It’s always a bit of a pain when I use a hookup site and don’t have the profile name rawTOP. Well, I asked Recon for the name and even though it was assigned to another user, they gave it to me. It helps that the former rawtop hadn’t logged in in over 3 years – it was pretty much a dead profile, so they gave it to me.

I haven’t been very successful so far on Recon, but hope to change that. There are times when I just want to beat the shit out of someone and that’s where I look when I’m in that mood… Of course I’d beat the shit out of them in a very controlled way – flogging and whipping… But my intent is to cause a shitload of pain – to really take the bottom to his limit in terms of pain.

Problem is, true pain pigs are pretty rare. And I think for the hardcore ones I may not have enough gear, etc. And for the novices who have potential but aren’t quite there yet – it’s often a fantasy and I don’t get them to actually follow through and do it.

So if you’re in NYC and get into pain, hit me up on Recon…

Sometimes people don’t realize I’m just human, with a life, etc. Late last week a guy contacted me on BBRT and asked…

hey man, on a serious note, could i talk to you for a minute? I am writing a one man show called “[Title redacted]” and I have a hunch that you are a brilliant man, and a perv like me. if you could i would greatly appreciate it kind sir. [name & phone # redacted]

you can google my musically name, [name redacted] just so you know i am not a psychopath

cheers

I respond…

sorta busy right now, and prefer emails over calls…

I just hate talking on the phone – always have, unless perhaps I know the person really well. I even get my bf to order food for delivery. I’m a geek and phone calls just make me uncomfortable.

Then he really goes off on me…

its cool. Im trying to get a feel for a persons experience and it doesnt happen through email. in fact what is so concerning my dear is that although very fucking hot dude, your blog and site and whatever is a bunch of bullshit in my opinion now… because over years and years, u are always busy, and people i know who have hit you up have had the same sort of interaction. i know you would rather communicate through email because are absolutey a writer of fiction because you dont strike me as the type of man who is bangin a bunch of ass all the time and you use that really outdated picture of you creaming Dawsons hole as your claim to fame. And where are the releases for your amateur film company? You are no Paul Morris I am afraid because Mr. Morris is not just keeping focus on the disconnect which is/can be hot but he also through his ART captures the real beauty of it all

[Emphasis mine]. All that because I’m busy and don’t like phone calls… Seriously? And to be clear – I do ask the guys who fuck for me on camera to sign releases and show ID… I’ve just been too busy to get a site up and make the videos public (I have a life)…

So I said…

geez… that’s a lot of anger considering you don’t know me… i have a life. i do not exist to serve you or fuck your friends on demand.

To which he responded…

no but i think you have a responxibility [sic] to your community. that was not a dose of anger btw. you see, through email and communication where there is little brain activity, it is hard to notice inflection, tone and demeanor

So apparently he thinks it’s my “responsibility” to fuck his friends whenever they want to get fucked. All I could do was state the facts in reply…

i’ve fucked 14 guys in the past 42 days. that averages a guy every 3 days… that’s not enough? i still have construction workers in my place every day & my A/C is out so it’s not like i can host during the day. if it weren’t for those factors it would be closer to a guy every other day.

honestly, you should see my inbox here and on A4A… a lot of bottoms want my load (not bragging, it just is what it is…) but there’s only so much time in my life to fuck and i only have so many loads in me…

If I tell you I think  you’re hot or I want to fuck you, I really do think your hot and want to fuck you. But I only have time to fuck so many guys… Whoever is close and easy when I’m looking gets my load (this guy was in Brooklyn).

It’s like the guy took it personally that I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone and I didn’t fuck his friends. Whatever… I have a life. I have no reason to apologize.

Does anyone else find it somewhat ironic that Erik Rhodes died while being a “safe sex” porn star? I mean some of the companies he worked for refuse to hire guys who do bareback porn, and if they do let their models do bareback, they’re definitely not OK with them having worked for Treasure Island. Why? Because they say bareback porn is dangerous. Yet, when was the last time you heard of a bareback porn star dying in the prime of his life?

