Wow… Haven’t had a post like this one in a while. Back when I started the blog it was really introspective. Unfortunately I lost a lot of those posts when I did a stupid mistake when migrating the blog off blogspot.com… This is another one of those introspective posts – haven’t done one of them in a while…

I ran into the guy who I was hanging around last night. He and his friends were looking around the leather mart… Anyway, we started talking, then went up to their room where a half dozen of us were drinking (from a big bottle of Captain Morgan). When they went downstairs to the bar I wanted to put my camera I away, so he and I went to my room. When we got there we started fooling around. Thing was I just wasn’t all that into it. I was in a mellow mood, and not particularly horny, plus he’s not really my type…

I’ll skip most of the details, but suffice it to say that we played around a little, I tried, but the more I did the less I wanted to do. My dick was getting smaller by the minute…

Thing was, he was drunk and horny. He was having a great time and I don’t think he really sensed that the situation was going bad for me quickly. Then he reached for his drink and managed to spill some of it. I was laying down, face up, and he was straddling me. I wanted to get up to get the towel and he didn’t want to let me up. That was it – I pushed him to get him off me (not too hard), and he still didn’t get the hint. Finally I just said, “Would you leave?” I didn’t want take it to that but what were my choices? He was a messy drunk who had a little too much “captain in him” (actually way more than a little too much).

The thing that flashed through my mind was when I used to escort. There were times when I didn’t like the client, or didn’t like the scene, but I was a good escort and pretended to be enjoying myself so I’d get paid. Suddenly with this guy I felt like I was back in those days where I was pretending to like what was happening to keep him happy. But it’s not like I was getting paid, so what’s the point?

It was actually a really deep emotion all this brought up – not just as simple as feeling like a hooker. I started escorting a year after my first sexual experience, before I really figured out who I was sexually. I have nothing against escorting. If I had it to do all over again I’d probably still want to do some escorting – but would have done it a little later (or better yet, started sex earlier).

But escorting damaged me a bit sexually – that much I know. After it ended I was in a comfortable relationship that was minimally sexual, and after that relationship is when I really figured out what I felt comfortable with was being a top…

The thing I think I realized tonight was that the whole power-and-control aspect of how I have sex, and even being a top, and having short well-defined hookups, probably all stems from escorting. Put another way, I need to be in control because I hate not feeling in control in a sexual encounter, but at the same time I need the bottom to want me to fuck them – I need eagerness. Having been the one who pretended to be enjoying themselves, I don’t want a bottom to have to do that with me. As a result, acting out rape fantasies does nothing for me. I may jack off to them, but in real-life I need the bottom to want it.

And on top of everything else, I just realized that because I was spending time with him I forgot that the big IML contest was on and I missed it… UGH!!! That was one of the things I really wanted to do while I was here and now all the contest activities are over…

Now I have to get myself back in the mood to hookup. This is the last big night of IML (tomorrow will be quieter) and I want tonight to go better than last night.

It’s been a bit weird this week being here at IML for the first time and on my own to boot. I’m not a social butterfly. I do much better if I’m with someone who’s social… Once I get started things are easy, it’s just getting started…

So last night I was down in the hotel bar (which was completely packed) and these two guys come up to me and start chatting. Nice guys – one’s older than me (didn’t ask his age) and the other one is mid-thirties but sorta baby faced. We chat and they seem to really want me to hang out with them, which was cool. We even had dinner together, and afterwards we hung out at the bar some more (some of their friends were REALLY hot – two in particular where these mid-west farm boy types…) I had heard a lot of sex parties were going on and when they wanted to go to a party in the hotel that’s what I assumed it was. When we got there it was a dance party, not a sex party. I wasn’t really in the mood to dance, neither was the older guy and the younger guy seemed a bit ambivalent about it so we just stood around the lobby outside the party and talked to people.

