If I had had my way John Edwards would be the Democratic nominee, but he’s not. Of the two left standing I’ve always liked Obama a bit more than Hilary. Hilary is not a liberal, and I am. I used to think she was a liberal, but having had her for my Senator for a while now, she’s just not liberal – not at all. There’s a reason why she’s getting support from the blue collar / rural wing of the Democratic party…

That said I don’t feel like I really know Obama all that well – and I’m a little uncertain of him. But the concept of voting for McCain is beyond me – especially for a gay person. Think of it this way – when you vote for President you’re also voting for things like agency heads who set the tone of government agencies, and you’re voting for the Supreme Court. 8 years of Bush have resulted in a Supreme Court that’s far more antagonistic towards gay rights than if Gore had gotten in…

Michelangelo Signorile and I would disagree on a lot, but on the idea of a gay person voting for McCain we’re in complete agreement. If you’re such a racist that you can’t bear to vote for a black man… Just stay home in November – don’t actually vote for someone who is going to do you harm (McCain)…

If you come across others who are thinking of voting for McCain – challenge them. Point out that they’re voting against themselves, or if they’re not gay, then they’re voting against you. Don’t be afraid to make it personal. One of us is getting killed every 8 days in the United States. We don’t need to coddle bigots – they’re hateful and it hurts us in very real ways.

Load 2008-37

This bottom contacted me this weekend and really wanted to hookup with me. He had contacted me 18 months ago when I posted a Craigslist ad. Back then he really wanted to hookup as well, but didn’t want to take my load. So I filed him away in the “not ready” folder. Then he contacts me about 6 months later – still interested, but it doesn’t happen. Then he contacts me again this past January, and then this weekend. This guy knew what I was about and really wanted to hookup with me…

So tonight he asks if I can travel to Flatiron area, I check with my bf and head over. If you know Manhattan you know getting from Washington Heights to Flatiron takes a good 45 minutes, possibly more. I hurry as much as I can since he’s “staying late at work” to hookup with me.

That’s the other thing I forgot to mention – the guy has a boyfriend and the boyfriend thinks he’s hard at work (on the weekends, late at night, etc.)… When actually the guy has a private office and has people in to have sex…

Anyway, I get outside the building and my cell phone doesn’t have a signal for some reason and I have to call up to find out where he is in the building. Finally I get through and go up. He’s got this somewhat cute, but cramped corner office which is very private.

I unzip and put on one of those soft rubber cockrings. He seems to think it’s weird that I’m not taking off all my clothes, but getting my boots off is just too much trouble…

He’s described himself all sorts of different ways over the years, “Asian”, “Asian/Spanish”, but he looks like a Pacific Islander – nice beefy body – muscular with a bit of beef to him… Not a bad guy to hookup with…

So he gets on his knees and starts sucking me off. I’m nice and hard thanks to the cock ring and having taken a couple pills before leaving. He seemed to just want to suck, but I wanted to move it on to fucking, so I convinced him to let me rim him.

I bend him over a table and start eating out his ass. Nice ass – and he started really getting into it. He actually sorta leaned back into me, which makes it a little difficult for me since I need to come up for air to breathe. So I balance his weight with my hand so I’m able to pull my head away for air…

Things were looking good so far… Mind you he’s jacking his dick the entire time. I’m so hard I don’t even need to touch myself.

I get up, put some spit on his hole and some on my dick and shove in. He had told me it was a while since he’d been fucked and he seemed really tight. I can’t really get in the first or second try, but the third try I get in and just hold him there so he can get used to my dick.

But then the fucker cums and pulls off my dick. After the history with him not wanting to take my load I knew exactly what he had just done. It’s titillating for him to think about getting fucked raw and taking loads, but still, after 18 months, he’s not ready to do it. UGH…

I used his cum to lube up my dick, and tried really hard to convince him to let me fuck him. He asked if I’d fuck him with a condom. “No.” Then, after cleaning his cum off my dick with a paper towel, he got down on his knees and started blowing be again. He didn’t get that I wasn’t going to give him an oral load. I’ve come with blow jobs less than a handful of times in my life and one of those I was paid… I wasn’t going to do it with him after a bait-and-switch.