[OK, there was Chad Noel, but despite everything that was said about him dying of an AIDS-related illness, others are saying he died of a drug overdose… Which brings me back to Erik Rhodes…]

The rabidly safe sex porn companies promote unrealistic body images that are harmful to their performers and to their customers. Simply put you can’t get a body like Erik’s without injecting anabolic steroids and taking human growth hormone. Those fuck with your body like crazy. All sorts of bad things happen.

Yet you can’t work at many of the rabidly anti-bareback porn companies unless you’re doing steroids and/or HGH – you just won’t be big enough to get on their roster. It’s not that they force you to do steroids, but they won’t hire anyone who isn’t huge and you can’t get huge unless you do steroids. So they’re essentially insisting the guys who work for them do things that are dangerous to their health in order to get hired, and yet they’re anti-bareback because… “it’s dangerous”. I don’t get it.

[Then there’s the issue about how many of the people behind those policies bareback complete strangers in their personal lives. I’ve even heard stories about some of them being gift givers… But this post isn’t about that…]

And their customers, many of whom are reasonably sexy and hot, start to think they’re not hot enough – that no one will will want to have sex with them because they’re not as hot, big or muscular as someone like Erik Rhodes. So they either pine away with unfulfilling sex lives, or they go out and start doing steroids and HGH and fuck up their bodies in the process…

And then there’s the issue of putting needles and syringes in the hands of someone like Erik. His personal blog has gone private, but a few days ago while it was still public I read this blog post from 4 years ago where he talks about all the drugs he did over gay pride weekend. Every day that weekend he got so high he’d forget stuff, or pass out and then throw up over people, etc. He was a total mess. Reading it and realizing it was from 4 years ago I was amazed he made it this long.

I’ll admit that in some ways bareback porn is like pretty muscle boy porn – it promotes something that can be damaging to your health. But there’s a difference. Barebacking is normal and natural – god created us gay and driven to have butt sex – barebacking is just a natural expression of that desire – it the gay version of what has made humans the dominant species on the planet. In contrast chemically induced bodybuilding is completely unnatural. There’s no biological drive to take steroids or HGH – that’s completely driven by a culture that values really big muscle. We can’t change biology, but we can change culture.

I’m sick and tired of producers of pretty boy muscle porn looking down on barebackers – trying to stigmatize us and get people to believe we’re the ones with a problem. Dudes… You’re in a glass house throwing stones. You’re the ones with performers dying in the primes of their lives. Get over yourselves and deal with your problems before trying to fix things you think are problems with us.

That said, people will do steroids and HGH whether we want them to or not. They’ll do hardcore drugs whether we want them to or not. And they’ll bareback whether safe sex porn producers want them to or not. To quote Rodney King – “Can’t we all just get along”? It’s time to end the bans against porn stars who do bareback porn. Just let people be who they are and do what they want (to a point).

At the same I do want to say that drugs can be incredibly destructive. Unless you want to end up like Erik Rhodes, don’t ever let drugs control you – and be careful not to make excuses and pretend they’re not controlling you when they are. If your drug use causes problems at work, then they’re controlling you. If drugs cause problems with your non-druggie friends, then they’re controlling you. If you’re starting to see warning signs, get the help you need… It’s readily available if you look for it…

In the end, let’s be realistic… There are many things which can be dangerous, and while barebacking can be one of them, it’s far from being the biggest problem in our community. Hell, smoking kills far more gay guys than HIV…

Today a well-known porn studio did a shoot at my place. You’ll understand in a bit why I’m not going to give details. It was a big crew – like 8 porn stars (I didn’t participate other than being there). The professionalism among them was completely uneven. Most of them were polite and courteous and professional, but there was one who was just a huge messy queen…

The mess showed up 2 hours late and at one point went outside (in view of all my neighbors) with no shirt on. When I said “why did you do that?” He said “I don’t care (what people think)”. My response was, “Well, I care. I have to live here.” He was clearly high – sorta bouncing off the walls and saying stupid shit. He asked me how he looked, then said a little prayer in front of me (about him staying clean) and insisted I say the “Amen”.

