UPDATE…

NEVER MIND – Grindr is useless… My “discreet” profile ad was deleted. All I said was I was “uninhibited top” looking for a no-strings fuck. Looking at their guidelines 1) “Explicit sexual words and slang are expressly prohibited”, and 2) “Mention of unsafe sex is expressly prohibited”. I can sorta understand #1 given that they have to pass Apple’s “family friendly” policies for the app store. But #2 is just gratuitous nonsense since #1 more than covers #2…

So bottom line – forget about Grindr… Given Apple’s policies I’m not sure there ever will be a decent iPhone app for anonymous sex. There needs to be one, but Apple has a draconian control over what goes on the iPhone…

Came across an iPhone app today that’s worth mentioning – Grindr. Bascially it lets you see who’s near you. While it’s meant to be more of a “social networking” sorta thing, there’s no reason it can’t be used for anonymous hookups. It’s easy enough to post that you’re looking to seed hole or looking for loads.

I’ve been wanting something like this to come along so when I’m downtown I can see what holes are nearby who will take my load. You literally could hookup with someone 5 minutes after practically zero discussion. “Wanna load?”, “Sure – here’s my address…” Of course most of the guys on there aren’t hardcore barebackers, but that’s what the favs button is for 😉

I’ve only been playing with it for like 20 minutes. Anyone have more experience with it? Are there any downsides to using it? It doesn’t appear to give away your cell number or anything…

Anyway, when I’m downtown and up for hooking up I’ll be using it. When I’m home (uptown) I’ll be keeping the profile more discreet…

Oh – one other thing – don’t get banned from using it… Keep the photos clean – no nudity (frontal or rear) is allowed… Face and chest shots are OK…

Load 2009-14

Thursdays are weird for me sexually. I work on porn that day pretty much exclusively and by the end of the day I’m completely boned. Problem is, I work so hard I’m usually completely wiped by the end of the day. There’s a small window in there where I could keep my energy going long enough to fuck, but then I crash and I’m useless. That was pretty much how it was yesterday so when a bottom suggested hooking up in the morning I thought it was a great idea, but Fridays are when we have our cleaning guy in, so the hookup had to be done by 9am. That was fine with this guy, so we said he’d come by at 8. I told him I’d login early, but if I wasn’t online to call or text me. He called that evening just to make sure I was serious – so I sorta knew he was serious too…

Anyway, I wound up going to bed late (1:30) and was woken up to the sound of a phone going off at 7am. I missed the call, but then he texted, and I responded to the text saying I was up for it and the next text from him was that he was getting on the train and would call or text me when he got to my station. He was pretty dedicated since he didn’t even have my address.

I didn’t know where he was coming from so didn’t know if I had time to take a pill, so I skipped it thinking I would be plenty hard given how horny I was the day before (and I hadn’t jacked off since then). In cases like today I’m fine without a pill – just not quite as rock hard or as thick.

He called when he got out of the subway, I told him how to get to my building and a few minutes later he was here. He hadn’t unlocked his pics the last time we had spoken and honestly I didn’t know what he would look like – he was dressed for work, so pretty professionally – all in all he was more than fine for a hookup without face pics. 😉 He asked to use the bathroom and took a while so I laid on the bed and started jacking my dick. By the time he came out I was hard and he was naked. But that sorta cut short any foreplay or tenderness. He just went right to sucking my dick.

He was a good cocksucker – no teeth and felt good, but I’m not big on blowjobs so pretty quickly I grabbed the Gun Oil and had my dick up his ass. His ass felt great. Not sure if it was the lube (hadn’t used Gun Oil in a while) or his hole, but it was nice and silky… But doggy position (like we were doing) it wasn’t tight enough or rubbing the right spots well enough for me to cum, so after a little fucking I had him get on his belly which is how I’ve been coming lately…

He was pretty verbal, but not too verbal, which was fine – I tend to be pretty quiet when I’m fucking. I did fuck him for a little while – it wasn’t quite a pump and dump, but honestly I did cum pretty quickly – so it was almost a pump and dump. The funny part was he asked me if I had fucked Dawson almost immediately after I came in his ass – told him yes, but it was years ago now… We laid there for a moment after I gave him my load, but then later he was up and getting dressed in the bathroom…

When the guy had gone my boyfriend asked if something had gone wrong since the hookup was so quick. He had been here maybe 20 minutes, if that – so it was a pretty quick hookup.