I’m pissed. I pull up my pants and leave. I should have said something pretty rough to him. If anything guys like that make me want to reveal their identities… But I’m a good guy and don’t (though there are plenty of clues in the description above)…

So then I start wondering who I could text to get a quick hookup. I try a cumhole I’ve been wanting to hookup with for a while, but he’s not available. I try another guy who I’m not sure who he is, but it’s a non-working number. Finally I settle on the guy I fucked the other day – the one who wanted to get an oral load… He had been hitting me up since then for another round. I knew he wanted an oral load, but would take it up the ass.

I get to his place and like before he drops to his knees in the hallway, just inside the door. The guy is an excellent cocksucker. At first I was worried I wasn’t going to get hard enough, but in no time he was choking on my dick. It was fun – I’d go from thrusting into the back of his throat, to holding him on me seeing how long he could take my dick down his throat…

The pig just loves to suck cock and he’s one of the best cocksuckers I’ve had in a while. It went on forever and at one point he said something about trying to get me to cum down his throat. What was so not going to happen – especially not after the first guy.

Eventually I start telling him I want to fuck him and feeling up his ass. It takes a while, but he gets the message. After sticking it in his ass in the hall briefly we move to the bed where he gets on all fours and I push him down on his stomach.

Besides being a good cocksucker the guy is super skinny – like emaciated. I sorta like guys like that, so it didn’t take me long to cum (especially not after the good blow job). The orgasm was sorta weird. I felt it coming, and felt like I was “leaking”, but it didn’t come, didn’t come, and finally sorta came. Then when I finally stopped it really came. Whatever – he got his ass flooded…

I then spent a few minutes slowly pumping in and out of his cummy hole. Felt really good… Then I turned him on his side and held him (in case he wanted to cum)…

It’s weird with him – in some ways he’s my type, in other ways he’s not. When he wanted to kiss (more than a peck on the lips), I tried to make it clear I didn’t want to. When he persisted, I said I had to go…

I washed off my dick, put on my pants and boots, and left…

At least the evening wasn’t a total wash out…

Building on the last encounter where the straight lawyer did sort of a dominance battle with me where neither one of us was exactly in control, I contacted the bottom I’d hooked up with a couple times so far – he was my first load at IML, and then later I fucked him with 3 other guys plus watched a dom top use him. Anway, I contacted him to see if he wanted to hang out and have drinks at the bar. He said yes, so I went up to his room. We chatted briefly, I told him I hadn’t cum in a while and didn’t know if I could, but if he wanted to work for it he might get it. As you might expect he did want to work for it…

He unbuttons my pants and just as he starts sucking my dick my phone rings. It’s my bf. I answer (while the guy is sucking my dick), and chat with my bf a little and then he asks what I’m doing later and I tell him I’m going down to the bar to have drinks. He asks with who, I tell him, and then say I should probably go, ’cause the guy is sucking my dick. My bf takes it in good stride and I hang up the phone and get down to business.

Long story short (’cause this is just the beginning), I give him a half way decent fuck. Pound him pretty hard, but just can’t cum (in hindsight, since this post has taken a while to get up, I had the beginnings of a cold and was feeling run down). So we wind it up and head downstairs to the bar.

Most of the people going to IML had left earlier in the day – the crowd at the bar was pretty sparse. There’s a bunch of Treasure Island guys there, including Brad McGuire. In general the mood at the bar is about the best I had seen it all weekend. Guys were happy, goofing around (one group kept throwing each other over their shoulders and horsing around). It was groups of friends, things were over and everything was really relaxed.

After two pints of beer I had to piss, so we headed upstairs. As soon as we got to my room there was no need to go to the bathroom – the bottom just got on his knees and drank every drop. Since it was beer piss he said it tasted better than the other night – less rank. Right after he drank my piss he got up and wanted to kiss. I wasn’t so sure about that one (didn’t really want to taste my own piss) and made the kiss pretty superficial.

