Please Note: There seems to be some confusion about this post… I am NOT advocating for anyone become poz. Read the post (and my subsequent comments) carefully and you’ll see what I’m really saying. What I’m suggesting is only for guys where becoming poz is inevitable or very likely…

Don’t know why but I’m getting young guys asking me advice lately. First there was the teen who was in a monogamous relationship, but yearned for more than his boyfriend could give him (preferrably raw). Then there was a versatile bottom who barebacked a poz guy and started worrying about the risk he took. Now there’s this guy…

dear rawtop, i’m a long-time reader of your blog (big fan by the way) and was wondering if i could get your insight on my current situation: i’m a student at an ivy league school.. great upbringing, amazing career options ahead of me, and i know by heart all of the safe sex information out there (i was even a safe sex peer educator in high school). however, all i can think about is taking loads and being one of those gangbang bottoms in a treasure island video. i’ve always played safe, but tonight i hooked up with an older guy who i’ve fooled around twice before (safely) and i told him to fuck me raw this time. he gladly obliged, and when he dumped this huge load of cum in my ass, it was the most amazing feeling ever–i’m still rock hard just thinking about it. why is the appeal of cum so attractive to bottoms? obviously i can’t resist my urges all the time–am i destined to end up poz?

That was a hard question to answer, but I tried…

are you destined to end up poz? that’s a hard one… but i think you know the answer – probably more so than i do…

you probably saw my post on bottom’s having success in corporate america. so it’s not all that much of a dichotomy – in a way you can be a sleazy bottom by night and a high-powered whatever by day – they’re actually compatible with each other. [I should have added, “if you avoid drugs and other stuff that would limit your functioning during the day”.]

but at your age if you become poz you’re looking at possibly having it all end when you should be at the top of your career… i don’t envy you – it’s a horrible choice to make for someone your age.

one option some people would probably throw stones at me for suggesting is to find a long-term non-progressor to poz you. for a while i was on the community advisory board for an HIV vaccine trial here in nyc. the issue with HIV vaccines is they know there are certain strains of HIV which are extremely mild and once infected with one of those strains people last for many many years with no symptoms. while there is a slim chance of re-infection with another strain it’s highly unlikely. so while the medical profession can’t make people poz with one of these mild strains since they don’t know what the effects are 30-40 years down the road, individuals could effectively do the same thing for themselves and effectively vaccinate themselves. in other words, you could find some guy who was pozzed in the 80s and hasn’t even needed meds yet and have him poz you and chances are you’ll live a long time and that strain (once well established) will do a pretty good job of protecting you from other more deadly strains. if i were in your position i’d at least consider that as one of my options…

He responded saying…

thanks so much for getting back to me… what you say makes sense, but i don’t think i could ever go out there and get pozzed intentionally… i’d almost rather take my chances that i’ll stay neg (even if they’re slim?). i’m still trying to understand why i have this desire to take men’s loads… why is the idea of cum in my ass so tantalizing?

Damn… I mean what do you say to someone like this? If he goes for what he wants he’ll probably wind up poz. He’s got so much going for him which and he could lose it all just when he’s at the height of his career… He’s scared and while he’s a bit of a latent bug chaser, he can’t bring himself to go out and find a long-term non-progressor to “vaccinate” him, but if he doesn’t do that then he’ll most likely get something worse…

The only part of his e-mail that’s easy to answer is the question of why cum in his ass is so tantalizing… It just is. There are scientific studies that have shown that women who have unprotected sex and get cum in them are happier than women who either don’t have sex, or women who have their men use condoms. Simply put – getting bred makes people happy. In my opinion we’re biologically programmed to give and receive cum. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be the dominant species on the planet. The fact that safe sex educators ignore the extreme attraction to the exchange of cum is probably the biggest reason why they have failed…