As if the leather community didn’t have enough problems already… Our leather bars are disappearing (our one “leather bar” here in NY is best described as “leather friendly” – there is no time when you’re turned away for wearing white pants or sandals), our organizations are shutting their doors (e.g. “the World’s largest gay S/M organization” – GMSMA here in NY – is now gone), there’s rampant racism in the community, etc. So what does the International Mr. Leather (IML) organization do? It decides to go on the warpath against a big portion of the people in its own community to reduce the numbers even further. Their target is barebackers. Anyone associated with barebacking is now barred from being a vendor in IML’s leather mart. Here’s the text of their letter to vendors…

Dear Vendors:

On behalf of International Mr. Leather, Inc., I would like to thank you for your past support and in particular for your participation as a vendor inour annual Leather Market. We are writing you today to inform you of a policy change affecting next year (2010) and all future markets.

Though we are now three decades into the HIV/AIDS epidemic, no cure has been found. The CDC and local health officials inform us that new infections are on the rise. And, while we have had some success developing medications that might make infection more manageable, that accomplishment comes at a price. Not having experienced the deaths – the loss of loved ones — which preceded these medications, we have an entire generation who may not fully appreciate or comprehend the severity of the situation.

Too many in our community believe HIV/AIDS is curable or manageable. Too few understand that HIV/AIDS infections dominate life. We believe that it is our duty to inform and educate. Several years ago when “Meth” was the scourge of our community, IML drew a line in the sand and raised awareness and used all our influence to try and stop this addictive madness. As is the case with HIV/AIDS, we believe it is our further obligation to do everything in our power to prevent future infections.

To that end, after considerable discussion, the Executive Committee of International Mr. Leather has decided that it will no longer allow participation in the IML Leather Market by any entity which promotes barebacking or distributes/sells any merchandise tending to promote or advocate barebacking. This restriction will also apply to distribution of gifts, post cards or any other information via our facilities.

This policy takes effect immediately.

Sincerely,

Chuck Renslow, President
International Mr. Leather

(Emphasis is mine.) Click here to see an image of the actual letter.

For years they’ve been profiting from barebacking, yet somehow it’s suddently a problem. I haven’t heard any public apologies for the racist comments at their contest this year – apparently that doesn’t bother them. They can’t even bother with private apologies – the e-mail I sent them complaining about the racist comments was never answered. They don’t seem to mind racists in their midst, but apparently they just can’t stand that someone would CHOOSE to not use a rubber when fucking. It’s sorta insulting actually – they seem to think the people who go to IML don’t understand the risks – that they’re stupid and need to be protected from themselves.

And let me make something crystal clear – if they say it’s a health issue their either delusional or lying. These days smoking kills WAY more gay men than barebacking yet they’re completely supportive of the smoking fetish. I mean cigar smoking leather daddies are iconic in the leather community. How many of them will die horribly painful deaths because of their choice to smoke? If IML were serious about health issues they’d start there and ban all vendors that have anything to do with supporting smoking – that’s the activity that’s going to kill the most people in the leather community, not barebacking…

From what I can tell, this is a case of the “old guard” vs. the “new guard”. People my age and older, who dominate the leadership of IML, often don’t get that HIV/AIDS is a very different disease today than it was before ARVs came on the scene in 1996. Just because we had a horrible experience with HIV/AIDS they think no one has the right to fuck raw – ever…

The appeal of the leather community used to be that it was edgy. Minorities used to put up with the racism just to feed off the overall edginess of it all. For those of you who were around NY back in the ’90s Pork @ The LURE on Wednesday nights was an incredible experience – the East Village boys invaded and ran a leather bar and it was a wonderful mix. Today what edginess there is in the gay community is found in the bareback community. So the question is what’s the appeal of the leather community if it’s openly hostile to the leading edgy elements in the gay community? Why will people bother with leather? Why will they want to learn how to do BDSM properly? Leather will just become a fashion statement and BDSM will become marginalized as something only old queens do.

