Load 2021-1

It’s almost embarrassing how long it’s been since I’ve had sex. Last time I updated the blog was November 2018. I’ve literally only had sex on 5 different days since then – a few days after that post, then twice about a year later (October/November 2019), then on vacation in February of last year. Then just as I was feeling like getting back in the game, the pandemic hit and I only hooked up once during the pandemic (with a buddy who I knew for certain was playing safe and keeping risk really low – and we hooked up outdoors, at the beach to minimize risk).

As the pandemic hit and then continued I just hunkered down. Vaccines were eventually on the horizon and I didn’t want to be the person who died a week before they could have gotten the vaccine. I had a lover who died of AIDS in 1995 – a year before ARVs came out. I’d learned my lesson my lesson from that. And my caution was warranted – the roommate of a friend got hospitalized and put in the ICU and after a few weeks he died. Tragically, he died four days after he qualified for a vaccine. He was a cute little cub in his mid-30s. It can happen to anyone.

The pandemic explains why I didn’t hookup for the past year. But it doesn’t explain 2018 and 2019. There were a number of factors, but the cumulative effect is that I kinda lost the mojo to be a good top. You need a certain confidence to be a good top (or even a good bottom), and a number of things in my life were interfering with that. Among other things, there were problems with my immediate neighborhood (which at one point escalated to me being assaulted), finding success in work was difficult, and so on… Even Trump’s presidency felt like a downer. Things finally started to change late last year – Trump lost, and the people who were causing problems in the neighborhood were arrested and are now facing 20 to life for drug trafficking. There are still remaining issues in my life, but they’re manageable.

Needless to say I wanted (needed?) life to get back to normal so I was pretty assertive about getting a vaccine. I got my first shot 2 days after I qualified. But I still played it safe, so didn’t really start thinking of hooking up until I was fully vaccinated (2 weeks after my 2nd shot).

I FINALLY had my first hookup yesterday (5 days after being fully vaccinated). I’m so ready to get back into the swing of things that I’ve set a goal to only cum when I fuck, which means ideally I’d hookup every 3-5 days. But the guy yesterday got a 10 day load since I stopped jacking off a few days before I was fully vaccinated and then I’d been busy with other stuff and didn’t manage to hookup the first few days.

Anyway – the hookup… I started looking in the morning but made the mistake of being too picky about distance. I wanted a bottom who’d host, who I could walk to. There were a few guys taking loads but they were all further away. As it got to be mid-afternoon I realized I had spent far too much of the day looking for an ideal hookup and realized I just needed to breed an ass (perfection is the enemy of good). A guy hit me up and said he’d pay for an Uber if I’d come breed him. He had hit me up back in 2017 and 2018 telling me that he wasn’t taking his PrEP consistently and was thinking of converting. But that was 3 and a half years ago and his profile still said “negative, on PreP”. So I knew he had bug chasing tendencies but didn’t know what was real and what was fantasy with him. He wasn’t my “ideal type” but it’s always fun to fuck a bug chaser, and he was just visiting the City so it was now or who knows when – so I said yes. I declined the Uber and rode my bike down to his hotel.

As I walked into the hotel I panicked a little. I wasn’t sure where the elevators were, but finally I spotted them so I got spared the embarrassment of explaining to the staff that I was there for a pump-and-dump with a guy and didn’t know his name. When I got up to his room the door was ajar. I went in, it was actually a small suite. I set down some of my stuff, went to the bathroom to take a piss, and then went into the bedroom where he was on the bed ass up.

I had him get on all fours so I could rim him. His ass was REALLY hairy (he was sorta hairy all over). He had mentioned before I came that his as was cummy, but I couldn’t taste any loads. It would’ve been cool to felch some cum from his ass, but at least his ass was perfectly clean. Woulda been a bummer if I’d gotten a bottom with a dirty hole the first time out after so long.

I fucked him on all fours just briefly and then had him get on his belly. We hadn’t really said anything to each other, but at that point he got really verbal and was literally begging me to give him a toxic load and poz him. He said he wanted me to be the one to make him poz. I honestly believed that’s what he wanted, but who knows what the reality was. Was he neg and on PrEP? Has he been taking his PrEP consistently, or did he go off before traveling to NYC? Or is he poz and just wants to recreate a fantasy pozzing? Or maybe he has no clue what his status is… Still, it’s hot to hear a bottom beg me to knock him up. He’d been talking about it for enough years I knew he really wanted it – even if his PrEP usage wouldn’t let it happen, or it had happened a while ago.

