Yesterday I had the idea of possibly going to IML this year – never been before and sounds like a blast. My mind was racing all night about the possibilities – seeing a lot of pluses and a few negatives…

Anyway, that made me think about a lot of things including the fact that I really need to get back to the gym. Not that cubs and bears aren’t a big part of the leather community, but just that I’d really be happier with a different body composition (maybe more like a muscle bear or something)… Plus, when I mentioned it to my bf he said I should lose weight and fit into my old leather from 10 years ago – but that would mean I’d need to drop 55-60 lbs – not sure that’s going to happen before Memorial Day…

Either way – I didn’t sleep well – just got a few hours of sleep but when I got up I was in the mood to go to the gym (hadn’t been in over a year – or is it two years – can’t remember). Thinking about it I realized there’s like 5 different guys I could hookup with between my place and the gym. So I texted one of them – a black guy I’d been corresponding with on bnskin and manhunt. I didn’t hear back from him until I was already at the gym so I told him I’d go after I finished up there.

So after working out, I’m functioning on like 3 hours of sleep, no food, and just had an exhausting workout. I grab a Tropicana orange juice at a bodega so I’d have some energy, and head over to his place a few blocks away. His place is surprisingly nice – he did an incredible job turning a so-so apartment into a really warm, well-designed place. But more than that, he seemed like a really sweet guy – and his ass – OMG – it was fucking hot… He had this little waist and a perky little butt that made me definitely want to fuck him.

We go into the bedroom and he’s got a frame up for a sling. He pulls out the sling and some sheets and towels to put under it. Once he’s got it up we take off our clothes. I’m dripping wet with sweat (like literally dripping wet). I was hoping he’d take the hint and want to smell my pits and get off on how sweaty I was, but he didn’t…

When he took off his underwear his balls were huge. I asked if he did saline injection or something (I knew he hooked up with someone last night), but he said ‘no’. I touched them and they were hard and lumpy. Something was seriously going on down there and I was really wishing he’d offer an explanation, but he didn’t. Everything else about him was so good, so I kept going…

He gave me a little blow job and then climbed into the sling. It had been a long time since I’d fucked someone in sling (I own one, but never put it up – yeah, I know, I know…) I’m mostly hard and shove in and start fucking. The sling was a link or two too high for me and I had to get on my tip toes to get things lined up just right, but the bigger problem was that I just wasn’t “feeling it” (if you read the blog enough, you know what I mean)…

After a while I feel myself getting soft so I just pull out. I wanted to try another position (him bent over the bed), but my dick just wasn’t cooperating. Not sure if it was ’cause I was tired, or the chemistry was off, or the fact that I kept thinking about his balls, but one way or the other it just wasn’t happening. I had him give me a blow job, but nothing came of it.

So finally I wrapped things up and left…

Things may not have worked out with that guy, but maybe fucking guys on my way to or from the gym is a way to stay motivated and get to the gym. But probably should fuck on the way there – so I have some energy to fuck…

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Last month I mentioned how I hated the new Bareback.com, but BarebackRT.com was looking pretty good. Well, I can say after some pretty active use that it’s a great site… I highly recommend it… You can sign up here (though please make sure you say you were referred by ‘rawTOP’ – I want the guy running the site to know I’m sending him users).

But beyond that I recommend you donate money to keeping it running (sites like that aren’t cheap to run). The webmaster put the following on his blog…

When I launched the site, my philosophy was to make the site totally free to anyone that wanted to come, but as the site grew beyond my financial means I decided to put a donation link on the site, allowing members that wanted to contribute to do so. I plan on keeping the site this way unless I’m forced to charge because of a lack of donations. If this ever happens it will probably be a nominal quarterly fee to cover the expenses of the site. I did make the decision that if we ever were to charge, people that made a donation before hand would be grand fathered in as “charter members” and would be exempt from the fee just as a thank you for early support.

Guys this is an excellent deal… Not only is it a site that’s worth supporting, but you’ll basically get it free for life if you donate now.

