I knew going into last year that it would be a slow year sexually, and it was. I only gave 29 loads. 21 of those loads were given to guys I’d never fucked before (or don’t remember fucking – lol). I fucked holes 41 times, so that’s a failure rate of 29%, but realize those failures include things like fucking guys at bars when I’m a little drunk, and times when I encountered a dirty ass (which tends to end things rather abruptly).

But that’s not the worst year. In 2011 I only gave 23 loads and in 2006 & 2007 I was lower as well – 21 and 24 loads, respectively. I mean a really good year for me is 50-70 loads. So I hit half that mark.

Even though the circumstances of this year will be a lot like last year, my resolution is to improve things substantially over last year. I want to go to at least one sex party or bathhouse every week. I know there will be weeks when that’s impossible, so if I miss a week, then I need to catch up over the next week or two.

But the biggest resolution is to only cum when I’m fucking someone. I’ve tried that one before and failed pretty quickly, but gonna try it again. One way I’m modifying it is that if I’m unable to have sex (sick, recovering from an STD, etc.) then I’m going to allow myself to jack off into a condom and freeze it. (Never say rawTOP is against condoms – they’re great for storing cum, and are even decent cock rings if you break out the end. I just don’t see the point of fucking with one.) That’s going to be the hardest resolution to keep since I’ve been jacking off a lot this past year.

So far this year has started off really well and really poorly. I went out of town and visited bathhouses and bars with backrooms. Then I continued that when I got back to NY and went to CumUnion last night. It was a raw top’s wet dream. I fucked 17 guys, and could easily have fucked twice that many if my dick had been up to the task. I saw only one top rubber up the entire time, and another one ask a bottom if it was OK (and got refused). EVERYONE was taking raw dick – at least it seemed that way. You could just pull out and stick it in the next waiting hole. BUT I didn’t cum. I might have been able to early on, but if I had done that I would have lost my sexual mojo and not been able to fuck as many guys. As it was I only lasted 3 1/2 hours and I skipped the last 2 hours of the party. I think I could have fucked 50 guys if I had injected trimix at the beginning of the night (but I hate needles).

Then I went to the Eagle and this bottom bent over to suck the dick of a guy near me and had his ass up in the air. So I spit on my dick and shoved in making that the 18th hole of the night. I was actually surprised I could fuck when I was drinking, but I did pretty well at it. Security was light last night, so I was able to fuck for a while right out in the open (across from the 2nd floor bar – if you know the space).

The problem is, I had been wondering since Thursday if I had an STD. There were moments where my dick didn’t feel quite right, and there were times when it would burn when I pissed. But not all the time. Since there was no discharge I was hoping it wasn’t an STD, so this morning I went to the Saturday drop-in STD clinic at Callen-Lorde to get it checked out. There was no discharge when I woke up in the morning, but when I pulled down my pants for the doctor my PA hole was filled with a thick yellowy-green puss. The doctor didn’t quite understand Prince Alberts and was confused why there was puss there (lol), but that clearly indicated I have gonorrhea. So, I was treated on the spot.

So, if you were one of the 18 guys I fucked last night, or even one of the guys who sucked my dick – go get checked out. (Sorry).

This means I’m now in the capture-the-load phase since I can’t fuck for a little while. I assume freezing the cum kills the gonorrhea. But honestly I haven’t been all that horny today, and I’ll try not to jack off too much this week, but it’s already a 4 day load, so I’m gonna have to jack off at some point.

Well, It’s been 6 months now that I’ve been going to the gym. It’s funny how stats and even pictures don’t really quite capture the progress. I mean, look at the two pics below… The lighting is better in the after pic, but it’s hard to really see the progress…

The angle view shows things a lot better, but that’s in part to getting just the right shadows in the after pic that accentuate things.

I’m actually working on a small fitness site. More about that later, but you can see all the numbers for me on the site (the site is still in development, so some things are less than perfect). But the sum total is that I’ve gone down in weight, gone down in body fat, but not all that much on either count. I actually wanna get a better body fat scale. The one I have just measures the fat in the legs – which hasn’t changed all that much.

More than anything I can feel the difference – there’s just more muscle there when I feel different parts of my body. And people are starting to comment on the change as well. I think I look healthier and more athletic. In fact Max Sohl stopped by the other day and later commented that “You carry it well”. (“It” being my weight). I’m definitely in better shape heart-wise. It was a bit scary how bad I was at cardio 6 months ago. Given my family history of heart disease, that’s important.