The reason why I care is because the leather community used to be the embodiment of a group that unapologetically demanded respect for who they were. They demanded tolerance for their sexually deviant consensual acts, but yet they’re unwilling to be tolerant of others’ sexually deviant  consensual acts. They’ve lost something, and it’s sad… In an era of everyone conforming to heterosexual norms (with gay marriage) we need a group that stands up for tolerance and respect of being different, being kinky, and being a deviant…

Let me just run down the vendors who are affected. Since most places that sell videos sell at least some bareback titles, that eliminates almost everyone who’s related to porn with the exception of production companies that only shoot condom porn. The other question is whether they consider pre-condom to be bareback. It is, and if they’re really being consistent they should not allow companies who continue to sell bareback videos under the title “pre-condom”. If they don’t treat pre-condom as what it is – bareback – then that just points out the craziness of their decision.

• Bijou Video (pre-condom)
• Dark Alley Media (recently started producing bareback titles)
• Dick Wadd Media
• Erotic Writers (will IML allow writing about bareback sex?)
• Factory Video / Gay Reality Porn
• Helix Studios
• Spunk Video
• Treasure Island Media

Those are just the ones I can pick out from their list… I think there might be others.

Needless to say, I’m not going to IML next year. I had already decided a while back to go to MAL instead…

If you would like to tell IML what you think of their decision, the e-mail address is info@imrl.com… But don’t expect a response…

Load 2009-13

Well, the photoshoot yesterday didn’t happen. It’s been a bit of a learning experience trying to coordinate a shoot. Solos are a lot easier – you just need one guy to come. But with sex scenes it’s the worst of trying to hookup online multiplied many times over. First you have to get guys who are more or less into each other. Then you have to coordinate their schedules. Few guys want to commit to anything. Some don’t want to show their face, some only want to work with neg guys, etc. My take away is to treat it like a sex party where I set the date and time and see who can show up at that time. But I didn’t learn that lesson in time for yesterday’s shoot.

I had actually put a lot of work into trying to find models, etc. so I was in a pretty bad mood and that got my bf and I to fighting. Bottom line – he saw the trip as a vacation, I saw it as work with some down time mixed in. We finally patched things up and went out for a nice dinner then came back rested and headed out a bit later on (had to wait for the torrential rains to subside).

We went to Campus, one of the stripper bars, and a black guy who had been all over me the night before was on stage doing his non-nude dance. Now, the guys are generally pretty aggressive at the stripper bars, but most of them are straight. I had seen this guy hanging all over a bear, so when he came up to me and started doing the same thing I knew it was more than the regular aggressiveness. His type was hairy white bears with facial hair. He must of spent 30 minutes with me and it was really pretty intense. I wasn’t in the mood that night to go have a dance (plus they’re a complete rip off, so I just tipped him a bit).

Anyway, when he was done with his dance he came up to me and asked if I’d be his fluffer. I wasn’t sure if he was serious, so I said ‘sure’, but didn’t know what would come of it. But a couple songs later he came back around and said the management wouldn’t mind ’cause they keep telling him he needs to get completely hard and it’s hard for him to get hard when it’s not with someone else. And I should mention he didn’t ask for any money. So the song before his dance started and we found a booth and I gave him a blowjob and he got nice and hard. He really was into bears – ’cause he’d stop me and make out, etc. It didn’t last long ’cause his song started and he had to rush on stage. Even though his dick is pretty big it doesn’t show as well as some ’cause it’s pretty bent – downwards – so it doesn’t stick out from his body.

