Well, 2007 was an OK year sexually… Got my dick in raw hole 42 times, 23 of those were holes I hadn’t been in before, and I got 24 loads in guys’ asses, 14 of those were guys I hadn’t cum in before. That’s generally better than 2006 when I only fucked 37 times and only gave 21 loads. Though I did fuck a few more new holes in 2006 than 2007 (26 vs. 23).

Last year this time I had grandiose notions of getting 100 loads of cum in asses in 2007 – but I gave up on that pretty quick. This year I’m going to set minimum and maximum goals. The minimum goals will be to give at least 36 loads (3 per month average) with a minimum of 2 a month, with more other months. In other words, no more going 90+ days without fucking. In addition I want to bareback at least 2 different teenagers this year (legal, of course), and go out of my way to fuck holes that already have a few loads in them, and bottoms who will do bondage/hoods/etc… The maximum goal will be 52 loads (average 1 a week). In order to make those goals happen I’m going to try really hard not to jack off unless I’m confident I’m not going to hookup in the next 48 hours… That should help a lot…

I know those goals are modest by some standards. There’s one bottom here in NY who posted on bnskin.com that he ‘only’ got 228 loads in his ass in 2007 when he was shooting for 250, and I’m sure there are bottoms who get a lot more than that, but I’m happy with my modest goals…

So I encourage all of you to think about what your goals are for this year. Quantify them, and then keep track to see if you’re achieving your goals.

If you still use condoms sometimes, maybe you just start with a goal of not using condoms. Tops can pledge not to have another condom on their dick. Bottoms can pledge to not have condoms available for their tops, and make it clear to tops that they’ll go raw…

Think about what will take you to the next level… Maybe it’s putting out an ad for an anonymous hookup where you don’t get a pic, and you put on a blindfold and just let whoever it is dump a load in you… Or maybe it’s going to a sex club or bar with a dark room and guiding dicks to your raw hole. Maybe it’s breaking your record for the most loads you’ve gotten in your ass in a night or weekend… If you’re in a small town you may need to schedule a holiday around sex – go to Berlin or some other city where you can get good and raunchy…

But one way or the other – let’s all just take it up a notch this year…

This morning I was looking at XTube – I knew I shouldn’t cum, but I felt it building and figured I’d just let it happen ’cause I wasn’t planning on hooking up today.

Fast forward to this afternoon. My bf and I got home, I had to run to the bank and then I came home and collapsed in bed and tried to take a nap. Then my bf came in and asked if a guy we’d both fucked before could come over – and do a 4 way with 3 tops – he had a Puerto Rican guy who wanted to join us – and he wanted to get 3 loads in his hole. When I hooked up with him he had wanted to get tagged by me and my bf, but my bf hadn’t been in the mood. Then another time my bf had hooked up with him when I wasn’t in the mood… Since then there have been a few times when he wanted to hookup, but only seemed to want to if he could get fucked by more than just me and my bf… This guy seems to love to be a gangbang bottom. Keep in mind that he seems like he’s in the closet and when I hooked up with him in May he said he’s never been fucked by more than one guy at a time…

But the really amazing thing was my bf – that he was trying to set up a scenario where the guy could get three loads in his ass… Needless to say, I was fine with it, though I was regretting that I had cum this morning…

So the bottom and the other top arrive. The top was attractive, looked late 20s (but was actually early 30s), looked more middle-eastern than latin… The bottom looked nerdy as ever 😉

Every one stripped down, I ate out the bottom’s ass – he had a nice hole to eat… There wasn’t any oral – just sorta jacking off going on… The latin guy tried to fuck him but it hurt too much, so my bf (who’s smaller) started him off by having him sit on his dick while he was sitting on the side of the bed. Then he stood him up, bent him over the bed and fucked him properly. The latin guy fucked him next – legs in the air. Then I took a shot at his ass. It felt nice, silky and warm… I sorta felt like I might be able to cum, but I didn’t push it since I wanted to fuck him when he had two loads in him (I’ve been craving bottoms with loads in them lately)…

