I was about to apologize for not posting more here, but it wouldn’t be right to apologize. My life is crazy right now – good things are in the works, but they’re just not related to sex. When I was a kid there was one and only one thing I wanted to be when I grew up – then I realized that the day-to-day business of it wasn’t really what I thought it would be so I gave up on that dream. Well, I’m getting to work on a project related to it right now and I’m having a blast doing it. However, I’m stretched really thin and feel like I’m beyond burning the candle at both ends, but it’s good stress and a lot of fun.

Thing is, the project keeps me so busy sex really isn’t on my mind. At the end of the day I sorta just collapse in exhaustion. I get horny sometimes, but only have enough energy to jack off. I guess the lesson in all of this is that there are times when life just isn’t about sex – and that’s not a bad thing…

The project is going to go on until at least the end of the year, but I’ll still try now and then to hookup and post things here – it’s just going to be a lot less frequent than normal. If you’re hitting me up on the hookup sites – don’t take it personally if I don’t get back to you or I’m never available…

Two weeks ago I had to go downtown for a meeting (related to the project). I hadn’t fucked in a while and felt like I should try to hookup. I looked during the day for someone to hookup with, but by the time when I needed to leave none of the people I was chatting with could hookup. Then this guy hit me up and he was available and could host. He wasn’t my usual type, but he was sexy and I had always wanted to hookup with him. In his pics he looked a bit severe. He was muscular, heavily tattooed and looked like he could beat you up if he got in the mood. He listed himself as a versatile top, but wanted to bottom for me.

So I headed down to his place. I had 45 minutes which should have been plenty of time and really I was mostly in the mood for a pump and dump. I got there and there was another guy who was leaving (putting on his shoes). My trick introduced him as his ex-boyfriend. We went into the next room, his bedroom, and closed the door. I started taking off my clothes and he wanted to take off my boots. It was a nice, submissive gesture. Then we felt each other up, and I sucked his dick a bit. But then he started directing the scene. He wanted me to lay back on the bed and let him do the work.

Back almost 20 years ago when I was versatile I remember one guy I hooked up with who was what I’d call a “do me” top. He just laid there and wanted me to do all the work. I didn’t enjoy it. In this situation the roles were reversed and I was being asked to be a “do me” top. I figured I’d give it a try, but it was clear this wasn’t going to be a quick pump-and-dump and I was little worried about the time.

It was nice just laying there being serviced, but oddly he didn’t suck my dick. It was all about me, but I wasn’t really in control of the situation. The guy was bigger than me and he got on top of me and I felt a bit trapped – it wasn’t a bad experience – not at all, but he was in control. Then he got a bottle of lube and put some on my crotch and started rubbing his dick in it. Again, a 20 year-old memory came to mind… I used to really be into frottage and that’s exactly what I used to do back in the day. Then, like I used to do, he put his dick between my legs and started sorta play fucking me. I knew where it was leading and asked him “You wanna fuck me, don’t you?” That sorta weirded him out and he kept saying he didn’t want to fuck me, while he was basically play fucking me. Thing is, he could have taken it further and I would have been fine with it, but it was just awkward since he clearly wanted to fuck me, but wouldn’t own up to it.

I wasn’t sure what he really wanted. I was there to fuck him, but he was basically overpowering me and not even sitting on my dick. If you’re playing power games with a top and in control – at least make it clear to the top you want to get fucked by putting his dick up your ass… On the other hand I was wondering whether he wanted me to turn the tables on him and overpower him… It was all pretty unclear.

I should probably stop for a second and describe him a bit. He had even more tattoos than I thought he would – he was almost covered in them. And when you felt his body there were scars you couldn’t see ’cause they were covered with tattoos. He was very masculine, but with me it was an odd mix of him being in control but still being very submissive toward me. It was all very interesting, but it was throwing me off my game a bit.

