Load 2008-11

Wasn’t sure I was up for hooking up today after the hotel pump-and-dump last night, but more of the pills I tried the other day came in the mail today – they actually screwed up the order. They didn’t have the bottle of 30 pills I ordered, so they gave me 30 packets of 3 pills each – 3 times what I was expecting.

So when this beefy latin muscle head who lived a few blocks away messaged me on Adam4Adam I popped a couple pills hoping something would happen (need 45+ minutes for them to kick in), but then he backed out pretty quickly. Think the prospect of taking a load got a little too real for him as soon as he knew I was local and wanting to hookup right then.

So since I was ready to fuck, I went looking for someone else. I had seen the Brazilian guy on all day, so I contacted him since I wanted something easy. After a little bit he came over. I had only taken two pills (instead of the full dose of three) – it was a good amount – no weird effects, just a nice chubby dick…

He started by kneeling on the floor and blowing me, then we moved to the bed where he continued to blow me. I wasn’t in any rush to hurry things along – just wanted a nice, relaxing time with a familiar bottom…

Eventually he moved on to sitting on my dick. It had been a while since I’d really had someone site on my dick for more than a few seconds. I used to go soft in that position, but that wasn’t really a problem. When he was bending over kissing me the sensation on my dick was unremarkable, but as soon as he sat back and ground my dick nice and deep into his ass it felt pretty great…

Then I flipped him over and fucked him missionary style (legs in the air). It felt really good. I pounded him, but not too hard… It didn’t take long before I was flooding his ass with cum. I stayed in him and bent over him and held him for a while. Thanks to the pills my dick wasn’t going soft…

After a while of that I pulled out and we laid next to each other and talked. He’s going through sexual issues with his boyfriend. They’re trying 3-ways and having a lot of the issues my bf and I have gone through. And they’re also finding it necessary to be honest with friends about the fact that they have an open relationship to stop them from thinking something bad is happening in their relationship (been there too). When we moved onto discussing movies I started playing with my dick and got another chubby.

So I rolled him over onto his belly and pounded away at his ass. This time I could tell I wasn’t going to cum, but it just felt good to fuck. After a bit of that we spooned, and then fucked some more before the dogs started whining at the door of the bedroom telling me they needed to go out… I walked with him (and the dogs) most of the way back to his apartment before turning around.

It was just what I needed – a relaxed, easy-going fuck…

Later that night I logged into Manhunt to find this message from him…

I have enjoyed our fucks but this last one has been my favorite, you must have cum alot to make my legs drip with cum as I walked down back to my place

And he was looking for more guys to fuck him – even posted an ad on Craigslist. He didn’t mention they would be getting sloppy seconds…

Load 2008-10

Was out last night at a birthday get together at a restaurant. Midway through dinner I checked my e-mail on my phone and remembered the guy from Craigslist who said he was going to be in town at a hotel taking loads. I sent him an e-mail and it turned out he was at a hotel that my subway went right past. I asked him his room number and the address of the hotel. As I was leaving the restaurant I mentioned it to my boyfriend who was OK with it, so I got off the subway early and went to hook up with the guy.

I was a little worried about how much I had had to drink. It was only three (big) glasses of wine, but I was sorta feeling it and was worried about ‘performance’ (I’ve got some pills on order…)

After hotel security asked who I’m there to see and they called up, I get to the room. I test the door and find it’s slightly ajar. When I close the door and the light from the hall isn’t shining in any more the room is pretty much completely dark. I had seen the bottom going from standing to bent over the bed so I go over to him, get on my knees and start rimming him. He had lubed himself with a greasy lube that tasted a little weird, but it wasn’t horrible…

Before I had gotten there his message had said he had six loads in him already, but just like when I fucked Dawson I couldn’t taste any of them even though I was sucking a bit on his hole… That was really too bad, but whatever… I still managed to get hard enough to fuck despite being a bit drunk.

Long story short we tried a few positions and whenever I got a bit soft I’d just rim him a little more until I’d get hard and then I’d fuck him some more. (It all happened pretty fast.)

