I created a test blog to see how the migration would go to a new domain and did a bunch of tests to see what happens when you change from blogspot to a custom domain… It was all going well until…

I really fucked up – I managed to delete the real blog instead of the test blog… All I could do was restore what feedburner had cached, which wasn’t much – most of the stuff from this year, plus a couple of old posts. If I had just waited to delete the test blog then I would have had all the posts on my new server in HTML format, but no… I managed to delete everything with no backup. Oh well – it’s done, not much I can do about it.

In the unlikely event that you’ve saved any of my posts, I’d appreciate it if you’d send them to me… rawtop@yahoo.com I’ll be restoring the posts of hookups for the past year from memory as I have the time.

Otherwise, I’ve migrated over to a new domain and it was a pretty straight forward process (except for deleting the blog). The new URL for the blog is http://rawtop.com/sex/ though if you go to the old URL all the links will take you to the new URL, so people (and search engine spiders) will eventually get what’s going on…

If you’re a blogger who has a link to my blog. First, thank you. And second, I’d appreciate it if you could change the link to point to http://rawtop.com/ – The link text would look something like this:

<a href="http://rawtop.com/">rawTOP's Bareback Blog</a>

Here are some excerpts from a thread on bnskin.com – some of the comments are so completely wrong it's just not funny…

Guy in Las Vegas: When chatting with guys in chat rooms, if they ask the question, you clean? And then you reply, yes, then they want you to come over, but if you say no, I'm not, they say, OK forget it. How NAIVE can these guys really be? Do they really believe someone who will just say, I'm clean? I think asking that question is totally ridiculous only because it can not be proven.

Guy in Massachusetts: I think most people lie about this, or are naive about what other people would do. I don't like to think I'm cynical, just realistic.

Guy in Seattle: For someone who's neg and wants to stay that way, the only safe thing to do is to assume that everyone else is poz, even if they tell you're not. I do wonder if guys who will easily accept an "I'm neg" comment are naive or just want to believe it so they can get laid. I'm sure it's happened to others, but one guy I met years ago wouldn't have sex with me because I was honest and told him I was poz. He would have been perfectly fine to play if I hadn't volunteered that. I didn't get the logic.

ME: Oh please…. I'm so sick of hearing that people who ask about status are naive… It's one of many things that are called RISK REDUCTION – no one is calling it risk elimination. Get off your high horses – risk reduction, in any form, helps.

The other assumption in Las Vegas' comment is that most or many poz guys lie about their HIV status. That's an awefully cynical view of the world which I just refuse to subscribe to. On something as important as HIV I think most people are decent and tell the truth if asked a clear, direct question. I will agree that "Are you clean?" is a stupid question – because it's not clear and direct.

And as far as Seattle's "the only safe thing to do"… The answer to that is "not have sex" – everything else involves risk, which then means that all neg guys are naive for having sex. OK, that doesn't work, so let's start back at the beginning – risk reduction, in any form, helps.

Some Slave: If asking "was" a form of risk reduction, I would agree with you, but it isnt.

It can take the body up to three months to make enough antibodies to be detectable on the HIV test, but most people will create enough antibodies in just 4 weeks after infection. This 4 week to 3 month time frame the window period. During the window period, the HIV test may not be able to detect infection. SO, you can be HIV POSITIVE, show negative on a test, and still be able to infect people.

Still think asking someone's status is risk reduction?

ME: DAMN, that's just so wrong…

There are a shitload of guys out there that _know_ they're poz. If you don't ask them their status, then you won't know they're poz.

The fact that a few guys don't know their status is irrelevant. This is RISK REDUCTION, not risk elimination. Why is that hard for people to comprehend?

Let's say 50% of the guys you think of hooking up with are poz and 80% of those guys know they're poz (I'm pulling those numbers out of my ass — don't take them too literally – they'll actually vary for each person). If you don't ask their status, 50% of the guys you play with will be poz. If you do ask their status, then 10% of the guys you hookup with will be poz. That means you've had an 80% reduction in risk. Put another way, it means it will take you 5 times longer to become poz. During that time an effective vaccine could come out or at least there will be better treatments available… Or you might not become poz at all…

Asking is a form of risk reduction.

Guy in Denver: rawTOP, you're right, asking is one form of risk reduction. I think what most people here are trying to get at is that it's not anywhere near as effective as other methods.

I guess the point is that a lot of people think that the harm reduction of just asking is so small given the number of guys who either don't know they're poz or who lie about it (particularly among guys who fuck around a lot bareback) that it's hardly worth it.