Finally, I decided I want to fuck, said as much, got up and fucked him. He wasn’t adverse to it (at all)… The problem was – like a lot of guys with his body type, his hole just wasn’t grabbing my dick the way I like. I still fucked him, but it was sorta clear to me I probably wasn’t going to cum. Every now and then I get a second wind and can cum, but eventually I just started going soft.

At this point he started getting self-conscious about the situation and that I wasn’t staying hard and wasn’t able to cum. He finally sucks my dick and tries to get it fully hard. Then he takes off my leather cockring and puts on one of his soft rubber cock rings on me. I used to like those things, but they now sorta scare the shit out of me. With those things my veins burst and I get ugly bloody spots on my dick. Hell, because of one of those I didn’t get into a Treasure Island video. I was worried, but let it go. He really put it on tight – twisted it a 2nd time around my balls. That got my dick hard, purple and veiny and I did finally get hard enough to fuck again. The 2nd time I got closer to cumming, but the worry of the cockring doing weird things to my dick set in, and I lost it.

At this point time was a factor and it was clear I wasn’t going to cum, I checked the time and it was a couple minutes after I was supposed to leave, so I wrapped things up as quickly as I could and left. He took it all pretty hard. It was like my not cumming was a personal failure and he just couldn’t understand why it happened. Here was this big butch guy completely devastated by a hookup that wasn’t all that bad. I mean it was different and generally pretty fun – it’s not like it was bad sex – it just didn’t quite work. Oh well… His issue, not mine…

Given a different bottom and more time I could totally get into just laying back and being a “do me” sorta top and let the bottom dote on me… Maybe another time…

Load 2010-6

Well, I finally got back in the saddle tonight… I was hoping to fuck this 24 y.o. but when I had to push back the time he said he couldn’t make it ’cause he was starting to crash from partying last night. (Guys – I may sound like Barbara Bush, but keep those drugs under control…)

So then I went on the hunt for another hole to fuck. I sorta wanted a hole I hadn’t fucked before, but when I e-mailed all the ones who were prospects and none of them panned out I saw the Brazilian come back online so I e-mailed him. It’s been 6 months since we last fucked (153 days to be exact). I like fucking him, but don’t always cum with him, so I was just hoping my horniness and the fact that I took a pill would be sufficient (it was).

He came over and we undressed and he started sucking my cock. Blowjobs often don’t do anything for me and this one was no exception. There was nothing wrong with it and he was enjoying it, so it wasn’t like I wanted it to stop. It was sorta cool actually how he’d keep pushing my dick as far back as possible and getting it into his throat. But let’s just say there was no risk of me cumming from his blowjob – but again, that’s just me, not him.

I know from past experience that he doesn’t like to be rimmed, so after the blowjob we went straight to fucking. I couldn’t find the Gun Oil so I grabbed my Wet Original (BTW, Wet has promised to send me some of their old-style oil based lube as well as their new silicone based Wet Platinum, but the package hasn’t arrived yet). I put a little on but after fucking him for a few minutes his hole still felt pretty dry even though he had prelubed before coming over and I had lubed my dick. I put some more lube on and that helped a bit.

We’ve fucked so many times he sorta knows what positions I like and he was on his belly. But lately I’ve been doing this thing where I turn myself at a 45 or 60 degree angle to give more friction to my dick. I think the reason I don’t always cum with him is ’cause my usual position doesn’t feel quite as good with his hole. But after turning a bit sideways and then turning back and being lined up with him I finally felt my load boiling up.

After nearly a month of not fucking anyone it felt good to give him my load. We then laid there and spooned a bit and talked with my dick up his ass. Eventually my dick got soft and came out. I knew he had moved but had a few of the detailed mixed up. Bottom line was that he’s been single for a while now. He mentioned how he had hooked up with the hardcore piss bottom I’ve fucked a few times before. And his observation was the same as mine – arriving for a hookup reeking of stale, musky piss isn’t a good thing… He also casually mentioned that he’d gotten fucked by someone in the neighborhood I know, which surprised me ’cause I didn’t think that guy was someone he’d have fucked with in the past, but he said since he’s been single he’s getting fucked by a broader range of guys.