Then I showed him the whip the top from earlier in the day had left, and we decided to start playing again… I had the puppy mitts out from the session with the top, so I put them on him (he hadn’t worn puppy mitts before), then we tried on a few hoods. The bottom really doesn’t like hoods – he had told me as much before. So I tried to start with a really thin spandex hood, but it was too small for him. Then we tried the thicker spandex hood and that worked, but since we were trying things out I put the leather hood on him next.

I knew being hooded was a big step for him, so we took it really slow and easy, and it was good I was someone he trusted… His initial panic subsided and I decided since he was hooded I’d take advantage of the situation, take pictures, use him, and videotape it. I put his legs in the air, pull down his pants, exposed his butt and well, the rest you can see in the video below… It’s probably my best video yet – nearly 18 minutes long… Basically I fuck him, spank him, and whip him, and paddle him…

I didn’t realize at the time exactly how stinging the other top’s whip was, but I paid attention to the bottom and his reactions to what I was doing and managed to not go past his thresholds… Still what you saw in the video above hurts like hell. It’s just the bottom likes a certain level of pain – earlier at the bar he had been showing me the bruises he got that weekend and remarking how he wished he had gotten more and bigger ones.

So what you see in the video was my most S/M experience at IML – glad I got it on tape! And next time I want a lot more like that – and even before next time I’ll be looking for bottoms who get into this stuff… I’ve got the one sub bottom who will let me go there (he’s load #30 that I still haven’t gotten up yet), but if any of you want to volunteer, let me know…

The bottom and I got to be pretty good friends at IML – we even met for lunch the next day and went to the Art Institute of Chicago before we left town… He’s got an interesting story to tell and I’m hoping he’ll write up his thoughts so I can share them here… Let’s just say he’s pretty much given up with risk reduction and knows full well what that means… He’s a sane, rational guy in a long-term relationship and is completely responsible in just about every other aspect of his life… He’s not what you’d expect of some one taking such a big risk…

UPDATE: Well, the bottom liked the video…

the video is great. it’s almost exhilarating watching my ass get redder and redder as you’re beating it, knowing how much it was hurting me and how much i was enjoying it. and yet watching it as a viewer, detached from the pain now, is an interesting experience. i think it is a good video and a good scene, it’s not all the same thing, it shows a good view of my red ass, it shows you off well and shows you very much in control, and it succeeds in dehumanizing me by hiding my face and head almost all the time, while focusing on my ass.

Read an interesting article on HIV transmission in a “post-AIDS” world – focusing on Britain. The writer (Elizabeth Pisani) goes through the scenarios pretty fully and then has a few observations…

First she says gays needs to “shift down a gear or two” on drugs-and-sex. At least that’s her hope. While I agree some gay guys need to shift down a gear on drugs, when it comes to the sex part I don’t think she completely gets what it means to be gay or be a guy, but her focus is prevention, so it seems reasonable to her…

As the “survivor” generation ages out of the bars and clubs, as same-sex partnerships become more mainstream, clubs and parties may become less central to gay life. They won’t disappear, any more than getting plastered and getting laid have disappeared from the lives of young heterosexuals. But a sense of social alienation is part of the glue that binds young gay people into a “scene” where risky sex, risky everything, is normal. If gay men felt less alienated – if we talked more about same-sex relations in our families and schools, if we had more openly gay people in our boardrooms and sports clubs – we’d reduce the power of that glue.

While it sounds good, I’m not sure it will work that way… On the drugs side of things, sure, the more gay people feel accepted the less drug use there will be since part of drug use is due to people feeling psychologically inadequate in some way due to society telling them their ‘not right’ – but even that may not have a major effect.

And I guess the more there are relationships, the less sex guys will have, but on that one I’m more skeptical. Gay relationships are less likely to be monogamous. Just take IML this past week – lots of guys were there without their boyfriends having lots of sex (and some with their boyfriends). Gay relationships may mean less sex, but they’re much further from monogamy than straight relationships.

One of the guys at IML was even in a long-term relationship and pretty much bug chasing – he wasn’t taking all loads, but pretty close, and he was somewhat excited about becoming poz. Even though he’s chasing he said his boyfriend will “think it was an accident” when he the guy tells him he’s poz. I don’t think the writer really gets these types of complexities…

Being gay and being straight are fundamentally different on many levels. Sure, some gay guys want to settle down and have kids like straight people. But they’re not typical, and I’m not sure they ever will be.

