Saw an ad on Craigslist today…

Breed Me BB!

Visiting Bi Military bottom looking to get bred up BB! High n Tite neg ass taking on all cummers. Got a hella nice ass, need the seed! Bi/str8/gay young old like whatever. POZ friendly. Want this ALL nite! LOL.

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen something like this, but you gotta wonder what it says about our country when the kids we’re sending off to war think if they’re going to take deadly risk, it might as well be doing something they enjoy…

At long last, there is official recognition of serosorting as a way to stay neg – the San Francisco Department of Public Health (SF DPH) has launched a “Disclose HIV” campaign that encourages guys to know their status, talk about status with their sex partners, and stick to guys who have the same HIV status as they do. (read the full story in the Bay Area Reporter)

If you’ve been reading my blog for long you’ll know that this is exactly my approach to HIV prevention, so it’s nice to have some official validation.

Unbelievably, there are poz guys who don’t like the campaign…

As an HIV+ man I find it hard enough to get a date, whether it’s with someone who is poz or negative. The public still discriminates against those of us who are poz and this campaign is only going to encourage more discrimination. (from poz.com)

Oh please… The guy thinks his ability to go out on a date comes before the health of guys who are neg. I wish I could yell and scream directly in his face and tell him what a self-absorbed, pathetic loser he is…

As a neg guy who’s had a poz boyfriend (and stayed by his side until the day he died), let me put this very clearly… Poz guys need to date poz guys – or at least never assume they’re entitled to date neg guys…

If you’re poz and a neg guy decides to date you, great. But in my book it would also be reasonable for him to turn you down simply because your poz. Now, if you’re both neg and one of you becomes poz. Then it depends on the circumstances whether you should break up or stay together. But again, the neg guy always gets to pull that card where he says ‘no’ just because you’re poz. (Though once he knows the facts and commits to you, he should try to stick with you.)

But the bottom line is HIV negative guys have a right to protect their health. If people know their status and stick to other people of the same status HIV, the spread of HIV will slow dramatically.

And this is true for people who use condoms as well those of us who bareback, ’cause condoms aren’t as good as you might think at preventing HIV… It’s still unsafe sex, even if your poz top uses a condom…

So immediately after the bad fuck I went to get an STD test (it was scheduled) at a great gay-oriented health center. The first thing I noticed was how many transsexuals were working there (good for them – they need places where they can have meaningful jobs).

But then I noticed this hot little latin bottom who was being really friendly with me. Turned out he did my ‘intake’ – and even gave me his business card “in case I had questions”. Now here’s the thing… Was he being friendly or flirty? I’m horrible with stuff like this… but he was completely fuckable. I’d totally love to seed the ass of someone who’s job it is to promote safe sex… Do I send him an e-mail or just drop it?

Then the doctor came in and while not as judgmental as the lesbian I saw last time, just wouldn’t let go of the fact that I fucked raw… Whatever. He was still nice enough and I feel like supporting them (by bringing my ‘business’ to them) is helping the community.

So I’ll find out in a week and a half whether I’ve got any STDs…

One other thing that was sorta funny… There was a jar full of condoms at the clinic with a sign asking people to not take more than two. Seemed like a half-hearted gesture to me.

There's an Asian "kid" out in San Francisco who contacted me… DAMN! would I love to seed his ass… I mean look at it…

In the last one that's his boyfriend's cum leaking out of his hole… The best part was he was fantasizing that I was the one fucking him while getting nailed by his boyfriend. Gotta love that…

He's started a blog about his efforts to negotiate the whole "Be 'faithful' to my bf while enjoing being young and horny" thing… The stories are about how he goes to sex clubs behind his bf's back and gets fucked with condoms and gives blowjobs and swallows, but (at this point) is only getting loads in his ass from his boyfriend.

The kid loves cum in his ass so I suggested he find a few fuckbuddies he can trust and start taking loads from them…

I gotta get out to San Francisco sometime to give him my load…

I've run into a couple of people now who seem somewhat surprised that I'm neg. Maybe "unusualy happy/relieved" would be a more accurate way to put it – but it's the same idea – there's this disbelief that someone can bareback and stay neg. The doctor who gave my bf his results was even surprised… It seems odd to me – I mean I would be surprised if the test came back poz.

While I haven't been the biggest slut, I've been barebacking for about 10 years now – some of the guys I know were poz, others I assume were poz (though none lately), plus there's all the guys who were complete strangers…

I used to have a gay doctor who was one of the first doctors to treat AIDS patients in the early '80s and over the years saw a lot of poz guys. He made the comment to me one time that he doesn't know anyone who became positive by topping – at least no one he believed.

Yes, I know it's possible for me to become poz. There have been some threads on places like BNSkin that brought up the topic and one or two guys will chime in and say that's how they became poz. But that's one or two guys in a community of hundreds (if not thousands) of poz guys…

Bottom line, being a raw top is relatively safe. Get used to it…

Well, I spent 3 hours today getting an HIV test. Thought I'd try the free, anonymous clinic, but there was a waiting room full of people there when I arrived. My bf had gotten blood drawn at a doctor's office a couple weeks before, so he was off getting his results too. For the record, we're both still neg. Other than the wait time, I was pleasantly surprised at how non-judgemental the conselor was. She just asked the questions she was required to ask and didn't give any commentary at all.

After running around doing other stuff, as I came into our building I realized today is the 12th anniversary of my lover's death. He died January 5th, 1995 – about a year before protease inhibitors came out. I always wonder whether he'd still be alive today if he could have held on for another year. But once he had dementia, there was no point in trying to prolong things.

So for those of you who think I'm cavalierly taking risks and don't fully appreciate the consequences – you're completely wrong. I stayed with my lover until the day he died and one of the strongest memories I'll ever have is giving him a bath in the hospital a couple weeks before he died. I knew he had lost weight, but I didn't realize how much. He used to have the most amazing bubble butt – nice perky and muscular. But it was gone – just completely gone. But the fact of the matter is that HIV/AIDS is very different today than it was 12 years ago – you have many, many more good years these days. But chances are eventually it will catch up to you even now…

But at the same time I'm a huge advocate of the idea that it's completely sane, normal and "healthy" to take some risks in your sex life. In many other aspects of your life you take risks to make your life more interesting and enjoyable, and some of those risks can kill or disable you. Why is it that when it comes to sex, people think there should be zero risk? I mean I was watching a guy ski down the face of a mountain the other day on TV and nobody was wagging their fingers at him telling him he was going to die… Our society glorifies some risks and stigmatizes others…

Enough preaching…

So after the HIV test my bf and I went to look at cell phones and renew our cell phone contract. I had researched and researched and researched and knew what I wanted. Like the last time, he just showed up and said OK to what the sales guy suggested. That didn't go so well last time so this time I talked him out of the one he was about to buy and he said later he was glad I did…

You're probably wondering what in the hell this has to do with my sex life… Well, I got a Nokia E62 – big screen, full keyboard, web browser, chat client, e-mail… Guess what I can use it for? That's right – hooking up when I'm not at home… Very handy… The first thing I did when I got home was point the web browser at Craigslist to see how it did with that and it did pretty well. We'll see if it improves my sex life or not…

After getting new cell phones, we went to my favorite piercing shop on 8th Street and got myself a new ring for my PA – 2 gauge, 1" diameter circular barbell. Tried to put it in when I got home, but my hole needs to be stretched a bit – maybe it will go in tomorrow…

As far as sex goes… Let's just say multiple plans for hookups have fallen through… It's a bit frustrating, but hopefully I'll fuck somone soon…