I was starting to get my second wind and his hole was feeling mighty nice and wet. That combined with what he told me about being less selective about who fucked him gave me a hardon, so I started fucking him again. This time his hole felt SO much better. It was wet and cummy. I almost thought I could come a second time which is extremely rare for me. But alas I had jacked off the day before and there just wasn’t a second load in me. I stopped and we talked a little more while we spooned and I kept pumping his ass with my hard cock.

He left a little while later (we both had things we had to do). All in all a really nice hookup.

My apologies for not updating the blog with stuff that’s been going on, but the truth of the matter is that not much has been going on – sexually at least… Life has been a bit crazy lately on a number of levels. Work has been busy on several fronts and I feel like I’m constantly behind on everything. On top of that my bf and I are about to embark on a HUGE project that’s going to consume a crazy amount of time for up to a year (those of you who know me know what that is). So this is just sorta early warning that I may not be fucking as much as I’d like… Life is like that sometimes. But the end result will hopefully be VERY good.

And in the middle of everything else I managed to get a pretty disruptive STD that’s made it so I couldn’t fuck (ethically at least). I noticed a little thing on my dick and then it spread to a few places on the head of my cock. I was scheduled to see the doctor the following Tuesday so I didn’t go into the Saturday drop-in clinic at Callen-Lorde. Then it turned out the appointment I thought was on Tuesday was actually on a Wednesday. Then a snowstorm came and they closed Callen-Lorde and canceled my appointment. So that meant a week delay getting treated. Then when I went in the doctor thought I had herpes, but then he called back saying I actually had syphilis. I got my shot for that the day after he called (in itself a long story that I won’t go into). Then it’s taken forever for my dick to heal and return to looking normal. I knew everything was safely killed, but it looked like shit. About the only type of hookup I could have done would have been a dark room pump-and-dump.

Oh yeah – I did finally get confirmation that I was negative for herpes (thank god!), but only after taking Valtrex for nearly two weeks (and paying a $70 copay for the shit).

So I haven’t been fucking much. I was thinking of hooking up this weekend, but between the big project and regular work, that just didn’t happen. I’m hoping to change that in the next day or two though so hopefully I’ll have more to tell you guys soon.

If you’ve been trying to hookup with me, that’s why I’ve been saying “can’t hookup for a few days”. I didn’t want to say anything until it was over and things were back to normal. But I’ll definitely be wanting to do some quick and easy fucks over the next week or so to make up for lost time.

And for the record, I think I managed to tell everyone who I could think of who might have been affected by my syphilis, and everyone who told me their results said they were neg. So I don’t seem to have passed it onto anyone (or at least not many people). But the point is STDs are a bitch but they’re also just sort of a fact of life for people who are sexually active. We need to be open and honest about them so people can get them treated and they don’t spread. Never be silent – always tell guys that they should get tested – otherwise you might wind up playing viral ping pong with them.

The other thing I’ve been thinking is that someone really needs to come up with a nicer name for syphilis. It sounds so horrible. Gonorrhea is called “The Clap” since there was a madame named “Mother Clap” who ran a whore house in the 1800s where guys kept getting Gonorrhea. And chlamydia is just a nice name to begin with. It sounds like a flower or something. I could totally envision someone saying they gave their boyfriend or girlfriend a dozen chlamydias for Valentines Day. Herpes sounds like a Greek hero… So syphilis really needs a cute nick name to put it on par with all the other STDs… Any suggestions?