I’m never one for long fucks. I learned a while ago that when I feel ready to cum, I should just do it – because if I wait I may not be able to cum later. And true to form, I didn’t last long – especially with him begging me to poz him. I felt a spurt of cum, then a few seconds later I felt a much bigger spurt. I mean it had been 10 days since I’d cum. It felt like a pretty big load – but not seeing the load, who knows?

I’d been almost completely silent the entire time. It wasn’t really “connected” sex. I needed a hole and he had one to fuck. But I think he really was hoping I’d just pozzed him and he was going to have this wonderful connected moment with his poz daddy. I hadn’t taken off my clothes (other than my jacket), so as I was zipping up he indicated he wanted me to stick around for a moment. I thought he said he wanted to “clean me up”, but then I realized he wanted to jack off with me. I played with his nipples, but they didn’t seem wired to his dick. He wanted to kiss, but between the anonymous nature of it and, ummm…, the pandemic, I dodged that one. I know he wanted more, but I wasn’t really in the headspace for the level of connection he wanted. I could have sucked his dick, but that wasn’t what I was there for, and would have changed the power dynamics between us. I felt a little bad for him in the moment. I was in disconnected mode, and he wanted connected. But it was what it was. Soon enough he came, then I zipped up, went for another piss and left.

One thing that’s a little amusing to me about this hookup, actually happens a lot when guys hit me up… I haven’t discussed my HIV status in years. I’m completely opaque about it. I like the fact that guys have no fucking clue. But they all seem to just assume that I’m poz and I’ve been toxic for years now. I don’t mind them assuming that, but I they’re making a lot of assumptions to come to that conclusion. But I actually sorta like that. Back in the day before PrEP neg bottoms had no real way to protect themselves. They were totally dependent on the top knowing his status and telling the truth. (This is before people realized undetectable = untransmittable). There was something really special about bottoms whose hunger for loads was greater than their sense of self-preservation. And even when I fucked a poz bottom back then I realized there was a point in their life when they chose to risk their health to get loads in their ass. That risk made barebacking really edgy back then. I miss the atmosphere of risk – it was hot. Those guys were true pigs, and piggy sex is just hotter. PrEP takes away that risk the way condoms took it away in the past. Now when I see a bottom is on PrEP it’s kind of a turn off. I’ll fuck them, but I just wish they’d simply put their status as “negative” and let me wonder.

So I have no clue whether the bottom was taking an actual risk or not yesterday, but I really liked that he at least made it seem in the moment like there was risk.

Loads 2018-4 & 2018-5

A few years ago now I started a development project. I never expected for it to take this long, but it’s finally getting off the ground. Little stuff got done along the way (like how banner ads were served – including on here and on Breeding Zone), and then I wrote a new chat feature for Breeding Zone that was all new code. But it’s only this month that I’m finally getting content moved and the new sites are starting to really do their thing.

So that said, check out BBBH.com (the name comes from #BBBH which is the hashtag used on Twitter for bareback sex). I’ve moved the porn blog that used to be on this site to BBBH.com as well as all the commercial videos that were on Raunchy Fuckers. My sex blog is still here (obviously), and the amateur videos are still on Raunchy Fuckers (for now). And there’s a lot more work to be done on the new sites (e.g. I need to pull in new content), but they’re finally decent and relatively complete, which feels good.

I say all of that to explain (in part) why I haven’t been having much sex. There are multiple reasons for me checking out when it came to sex, but getting absorbed in work is one of them. But honestly it’s more complicated than that. There are a number of things I’ve found emotionally draining… Development taking forever was one, politics was another, and then there were a couple of significant issues in my living environment (to be accurate, but obscure) that weighed on me. Anyway, sum total is that I like to approach sex from a position of power and I wasn’t feeling powerful, so I wasn’t having sex.