Then we did another round – my bf came, the other guy came, but when it was my turn I put him on his belly, but since I’d come earlier I couldn’t really cum. I gave him a good fuck, and I think he might have thought I came – not that I faked it or anything, but it might have seemed like I came by the way I ended it. I probably should have cum in the first round or had him change positions so it would be easier to cum…

So everyone left happy, and I got my dick in a raw hole again… But I really gotta stop jacking off…

Load 2007-24

There’s this guy in our general neighborhood who’s been wanting to hookup up with me for a few years – I think since sometime in 2005. At first it was when my bf and I wanted to do a 3-way, but the guy was into some serious kink and my bf didn’t trust him when he said he was neg. But over the years his ads always say he’s neg and that he’s looking for neg tops, so I’ve come to believe him when he says he’s neg… My bf still doesn’t trust him – but I think it’s ’cause my bf likes guys who are more vanilla…

So yesterday he contacts me (always calls me SIR – something I really like about him), but he starts throwing a few “issues” in…

i got pissed on and cummed on last night and my master isnt letting me shower yet… is that a problem for u SIR?

my master also made me write faggot cock on my cock with a marker SIR. and he asked that i get a mark on my right butt cheek for each top that uses me today

Needless to say none of that was a problem!

Problem was he couldn’t host and I didn’t want to bring him around my bf (even though my bf said I could hook up with him if I wanted to). So he tries to find a another top to host. The first two fall through, but he finally finds one, but says he has to leave right then… Meanwhile I had made plans to hook up with this hot little 22 y.o. latin bb bottom I’d found on Craigslist, but he hadn’t responded to my e-mail when I sent directions and asked him to confirm. Since he didn’t respond I figured what the fuck and told the submissive guy I’d join him…

Since he was a bit stinky with dried piss and cum, I figured I didn’t need to shower (though I did wipe up “down there” so I wasn’t too rank…) So I just dressed went out, found a cab, picked him up on the way. He looked pretty much like his pics, but rougher – probably from not showering. He was just wearing a hoodie and jeans. You could tell he didn’t have anything else on (other than shoes, of course). Even though the cabbie could see him really easily, as soon as he got into the cab he started unbuttoning his jeans and he showed me his cock which had writing on it. You could tell he was really proud of it…

When we got to the building I realized I hadn’t asked anything about the top. He just says “he’s hot” – that didn’t tell me much of anything, but whatever… He also said his master had him hook up with the same guy the night before. The buzzer wasn’t working, so he calls the top and he comes down to let us in. He’s a 30-something latino ‘papi’ – decent enough looking…

We get to the apartment and the bottom strips down and you can now clearly see FAGGOT COCK written on his dick. The other top puts a cheap leather collar and leash on him and gives him a silly little black thong to wear. Whatever… It’s his place and I’m not calling the shots – just there to enjoy some nice raw hole…

The other top has him suck his dick, I start playing with his hole (the bottom is on all fours with the other top sitting on the bed). I rim him for a while. I could smell a muskiness and then remembered he had been covered in piss and cum the night before and hadn’t showered. The smell reminded me of the guy I had fucked after pissing in his hair… It was a wonderful musky smell… The way a good pig should smell…

Since I had one of those spongy rubber cock rings in my jeans, I pull it out put it on and then go to fuck him. I’m not totally hard, but that usually doesn’t stop me from getting in a guy’s ass…

The other top says “You need to put on a rubber to fuck him – he doesn’t play raw.” I just say, “Yes he does” and keep shoving my dick in his ass. The other top may be calling the shots for the bottom, but not for me… But the bottom has a really tight hole and I’m not getting in. The other top then pulls the bottom off his dick and asks him “You play raw boy?” “Yes sir” was the answer. The other top shrugs and I continue trying to get my dick in the bottom’s ass.

Then I figure my cock ring is making my dick too thick (that seems to be the general effect), so I take it off. Rim his hole some more and get my dick up to half mast and try again. After a few attempts I’m just not getting it in.

We take a bit of a break and the other top has him get in the tub so we can piss on him. I start aiming for his mouth, but see the other top aiming for his chest, so I aim lower figuring he doesn’t like to drink piss. After we were done I notice the puddle of piss is dark yellow under where the other top was pissing – it was the really rank first piss of the morning.