I had sorta wanted to go to The Eagle or The Jackhammer. I knew the Jackhammer was having a sex party in the basement and Treasure Island was having a DVD release party in the main bar. Thing was I hadn’t signed up for the sex party, so didn’t think I could get in, but I still wanted to go out and see what things were like. Oddly enough when I had talked to my bf earlier in the day he told me to see if I could get into the sex party – to make the most of my being here…

It wasn’t readily apparent, but the older guy was into me, but being really discreet about it – not coming on strong at all. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He wasn’t really my type, but I would have gone to bed with him… I asked if they/he wanted to go out to the bars, but he said ‘no’. He started coming onto me a little bit after a while, but it was really subtle. Then there was one point where he and another friend went somewhere (bathroom?) and I felt if I was going to go out, I needed to do it then, so I said goodbye to the younger guy and took off.

It was already 2am, I didn’t even know how late the bars would be open. When I was standing waiting for the valet to bring the car around I saw a bunch of Treasure Island guys get out of a cab, so I knew the Treasure Island part of the evening at the Jackhammer was most likely over, but I went there anyway. The bar was mostly a dance bar with a leather store attached. There were stairs down into the basement where the sex party was going on, but just a rope across the stairs with a sign “Closed, Private Party”. As I stood around I saw guys leaving, so I figured the sex party was probably already winding down…

So I headed down the street to The Eagle. It was a far more serious leather bar. And they had a darkish bar area in the back where guys were getting blow jobs from cocksuckers, and then there’s a little dark room as well. Thing was, it wasn’t completely dark, it was totally packed, and there was enough light so I knew the guys weren’t really guys I wanted to have sex with. There was one guy in the corner who I would have fucked. He turned around, but when I felt his hole it was all warty… I wasn’t that desperate to fuck.

When I turned around there was a fairly attractive guy who asked if he could suck my cock. When I said ‘yes’ he said “really?” I didn’t understand why he said that, but he got down on his knees and started blowing me, but he didn’t last long. I wasn’t getting completely hard, and he was probably being jostled by everyone around him. Then he grabbed my waist band and pulled himself up. I thought thought that was odd, but whatever… I then got out of the dark area and walked around and then I recognized the guy who had just blown me in the dark area – and then I noticed his arm was partly amputated. It explained why he pulled himself up using my waistband, and where the “really?” came from (not 100% confident in himself)…

I then spent a little time in the darkish bar area. A Latino came onto me and long story short, we fooled around and he blew me a bit. My dick was only sorta responding. It would get hard for a while and then not so hard. There was a guy standing next to me getting fucked, and I could have fucked the Latin guy if I wanted to, but it was late,I was wiped and not at 100%, so I didn’t even try.

Then just after the Latino guy, this chubby sub wanted to suck my dick. He turned out to be a really good cocksucker, but I knew the evening was ending when he was giving me an excellent blowjob and I wasn’t getting all that hard. Then this other guy wanted to make out with me while the chubby guy gave me a blowjob, etc…

I could just feel that it was time for bed. I went to the front bar and talked to a couple of guys. When a messy drunk that I had had to push off of me earlier in the night collapsed in front of me and spilled his drink all over me, that was sort of the end of it. After cleaning myself off, I just left and went back to the hotel. There was no point in going to the bathhouse next door…

Other than the fact that I didn’t fuck anyone, it was a good night…

Load 2008-36

There’s a guy who was visiting NYC a month or two ago who I really wanted to fuck, but things didn’t work out. Well, he’s here at IML and we just hooked up…

Again, not a leather hookup (oh well), but he’s so totally my type I didn’t care. He’s a 22 y.o., short, black guy who’s got a really lean, slightly muscular body, and a phenomenal ass.

He arrives and he’s shorter and cuter than I was expecting. He was wearing a hoodie, flip flops and the bottoms from hospital scrubs. He started stripping down just inside the door – no shirt, no underwear… I was loving it…

We kiss a bit and then he climbs on the bed and presents his ass to me. It was a truly incredible ass, and a really nice hole. I get down on my knees and rim him, which he seems to really love – it kept him moaning…

After rimming him for a while I got some spit on the head of my dick, stand up and fuck him. His hole felt great – nice and reasonably tight boi hole… He takes the dick really well and after a bit of warm up I fucking him fairly hard. Then I push him forward and fuck him on his belly.