So I donated a bit and now guys from all over are contacting me… There’s a feature on it that lets you see all the guys (anywhere) that are logged in and site supporters are listed first – so everyone sees you when you donate… Regular users get a little lost in all the pages and pages of guys who are online…

There’s some hot guys on the site – too bad they don’t all live in my neighborhood… 😉

So sign up and give it a shot…

Load 2008-3

I’m happy to report the Brazilian guy who I fucked five times last year (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) is back on the fuck buddy list. The last two times I just couldn’t cum when I fucked him and I had sorta stopped trying to hookup with him ’cause I figured the chemistry had changed or something.

So earlier this week we were chatting on Manhunt and we got past the weirdness of not having hooked up in months. He thought I wasn’t into him, but I made it clear I wanted to give it another shot. So we figured out tonight would be a good night, and oddly enough my attempt to schedule a hookup in advance (something I almost never do) actually worked out…

I went over to his place after work and after stripping down (I left on my shirt), I asked him if he wanted me to leave my PA in or take it out. He said “whatever you want”. I took it out ’cause I didn’t want there to be any complications… I wanted things to work between us.

As soon as I took it out he got down on his knees and gave me a great blowjob. I’ve been good about my New Year’s resolution and haven’t been cumming between fucks, so I was a little worried I’d cum while he was blowing me – something I’ve only done a handful of times, but with a 4 day load in my balls I could have cum if I had let myself. But I wasn’t going to give an oral load when I could get my load up his butt…

Every time in the past when we went to fuck he’d throw his legs up and only later get on his stomach. This time he did something different – got on all fours. His legs are longer than mine so is was difficult to fuck him doggy style so I pushed him down onto his belly. His hole felt really good… Since I hadn’t cum in 4 days it was only maybe 5 minutes before I felt the orgasm coming. The weird part is that it took a while after that point for me to actually cum. But I did and gave him a nice big load. (BTW, guys have been commenting lately about how much cum I get in their ass – something I can’t confirm since I never actually see my cum anymore…)

I rolled him onto his side with my dick still in his butt and we laid there spooning. It felt nice. We caught up on each other’s lives – stuff like that. He seemed like he was in a different headspace than he had been last year. Previously he was really hungry for cum. He’d try really hard to get me going again – hoping for a second load up his ass. This time he just wanted to cuddle and be affectionate, which was fine with me – being mellow after a good fuck is nice…

I had to get home since I knew my bf was cooking dinner – so after a while I excused myself, got dressed and left. But it was a good hookup and I’m glad I’ve got a good, neg bottom available again – and so close too…

Next time you’re watching the hot Eastern European boys get fucked raw and take loads think about this…

The level of basic knowledge (within Europe) has been going down over last five years, while the myths and misunderstandings have been rising. One in five (adolescents) don’t know that it can be transmitted through sex without a condom. (Source: IPSNews.net)

On top of that the ones who do know condoms are effective are often too embarrassed to buy them… No wonder so much bareback porn is coming out of Eastern Europe…

I still don’t believe 2 or 3 guys got pozzed while filming “British Bareback Vacation” like some people are saying, but it does look like Eastern European bareback porn qualifies for the label “young, dumb, and full of cum”.

The other day I mentioned that HIV infection rates in NYC were down overall, but up for young gay men. Now the City has released the analysis of the causes of death for 2006 (PDF) and actual deaths from HIV are the lowest since 1984. In fact they went down a whopping 14.8% between 2005 and 2006. Given that we didn’t know HIV/AIDS existed until 1981 or 1982 – we’re basically at an all time low for HIV-related deaths.

For those of you who wonder why guys would “risk their lives” barebacking… The reason is simple – ’cause they don’t see people dying anymore. The generation before me was decimated, my generation saw some people die and a lot of others have serious problems (prior to 1996 when protease inhibitors came out). The generation after mine just never saw the sick or dying and they are the ones where HIV infections are on the rise.