UPDATE: It Gets Worse…

So someone showed up at my door today. She asked if I was [insert my name here]. I said yes. I asked who she was and she gave her name. She asked me to confirm my date of birth so she knew I was who I said I was. I asked her who she was and she repeated her name. I clarified that I wanted to know who she was with and she refused and said she couldn’t say that before I confirmed my date of birth. We had a bit of a Catch 22. I wasn’t giving out my birth date to a stranger and she wouldn’t explain myself unless I did. She had an envelope in her hand, so I took it and opened it and saw she was from the Department of Health. I knew why she was there so I let her in the apartment.

Since I had a positive test result DOH is required to follow up. I understand why the law exists but it’s incredibly invasive, completely frustrating, and felt like it took forever. I won’t go into every gory detail but, among other things she wanted details on everyone who I’d had sex with for months and months. I was evasive and said I didn’t know their contact details, but I also made it clear that I contacted everyone who I thought might be affected and that some of them had gotten tested and come back negative. She got the name of my boyfriend and obviously she knows his address. I told her we hadn’t had sex in a very long time but she kept going on and on about how he could have gotten it from touching me. I’m thinking if guys didn’t get it when I fucked them, what was the likelihood he got it even from touching my dick? Still, we’ll get him tested just in case. She even wanted him to get treated before the test results come back. That’s not going to happen…

At one point she told me I shouldn’t be having sex for 6 to 8 weeks which just didn’t sound right to me. I’ve never heard anything like that. So once she was gone I looked it up and she was, indeed, wrong. According to the CDC…

Persons who receive syphilis treatment must abstain from sexual contact with new partners until the syphilis sores are completely healed. [Source]

Which is exactly what I did… Needless to say, I trust the doctors and epidemiologists writing the CDC web site way more than I trust some lowly paid DOH employee with a shit job no one else wants. And guess what, even the web site of her own agency disagrees with her…

Don’t have sex until you … have been completely treated and all of your symptoms have disappeared [Source]

All in all she was just incredibly judgmental and rude – and she didn’t even have her facts straight. She kept reiterating that from now on I’ll test positive for syphilis as if that means I’ve got an active case of it. And the idea that my bf should get treatment even before he’s tested when he’s barely touched my dick (with his hand) is just completely over the top. I kept having to remind her that while I’d put up with her doing her legal obligations, I didn’t need her to stand there and pass judgment on me and lecture me. Then she wanted me to get my sex partners to go to the DOH clinic. AS IF I want to subject them to people like her. I told her I always suggest going to Callen-Lorde ’cause they’re gay friendly and non-judgmental. But it was like that wasn’t good enough for her.

I take these things pretty seriously and to be treated like I don’t is really aggravating. I’m not a leper – I just a regular guy who got an STD. It’s not like I’m trying to spread it or anything… Weeks before she came around, and hours after I found out, I contacted people I thought should know. That should make someone like her happy, but she couldn’t even muster up a positive word about that. Hopefully she believed me and the case is closed.

Looking back at it I think next time I’ll refuse to speak with them and say I’ll only speak with them if they send a gay man. I think a big part of what happened was homophobia on her part. A gay man would have handled the situation very differently. If the DOH comes knocking at your door, you might want to do the same thing…

Just for the hell of it, here’s a graph that shows the current “epidemic” she was telling me about. I find it fascinating that there was a huge spike around 1990 when everyone was using condoms and being very conscious of their sexual health. I also find it odd that I arrived right about that time and didn’t hear anything about it even though it’s the highest rate of infection in the past 70 years.

So yes, since barebacking has become popular (after 1996 when protease inhibitors came out), there’s been a rise in cases. Is it an “epidemic”? Well, historically, not so much though it is going up, but the rate it’s going up is pretty slow compared to other times it’s gone up.

One other interesting detail in the report is that most of the cases were men (which you can see above) and about 87% of the men were “MSMs” (Men who have Sex with Men). So the current rise in syphilis is a gay issue, but my guess is that that’s probably been true since at least the 70s.