So I think things are a bit more complicated than the writer thinks… There may be some reduction in HIV as gay men are given full equality, but it’s a tenuous connection at best.

She did say one thing that’s completely true. She calls what we’re seeing in the western world as the “post-AIDS” era. She worries what happens when a “post-AIDS” mentality becomes prevalent in the third world…

Having worked in HIV for over a decade in developing countries, I shudder to think what will happen when the “post-Aids mentality” clashes with the imperfect health systems of poorer countries, where treatment can be intermittent and viral load bounces up and down. But in countries like Britain, the shift to a post-Aids world is manageable. The challenge for the gay community is to prevent the survivor generation’s attitude – “the plague is over, let’s party” – from becoming the norm for a world without Aids.

Again, interesting statement, but if she’s saying it’s the western gay community’s responsibility to prevent a “post-AIDS” mentality from spreading to developing countries then once again I have to disagree with her. Just as I think people have to take the responsibility for their own health, I think the developing world has to take responsibility for their own attitudes – to ensure they’re in line with their own ability to provide care.

Still, it is a bit sobering to think how quickly some countries could go down hill if the thinking we see in the western gay communities became the norm in developing countries. While the situation is “manageable” for us, it’s not in other countries.

As on my way out to IML, I stopped in Cleveland and stayed at Flex on my return trip. After the uneventful time last time I had pretty low expectations. On top of that it was clear by then that I was coming down with a cold. It started a couple days before and as I write this it’s in full swing… So I was feeling pretty run down and my being there was more as a cheap hotel with the possibility of sex than anything else.

Believe it or not, the place was even more deserted this time than last time. When I went upstairs (where most of the rooms are), there was almost no one there. My first time around upstairs I think I saw one person.

There were 3 or 4 cute guys downstairs in the hot tub and pool, but they were keeping to themselves. All in all there were maybe 8 to 10 other customers I saw around. At one point these two guys were 69ing in the TV/porn room and it looked sorta hot, so I climbed up next to them. I knew they weren’t body beautiful or anything, but whatever. Then one of them wanted to suck my dick while the other guy rimmed his ass. So I let him. Then they changed positions and I had a good look at who had been sucking my dick… UGH! That was the end of that…

Finally I sorta gave up and laid in my room and wrote a blog post. This fairly attractive young-ish (mid to upper 20s) black guy walked by a few times and then stopped. He had a big thick dick that was curved to the right. He wasn’t in great shape. It was like he had lost a lot of weight and was still saggy in parts. The worst part was when he went to kiss he tasted like he’d been eating out some pretty funky ass. So I just tried to avoid kissing him – ’cause it wasn’t like there were many other options…

Since I wasn’t hard and he was, I sucked him a bit to get things started. Then he sucked me. Then I sucked him some more… I had been grabbing for his ass and feeling his hole, so as I sucked him he laid back on the bed and put his legs up. It was clear what he was looking for. So I just went a little lower and rimmed him. That got my dick nice and hard, and I just got up, spit on my dick and shoved in. I loved how there was no discussion of condoms… He just took the raw dick.

I fucked him for a while and really tried to cum, but given how run-down I was feeling from my cold I just couldn’t. I think he was at least wondering whether I came silently in his ass. I could see it in his eyes… We weren’t talking – just fucking. And there were a few times I’d pound him hard and then slow down. The fact that I finally just couldn’t keep it up I think told him I had cum.

With my deflated dick, he knew I was done and so he got his towel and left. It’s funny to think he left thinking I was a stealth breeder…

After that I pretty much went to bed. In the morning there were even fewer people to hookup with, so nothing happened.

So as far as Flex Cleveland, let’s just say there’s a reason why they’re half price during the week… Without going on a weekend, I can’t really say anything conclusively about them, but I can say weeknights are pretty dead.

IML is over. There’s still one more post I need to put together – my one real S/M experience (other than the one where I mostly just watched), but it contains video, so I need to edit the video first.