The bottom is taken into the bedroom, a towel is put on the floor and he’s glistening with piss – really rank piss too… I play with his ass (don’t rim him – the piss is a bit rank). I figure I’m going to have to stretch him out so I put in my thumb, then two fingers… After a bit of that I try again and get it in this time… The bottom is still working on the other top’s dick…

I fuck for a while, but frankly it was a bit of a weird position and it took a while to figure out that it felt a lot better when his back was arched down, and not so great when he arched it up. Luckily he’s a good bottom who knows how to take a hint so all I had to do was push gently in the small of his back and when he was arched the right way say “yeah, that’s feels good” and he got the hint and pretty much stayed that way the rest of the time.

Then I smelled what I thought was a fart and pulled out a bit to find my dick had shit on it and there were a few drops of brown on the towel the other top had put down. I went into the bathroom to clean off my dick and went back into the bedroom.

Then the bottom went to clean up and I got to talk a bit with the other top. He mentioned that it was the bottom’s master who had set things up – I was surprised he had talked to the master since I never had. He was amazed the control the master had over him. From what he could tell the master whored him out every weekend – setting it up so he’d go around and get (ab)used by different tops. He thought the bottom was barebacking without his master’s permission ’cause the master had told him to use a condom if he fucked the bottom. I told him we had always talked about barebacking and I’d been talking to him for years now. He asked if I had found him through bear411.com and I say ‘no’ – that today we were chatting on Manhunt, but he had profiles on a bunch of other sites – he asked which ones – I said Adam4Adam, BarebackRT and he had posted something on Craigslist. The top was surprised about the bareback profile, but figured that sorta closed the issue of whether he played raw or not. I told him he’d always been really careful about only barebacking with neg guys and preferred total tops who got tested regularly.

The the top had to piss and since the bottom was in the bathroom already he went in and took a piss on the bottom. They came back and once again the bottom was covered in rank piss… I started playing with his hole again and then went back to fucking him. My knees were sore from being on the floor so much, but we got into a good groove (the bottom was still orally servicing the other top). After a while I could feel my orgasm building and then just came in his hole. Like usual these days it went on and on… It felt good. I told him “Good boy… Take my load…”

The room grew quiet and I caressed his back and kept repeating “Good boy, Good boy…” I’m not quite sure the other top expected me to give him a load. I just stayed in him while he kept sucking on the other top’s dick.

It was a few minutes before my dick got soft and I pulled out. Again, my dick had shit on it and there was “gunk” on the towel (more than last time). I went and cleaned up, came back and watched him serve the other top. Then the other top wanted to fuck him, he told the bottom to suck my dick, and went and got a rubber, took it out but didn’t put it on. He just rubbed his dick on the bottom’s ass and jacked off a bit. Then he went and got a dildo and started fucking the bottom with the dildo. I expected the dildo to come out covered in shit and cum, but it came out pretty clean.

After that they started kissing. It had been pretty clear the bottom was more into the other top than me the whole time – perhaps because they had made a connection the night before… I think they enjoyed having me there, but it was time for me to go. I put on my clothes and excused myself…

After I left I realized I hadn’t made a mark on his ass with a marker… I’d also meant for him to spend some time smelling my pits and hadn’t done that either (they had a really good, pungent smell that morning)…

Please Note: There seems to be some confusion about this post… I am NOT advocating for anyone become poz. Read the post (and my subsequent comments) carefully and you’ll see what I’m really saying. What I’m suggesting is only for guys where becoming poz is inevitable or very likely…

Don’t know why but I’m getting young guys asking me advice lately. First there was the teen who was in a monogamous relationship, but yearned for more than his boyfriend could give him (preferrably raw). Then there was a versatile bottom who barebacked a poz guy and started worrying about the risk he took. Now there’s this guy…

dear rawtop, i’m a long-time reader of your blog (big fan by the way) and was wondering if i could get your insight on my current situation: i’m a student at an ivy league school.. great upbringing, amazing career options ahead of me, and i know by heart all of the safe sex information out there (i was even a safe sex peer educator in high school). however, all i can think about is taking loads and being one of those gangbang bottoms in a treasure island video. i’ve always played safe, but tonight i hooked up with an older guy who i’ve fooled around twice before (safely) and i told him to fuck me raw this time. he gladly obliged, and when he dumped this huge load of cum in my ass, it was the most amazing feeling ever–i’m still rock hard just thinking about it. why is the appeal of cum so attractive to bottoms? obviously i can’t resist my urges all the time–am i destined to end up poz?