First the good news…

The Dutch have figured out that a person who is diagnosed at 25 will live an average of another 52.2 years – meaning they live into their upper 70s and have a pretty normal lifespan. So as we’ve sorta known for a while now – HIV is genuinely going from a “killer” to an “inconvenience” and that tren will probably continue as years go on. I don’t mean to diminish how big of a hassle being poz can be, but if you get diagnosed quickly and generally take care of yourself, it would appear you no longer need to worry about your life being cut short because of HIV/AIDS. But getting diagnosed fairly quickly is essential…

[That should be very good news for the 18 y.o. Teen Cumhole I talked about in my last post…]

Now for the bad news…

The bad news is that they’re not so optimistic in Africa. The South Africans are suggesting that everyone who becomes poz be put on meds immediately whether they need the meds or not. When you think that a lot of the people who are dying of AIDS today are people who are having serious complications from the meds they took 10 and 20 years ago, that’s a dangerous policy. I’m all for people taking the meds they need, but I’m a fierce opponent of medicating people who don’t need it.

The issue here is really one of which comes first – the rights of the individual or protecting the wider community from the danger posed by the individual? Americans will usually say the individual comes first, but in Europe and elsewhere the community comes first. But I think it’s important to remember the good news from the first part of this blog post – IF you get diagnosed early and are financially able to get treatment there really is very little risk to the community. But in poor countries like South Africa they don’t have the money for great treatment and so they have debates like this. I just hope no one in the first world tries to make an argument for mandatory medication… That would just be horribly wrong.

This teen contacted me a few weeks ago…

hi, sir. i dont know if you got my message on xtube. im the 18 yo bottom from san diego who sees himself as a total cumhole but doesnt really know where to begin. your blog is so fucking hot to me and i would be honored to take your load. if you want some pics for your own viewing pleasure just email me. i’m very slim and very cute and i know what kind of boys you like. i think im a good match for you 🙂

I got back to him with a few pointers on how to get loads – things like looking for sex parties, going to a bathhouses (and laying face down), and how to be assertive about getting dick but not aggressive. He then got back to me and (among other things) told me a little more about himself…

a little about me. hmm. well i’m a senior in hs, 18 years old, into some sports, movies, just having fun i guess. but i also have this other side of me which seems to be an insatiable cum whore haha. which is why i respect you so much and love your blog. i feel the need to be used in every sense of the word and have my hole stuffed and filled with sperm. the sheer idea of having a man’s sperm inside me drives me crazy because, in a way, it makes him a part of me and it makes me his subordinate because i’m taking his load. it’s like an act of submission. i’m saying all this because i think you understand…

At this point I wasn’t sure if he was actually taking loads or not. It sorta sounded like he was just fantasizing about it. So I sent him a message and asked how he was thinking about getting started…

well i’m already on adam4adam but i’m getting dozens of messages every 20 minutes. it’s kind of difficult for me to figure out how to go about setting things up with tops because i can’t possibly take all of their loads…not enough hours in the day haha. the thing is, i don’t want to be picky. i just want to be a cumdump. and i feel like part of being a sub cumhole is to not tell guys “no” because one looks better than the other. am i right or is that just a misconception?

I STILL wasn’t sure if he was taking loads so I asked directly and suggested that he try hosting so he could schedule a bunch of tops and get one load after another.

yeah, i have been taking loads from this guy who lives one freeway exit away from me. it’s convenient so i havent branched out yet really. that’s why i wanted to talk on IM. i’ve got some questions that you might be able to answer. is there such thing as a sub bottom who loves taking loads but just prefers the neg ones? i’m not looking to be pozzed by any means so i feel like i’m sort of a walking paradox.

At this point I figured he needed me to be pretty direct, so I told him…

basically, cumdump bottom = poz bottom… you’ll be really conflicted until you accept that… you can try serosorting, but it will fail eventually. serosorting sounds like a nice idea, but it just doesn’t work long term unless you’re the relationship type who really gets to know his tops and even then i can say from personal experience that you don’t really know what risks your tops are taking…

He got back to me and told me that “made sense” and that was sorta the last thing we discussed on the poz issue other than the fact that he mentioned he’s never been tested for HIV and doesn’t plan to get tested for a while.