Not everything is resolved, but enough things are resolved and I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the others, so I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things. A couple of weeks ago I went to a sex party and fucked a bunch of guys, but my dick gave out before I came, so I didn’t give any loads. And then this week I’ve bred two guys…

First guy was a couple of days ago. I was looking for a guy who’d come over and take a load. A bunch of guys were generally interested but finally one said he’d actually come over. It was a decent hookup, but I’d say the “connection” was missing for some reason. I’m guessing he wanted to get fucked for a longer period of time. But not every hookup has to be one for the record books. He did say “Well, that was fun” after I was done, which seemed a little funny in the moment. One thing about him that I noticed after blowing my load and I was laying next to him was that he had a really beautiful face. Not that he had a bad body (his body was fine), but if he put more effort into his body his overall “package” would be rather stunning – not everyone has such a great face.

Second guy was this morning. He was the hot bug chaser I fucked at the beginning of the year. It was a rather weird, but hot anonymous scene where I had to tell the doorman I was the dog walker to get into the building. The weird part was that the doorman mentioned the part about the door to the apartment being open. Made me wonder if the doorman fucks the guy as well. (Which would actually be pretty hot). Long story short, I rimmed him for ages while I tried to get my dick to cooperate, and finally I just thought “fuck it, I’ll go with it as it is” and started fucking him before I was fully hard. Good news was that fucking him got me fully hard. Usually I get a bottom on his stomach to fuck, but I could feel my load building with him on all fours. BUT then I could smell that he wasn’t clean. I usually hate that and stop immediately BUT I smelled that after I could feel my load coming, and I was determined to give him my load, so I pushed him onto his belly in an attempt to keep my clothes clean (I hadn’t undressed – just unzipped). I did manage to give him my load and then it took forever to clean up the mess in the bathroom. As I was leaving I was just hoping it was his apartment. I worried he might actually be the dog walker and it was a client’s apartment. If that was the case it would have been a huge disaster.

So hopefully there will be more to report in the near future…

Load 2018-1

I know I’ve been really really horrible about maintaining this blog. My New Years Resolution is to breed more asses and when I’m breeding regularly it’s fun to talk about it. So you should see more blog posts…

Last year I did a bunch of sex parties, but rarely cum when I’m standing up with the bottom bent over, so I did fuck 95 holes last year, but only managed to cum 18 of those times. If I put my mind to it I should be able to double that number this year pretty easily (hopefully get closer to tripling the number).

The first hole of the year was this hot, 30ish guy. I’ve always heard guys look best they ever look around the age of 30, so it’s a fun age to fuck. He first hit me up in July saying he’d gone off PrEP and wanted me to fuck him with my PA. There are a lot of guys who fantasize about being bugchasers – they’ll talk the talk, but then get cold feet. Off PrEP and wanting a rough fuck sure sounded like he was in bug chaser mode to me. And on top of everything else he said he had a boyfriend who didn’t know he was getting fucked and could only host during the day. Things didn’t work out in the summer, but then I heard from him again in November, and then yesterday he gives me the room number at a hotel near where he said he lived.

I’ve started cycling a lot, which means I’m FINALLY losing weight. [More on that in another blog post, maybe. Bottom line I’m not the bear I used to be.] Anyway, my plan that evening was to cycle to my gym in Midtown, then go to a meeting nearby, and the guy’s hotel was right on the way. So I left 20 minutes early to give me enough time to fuck him. I hadn’t actually got a response from him saying the time was good when I left, but by the time I got to midtown and checked he’d said the timing was perfect.

And I hadn’t really taken the time to study his profile and my notes on him before I left. All I knew was he seemed like he’d be a good fuck. I get to the (rather nice) hotel, go upstairs, and found his door ajar (as I’d suggested he do). I pushed the door open and there he was naked on the bed. He was actually much hotter than I was expecting. Quite smooth, lightly muscled, and very fit.

He flipped over and got on all fours as soon as I opened the door. At the time I didn’t know what to think of the look on his face. He didn’t really smile, so I was thinking maybe he wasn’t into me. I wondered if he was expecting me to be hotter or something.  His smooth perky ass looked absolutely perfect, and he presenting it for me to fuck, so I really didn’t care if he was into me or not. I just wanted to give him my load.

