You’re the ones with performers dying in the primes of their lives. Get over yourselves and deal with your problems before trying to fix things you think are problems with us.

That said, people will do steroids and HGH whether we want them to or not. They’ll do hardcore drugs whether we want them to or not. And they’ll bareback whether safe sex porn producers want them to or not. To quote Rodney King – “Can’t we all just get along”? It’s time to end the bans against porn stars who do bareback porn. Just let people be who they are and do what they want (to a point).

At the same I do want to say that drugs can be incredibly destructive. Unless you want to end up like Erik Rhodes, don’t ever let drugs control you – and be careful not to make excuses and pretend they’re not controlling you when they are. If your drug use causes problems at work, then they’re controlling you. If drugs cause problems with your non-druggie friends, then they’re controlling you. If you’re starting to see warning signs, get the help you need… It’s readily available if you look for it…

In the end, let’s be realistic… There are many things which can be dangerous, and while barebacking can be one of them, it’s far from being the biggest problem in our community. Hell, smoking kills far more gay guys than HIV…

Today a well-known porn studio did a shoot at my place. You’ll understand in a bit why I’m not going to give details. It was a big crew – like 8 porn stars (I didn’t participate other than being there). The professionalism among them was completely uneven. Most of them were polite and courteous and professional, but there was one who was just a huge messy queen…

The mess showed up 2 hours late and at one point went outside (in view of all my neighbors) with no shirt on. When I said “why did you do that?” He said “I don’t care (what people think)”. My response was, “Well, I care. I have to live here.” He was clearly high – sorta bouncing off the walls and saying stupid shit. He asked me how he looked, then said a little prayer in front of me (about him staying clean) and insisted I say the “Amen”.

Then a few hours later one of the porn stars I’ve known for a while says “believe it or not, he’s higher than when he arrived.” This, despite the producer telling everyone in advance that drugs weren’t allowed. Then a half hour later I see he’s passed out in one of the rooms…

I mean that’s pretty hot to walk in on – sorta perfect how he managed to have his shorts pulled down – like he hoped someone would come along and fuck him (some more). If he weren’t such a mess I might have gone up and felt him up. But when other people are paying guys to perform I’m sorta stand-offish with porn stars – they’re not mine during that time – they belong to the producer. Plus, he was totally out and even snoring… Given how erratic he was acting I preferred him asleep. Our place can be pretty dangerous if someone’s not being careful.

When he was woken up his mood changed yet again – he got all angry and irritable. Then a few minutes later he had mellowed a bit, but was super anxious to leave (which was fine by me). All in all he was sort of a sad character. Mind you, the video of him getting fucked is going to be incredible. He’s hot and can take an incredibly hard pounding (thanks in part to him being plastered out of his mind). But his life is just a huge disaster from the looks of it.

Then there was another really well known porn star bottom who showed up and promptly had to spend a lot of time cleaning out. Shit happens (so to speak), and in all other respects I really liked the guy – seemed genuine, well-balanced, was really nice to be around, but the bottoms were told it was going to be difficult to clean out – you’d think someone of his caliber and who’s generally really professional would do a bit more to be clean. But he was so good in other respects that I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt – maybe he was just having a bad day.

Most of the guys (like my friend) were completely prepared and put their all into it. They seemed like they’d be a pleasure to work with.

There are times I think it would be fun to produce porn. But then there are moments like today when the one bad apple in the barrel makes me wonder. The problem porn star reminds me of other porn stars I know. There’s one (who I’ve fucked) a friend told me about the other day who’s deals and uses drugs. Apparently he’s progressed in his drug addiction to the point where he has paranoid spells – it’s just a matter of time before he comes to some tragic end (sad). Then there’s one who worked for me at one point who was a nice, personable guy but the more I got to know him the more I realized he lived in a fantasy world where he thought he could do what he wanted and somehow people would want to take care of him.

I’m not saying all porn stars are messy, but there are enough messy porn stars that I can’t imagine getting full-time into production – I don’t “suffer fools” very well. Porn production would just be an exercise in frustration. Now, the occasional amateur shoot – that could be hot – but even then I’ll encounter flakes, but at least I won’t be paying them…

UPDATE:

Right after I wrote this I saw the news that Whitney Houston died. People (hard) drugs lead to big problems. Yes, you might accomplish something and people may know you – and part of your creativity may come from the drugs. But ultimately they’re just not worth it. I hate to sound like Barbara Bush Nancy Reagan – but seriously, “Just Say No”.