That was a hard question to answer, but I tried…

are you destined to end up poz? that’s a hard one… but i think you know the answer – probably more so than i do…

you probably saw my post on bottom’s having success in corporate america. so it’s not all that much of a dichotomy – in a way you can be a sleazy bottom by night and a high-powered whatever by day – they’re actually compatible with each other. [I should have added, “if you avoid drugs and other stuff that would limit your functioning during the day”.]

but at your age if you become poz you’re looking at possibly having it all end when you should be at the top of your career… i don’t envy you – it’s a horrible choice to make for someone your age.

one option some people would probably throw stones at me for suggesting is to find a long-term non-progressor to poz you. for a while i was on the community advisory board for an HIV vaccine trial here in nyc. the issue with HIV vaccines is they know there are certain strains of HIV which are extremely mild and once infected with one of those strains people last for many many years with no symptoms. while there is a slim chance of re-infection with another strain it’s highly unlikely. so while the medical profession can’t make people poz with one of these mild strains since they don’t know what the effects are 30-40 years down the road, individuals could effectively do the same thing for themselves and effectively vaccinate themselves. in other words, you could find some guy who was pozzed in the 80s and hasn’t even needed meds yet and have him poz you and chances are you’ll live a long time and that strain (once well established) will do a pretty good job of protecting you from other more deadly strains. if i were in your position i’d at least consider that as one of my options…

He responded saying…

thanks so much for getting back to me… what you say makes sense, but i don’t think i could ever go out there and get pozzed intentionally… i’d almost rather take my chances that i’ll stay neg (even if they’re slim?). i’m still trying to understand why i have this desire to take men’s loads… why is the idea of cum in my ass so tantalizing?

Damn… I mean what do you say to someone like this? If he goes for what he wants he’ll probably wind up poz. He’s got so much going for him which and he could lose it all just when he’s at the height of his career… He’s scared and while he’s a bit of a latent bug chaser, he can’t bring himself to go out and find a long-term non-progressor to “vaccinate” him, but if he doesn’t do that then he’ll most likely get something worse…

The only part of his e-mail that’s easy to answer is the question of why cum in his ass is so tantalizing… It just is. There are scientific studies that have shown that women who have unprotected sex and get cum in them are happier than women who either don’t have sex, or women who have their men use condoms. Simply put – getting bred makes people happy. In my opinion we’re biologically programmed to give and receive cum. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be the dominant species on the planet. The fact that safe sex educators ignore the extreme attraction to the exchange of cum is probably the biggest reason why they have failed…

I am so glad I’m not a young bottom right now… Yeah, I wish I had taken more risks when I was younger, but back then if you got pozzed you didn’t last very long. The risks I wish I had taken might have gotten me pozzed, but would seem tame by today’s standards. These days it seems like lots of guys want to be Dawson – they want to get as many loads up their cunt as possible. They want to be pimped out and just used as a good cumhole… Sure, some of that was going on when I was younger, but it was pretty underground. Now, it’s not only visible, but fairly easy to pursue…

Of course, each person needs to make their own choices – you are the only person who’s responsible for your health. Read what you want, ask questions, but your choices belong to you…

What would I do if I were in these kids’ shoes? I’d probably get myself pozzed/”vaccinated” by a long-term non-progressor. Not all strains of HIV are created equal, and from what I’ve heard and read mild strains of HIV can be effective vaccinations (realize that “effective” doesn’t mean perfect – just much better than the alternative). Then I’d go out and be the complete cumhole I wanted to be and take all loads…

But if I were more versatile and didn’t feel the need to get tons of cum up my ass on a regular basis, then the choice would be more difficult… There is a risk to “vaccinating” yourself, and I totally understand the reluctance of guys like the one who e-mailed me to intentionally get themselves pozzed – even with a mild strain of HIV… If you’re 20 you should have 60+ years of life ahead of you. Just because a long-term non-progressor has lasted 25 years without any complications doesn’t mean that if you got his bug you’d be fine for 50, 60 or 70 more years… It’s really a bit of a gamble where you have to weigh your risk level against the various options and what you think the outcome of each would be. Frankly, for young guys who don’t get much cum in their ass, serosorting is probably the best answer. It really depends on how easily you can find neg guys to fuck with…