I unbuckled my belt, and unzipped my pants and then fumbled around in my bag to find my cockring. Then I started rimming him. His ass was perfectly smooth and muscled enough to make it perky. And best yet, not a hint of mustiness. I wondered if there were other loads in there, but couldn’t taste any.

Then when I was hard enough to fuck I stood up and pushed my dick in (still fully clothed). His hole felt really great. I almost thought I might be able to cum in that position (doggy), but didn’t want to take any chances so after a bit I had him get on his belly. It actually didn’t feel quite as good as it did with him on all fours, but I just stuck with it and it wasn’t long before I gave him a nice big load.

My dick seemed clean, but just in case I wiped it off with his sheets 😉 He flipped over and again I couldn’t tell what he thought of the fuck. He seemed a bit indifferent.

Then I gathered up my stuff and left. The total encounter was maybe 5 minutes. Definitely less than 10 minutes. I then stopped at a table in the hallway to put my coat on and get ready to do the next leg of the bike ride to the gym.

When I got home there was a message from him saying it was hot and the first time he’d knowingly taken a poz load. It was at that point when I understood his indifference. It wasn’t indifference – it was ambivalence. He was probably numb from the idea that with that fuck he was committing himself to possibly getting pozzed. It’s a big step and I can totally see a bottom seeming ambivalent the first time they actually go through with it.

I just hope the desire for poz toxic cum grows in him and he keeps seeking it out. And if he wasn’t actually off PrEP I hope he takes that step too. Clearly at least part of him wants to be poz, otherwise he wouldn’t have hit me up and said the things he did. And he wouldn’t have knowingly sought out his first poz load. (My dick is hard thinking about him getting pozzed 😈 ).

[And for the record, IMHO, some – probably most – people should stay neg and with PrEP they can. But when poz becomes your fetish – the thing you think about when you’re jacking off – then, for those people, yeah, I totally think they should get off PrEP and get their asses pozzed. It suits them.]

Load 2017-5

Gotta say I LOVE it when bug chasers hit me up to take my load. Fucked another one almost two weeks ago now. He was literally desperate to get pozzed. You could just see it in his eyes.

He was actually sorta cute. Short, nice body, mixed race. I refused to confirm whether I was poz or neg, off meds or on them. He had to take my load to find out. When he got here he was sorta withdrawn and quiet. It was like he was just going through the motions, but with intense desire.

There was some “poz talk” while we were fucking, but honestly it didn’t’ take long for me to blow my load. Just the idea of him wanting me to infect him was a huge turn on.

Afterwards I came I stayed pretty hard and kept fucking him. Finally I rolled him on his side and spooned him while still pumping in and out of his ass. I asked him when when he started chasing and he said he went off PrEP two months before. In other words, his Christmas present to himself was going off PrEP and his New Year’s resolution was to get pozzed.  Something tells me that’s one New Year’s resolution that might actually get fulfilled 😉

Now I’ve got this other bug chaser hitting me up. Cute, fairly young, hot lean body. Hopefully I’ll get my load in him this weekend.

Loads 2017-1 & 2017-3

There’s this one hot little muscular Latino that I’ve been fucking for over 4 years now. Over that time I’ve given him 15 loads. He’s, by far, one of my favorite fucks and late last year he told me that he always tries to come over when I text him because I’m his favorite top.

It’s actually really sweet that I’m his favorite top because when I started fucking him I was “pretty bearish” (to put it nicely). He’s sorta my ideal type – Latino, really short, really muscular, completely masculine, and best yet he’s a total slut. He likes getting multiple loads in his ass. I’ve seen him post on Squirt saying he’s cruising the parks uptown looking for loads. I’ve seen him out at sex parties taking loads.

Oh, and he seems to really like quickies. The first time he came over this year my husband was in the other room and afterwards he remarked “that was less than 15 minutes!” I just shrugged and said “yeah, we both sorta like it quick”.

Anyway, when he came over a couple weeks ago I had taken a Levitra and I laid on the couch jacking off to some bug chaser blogs on Tumblr for a few minutes before he got there. I was rock hard when I answered the door and still hard when we got to the bedroom to strip down. He sucked a little on my dick and then got on the bed and I fucked him. One of the reasons why I like fucking little guys is because I can get deep enough to hit their “2nd sphincter” (the “transverse folds in the rectum” that your dick hits that make it feel like you’re going through another sphincter).