Finally I got him on his belly with his legs together (the position that felt the best) and went for the load. I talked dirty to him until I could feel my orgasm coming. In our dirty talk he mentioned there was another top (load 8) who was on his way over and would be there in 5 or 10 minutes. If I waited I could eat his load out as well…

Normally when I cum there’s a little bit followed by a huge load. This time, since I was a bit drunk, he just got the little bit. Oh well, guess it’s still a load…

I kept my dick in him and laid on top of him for a bit and then want into the bathroom to piss (but couldn’t). I washed off my dick, put on my clothes and left. On my way out he complimented me on my dick and made sure I knew he was there for another two nights…

Not bad for a quickie on the way home from dinner… And it was an excellent night for him as well – this morning he told me he got “at least 8 loads”… No wonder guys like to be hotel sluts when they come to NY. Here I am at just 10 loads given so far this year and he got 8 in his hole just last night…

So this latin guy who lives across the GW Bridge in NJ contacted me the other day on Manhunt. Hot guy – a little heavy, but not in a bad way (beefy)… So he says he wants to come over this morning, which is fine with me. He sends a message saying he’s leaving and he’ll be here in 25 minutes even before he gets my address – all he had was my phone number. I’m thinking he’s not really coming, but I tell my bf there might be someone coming over.

Then he calls and he’s over the bridge a few blocks away. I give him directions and after a few minutes he arrives while my bf is out jogging. He’s incredibly hot and seems like a genuinely nice guy. He might be a bit ‘beefy’ but he wears his clothes really well… I’m really looking forward to it…

We undress, and he almost immediately jumps on the bed on his back and wants me to give him a blow job. OK, whatever… He doesn’t have the biggest dick, but I’ll suck sometimes. Don’t pretend to be a good cock sucker, but I can still suck dick… Then he tries to be all rough with me forcing my head down on his dick. I keep pushing his hands away from my head eventually he sorta gets the message.

Meanwhile his legs are clamped together like a vice. That alone told me this wasn’t going anywhere… I’m still going between “pretty hard” and “a nice chubby” hoping things will improve. I mean after all, what part of “Looking for a good submissive bottom who likes to get fucked raw” did he not understand in my profile?

I finally manage to get him to put his legs in the air so I could rim him, but he keeps wanting me to suck his cock. We go back and forth a few times and every time I pause in rimming him his legs clamp together. At one point he gets on all fours and lets me really eat out his ass, but that was about the most of it.

Finally he figures out I’m not going to “cum with him”, so he jacks off and cums on his belly. I lick a bit of it up (it’s a bit bitter)… Then he wants to clean up. So he goes into the bathroom and washes his ass…

As he’s getting dressed we talk a little more. He tries out my scale – he’s 158.8 lbs and 32.2% body fat – which is higher than I expected him to be looking at him. He says he’s 13% bodyfat, I don’t correct him – but that would make him really lean, which he isn’t. He asks if I’m single – I say “no” I have a boyfriend (my profile says as much), he asks where my boyfriend is and I say out running. Then he tells me he has a boyfriend and they got “married” a few months ago (actually a NJ civil union). Then almost on queue my boyfriend gets back from running. The guy looks horrified – I tell him it’s OK, and he winds up meeting my boyfriend as he leaves.

Now, I just don’t get it… Why in the hell did he choose me to hookup with? I’m wondering if he’s not very good at reading or something (he was a 1st generation immigrant)? I mean if he had actually read my profile he’d know what I was looking for and it’s nothing like what he was looking for.

Oh well… It was a let down, but not a horrible experience…

Load 2008-9

After an unsuccessful hookup the other day when I wasn’t feeling all that well and couldn’t even get hard, the little tattooed Latin guy who I first fucked 10 years ago and I hooked up tonight when I had a little time to myself. Got to the building at 10:30, was going out the front door at 10:42 – and that included taking off most of my clothes, and chatting about his straight twin brother (who has more tattoos than he does and wants one more)…

It was a pretty simple hookup. He got on the bed, ass in the air, I rimmed him, got myself hard (which I was a little worried about after a couple pints of beer), I fucked him pretty hard, and came in his ass. Like the last time he came without touching himself… Must be his “thing” or something – I gotta say, it’s pretty cool…

I’m glad he’s close by – totally my type and a great, enthusiastic fuck…

Last night I wrote a post saying I think most “neg” bareback bottoms are actually poz. Now today the big news is that poz bottoms are now neg… At least in Switzerland…

OK, not exactly, but… This one is big, so pay attention…

[See the update at the end of this post…]

The Swiss Federal Commission for HIV / AIDS has put out their first ever consensus statement saying they all agree that HIV-positive individuals on effective antiretroviral therapy and without sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are sexually non-infectious.