So that was an interesting start to the evening. My bf was a bit jealous, but later in the evening he had plenty of attention from other guys, though none as intense and sincere.

I stayed there for a while and then went out to GI Joe – one of Montréal’s raunchier bathhouses. Just went by myself – my bf went out dancing with a guy he met who lived in NY. I should back up a bit and say I had forgotten to bring my pills on the trip and my libido was pretty low given all the stress I was feeling from things falling apart with the models, so I asked how much for the stuff they were selling and was told one type was $20 and another was $25. The guy said the $25 ones (“Forta”) were much better according to the customers who bought both. There were only two in the package and you were supposed to take the 2nd 3 hours after the first. Well, I’ll just say now, what they sold me sucked – my pills are WAY better than those (at least for me).

So I got undressed, and look around to see what’s up. There were a few bottoms on their bellies (what I look for), but not that many. I went to the basement where they have a big room with some glory holes. This attractive hairy bear came onto me. Long story short we got into a corner and I got down and gave him a blowjob. He was pretty horny and it wasn’t long before he was about to blow his load. He pulled out and turned away and I just grabbed his dick and went back to sucking it. He liked that and blew a big load in my mouth. So that was load #1.

After that I walked around a bit more and there was a guy on the top floor who was on all fours. I  went in and he barely looked at me – just kept his head down and his greasy ass up. I rimmed him a bit, got hard, and fucked him for a while. As I fucked him his ass went from greasy to wet – and in particular wet with loads he had taken earlier (it just feels different than lube). He seemed to have a lot of loads in there, so a couple times I got down and felched cum out of his ass – it was literally running out of his hole he had so much in there. Tasted good 🙂

I didn’t want to cum so early in the evening. It was at that point I thought I’d see how many holes I could get my dick in. I said that and believed it for a while, but also didn’t take it too seriously – there were willing holes I didn’t fuck.

Anyway, I went back down to the basement and in one of the pitch black glory holes there was a bald (or shaved head) cocksucker. I was feeling him up and felt his ass an it was dripping with cum. The glory holes there are big enough that they’re good for fucking. So apparently he’d been there a while and had spent plenty of time with his ass pushed up against the glory hole letting complete strangers he couldn’t see fuck him and dump their loads in him.

Needless to say I wanted to fuck his cummy ass. I had to get on my tippy toes to do it, but I fucked him for a while. Oddly he didn’t seem to want it to go on for long and he stopped after a few minutes. So I kept walking around.

When I was in my room I saw one of the models who contacted me about porn walk past. He’s a hot, ripped muscle daddy type who had wanted to do a leather scene. I stopped him, told him who I was and apologized things didn’t work out. It was then I realized he was up for doing more than I realized and it might have worked out with him (another lesson learned). Anyway, it was good meeting him and we kept seeing each other all night… [As a bit of an update – once again I misread him and today he tells me I should have fucked him at the bathhouse…]

Up on the top floor again a few doors down from my room and in the room next to the first guy I fucked there was this hot, lean, upper 20s guy laying on his belly. He looked a bit like a Euro boy type. I went in and started rimming him but my dick wasn’t cooperating, so I stopped and told him I’d be back. I don’t think he believed me, but I went to my room and jacked my dick until I was hard and then went back to his room and went straight to fucking him. I knew he was the guy who was going to get my load and I didn’t hold back fucking him. And yes, he did get my load and he wanted me to come back for more…

I knew I needed a little downtime and I was hoping I’d have a second wind, so I laid in my room and tried to recharge. I was playing with my iPhone (I’ve gotten addicted to playing solitaire on it), and I snapped a few pics of myself in the mirror over the bed… [And yeah, I’m heavy – I’m a bear – if it bothers you just get over it…]

The stuff I had taken was making me sweat like crazy, but after a while I figured I was as ready as I’d ever be. (They really did suck – I should have been rock hard after a 20 minute rest – oh well). So I looked around again and wound up in the basement again.