Then when he came over a couple days ago I was really rushed. I had to leave at 3:15 for a physical therapy appointment and he showed up at 3:00 – he was later than we’d originally planned because he stopped to get a load from another top 😉 Anyway, we had plenty of time. Once again I was hard from jacking my dick when he got there, we stripped down. There was a few seconds of kissing and oral and then I put him on the bed. Despite the fact that I almost always fuck him the same way he never seems to remember that I like him on his belly. It’s sorta funny – you’d think after all those fucks he’d remember. I mean usually on his knees is appropriate ’cause I  like to rim him, but there wasn’t time. Anyway, I came really quickly, he dressed and was on his way with his second load of the day, and I had time to gather my stuff and get on my way all by my 3:15 deadline.

Bottom line. I love fucking him. I probably even have a bit of a crush on him, but I wouldn’t say I love him ’cause I barely know him – it’s not like there’s much conversation. But I’m really glad I’ve got a hot bottom on-call and plan on fucking him pretty regularly this year…

2016-12

I’ve been really bad about blogging for while now. I’ve gone to a lot of sex parties this year, but haven’t actually bred that many holes. Sex parties are a good venue to fuck a lot of ass – I’ve fucked like 90 guys this year, BUT (for me) they’re horrible for actually cumming. I usually need the bottom on his belly to cum and most of the sex clubs around here don’t have proper beds.

Anyway… Last night I bred this bug chaser. God, I love bug chasers. There’s just something really hot about a guy begging you to give him a toxic load and convert him. This particular bug chaser was in town from the UK where (AFAIK) they’re still fighting about who’s gonna pay for PrEP. So many of the neg guys in NYC are on PrEP – I sorta miss the days when bottoms put their future health in the hands of the tops who fucked them raw. There were consequences to sex back then that made it edgier and more exciting than it is these days…

Anyway the bug chaser wanted me to fuck him with my big PA to rough up his hole. My PA has been a bit sensitive lately – especially when I wear my big ring for too long. But before I left the house I popped half a Levitra and put in the big ring. It’s not every day I get bottoms begging me to poz them, so didn’t mind giving him what he wanted – even if it was a bit painful for me.

I was sorta hoping I could watch him take other loads, but when I got to his hotel I was the only top.  He was on all fours on the bed with his face looking the other direction. The only light was the light from the bathroom with the bathroom door slightly ajar. I stripped down to just socks and my shirt and started rimming him. I asked how many loads he had in him and he said three. I wasn’t able to felch any of the loads. He just seemed “well lubed”.

Didn’t take me too long to get rock hard at which point I stood up and gently guided my PA into his hole and had him get on his belly. I could definitely feel the loads in him. His hole was nice and silky. But the problem was that my dick kept bottoming out in his ass, which meant my ring was twisting and causing me pain. I tried to see if I could just bear the pain, but finally I realized if I wanted to breed him the ring needed to come out. So I pulled out quickly, and used the pillowcase to get the ball off and the ring out of my dick.

Even before I took the ring out we started with the poz talk… “So you wanna get pozzed?” That started him begging me to poz him and asking if I was toxic, and begging for a toxic load up his ass. He wanted it pretty bad. I was telling him things like “All slutty bottoms should be poz. You know you want this…” It was really hot. Honestly it’s the sorta stuff that goes through my head most of the time when I’m fucking guys – I was just verbalizing it this time.

Needless to say it didn’t take all that long to blow a load, and the load felt really big. All that poz talk got me going.

As I washed up and got dressed he never looked back. I love the fact that he has no clue what I look like, yet he was begging me to give him a toxic load and convert him.

Of course, I have no clue if he’s actually neg. And he has no clue what my HIV status really is. It could have been all fantasy. Or it could have been real. No one really knows. But it was real in that each of our desires were out there and both of us were getting off on the risk. I feel like ARVs are like training wheels for sex these days. At least for a moment we pretended there were no training wheels…

If you’re a bug chaser (real or fantasy) and in NYC, definitely hit me up. I wanna breed you while you beg me to poz you. But offer is off the table if you’re PNPing… Real pigs don’t need drugs to have good sex.