I’m actually stepping things up a bit. Going to the gym more frequently for shorter workouts. That results in me burning more calories. But I need to burn the weight in a way where I don’t lose lean mass.

But slowly I’m getting there. It’s just a matter of time and determination to keep it up.

Load 2014-27

Once again today I got hard really easily. It’s been 3-4 days since I took a Cialis – I’m starting to think maybe going to the gym is helping in that department too. Which would be great if it’s true.

Anyway, I figured I’d see if there were any cumdumps available for a quickie load (since I needed to get back to work). This 20-something in my neighborhood hit me up. He wanted a dark room, blindfolded sort of scene. His profile said he was neg, but poz friendly since he was on PrEP. He gave me his address and said to be there in a half hour.

I know one other anonymous cumdump bottom who advertises he’s neg – but he’s actually poz. In the past if you liked being an anonymous cumdump you just had to accept that you were going to become poz (if you weren’t already) – it just came with the territory.

But things are different now – neg guys are discovering that they don’t have to be so inhibited. If they just get themselves on PrEP they can be the kind of pig they always wished they could be. I can’t say if the guy is actually neg and on PrEP (I didn’t go through his medicine cabinet), but I suspect he is. Gotta say it’s great for tops like me – expands the field of good, willing bottoms.

I get there right when I said I’d get there and the front door of his building was wide open. I go in, ring his doorbell and he comes and unlocks it and leaves it ajar (but doesn’t open it). I’ve done this scene enough times to know that means I need to wait a sec before going in. When I do open the door, I see him with his back to me, turning down the brightness of the light and bending over the bed.

I went over, took off my coat and just unbuttoned my pants. It was a pump-n-dump and taking my clothes off and then putting them back on again could double the amount of time I would spend there.

I got down and started rimming him. His hole was a little stubbly, but I did that just long enough to get hard enough to fuck. Then I got up and tried to push in. My dick missed his hole. Tried again. Then finally had to feel where his hole was and use those fingers to guide my cock. But my cock still wouldn’t go in! For an anonymous cumdump he was surprisingly tight.

I did finally get in. His hole felt good. It was at that point that I noticed he was blindfolded. I always love that 😉 He started getting a little verbal, but not so much so that it was a turn off. I had come less than 24 hours before, so I was little worried I might not be able to cum. I could feel my orgasm building, but was still worried it might a “dry” orgasm. I wasn’t completely convinced I was going to be able to give him a load. About that time he starting saying stuff like “give me that big load”  and I was just hoping I could give him any load.

But the load did finally come. Probably not my biggest load, but I could feel 2-3 good squirts go up his hole. Then I stood up, checked my dick for “dirt” and shoved my cummy cock back into my jeans and I was on my way…

He’s relatively close to me. Hope I can make him a regular…

Load 2014-26

There’s a guy who’s been hitting me up for YEARS. I’m not exactly sure how long it’s been, but I have a note on his profile from 2 years ago saying he’s been trying to hookup with me for a while and it never works out. So I think it was years at that point, and now it’s years after that…

But backing up… There was this big beefy black guy I fucked a week ago. I didn’t write it up ’cause I couldn’t cum. I sorta came close, but it just wasn’t working. I don’t know what it is about beefy guys – I have a really horrible track record with them.

Yesterday (Sunday) I just felt like programming so I worked most of the day. I’ve been working on two sites – S3X.Social & S3X.Fitness. S3X Social is a site that’s sort of a productivity site for me that I’ll share with others to use. (If you share pics on Twitter or Tumblr you’ll find it useful – when I get it finished that is…). And S3X Fitness will be tied in with the hookup sites I’m working on (data entered in Fitness will update your profiles on the hookup sites, checkins at gyms can show up on the hookup sites, etc.) Basically, those two sites are pretty simple concepts that I’m using to get up to speed before delving deep into the hookup sites. I’m learning a lot – it’s finally to the the point where it’s fun and rather absorbing.

Anyway, in the middle of working on the “Login with Twitter” feature I went to post a pic on Tumblr (a task that should be handled by S3X Social), and pulled out my dick and jacked a bit. I was surprised to find that I got a rock hard erection pretty quickly. (I had taken a Cialis Thursday or Friday – I figured it would have worn off by then). I then realized I hadn’t cum in a couple days, so I figured I’d spend a little time looking for a hole to fuck. I needed to do it right then because I wanted to go to the gym in a few hours (it was a full week since I’d been last – busy with programming…), and I’m always dead tired after the gym – so it was now or never.