A 20 year old: "Asking is a form of risk reduction."

Yeah. And it helps as much as pulling out and douching.

ME: Denver Guy – I think asking about status can actually be a pretty effective risk reduction strategy. I don't think much lower than 80% number I pulled out of my ass before – though I don't have any hard data to support the number. But asking is probably one of several risk reduction strategies the person is using. Think about it – anyone who asks about status in a consistent manner isn't going to sex clubs and bathhouses 'cause you can't really ask very easily in venues like that, which means they're also limiting the number of partners they have. And if you're asking, you're at least thinking about the risk you're taking… It all adds up – and remember the benchmark is condoms which are only 90-95% harm reduction (there is hard data for that one). So I don't really see the "not nearly as effective" part either… If I'm even in the ballpark of the risk reduction of a condom and don't have to actually use one, I'm happy…

20 year old – If the top really does pull out, then it is a form of risk reduction for the bottom (not the top). Though, if I were a bottom I'd be an idiot to make it my only form of risk reduction – but what we're talking about is multiple layers that add up to a fair amount of risk reduction.

When you repeatedly muliply fractions you get smaller and smaller numbers – that's the idea with risk reduction – if you practice multiple forms of it you can get a pretty decent reduction in risk.

It's almost as if people who weren't good in math and statistics can't understand risk reduction well enough to keep themselves safe.

Then there's the issue of how many poz guys really lie about their HIV status.

What does everyone thing about all this?

Question: My friend has been watching bareback porn. And it gets him off in a big way. Now he obsseses about it, and the result is he has two top guys lined up to give it to him, all the way. What should I do?

Answer: For starters, you don't automatically become poz when you start barebacking. The fact of the matter is that some of us have been barebacking for many years and are still negative (in my case 10 years on and off). Even bareback bottoms may stay negative if they're careful.

What is important is for your friend to figure out what he feels is "acceptable level of risk". It comes down to risk, reward, and regret… 5 or 10 years from now if your friend regrets that he didn't take more risks sexually, then he should have taken more risks. But at the same time he needs to balance that with an understanding that he is choosing to take risks and he may become poz as a result.

We take risks in many aspects of our lives and many every day things can kill or disable us if things go wrong. I don't understand why we expect our sex lives to be risk-free when we accept risk in other parts of our lives. It's hypocritical for a society to accept and even glorify some things that are risky and stigmatize others.

So tell your friend to find a balance between enjoyment and risk, and be sure he's not getting into barebacking for the wrong reasons (depression or drug usage). If he takes it slow and is picky about who fucks him he can probably stay neg for quite a long time, but he needs to find the right tops. He can do blindfolded "pump-and-dumps" and still stay negative IF he can find negative tops. 1) Ask about HIV status (don't assume) and also ask when the last test was – I find most guys don't ask that and it's really important. 2) Go with guys who take less risk themselves (i.e. total tops are at less risk than versatile guys, and guys who hookup less frequently are less risk than those who go to sex parties). 3) Stay away from guys who do hard drugs.

What's important is that he not just throw in the towel. The more people tell him barebacking will end with him becoming poz, the more likely he is to just give up and "accept" that he's going to become poz anyway, so he might as well not try to stay neg.

But be there for him in a supportive manner – help him make choices that are less risky but still satisfy his needs.

Question: What is the obsession with getting fucked raw? I understand wanting to fuck raw, though I never do that with guys, but I don't understand why the risk is worth it. I have friends who are in their late 20's and are positive from Barebacking. They missed the AIDS Boom of the 80's. Shouldn't we all have learned by now? I do not mean to lecture. I am just really curious about what the desire is all about.

Answer: If it doesn't appeal to you, then don't worry about it. But at the same time try to not be so judgmental.

Ever watch someone on TV ski down the face of a mountain after jumping out of a helicopter? Ever drive fast on the highway (or for that matter travel in a car on a highway)? Ever run across a street against the light when there's oncoming traffic and you might trip and fall?

The point is that we all take risks every day – some of which could kill or disable us. We take some of the risks for no other reason than to enjoy ourselves in the moment. It's no different with sex.

The difference with sex is that we're biologically programmed to want to inseminate and be inseminated. If that weren't the case we wouldn't be the dominant species on the planet.

So stop and think for a moment why it is that you're asking the question about this one particular risky activity when you probably don't think twice about extreme sports, or fatalities on highways, or people who run in front of oncoming traffic…