I am so glad I’m not a young bottom right now… Yeah, I wish I had taken more risks when I was younger, but back then if you got pozzed you didn’t last very long. The risks I wish I had taken might have gotten me pozzed, but would seem tame by today’s standards. These days it seems like lots of guys want to be Dawson – they want to get as many loads up their cunt as possible. They want to be pimped out and just used as a good cumhole… Sure, some of that was going on when I was younger, but it was pretty underground. Now, it’s not only visible, but fairly easy to pursue…

Of course, each person needs to make their own choices – you are the only person who’s responsible for your health. Read what you want, ask questions, but your choices belong to you…

What would I do if I were in these kids’ shoes? I’d probably get myself pozzed/”vaccinated” by a long-term non-progressor. Not all strains of HIV are created equal, and from what I’ve heard and read mild strains of HIV can be effective vaccinations (realize that “effective” doesn’t mean perfect – just much better than the alternative). Then I’d go out and be the complete cumhole I wanted to be and take all loads…

But if I were more versatile and didn’t feel the need to get tons of cum up my ass on a regular basis, then the choice would be more difficult… There is a risk to “vaccinating” yourself, and I totally understand the reluctance of guys like the one who e-mailed me to intentionally get themselves pozzed – even with a mild strain of HIV… If you’re 20 you should have 60+ years of life ahead of you. Just because a long-term non-progressor has lasted 25 years without any complications doesn’t mean that if you got his bug you’d be fine for 50, 60 or 70 more years… It’s really a bit of a gamble where you have to weigh your risk level against the various options and what you think the outcome of each would be. Frankly, for young guys who don’t get much cum in their ass, serosorting is probably the best answer. It really depends on how easily you can find neg guys to fuck with…

These days, being 40, if I were to become poz I’m still looking at a pretty full life. I think the average life expectancy of someone who’s newly poz is something like 23 or 24 years. If I took care of myself, avoided recreational drugs (not a problem – don’t do them now), etc. then I’d probably be a bit above the average. Add in medical advancements and my prospects aren’t so bad. All in all, I’m completely comfortable with the risks I take.

But if you’re a teenager or in your early 20s who’s a cum-obsessed bottom the numbers aren’t so favorable… Plus, you’ve got the hot little twinky body so many tops want to breed… That’s when you either have to take matters into your own hands, or hope for the best… Hoping for the best isn’t a good idea (IMO). It’s better to be honest with yourself about your sexual needs and whether you can realistically see yourself staying neg. You can try serosorting, and it may work for you provided you’re not a gangbang bottom, but obviously there are no guarantees… If you can’t see yourself staying neg, think hard about your options and take a realistic course of action that you can look back on later and not regret…

Now, if you’re a cum-obsessed older bottom who’s still neg, personally I’d say “vaccinating” yourself by getting pozzed by a long-term non-progressor is a very viable option. There are guys who were pozzed in the early 80s who still haven’t had any medical issues… If you’re already say 40, and they’ve gone 25 years without problems, then there’s a decent chance their bug is something you’d die with, not from…

But as always, “don’t believe everything you read on the Internet” (including this). Do your own research, make your own decisions – just think outside the box a little bit when you do…

Went to Callen-Lorde tonight for HIV test and STD screening. I’m still neg (as I expected). The people there were easy going and non-judgemental – didn’t ask more questions than they needed to.

So, if you’re a neg bottom in NYC looking for a recently tested bareback top – let me know…

Today I got an e-mail from the folks at In The Life about their January episode. Somehow they thought their coverage of guys having sex in bathrooms related to me somehow…

I watched the episode on the web (it’s not out yet, so you guys have to wait to see it), but there were a couple of stories in the episode that resonated with me. They had one segment on what the Bible really says about homosexuality. As a former fundamentalist Christian I didn’t think they got it quite right, but it’s important that they cover how some gay people find a balance between their faith and their sexuality. They related a story about a kid who was ready to commit suicide ’cause he felt like he couldn’t please god as a gay guy – he’d bought the gun and the ammo, but then saw the topic on their program and realized that there were places out there where he could be both gay and Christian. While I took another path from Christianity, I’m glad there are people out there like In The Life who people like the kid can relate to.