For the middle of the day on a weekend, the pickings were surprisingly slim. There were a few guys who wanted to hookup but most of them wanted to fuck me and then maybe flip. That totally wasn’t my mood – I just wanted to fuck a hole. About the most I was up to otherwise was if they wanted to jack off into my ass. But I had zero desire to actually get fucked.

Then the guy I mentioned above hit me up. We were finally online and looking at the same time. Honestly, I couldn’t tell too much from his pics. There were no body shots. But his height/weight was proportionate and he seemed decent otherwise. (The lack of clarity in his pics was probably one of the main reasons why I hadn’t hooked up with him for so many years).

All I really knew about his was that he was submissive. I didn’t really know what he wanted from me. But given that he was the only good bottom who was close and looking right then, I didn’t bother negotiating how things would go. He was a sub, and I’d just do what was best for me. Hopefully it was somewhat close to what he wanted.

He shows up and, IMHO, didn’t look anything like his pics. I wouldn’t say he looked worse. In some ways he may have even looked better. Maybe the pics were old. Maybe it was because he’d shaved his head since then. I’m not sure, but he looked different. Either way, he was there, decent enough looking, and I needed to fuck a hole…

After we stripped down he gave me a blowjob. But he was working the head of my dick a lot which was actually a bit overly sensitive. I had put my big ring in my PA a few days ago and it got a bit irritated and has been overly sensitive since then. Anyway, the pain from the blowjob was on the verge of making me go soft, so I stopped him and had him get on the bed on all fours, so I could rim him.

I didn’t rim him for all that long. He seemed to like it, but I just wanted to fuck and dump a load. So I lubed him up with spit and shoved in. In that position his hole was a bit high for me, so I got him to lay down on his belly. I fucked him with his legs spread, then I straddled one leg, and finally I had him put his legs together.

The fuck seemed to push his limits a bit pain-wise. I couldn’t tell if he was enjoying it or enduring it. So at first I held back a little hoping he’d get used to it. But after a bit I just fucked as hard as I felt like fucking. Right when I was starting to feel my orgasm build he twisted his torso to look back at me. I couldn’t quite tell the intention of his looking at me. I suspected he was on the verge of complaining that it was too hard of a fuck. I just shook my head ‘no’ once, and he got the message and put his head back down. Less than a minute later he was rewarded with a nice, big, multi-day load.

Then I rolled him over so we were on our sides, spooning, with my dick still up his ass as I caught my breath.

I don’t think I was verbal enough for the guy. At least two times during the hookup he asked if I was OK. Yes, I was a bit distant. My mind was wondering off to coding stuff. But I think he wanted to be told how he should please me. But giving commands wasn’t really what I wanted to do right then.

After I got soft and pulled out, he wanted to rim me. I hadn’t cleaned down there at all, and can’t remember the last time I really enjoyed being rimmed, so I politely refused the offer. Then he tried to give me another blowjob – but my dick was even more sensitive than before – so I stopped that after a bit. I didn’t really want much of anything. A neck/shoulder massage would have been nice, but the chemistry between us wasn’t quite right, so I didn’t bother mentioning it.

A little while later we ended things. I think he wanted more time and intimacy from me. But instead he just got what I felt like giving that day – my load. I needed a hole and he was my hole.

There were three loads I didn’t write up plus some other fucks where I didn’t cum, so I’ll just summarize those really quickly before getting on to the fuck from a couple days ago…

7 weeks ago I went to a sex party with my bf and this hot black guy we’ve both fucked. I fucked 4 guys, but couldn’t manage to cum. The party was mostly oral – could have been better, but at least I got to fuck some hole. And yes, going with my bf marks a good transition in our relationship. Now we just need more friends like the black guy – where sex is part of the friendship with the guy (my bf and I tend to like different types of guys).

Load #22 was with my muscular Latino fuck bud. He’s one of my favorite fuck buddies. Totally my type, but the sex is pretty much always the same with him – just quickie pump-n-dumps – so not much to report. That was a month and a half ago now.

Load #23 was at bear night at a bathhouse. A lean cumdump Latino was ass up on his bed. He didn’t look back to see my face the whole time I fucked him. He just took the fuck and the load and then I left. That was just over a month ago now. Unfortunately he was pretty much the only guy there I wanted to fuck, so nothing else to report.