For some strange reason guys were really into me. Problem was some of the guys who were all over me I wasn’t into at all. Finally I found myself in a dark corner (by the 2nd guy I had fucked) and there were two reasonably hot guys competing to service me. One kept feeling up my butt wanting to fuck me, and the other spent a lot of time on his knees sucking me. Oh, I should mention there was this other guy who was back there who was a hot little hairy muscle guy with a pierced uncut cock – very hot, but he left.

Long story short I figured I might as well suck some dick since it didn’t look like either of them wanted to get fucked. So I got on my knees and the top who had been feeling up my ass had this cock that was thin and curved up and to the left. (Weird that it was the 2nd seriously curved cock I had sucked that night). He was trying to face fuck me pretty hard – forcing my head down on his dick – that never sets well with me and I resisted and sucked the other guy’s cock as well. The other guy had a uncut dick with really long foreskin that was leaking like crazy.

Long story short the guy with the uncut cock blew his load in my mouth and before I could even swallow I went back to sucking the other guy. Given how rough he was and the fact that I was squatting and my legs were going to sleep I stopped it after a bit and stood up. At that point he got down and sucked me until he blew his load. So I didn’t get that load, but did make a guy cum…

After that I knew it was time to go, so I got dressed and caught a cab…

So, my bf and I came to Montréal this weekend. I love this place – could see retiring here (but need to learn French first). Was hoping to shoot a bunch of porn this weekend, but most of the models sorta fell through. I think I might have a videotaped fuck session late this afternoon, but I did manage to get a solo model (Dimitri Roux – the pic on the right) to come in for a shoot yesterday. It was a learning experience for my boyfriend and me. It went pretty well, but one thing I learned was that amateur models should be paid like amateur models. He had wanted more but we stuck to our guns and I’m sorta glad we did. Good guy, nice body, great personality, but there were ways in which it were clear he’s not a professional porn star. That has it’s charm, but it has it’s limitations as well. He seemed a bit nervous and had problems getting hard and staying hard. My boyfriend offered to ‘fluff’ him, but he didn’t take my bf up on the offer.

So the weird part about this trip is I’m not all that horny. Montréal is a great place to come for sex. The bathhouses are pretty wonderful, the guys are sexy, etc. Last night my boyfriend was horny so after dinner we went out for one drink at a stripper bar and then I told him to go to a bathhouse and I just went back to the hotel.

One curious thing that happened yesterday was that we were at Priape and I wanted to buy some more lube. My boyfriend said he wanted to buy some condoms as well (he fucks raw or rubbered – depending on what the bottom will do). I reminded him that we have a bunch of (old) condoms at home. But he said some were so old that the glue on the wrappers was breaking down and they were opening up. To me old expired condoms are the ideal condoms – after all they’re more likely to break and the bottom is more likely to get your load… But I bought him condoms anyway.

But when he came home from the bathhouse he told me “I don’t think I can fuck with condoms any more”. He was fucking the bottom and the condom was turning him off. He took off the condom, the bottom felt his dick and knew he was getting fucked raw (and said nothing). My boyfriend pulled out when he came, but is pretty sure the bottom would have been fine taking the load. In other words my boyfriend is exactly where I was in my sex life back in 2003-2004 – when you realize few bottoms will say no to getting fucked raw or taking a load.

I did wake up with a big boner this morning. So tonight I want to go out to GI Joe (a bathhouse) and have some fun… Problem is I forgot my pills so that will limit me a bit, which is unfortunate.

Load 2008-11

About a week ago (the day of the Gay Pride Parade) my boyfriend had gone out to march in the parade. I was mostly over being sick, but didn’t want to push it so I stayed home. I thought maybe I’d take a nap, but figured I’d look and see if I could find someone to fuck. The hairy Italian daddy I’ve fucked a bunch of times before had e-mailed me a day or two before so I e-mailed him back and told him I was available. Like the other times he rushed right over. It’s like he lives to get fucked and take loads – like he’s an easy on-call cumhole. Why there can’t be more bottoms like that, I don’t know.