Then a few hours later one of the porn stars I’ve known for a while says “believe it or not, he’s higher than when he arrived.” This, despite the producer telling everyone in advance that drugs weren’t allowed. Then a half hour later I see he’s passed out in one of the rooms…

I mean that’s pretty hot to walk in on – sorta perfect how he managed to have his shorts pulled down – like he hoped someone would come along and fuck him (some more). If he weren’t such a mess I might have gone up and felt him up. But when other people are paying guys to perform I’m sorta stand-offish with porn stars – they’re not mine during that time – they belong to the producer. Plus, he was totally out and even snoring… Given how erratic he was acting I preferred him asleep. Our place can be pretty dangerous if someone’s not being careful.

When he was woken up his mood changed yet again – he got all angry and irritable. Then a few minutes later he had mellowed a bit, but was super anxious to leave (which was fine by me). All in all he was sort of a sad character. Mind you, the video of him getting fucked is going to be incredible. He’s hot and can take an incredibly hard pounding (thanks in part to him being plastered out of his mind). But his life is just a huge disaster from the looks of it.

Then there was another really well known porn star bottom who showed up and promptly had to spend a lot of time cleaning out. Shit happens (so to speak), and in all other respects I really liked the guy – seemed genuine, well-balanced, was really nice to be around, but the bottoms were told it was going to be difficult to clean out – you’d think someone of his caliber and who’s generally really professional would do a bit more to be clean. But he was so good in other respects that I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt – maybe he was just having a bad day.

Most of the guys (like my friend) were completely prepared and put their all into it. They seemed like they’d be a pleasure to work with.

There are times I think it would be fun to produce porn. But then there are moments like today when the one bad apple in the barrel makes me wonder. The problem porn star reminds me of other porn stars I know. There’s one (who I’ve fucked) a friend told me about the other day who’s deals and uses drugs. Apparently he’s progressed in his drug addiction to the point where he has paranoid spells – it’s just a matter of time before he comes to some tragic end (sad). Then there’s one who worked for me at one point who was a nice, personable guy but the more I got to know him the more I realized he lived in a fantasy world where he thought he could do what he wanted and somehow people would want to take care of him.

I’m not saying all porn stars are messy, but there are enough messy porn stars that I can’t imagine getting full-time into production – I don’t “suffer fools” very well. Porn production would just be an exercise in frustration. Now, the occasional amateur shoot – that could be hot – but even then I’ll encounter flakes, but at least I won’t be paying them…

UPDATE:

Right after I wrote this I saw the news that Whitney Houston died. People (hard) drugs lead to big problems. Yes, you might accomplish something and people may know you – and part of your creativity may come from the drugs. But ultimately they’re just not worth it. I hate to sound like Barbara Bush Nancy Reagan – but seriously, “Just Say No”.

I know some of you have been wondering what’s going on since updates on this site pretty much stopped… Well, it’s pretty simple actually… My bf and I bought a place a couple years ago (an old crack house), and renovations have been consuming a crazy amount of our time (even with a contractor doing all the work).

Bottom line – I haven’t had much time to fuck and haven’t even had enough time to keep up with my sites. The good news is that the end is in sight. I think the contractor will be pretty much done in 4 to 6 weeks – so hopefully we’ll be moved in by the end of February and things will return to normal. I actually miss my regular work (and regular fucks). I just want life to return to normal.

Our new place has a lot more space so there’s the possibility that I can host gangbangs and small sex parties, but there are complicating factors – so we’ll see whether I can do the gangbangs or not. Even if I can’t do gangbangs I can do a lot more videotaping of my fucks – so that’ll be fun.

One really good thing is that, while I’m still uptown, after the move I’ll be a lot closer to downtown. Where I am now I’m just on the A train. But the new place is close to 6 subway lines, 4 of which are express. So I can get to the Upper West Side, Hells Kitchen and Chelsea really quickly (and my tricks from there can get to me quickly).

I have taken a little time out for fun. I’ve fucked a few guys but there are whole months that go by when I don’t fuck anyone. Two hookups in particular stand out – both were in the new place – it’s cool hooking up in a place that’s under construction. In one case this muscle guy who’s almost always a top wanted me to fuck and fist him. It was hot even though I couldn’t manage to cum with him. In another case we had the fireplace working and this other muscle guy and I had sex in front of the fire.