Load #24 was a bit of a disaster. I couldn’t get fully hard. I’m sure the bottom thought I was a lame fuck, but I did manage to nut in his ass. But in the grand scheme of things I’d rather give a load with a semi-hard cock than not give a load with a rock hard cock. That was about 3 weeks ago.

The next day I hosted a sex party. Just a few guys came, unfortunately. I fucked 3 guys but didn’t manage to cum (probably because I came the day before and was edging all day). Unfortunately I think one of those guys gave me gonorrhea. So getting that treated put me out of commission for a week. (And yes, I did let the guys at the party know – guys always appreciate it when you do).

Load 2014-25

I know 25 loads isn’t all that much – especially this far into the year. My spreadsheet tells me I’m only going to manage 31 for the year. But I figured it would be like that when the year started. The last month or two, especially, I just feel like programming. Programming is a pretty solitary activity – so when I’m in that mindset, I’d often rather jack off than deal with people. In fact, I haven’t even done a good job of moderating Breeding Zone – it feels like a distraction most days. But I’m learning a lot and starting to see the light the end of the tunnel on my projects – though the light is still pretty far down the tunnel.

On Friday I took a Cialis in the morning thinking I would hookup this weekend. (Cialis tends to work best for me the next day). But the end of the day came and I just wanted a break from all the work. The Cialis had kicked in and I was as hard as a rock. I needed a hole to fuck, so I went online.

A couple hours later the hole arrived 😉 He was this 30-ish guy who’s been reading my blog since the very beginning 8 years ago. I think years ago we had tried to hookup and never actually did. Then he moved away, and now he’s back. We’ve been texting on and off for a number of months. I’m guessing I’m on his bucket list or something.

Best way I can describe him is that he looks like the type of guy you’d see in South Boston or New Jersey. I’m guessing Irish or Italian. Very “boy-next-door” – cute face, with a bit of a working class vibe about him (though that’s a gross stereotype that probably has no basis in reality).

When he took off his clothes he was pretty smooth, big boned, and “soft” but not fat. His dick, soft, was really small – but that’s something I like – makes the guy more of a bottom in my eyes.

We kissed a little, then he gave me a brief blowjob. But what I really wanted was his ass, so it wasn’t long before I had him on all fours and was rimming his hole. Did that for a little bit and then lubed up my cock and shoved in. I have relatively short legs, and he had pretty long legs so fucking doggy position didn’t really work, so I got him down on his belly and kept fucking.

His hole felt like a big open cavern. It’s funny how asses can be so different. Some are tight muscular tunnels that massage the whole length of my dick. But with him there was the sphincter and then nothing. I never asked, but I suspect he’s a fisting bottom or uses a lot of large toys on his hole.

But I did keep “hitting bottom” so the head of my dick was getting the attention it needed (which is what I think makes me cum). Different holes -> different styles of fucking. With him I was doing pretty long strokes and coming down semi-hard on top of him. Every time I did there was this loud slapping sound as my body hit his ass. It was pretty loud and I wondered whether I should change things up to be a little quieter, but my dick felt good, so I just continued on.

I knew he didn’t want me to rush it, so when I felt my orgasm building I just kept my pace steady to try to draw it out a little – but not so long that the moment would pass and I wouldn’t cum. Then it came. Felt good to finally give a load after not fucking for 2 1/2 weeks. He told me later that it was a pretty big load.

Then we rolled over on our sides and thanks to the Cialis my dick stayed pretty hard for a long time. So I just pumped in and out of his now cummy hole. Felt really good. Then 5-10 minutes later the cum must have found it’s way deeper into his hole or something ’cause it stopped being so wet and silky. I continued to fuck him, but my dick started to go soft.

When I finally pulled out. He had asked me before coming over whether I wanted to take his poz load. I had told him I might be up for him jacking off and putting the head of his cock in my ass as he came. He was rock hard when I pulled out (and not as small as I initially thought he’d be). I think he wanted me to blow him, but I generally hate oral sex. Plus I had blown my load and my sexual energy was a lot more mellow at that point. He said jacking off doesn’t really do it for him, so that meant that was sort of the end of things. It wasn’t a bad thing – just was what it was.

All in all it was a good fuck, but given the looseness of his hole I’m guessing he’s someone I need to fuck when I’ve recently taken Cialis. I doubt his hole would have gotten me off if I wasn’t 100% hard. With him I need to hit bottom, and that takes length and perfect hardness. Luckily we fucked on a day when that was the case.

Well, the last few days my attempts to give loads have run up against bad bottoms that sorta defeat my best intentions.