He comes over and asks if he can clean out a bit more, so I say sure and lay on the bed and start jacking my dick. He comes out and starts giving me a blowjob and then has me take off my clothes. He’s not a very good cocksucker – doesn’t keep his teeth away from my dick. So after a little bit I tell him to sit on my dick. He rides for a bit, but it’s just not doing it for me, so I have him pull off to switch positions I hear a bit of a noise, look down and there’s a wet shitty smear sorta dripping on my leg to the side of my pubes. UGH!!! Once again he’s failed to clean out properly. He apologizes and we both go into the bathroom to clean up. I had my glasses off but I notice there’s water all over the floor. I clean off, come out while he cleans out some more, get a new towel to put over the one that luckily I’d put on the bed and try to get myself back into the mood to fuck. Often a dirty hole just puts me off my game and it doesn’t happen at all.

When he comes back out of the bathroom I figure I’d have him lay on his belly. At least that way gravity will be working in my favor if he’s not clean. I do manage to get hard again and go back to fucking him. I think tops will understand what I mean when I say his hole felt uncomfortably wet – it was wet, but not lubricated. I tried putting a bunch of lube on his ass to improve the sensation and it helped a bit. What he was lacking is anal mucus – he’d washed it all out of his ass, and his ass was so wet it diluted the lube when it was applied.

I kept fucking him, but started wondering whether I’d be able to cum with him. At this point he was a piece of meat to me – a hole to fuck. As long as my dick stayed hard and he didn’t tell me to stop I was going to fuck him however I felt like fucking him. I wasn’t able to cum, but thanks to having taken a pill I was staying plenty hard.

So I fucked him and fucked him and fucked him. I could tell I was sorta wearing him out, but like a good bottom he just laid there and took it. I’m not sure if he enjoyed it or if it was uncomfortable for him – I honestly didn’t really care. The funny part was he kept telling me “You’re the best” which I found a little funny. I wasn’t sure whether that meant he was enjoying himself or whether he was just thinking that stroking my ego would make me cum and it would be over.

Finally his ass started producing mucus again and it started feeling better, and I changed positions a bit so one of my legs was between his and the other outside of his – so I was fucking from a bit of an angle. One way or the other I did finally cum in his ass.

He was worn out as well. He was going to jack off, but then we got to talking and finally he just got up and gathered his things and left. As he was gathering his things he noticed one of his new bottles of poppers was nearly empty and he realized he’s manage to spill the poppers in his car on the way over. That’s gotta make your car smell like shit – not sure how he’s going to explain the smell to his kids if they ask what it is. But he had brought the bag into my apartment and so now my bedroom reeked of poppers.

But the worst part was when I finally went into the bathroom and saw the mess there. He had managed to get shit EVERYWHERE. It was all over the toilet, but it was on the bath mat, and there were small brownish spots on the towels that were hanging on the wall, and all over the walls. It’s like shit-infused water had spattered all over the bathroom. It was disgusting.

It’s really too bad. He’s so eager, so dependable, but not being clean is a reoccurring theme with him. I’m pretty sure what he’s doing is trying to hard – using too  much water with too much force and getting water too far up into his colon. And I don’t think he’s careful enough to sit properly on the toilet – I think he squats and aims (and misses).

So unfortunately I had to bring up the issue with him in e-mail after he left. He’s such a nice guy and he’s going through such a rough time – he’s been unemployed for months and his ex-wife is insisting he pay child support when he has no money – he’s literally worried about becoming homeless. So it was really awkward to tell him he’s failed in yet another thing as simple as cleaning out his ass.

What I need is a bottom as eager, dependable, and available as him who’s squeaky clean every time they show up.