Expectations vs. Reality

For starters the hotel wasn’t exactly a bathhouse. VERY sexual, but different than a bathhouse. I didn’t see any open doors or anything like that. I did see one cumhole that put a sticky note in the elevator lobby for each floor saying he was taking loads, but that’s about all I saw. Instead it was like a buffet. Login to your favorite hookup site, look for guys 0 miles away and have them come to your room. It was also a lot about private sex parties and gangbangs. The trick was 1) finding them, and 2) getting invited.

Going into it I had hopes of how many guys I’d fuck and how many I’d seed. I got my raw dick in 12 different holes and seeded 4 of them. It’s not bad, but I was hoping for a lot more than that. But it was my first time, and I know how I’d improve those numbers next time…

I was also suprised with how many native Chicago guys wanted to hookup. I guess I expected it to be mostly guys attending IML. When I wanted hole right then and there, it always seemed like the guy was 5 miles away and not at the hotel.

Highlights

Top three sexual experiences (in no particular order):

• Fucking the little kid. Probably one of my favorite fucks. It was vanilla, but he was close to my ideal cumhole…
• Whipping and fucking the sub bottom and having him drink my piss. Been WAY too long since I really inflicted some pain on a bottom. I liked it…
• The “tussle” with the forceful top. It opened my eyes to a different way of thinking about sex – in a good way…

It’s interesting that only one of those three involved cumming in a guy’s ass…

Fucking Jarod Steel was definitely notable, but not in the top three… Also notable was fucking the young little guy in the backroom of the Eagle.

I really liked Lake Shore Drive. I could see myself living on it, which says a lot… I also liked getting out and seeing some Frank Lloyd Wright stuff in Oak Park one afternoon…

Things I’d Do Differently

I didn’t expect to get things perfect the first time around. I went to see how it would be. But having seen it, there are things I’d do next time to make the most of it…

Next time I go I want to go with a “partner in crime”. Not that that I’d want to be joined at the hip or anything – but just someone to hang out with in the off hours. If it’s a top – someone to share bottoms with, if it’s a bottom someone to fuck when I need a nice wet hole… Nothing too serious, definitely not a pretend boyfriend for the week.

Spend less money. What this past week cost me is a bit crazy. The hotel (and parking) bill was $1,600. Then there was gas money of probably $300+, then Flex for $80, plus food, etc. I guess that’s not all that crazy, but it can be done less expensively and still have just as good of a time. I’d rather put the money toward more leather gear.

Having the partner in crime be a roommate would help a lot – half the room bill. Not driving would help as well. I had never been to Indiana and Illinois, and it had been ages since I was in Ohio and northern Pennsylvania. I’m glad I drove, but don’t feel the need to do it again next time. The stop over at Flex Cleveland was definitely something that could be dropped.

I’d eat better. There were some days when I only had one meal. Or one day my two meals consisted of a roast beef wrap and a big slice of pizza. My intestinal track was a complete mess and I had the runs by the end of the week from not eating properly. Once I had some decent food in me on a regular basis everything went back to normal – so I definitely need to eat better next time. I did lose 3 pounds this past week though.

I’d also skip the last day. There was a nice vibe the last evening, but all in all, it didn’t seem worth it to stay the extra day. However, I did meet the straight, forceful top – that was one really good thing that came out of it. He called today to talk… It’s not an anal sex thing with him, but I like where his mind’s at – a mix of desire and resistance…

I’d be more focused on one of the recon sites rather than BarebackRT. The point of the event is leather and fetish and the guys on BarebackRT are too vanilla.

I’d seek out and go to some sex parties next time as well. There were some guys who were going to two or more a night… Don’t know I’d do that many, but one a night (plus maybe a piss party) would be nice.

Next time I’ll do a lot more watersports… There were enough guys there who liked drinking piss, I really should have done more of that…

I’d force myself to go to all the competition events next time. I felt like I got disconnected from the actual contest and wish I had been more connected. Just a bad choice on my part…

I’d get a haircut before I went. IML just seems to prefer guys with really short hair…

I’d have fewer, but larger bags… I packed completely wrong for getting in and out of the hotel… Need more bags with wheels, etc.