A few days had gone past and I had been busy and hadn’t gotten back to him. So then he tell me how “his top” took him to a bathhouse that had a lot of older guys and took him into the sauna and fucked him raw in front of the guys who were there. He pulled out and let two anonymous tops fuck him no questions asked one after the other. They both unloaded in his ass and then “his top” gave him a 3rd load. So he got 3 loads in 20 minutes and two of those loads were from complete strangers. Pretty hot, eh?

At this point I knew the guy was pretty serious so I asked him if he’d be interested in doing a blog to record his journey. He’s at this critical stage where he’s making major decisions and experimenting. Luckily he was up for it. I checked and TeenCumhole.com was available so I bought it for him and set it up a few days later. One of the things I was thinking as I bought the domain for him was that when you give someone a label, they usually live up to it. Call someone smart or stupid or “hot” or ugly and that’s how they see themselves and they tend to live up to the labels other people give them. In this case I was giving him a label – Teen Cumhole – and I fully expect he’ll adopt it and become a full-fledged cumhole.

In the past week he’s branching out, going to the bathhouse on his own, finding other tops to hookup with. I get the sense that this is the beginning of his sex life and he’s not doing it timidly – he’s learning to swim by jumping in the deep end. Not bad for a guy who only turned 18 a few months ago…

Needless to say, make sure you check out his blog – TeenCumhole.com. Give him encouragement and if you’re in the San Diego area and want to give him a load, contact him and make it happen. Or better yet, organize a gangbang for him…

Load 2010-5

This afternoon I was horny and the black guy I fucked last week was online. He said he’d come over but then it took him FOREVER to get here. I had just given up and started looking for someone else when he rang the buzzer.

Thanks to a pill and looking at other profiles, I was rock hard when he arrived and so when I stripped down I was literally ready to go and he started giving me a blowjob. Thing is I had managed to catch the head of my dick on my zipper and it was a little tender and he kept grazing the tender part with his teeth, so I sorta called that off and went to rimming his hole.

He loves it when I rim him and he’s got a nice ass. The funny part is I like rimming him, but it’s always a little musky to the point where I never really want to felch him after I’ve blown my load, but that comes later… So I rimmed him for a little bit and he was spreading his ass cheeks wanting me to get in deeper.

Then I was just ready to fuck. I lubed up my dick and put a little on his ass and he flipped over. He had been on his back, and I sorta wanted to fuck him that way, or on his side or something… But he wanted to be on all fours on the bed, so that’s how we fucked.

I usually have to worry about tiring out a bit when I fuck, but standing up to fuck isn’t nearly as exhausting as having the bottom on his belly, so I was able to fuck him for a while sorta pretty much just casually fucking his hole. But that wasn’t going to get me off, so eventually I climbed up on top of him to fuck him.

He’s got a big beefy muscle butt on him and that’s usually a problem, but somehow it isn’t an issue with him. So fucked him for a while on his belly and it felt good, but when I turned sorta 90 degrees it felt incredible and that got me to cum pretty quickly. It was actually one of the most intense orgasms I felt for a while. It was like a whole body orgasm… Very cool that way.

I then slowly fucked his cummy ass until my dick popped out of his hole. We talked for a bit and then he started jacking off and wanted me to suck his nipple. I was fine with that, but then when he wanted me to pinch his other nipple I said ‘no’. I don’t really like bottoms who tell me what to do and this was the 2nd time he’s done it. Then just as he was literally about to cum he guided my hand over to his nipple. Whatever… I pinched his nipple a bit and he came.

The whole “do this”, “do that” thing doesn’t really do it for me. That’s my job, not the bottom’s. He’s a good fuck, it’s just getting him off that’s a bit of a pain. So we’ll see – it’ll probably be longer than a week next time…