Sunday I was at the Eagle and was out in the backyard with a few friends. This skinny tattooed guy came out and hung out like he knew us – listening to our rather frank/personal discussion. Finally I just introduced myself. Then we continued on our conversation – but he still just stood there and listened. Finally he started getting frisky with one of my friends – grinding his ass into my friend’s crotch. Next thing I knew the back of his shorts were down and my friend was fucking him. It was sorta hot and I repositioned myself next to them so I could watch a bit more closely.

Then, right when things were getting hot and heavy, one of the barbacks comes out with a bunch of trash and castigates the guys saying “You can’t do that here! You’re on camera” – and he points to the camera right above them. My friend pulls out and my other friends start chatting with the barback – seems they knew him pretty well.

As soon as the barback was gone my friend didn’t seem interested in fucking anymore and he wandered away and the bottom started paying attention to me – he wanted to suck my dick which he did briefly but I told him I wanted to fuck. We got into a corner, away from the cameras (with friends watching the door), and the guy bent over and I spit on my dick ans shoved in.

Pretty soon I started smelling shit. I was hoping it wasn’t too bad. I kept fucking to see if I could cum quickly, but it wasn’t happening and the smell of shit was getting stronger. So I pulled out and my dick was covered in it. I had my 2 gauge PA in (the curved barbell, not th ring), and that only made things messier. I told him about the problem and he kept apologizing profusely. I told him I needed something to clean up with – preferably something moist. He disappeared and then one of my friends said he’d go get something. (The mark of a true friend is when they fetch clean up stuff when you’re in a situation like that). Meanwhile I was pissing – hoping that would clean things a little. But there was no way I was shoving a shit-covered dick back into my pants where it would mess up my pants.

My friend came back with a bunch of napkins. They helped a lot. I used the bottom’s beer for moisture. And generally got things more or less clean. Then the bottom came back with a little towel that was moist. It would never have been adequate on its own, but I was impressed he’d show his face again in order to make things better.

So that attempt to give a load ended rather disastrously. Unfortunately, tonight didn’t go any better.

Today I was in the mood to fuck and there were two gangbangs listed on BBRT. I did a request for both since what’s motivating me as a top lately is cummy holes and the best way to fuck a cummy hole is at a gangbang. I was a little surprised when the one guy who had 60+ attendees didn’t approve me. Maybe he was feeling overwhelmed with responses or something – who knows? But I was happy when, ‘TigerBeat’ a hot, late-20-something bottom approved me for his gangbang. I replied letting him know when I would try to get there, and he replied back something like “sounds good”.

I headed down a few minutes earlier than I had originally planned. He lived in the Lower East Side, so it was a bit of a hike – but the idea of a hot guy with a cummy hole made the trip worth it. I get there and ring the buzzer and heard a crackle on the intercom, but the door didn’t open. Then a guy came out of the building with his laundry and he let me in. I went up to the apartment (a 5th floor walk-up) and before I could ring the doorbell the door opened. The guy was in his underwear (nice tight body), there was music in the background, and he said something like “Sorry, I sent you an email asking you not to come”. Ugh! Seriously? He went on to say he knew about my blog and he “respected me, but [he] needed to be discreet”. All I could think to say was “Are you sure?” He was, so I turned around and left.

But in hindsight that’s total bullshit. I mean I look better in person than I do in my pics. If he wasn’t me, then he shouldn’t have approved me, given me his address, AND responded positively to my confirmation. There were plenty of chances to say “don’t come” prior to when I logged off. And the whole discretion thing… Please, discreet bottoms don’t post gangbang ads. Discreet bottoms don’t have public profiles with pics.

I protect the identities of the guys I fuck. The only time I mention a guy’s profile name / stage name is when he’s a porn star or he wants me to, and then I make a point to only say good things about him. A few times guys have told their friends that I fucked them and then the friends have figured out which write-up was about their friend. But that wasn’t me telling making the ID – that was the bottom giving out too many details. But when the guy makes me travel over an hour (round trip) for absolutely nothing – then I don’t really feel the need to (completely) protect his identity. So if discretion and anonymity was TigerBeat’s objective – then his plan backfired. You all now know who stood me up, and now that I’ve linked to it, Google will index his profile.

Ugh! I really hate bad bottoms. Seriously guys – if you’re grinding you ass on guys’ crotches at a bar – make sure you’re clean, and if you invite someone to a gangbang – don’t turn them away when they get there… Where is Miss Manners when we need her?