That’s right – you can’t get HIV from a poz guy if all of the following are true:

• the person adheres to antiretroviral therapy, the effects of which must be evaluated regularly by the treating physician
• the viral load has been suppressed (<>
• there are no other sexually transmitted infections

That’s huge… They’re comparing this pronouncement to the statement many years ago that you can’t get HIV by kissing someone. It’s impossible to prove it for certain, but they’re unable to find any evidence that it’s wrong.

This has a lot of implications. In yesterday’s post I was saying that I didn’t think barebacking with poz bottoms was all that much more risky than barebacking with neg bottoms since the neg bottoms could have just converted and be highly infectious – looks like I was right on target – at least for guys who have been poz for a while and are on meds.

It also has implications for serodiscordant (poz/neg) relationships… Those couples can now breathe a sigh of relief – and even “safely” bareback each other. They just have to keep on top of those viral loads and avoid STDs for both partners.

But curiously it puts the burden for protecting the community onto the poz guys. I worry a little bit that there will be a pressure for poz guys to take meds earlier and earlier to get viral loads down to absolute zero and stay there. I’m not sure that’s completely fair, but the flip side is that I expect this will have poz guys feeling a bit better about the social implications of being poz.

And I’m guessing you’ll start seeing “undetectable for X months” in profiles to signal to neg guys that the poz guy is “safe”. In a way, this almost makes the poz guy safer than some neg guys to have sex with since the risk is more controlled and predictable. Wouldn’t it be weird if neg guys started preferring poz guys ’cause it was safer than it is with neg guys…

This does change the whole landscape of “safe sex”. Any guesses how long it will take the “condom nazis” to pick up on this news?

UPDATE:

The news is now out a day later that the Swiss researchers only looked at studies with heterosexuals in drawing their conclusions. So presumably most of the sex behind the studies was vaghttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifinal sex, not anal. [What were they thinking?]

So what does this mean for us gay guys giving and getting cum up the ass? I think the straight studies are parallels. In other words, if you can say conclusively that straight bareback sex with a poz partner is “safe” then you can say that gay sex with a poz partner is “relatively low risk”. In other words what they’ve shown is that the viral load of the poz partner makes a difference. That’s not going to change for gay guys, but it may not reduce the risk down to, or close to, zero in our case.

For me, it’s about relative risk and I still feel comfortable in hooking up with poz guys with undetectable viral loads. It may not be zero risk, but it’s relatively low risk and consistent. You’ll each need to make your own decisions. Hopefully they’ll look at the data for anal sex and give us a statement on that as well…

UPDATE 2: Please see my post on the video one of the authors of the statement gave…

The other night there was a party listed on BarebackRT.com – the “neg” gangbang bottom I had fucked twice last year (1, 2) listed himself as being at a private club “with ass in the air for all nasty top breeders”. Now I’ve watched his profiles and posts on Craigslist over the past year and almost without a fault he says he’s neg and looking for neg tops. He’s consistent which is one of the ways I’ve tried to figure out if bottoms are really neg.

But the last time I fucked him there were guys fucking him who looked pretty poz to me. Yeah, I know you can’t always tell, but please… The guy’s there with a blindfold on letting as many guys as possible cum in his ass for over two hours…

This time the first guy on his approved list of party attendees was a guy who’s profile said he was a poz versatile bottom, and when I inquired about the party it was at one of the sex clubs downtown that was previously said to be closed, but apparently now open from time to time… He’s obviously not screening the tops – he’s just laying ass up taking all the loads he can get – and given the crowd most of them are poz. Yet his profile says he’s neg and he’s looking for “neg only”. I just don’t get that – he’d get more loads if he dropped the “neg only” part…

Then there’s the latin bottom who told me he took a 110 loads last year at MAL. Whether you believe the number or not, once again he’s an anonymous bottom who advertises constantly on Craigslist and it’s safe to say he’s getting a lot of cum in his ass. Yet his Manhunt profile says he’s neg.

Then there was the bottom near where I used to work who answered a direct question before I hooked up with him the first time and said he was neg. Then later backtracked and said “that’s a scary question” when I asked him again a few months later.

Then there was the guy I talked to online who’s Manhunt profile said he was neg, but who quickly told me he was actually poz – that he just didn’t want friends knowing he was poz. At least he was up front about it…

Then there was the poz guy who said he only liked to hookup with neg tops because he thought he was less likely to get STDs…

The scenarios go on and on…

So I’ve come to the conclusion that most “neg” bb bottoms are actually poz. Well, at least the ones who are actively barebacking. Sure there are some who I think are genuinely neg, but they tend to be so skittish about hooking up that it’s rare for me to actually fuck one of them. When I do get to fuck one, they tend to be in relationships and hooking up with guys they think are neg… The Brazilian guy falls into that category. Or they’ve been fantasizing about taking a load and I’m one of their first raw loads – ’cause they’re trying to experiment “safely”.