Shooting Porn

I’ve tried to find porn companies to shoot in our place. I love Max Sohl (TIMFuck.com), but when it comes to adventuresome locations he’s a bit of a whimp – so he passed on shooting at our place. Dark Alley (RawFuckClub.com) has a big new expensive studio which they need to justify, so they passed too…

But BK from Forbidden Funk (BlackBreeders.com) shot a scene on that weekend when the (rather anticlimactic) hurricane hit the NYC. Unfortunately, while I did get to see the guys when they were off camera, I didn’t actually get to watch them fuck. They didn’t want people showing up in the background on the video – especially white guys 🙂

The scene featured Kane Rider getting tag teamed by two hot, big-dicked, black tops. I gotta say, I sorta fell in love with Kane. He’s a total exhibitionist. I think he stripped nude even before he was asked to. At the time there were no windows in the place and they kept having to tell him to step away from the windows so neighbors wouldn’t see him. His body was really hot. He’s a little guy (my favorite) with muscles in all the right places. He’s got these really powerful legs and from certain angles he looks particularly good – curvy in a very good way. BK oils up his models before the shoot – which made Kane look even hotter.

But the best part was that Kane seemed like a really sweet guy – sorta submissive, but not a passive sort of submissive – instead he was horny and eager to fuck – which is totally my type personality-wise. The funny part with Kane was he had hit me up on Twitter a month or so before said he was a fan, but when he was doing the shoot he knew I owned the place, but didn’t realize I was rawTOP until the end when I mentioned that he had send me a DM on Twitter.

The two tops fucking Kane were Champ Robinson (the darker top in the pics below) & Wade Stone (the lighter-skinned top). They were nice enough, and they had big dicks, but they were tops, so not really all that memorable given that I’m a top who’s mostly interested in bottoms. A top has to be over-the-top hot for me to really take note of him.

Here are some pics of the action – you can see the construction in the background… Wade started out with some pretty rough fingering while Kane serviced Champ’s dick, which of course lead to fucking…

 Wade’s fingering was so rough just after the 12 minute mark in the video you can see Kane bleeding as Wade fucks him. It’s sorta hot to think the tops’ DNA is going to get absorbed directly into Kane’s bloodstream and his dirty blood is the lube as he gets fucked. It’s not terribly clear in the picture below, but when you watch the video you see the bottom of Wade’s dick is all red with Kane’s blood. You can also see what looks like a tear in the pic below…

Moving on… Both Wade and Champ take turns on Kane’s bloody hole, then they take a breather and then they start fucking in the stairwell…

 Then they took another breather. I think it was during this breather when the guys were joking around and Kane was so horny he started bending over and sucking his own dick… Then went back at it – more or less one-on-one this time. There seemed to be really great chemistry between Wade and Kane – Kane did all sorts of acrobatics to get Wade’s load. Guess Kane likes rough tops 😉  Kane even shows off how he sucks his own dick… That’s one limber fuck boy!

 Of course, after that cum shot Wade sticks his cummy dick up Kane’s well-fucked hole. Given that Wade had Kane bleeding earlier in the shoot – Kane definitely got the full impact of the load 😉  Then when Wade was done with Kane’s hole, like a good slutty bottom boy Kane cleaned off Wade’s dick – making sure he absorbed every last drop of Wade’s dirty load.

Then Wade retired and Champ took over. Doesn’t seem Champ and Kane did much of any fucking – Kane gave Champ a blowjob and then they snowballed the load.

Then Kane jacked off. Kane’s a top in some other videos – but he was just a cumhole in this video.

While Champ and Kane were fucking I learned more about Wade – seems he’s in a serious committed relationship. I got the sense he’s a pretty stable / level-headed / professional sort of guy… Seems like he’s that ideal top so many bottoms want to have for a boyfriend – and he’s got a kinky sexual side to him as well.