But the segment that was most appropriate was the story on guys having sex in bathrooms. Guys – entrapment still happens – nearly 40 years after Stonewall. There are still plenty of people out there who hate our guts. And the consequences can be dire – you can be labeled a sex offender and hassled and hounded for the rest of your life.

Please, don’t ever forget that we still are second class citizens who must demand equality. Back in the day we rallied around things like entrapment. These days we tend to ignore the problem figuring we have so many other rights. But we’re not there yet – not even close.

You don’t even want to know how much we’re spending to get my boyfriend his green card – something that wouldn’t be an issue if we were straight. Everywhere you look there’s inequality. While “civil unions” are a nice step, they’re not marriage and we should never be happy until we have full equality.

When people talk about gay cruising areas, ask them why they don’t have a problem with straight lovers lanes. It’s that way with the park next to where I live. The police harass and arrest the gay guys while they tell the straight people who park and make out in cars to just move along (if they do that much). It’s not right and we shouldn’t keep putting up with it.

If the topic comes up with straight friends try to find ways to get them to understand. For our friends we explained that both gay guys and straight people used the park for sex. That there really wasn’t a difference. We also pointed out that they ‘re safer with people around than walking through an empty park – that the guys are there for sex, not for violence… It took people a little thinking to understand, but now they get it.

Sex is still political, and we still have a long way to go – don’t forget it.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know I don’t think much of the new bareback.com. The interface sucks and their customer service is awful…

A while back I signed up for BarebackRT.com, nothing much was happening on it, so I pretty much ignored it. Then I kept getting e-mail alerts saying I had e-mail, so I took a closer look at it – and I gotta say, I like it a lot. While it’s not perfect, it’s well executed technically and in terms of features, and most importantly, it’s now got a critical mass of guys using it. In fact, in terms of registered users, it’s busier than bareback.com. I can actually imagine hooking up off this site – which I never could with bareback.com. In other words, Bareback.com is dead – long live BarebackRT.com.

Take a look at the following two pages and you’ll see how BarebackRT.com is better than Bareback.com – they’re the pages of online users… First BarebackRT.com (notice there are 268 registered users online.)…

Now here’s the same screen shot from Bareback.com taken at the same time as the one above (notice there are 229 registered users online)…

What few profiles you can see “above the fold” the images often aren’t available or are blocked (even if you’re a premium member). That’s not the case with BarebackRT.com…

It’s also clear that bareback.com is dominated by ads. I expect they’ll show up on BarebackRT.com in the not-too-distant future as they’ll need income to keep the site going, but so far it’s ad-free, which is nice…

BarebackRT.com also lists whether the guy takes or gives loads – the new bareback.com got rid of that feature.

So give BarbackRT.com a shot. You’ll like it a lot more than Bareback.com…. And when they ask who referred you, say ‘rawTOP’.

I was looking over the spreadsheet of my fucks for 2006 + 2007… As of this week I’ve gotten more of my cum where it belongs than last year. Last year it was 21 loads in guy’s asses, this year it’s 23 (so far). I’m a little behind on new guys. Last year it was 26 guys I’d never hooked up with before, this year it’s 22 new guys. But in terms of new guys I came inside – it was 14 last year and 13 this year…

So the goal for the rest of the year is to get up to 26 total loads (3 more), and at least get my cum in one more new guy this year (to tie last year). That would mean I got my cum in someone’s ass at least once every two weeks (on average), and over half those were on guys I hadn’t bred before…

You know the whole not cumming thing that I started around Thanksgiving has really helped get my cum where it belongs. Yeah, there was a week or so where I took a breather recently, but when I’m in the mood I just don’t cum when I’m jacking off – I wait until I can get it in someone’s ass… If I keep it up next year I’ll get a lot more ass…

Got an e-mail the other day…

Perhaps you’re not the best person to go to for advice in this, considering I have the feeling you’d have bias for one side, but…

I’m a sexually insatiable individual. I’m gay, and I think I lean towards the submissive bottom side. I would love nothing more than to take a big, warm load inside of my ass. The problem comes in when I mention that I’m in a monogamous relationship (with someone I do indeed care about a lot) that absolutely would not work if I went for an “open” agreement.