While I’d love to think serosorting is the answer for me, the fact of the matter is that it just doesn’t provide enough bottoms to fuck. I mean the other night I was trying to hookup with two different neg bottoms and both of them fell through, which didn’t surprise me at all. Compare that to poz bottoms which will come right over as soon as you ask.

Even when I’m asking bottoms if they’re neg, I wind up fucking poz bottoms. So yeah, I’ll continue to go out of my way to fuck guys I think are genuinely HIV negative – but frankly, since I’m fucking poz bottoms one way or the other, I’ve stopped ruling out bottoms just because they say they’re poz – after all that’s just punishing them for being honest and rewarding the ones that lie. Plus, there are some really hot poz bottoms out there who are incredible fucks – for some guys once they test poz they seem to really crave taking loads which takes the sexual energy up a few notches…

My risk might be a little higher now, but I’m still OK with my level of risk and won’t freak out if I become poz. I’ll probably just get tested every 6 months or so instead of every year just to do a better job of protecting a few of the neg bottoms who are taking my cum…

Now a word to the true neg bottoms out there. There have been two neg bottoms that I’ve known about who I’ve fucked and a few years later wound up getting stealth bred. In one case the guy just lied. In the other case it was an occasional fuck buddy who knew he became poz, knew the bottom was neg, didn’t say anything, and continued to fuck him. In other words, it’s not just poz bottoms who are lying about their status.

I got a lot of heat for my post saying a cum-addicted young neg bottom might think about getting himself pozzed with a mild strain of HIV – but honestly, given what I’ve seen, I don’t think there are a lot of other realistic options out there for someone who really feels the urge to get cum in his ass on a regular basis.

To the other neg bottoms who bareback now and then… I don’t want to make you even more skittish than you already are (you’re hard enough to hookup with in the first place), but just be aware of what you’re doing and be comfortable with your decisions.

Then there’s the neg bottom, in a relationship, who describes himself as “not a bug chaser” who wants me to arrange lots of tops (including poz tops) to fuck him at IML… But that’s a subject for another post…

CLARIFICATION:

A reader wrote me and said the following:

hey there. i really like reading your blog and have been for a while. i see alot of my self in ur blog. i have noticed over the last 6 months or so u have seem to have becum a lot more relaxed. ur not as scared as poz. the same with me. i agree with what u told those neg bttms.

i also get the sense ur ready to convert. u won’t chase but ur ready to move things up to the next level where the chances r better. i know i have. i also think about what it is like to be a poz top shooting that poz load.

Let me make this clear – my level of risk hasn’t changed all that much. 10+ years ago I’d bareback guys who laid on their stomachs in their rooms at bathhouses – probably 5 or 6 a week – in hindsight, most of them were poz. I’m still doing similar stuff now – only more 1-on-1 which actually lowers my risk because I’m not hooking up with multiple guys per night – more like 1 or 2 a week (or less). And some of the guys I hookup with really are neg – which lowers my risk even further.

So things may have changed over the past 4 or 5 years, but they’re just back closer to where they were 10 years ago.

And I’m definitely not “ready to convert”. In fact I expect I’ll be neg for quite a while longer…

UPDATE:

One other important point one of the reader comments made me realize I’d left out of the post… Guys are a lot more infectious right after they convert than they are years later when they’re on meds. From that perspective barebacking neg bottoms is a bit more of a minefield than you might expect. Sure, most of the time your risk is near zero (if they’re really neg), but then you get the one who doesn’t know he just converted who’s super-infectious. Long-term poz guys on meds with low viral loads are just a constant, low level of risk… To me it seems like a bit of a toss up, and I’m not certain, when all’s said and done, that I’m taking that much more risk barebacking poz bottoms.

UPDATE #2:

A panel of experts in Switzerland has come out with the statement that you can’t get HIV by having sex with a poz person who has an undetectable viral load and no STDs. So the irony after this whole post is that some poz guys are effectively neg. And in some cases it’s no big deal that the poz guys are saying they’re neg, ’cause it’s as safe to have sex with them as it is with a neg guy.

But one way or the other it definitely confirms “update #1” and my being OK with barebacking at least some poz guys…