Still, 1209 people died of HIV/AIDS in New York last year. I really wish the report told more about them. We know 34% of the deaths were black men; 21% black women; 11% white men; and 3% were white women. We know they were more likely to live in the Bronx (357 with a rate of 26.8 per 100,000) than in Manhattan (277, 18/100,000) or Brooklyn (363, 14.7/100,000). We know (luckily) that kids are no longer dying of it – just one death under the age of 15. We know the average age of people dying of AIDS is climbing (now up to 48.7 years for men). We know that in terms of “years of potential life lost” that both cancer and heart disease are each two and a half times the problem of HIV/AIDS. HIV/AIDS is on par with overdoses and murder in that regard.

But how long had they been poz? Did they have good insurance? Did they adhere to their cocktails? Did they take recreational drugs? Did they have other health complications? Were they gay, bisexual, IV drug users?

There are trends in the statistics that make me think actual deaths from HIV/AIDS are primarily hitting low-income communities of color. If the deaths aren’t predominantly in the gay community, it means AIDS-related deaths in the gay community really are at an all-time low and explains why the only group with an increasing rate of HIV infection is young gay men – they just aren’t seeing the problem, so they don’t see the need for a solution. It’s classic risk vs. reward behavior.

Outsiders always have the initial impression that New York is some sort of sex paradise, but the reality is actually quite different. The only way in which NY is good for sex is the sheer number and variety of guys we have here. It’s not hard to find someone to hookup with – unless you’re picky or something… And then there are private sex parties (more on that in a moment)…

The problem is there are laws on the books that prohibit sex in commercial establishments – PERIOD. No oral, anal or vaginal sex. It’s a bummer – you go to a J/O club and there are “monitors” running around saying “no lips below the hips”. And any bar with a back room doesn’t last long before it gets shut down… The bathhouses are lame – the saunas and steam rooms are usually closed (by order of the Health Department), and you can’t do anything in public areas and the rooms have signs on their doors saying “one person per room” (yeah right)…

So now there’s a report out by the NYC Department of Health that makes it seem like things may get even worse. According to the report the rates of syphilis and HIV infection are up (even though another study says NYC HIV infections are down overall) and so the Department of Health is trying to figure out how to control people’s sex lives to bring down new infections.

It’s the controlling people’s sex life part that bothers me the most. They’re trying to limit anonymous sex in particular and social norms that encourage/accept large numbers of sex partners. Needless to say that doesn’t sit well with me…

Now the curious part is their evaluation of where things stand and what they can do about it. They talk about how there are only 4 bathhouses in the City, and they respond pretty quickly when a bar or club gets a dark room… The bathhouses they’re worried about because they can’t legally enter the “private rooms” to observe what’s going on and they seem convinced that there’s stuff going on.

Yet the “problem” continues and the root of the problem, according to them, is private sex parties which are largely unregulated. Some of these are highly organized and function much like bathhouses. But there are a few problems enforcing the laws when it comes to private parties – first, the parties move around as soon as there’s a hint of a problem, and second the DOH inspectors don’t want to remove their clothes to get into the parties and to take any action they have to actually observe the sex act.

One of the funniest statements had to be

In two New York surveys, bathhouse users reported large numbers of sex partners per year (mean 26-29, median 11-12)

Having sex with one guy a month is considered a “large number of sex partners”? LOL… In the gay world that would amount to a single guy who’s not successful at dating (or hooking up)…

The end result is that they seem to desperately want to close all bathhouses and private sex parties or, at a minimum, turn them into San Francisco style bathhouses that have no private areas and are rigorously monitored for safe sex compliance. UGH!!!

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to a bathhouse or a private party (the closest I’ve come were the informal gangbangs last year) – so this doesn’t directly affect me. Actually, it helps in a way ’cause the guys who would go to the clubs and parties need another outlet when they get closed – so they turn to regular hookups which gives me more guys to fuck…

Still, all this really bothers me. I guess you’d call me a libertarian on this one – I just don’t think it’s government’s job to interfere with our sex lives. I’m all for education and information, but not regulation… If I were trying to improve the situation I’d focus on an expansion of free HIV and STD testing… That seems like a helpful role for government.

Frankly, I wish every bar had a back room – maybe then guys would go out to the bars like they did “back in the day” and New York would be fun again…