But I feel so overcome with sexual desire I feel like a complete perv. I need sex, lots of it, and I’m just not getting it (and due to time constraints, not able to get it with the current BF). I feel like a depraved horn-dog who needs a top to just pound my ass out hard and long till he leaves me dripping with his cum. Or even safely, I don’t care at this point. But I feel like I just can’t go through with it. Advice? Suggestions? Frequent masturbation isn’t helping…

In a later e-mail he said he’s 19, the bf is 20, they were virgins when they met, and they’re both neg (obviously)…

Let me start with Rule #1 – when you’re young you need to experiment. That’s the point of being young and gay… Settling into a monogamous relationship with the first guy you sleep with is so…. lesbian… (only they fight and break up)… I know it feels like true love, but how do you know what you like if you’ve only tried one thing?

The closest thing a twink should have to a relationship is a fuck buddy… Even if it’s another bottom he goes out to sex parties with…

I remember when I first moved to NYC. I went out with this older Cuban guy who was really sweet. I still think about him… But it just didn’t feel right – so I broke it off with him. He would have been a great boyfriend – bent over backwards to please me, and he was a really great guy… But I knew I needed more…

And looking back on it even though I knew I shouldn’t get in a long-term relationship I was pretty inhibited and didn’t get nearly enough sex. If I had it to do all over again I would do things very differently… I grew up in a conservative Christian family. My exposure to out gay people was in the form of them picketing the church services I went to (it literally happened – my parents were fond of one of the major teleevangelists of the ’70s/80s). When I came out I remember trying to figure out how much risk I was taking having sex. It was the late 80s and I figured as soon as you had much of any gay sex you’d get HIV and die.

The fear of HIV played a big part in my sex life. Perhaps it was a healthy fear since back then things were pretty primitive and if you became poz things looked pretty bad – a lot worse than they do now… When I came to NY I knew there were some j/o clubs where the floor was slick with cum. It was a scene I just didn’t want to get into – and I should have gotten into it. Most of the guys were pretty safe back then. Later when the Limelight reopened (a gay club in an old Episcopalian church) it was the first club to bring back the dark room. I used to spend hours in there. Guys would blow me for ages (I pretty much can’t cum from a blow job), and I’d get myself covered in other guys’ cum. It was hot and sweaty and when I guy would cum on me I’d wipe it all over my body… It was a wonderful thing.

So I had some of it, but there was so much more to be had. I went home most nights having done absolutely nothing. I was pretty shy and didn’t take risks socially when I went out. Big mistake. And if I wasn’t taking risks socially, I wasn’t taking much of any sexually either. Yeah, I did escorting, and a few other things, but I really regret not diving into things full force. Not being more assertive in picking guys up – I mean it was NYC – I probably wouldn’t ever see the guys again if I made an ass of myself, but I never took the risks. Never even went to the really raunchy sex club (wish I could remember the name of it)…

So the kid who contacted me (and others like him)… Get into the scene… Not so deeply that you become a meth addict or anything, but get out there, take risks and try things. Get past your inhibitions and really enjoy your sex life. You describe yourself as a “complete perv” who needs lots of sex… You know what you need – so go out and get it…

And don’t do what I did – I’d have a little fun and then find someone and wind up in a monogamous relationship. One became sexless, another was anything but sexless, but looking back I need more than one guy to fuck, and the latest one became sexless pretty quick and took a while to work it into the open relationship is is now… All those relationships really got in the way of the sex life I should have had – and I shouldn’t have let that happen… Very frankly, I wasted a lot of prime sexual years not having sex… I’m pretty happy with my current relationship, but I should have been honest about things and gotten it to be open a lot sooner…

If you get in a relationship do it with a top who likes to see you get fucked by other guys – someone who will pimp out your ass and keep things interesting for you. But one way or the other your current boyfriend isn’t good for anything but a platonic friend… He’s not what you should have right now. Trust me, been there, done that…