These days, being 40, if I were to become poz I’m still looking at a pretty full life. I think the average life expectancy of someone who’s newly poz is something like 23 or 24 years. If I took care of myself, avoided recreational drugs (not a problem – don’t do them now), etc. then I’d probably be a bit above the average. Add in medical advancements and my prospects aren’t so bad. All in all, I’m completely comfortable with the risks I take.

But if you’re a teenager or in your early 20s who’s a cum-obsessed bottom the numbers aren’t so favorable… Plus, you’ve got the hot little twinky body so many tops want to breed… That’s when you either have to take matters into your own hands, or hope for the best… Hoping for the best isn’t a good idea (IMO). It’s better to be honest with yourself about your sexual needs and whether you can realistically see yourself staying neg. You can try serosorting, and it may work for you provided you’re not a gangbang bottom, but obviously there are no guarantees… If you can’t see yourself staying neg, think hard about your options and take a realistic course of action that you can look back on later and not regret…

Now, if you’re a cum-obsessed older bottom who’s still neg, personally I’d say “vaccinating” yourself by getting pozzed by a long-term non-progressor is a very viable option. There are guys who were pozzed in the early 80s who still haven’t had any medical issues… If you’re already say 40, and they’ve gone 25 years without problems, then there’s a decent chance their bug is something you’d die with, not from…

But as always, “don’t believe everything you read on the Internet” (including this). Do your own research, make your own decisions – just think outside the box a little bit when you do…

Went to Callen-Lorde tonight for HIV test and STD screening. I’m still neg (as I expected). The people there were easy going and non-judgemental – didn’t ask more questions than they needed to.

So, if you’re a neg bottom in NYC looking for a recently tested bareback top – let me know…

Today I got an e-mail from the folks at In The Life about their January episode. Somehow they thought their coverage of guys having sex in bathrooms related to me somehow…

I watched the episode on the web (it’s not out yet, so you guys have to wait to see it), but there were a couple of stories in the episode that resonated with me. They had one segment on what the Bible really says about homosexuality. As a former fundamentalist Christian I didn’t think they got it quite right, but it’s important that they cover how some gay people find a balance between their faith and their sexuality. They related a story about a kid who was ready to commit suicide ’cause he felt like he couldn’t please god as a gay guy – he’d bought the gun and the ammo, but then saw the topic on their program and realized that there were places out there where he could be both gay and Christian. While I took another path from Christianity, I’m glad there are people out there like In The Life who people like the kid can relate to.

But the segment that was most appropriate was the story on guys having sex in bathrooms. Guys – entrapment still happens – nearly 40 years after Stonewall. There are still plenty of people out there who hate our guts. And the consequences can be dire – you can be labeled a sex offender and hassled and hounded for the rest of your life.

Please, don’t ever forget that we still are second class citizens who must demand equality. Back in the day we rallied around things like entrapment. These days we tend to ignore the problem figuring we have so many other rights. But we’re not there yet – not even close.

You don’t even want to know how much we’re spending to get my boyfriend his green card – something that wouldn’t be an issue if we were straight. Everywhere you look there’s inequality. While “civil unions” are a nice step, they’re not marriage and we should never be happy until we have full equality.

When people talk about gay cruising areas, ask them why they don’t have a problem with straight lovers lanes. It’s that way with the park next to where I live. The police harass and arrest the gay guys while they tell the straight people who park and make out in cars to just move along (if they do that much). It’s not right and we shouldn’t keep putting up with it.

If the topic comes up with straight friends try to find ways to get them to understand. For our friends we explained that both gay guys and straight people used the park for sex. That there really wasn’t a difference. We also pointed out that they ‘re safer with people around than walking through an empty park – that the guys are there for sex, not for violence… It took people a little thinking to understand, but now they get it.

Sex is still political, and we still have a long way to go – don’t forget it.