You can see the full scene at BlackBreeders.com – it’s titled “Hard Labor”

Best part is, it looks like they’re going to do another, full-on 4 or 5 hour gangbang at our place in a few weeks – once again featuring Kane Rider as the cum dump bottom. I’d love to felch and fuck him after he’s taken all those loads – his ass will be so silky and wonderful, but I’m not sure the circumstances will permit that – but it would be sweet if it happened.

Dick Wadd (RawAndRough.com) has also inquired about shooting at our place this coming month. Given all the piss and other fluids that go flying in their videos I wasn’t quite sure I wanted them in the house until all the floors are sealed, etc. But apparently the sex just looks messy – they actually do a great job cleaning up after themselves. So hopefully that will happen as well.

2011 – Year in Review

Needless to say last year was slow. In fact the numbers were almost the same as 2006 (the first year I started tracking all my fucks) – which is pretty sad… I only had 36 hookups – 27 of them were with guys I hadn’t fucked before. And I only gave 23 loads. One load every two weeks is not good at all… But I knew the year was going to be like that. Unfortunately 2011 was the year when other things were more important than sex. That happens sometimes.

Going Forward – 2012

I was supposed to start the year on January 1 by fucking this guy who was visiting NYC, but the timing didn’t work out. It would have been fun – he’s a young guy who’s only recently started barebacking and he’s conflicted about it – he’s actually turned on by the idea of bug chasing, but also really scared about all the risk. It would have been a lot of fun to do mind fucks on him while fucking him, but it didn’t happen…

Unfortunately I’ve got another two months of chaos before I can get back in the swing of things. I’ve got a hotel reservation for MAL that I made months ago, but it looks like I’ll have to cancel (anyone need a nice corner room?). Even if I found the time to go I’d be too tired to really enjoy it. In late March I’m going to Phoenix (Tempe) for a porn conference – I’m thinking of organizing a gangbang or two while I’m there. And I’ve made a hotel reservation for IML – but I don’t know if I want to fly or drive. Flying was sort of a disaster last time – the police were called when the TSA agent thought my sex toy was a weapon. lol  The time before that I drove, but it’s a long two day drive. It’s relaxing at first, but then it gets sort of boring – especially on the way back. If someone wanted to do the drive with me, it would make it more interesting (any volunteers?)

In terms of the sites, once the chaos is over there’s a whole bunch of stuff I want to do. I think you guys will really like the enhancements – a couple quality bareback tube sites, plus enhancements to Breeding Zone to make it easier to find and hookup with other guys.

A month or so ago I implemented a new feature on my forum site – BreedingZone.com – the ability to do text and video chat including cam shows. It’s been slow to find it’s audience and really catch on in part because it takes a critical mass of people to get into it and a few exhibitionists to really make it interesting.

Well, my moderator HungLatinDom got one of his boys (athletic.pig) to do a cam show last Friday. He’s a hot, young, filthy pig. Here’s an illustrated guide to his last show…

Tried to gag himself on his fist…

Pissed into a glass and then drank it…

And of course shoved lots of dildos up his ass…

Of course good pigs don’t stop with dildos… He also put a string of pearls up his ass…

And then that wasn’t enough so he put a dildo and a butt plug up his ass…

I should probably mention that HungLatinDom is poz (unmedicated even) and Athletic.Pig is neg (as of his last test). They’ve fucked before and Athletic.Pig has taken HungLatinDom’s toxic load. HungLatinDom had Athletic.Pig begging for more poz cum in his neg ass on cam… The point is Athletic.Pig is a SERIOUS, completely uninhibited pig.

If you want to see more he’s doing it again this week…

Athletic.Pig’s next show is Friday 1PM GMT (9am Eastern, 6am Pacific)

You can order Athletic.Pig to do whatever you want and Athletic.Pig has to do it as long as HungLatinDom is OK with it (and there’s not much he wouldn’t be OK with).

For now cam is free on Breeding Zone, though you do need to be registered with a validated e-mail to participate. Text chat will always be free, but once there are a fair number of people using the cam feature I’ll have just a limited number of minutes a day that are free and then a small monthly charge if you go over that (to cover bandwidth costs).

Join us Friday to see more of Athletic.Pig!