Fucking little lean guys on their bellies almost always gets me to cum, and this time was no exception. It felt really good to give him my load…

I roll him on his side and keep my dick in him. Pumping him a little here and there while we enjoy the moment and talk about stuff… He’s not into leather – just came with a friend ’cause he’d never been before…

After a while of laying there cuddling he got up to look at the view. While he was standing naked in front of the window I started rimming his ass again… Didn’t taste any cum cause I must have cum pretty deep. He asked how the cum tasted and I told him I didn’t taste any. Then when I was taking a brief break he basically farted some of my cum out of his ass and it landed on the carpet. It was sorta funny, but I could also tell it wasn’t all that “clean” (not shitty, but just not clean), so I cleaned it up with a towel and didn’t pursue it further.

All in all a really good fuck. Didn’t capture it on camera ’cause I just wanted to enjoy his body. If he wants to fuck again I’ll see if he wants to videotape it…

Load 2008-35

After the 2+ hour gangbang with the sub bottom last night I was really tired and didn’t feel like going out. My primary goal being here is to rest and relax, and all these nights of minimal sleep aren’t helping. So I figured I’d just go back to my room and “order in” and then turn in relatively early. It’s not like it would be hard to find someone.

And it wasn’t… There were a number of options, but the one who stood out was this early 30s guy who had a hot lean body like I get into… He was staying at another hotel close by, so he he said he’s be over in 15 minutes…

He arrives and he turns out to be East Asian. And again, I’m fucking a guy who’s not in leather. He did have a studded leather arm band on, but otherwise he wasn’t a “leatherman” at all… He reminded me a lot of “Jonathan” from Latin Studs Mania and Naughty Hard Cocks (see pic on the right or follow the links), only he didn’t have tattoos. The other thing which was really apparent was how nervous he was. Actually I couldn’t tell if he was nervous, anxious, uncertain, skeptical or what. It didn’t really add up. He flew in for the event, but didn’t seem 100% comfortable…

He takes off his clothes (I keep mine on – I’m wearing chaps over jean, motorcycle boots, and a black t-shirt) and he’s got a great body… A little hairy, but tight and lean… He sucks my dick very briefly, then I rim his ass…

When he had walked in he mentioned, “all the cameras are off, right?” While I wanted to film it, I was also OK with just dumping a load and going to bed. I had shown him the two drawers full of toys (that, unfortunately, I’m not making much use of) just after he came in, but he wasn’t really interested in using them. Then when I’m rimming him he decides he wants to wear a hood and get filmed. We look through the hoods and settle on a black spandex one (double thickness with just a mouth opening). When we put it on him he was surprised there were no eye openings and took it off, then he put it back on and things went forward…

I set up the camera, positioned him on the bed, put on my hood, and went back to rimming him. He did have a really nice hole – just the type I like… He wanted lube for his dick, so I put some on my dick as well and start fucking him. He felt really good and I could tell there would be zero problems with me cumming. In fact I felt like I was going to cum pretty quick. He sensed it though and told me to hold off…

When I slowed down I noticed his hole wasn’t completely clean. It’s not like he was exactly dirty, but he was “wet” and the color was slightly browish. It’s the smell of shit that bothers me most and there was no smell with him, so I continued on… I was just glad I had put a towel under him…

We fucked for a bit with his legs up, then I flipped him over. The camera was a distraction and looking at the video I did a really horrible job videotaping it, but whatever…

Finally with him on his stomach I just unloaded in his hole. It felt good… Then I rolled him on his side and we cuddled for a moment.

Afterwards he was still acting a bit weird. Didn’t really want to share much of anything, but I did get an interesting story out of him. Turns out he came to IML last year, didn’t have a lot of sex ’cause he was neg and trying to be somewhat safe. He’d tell tops not to cum in him, stuff like that… But he did take one load at Steamworks and 10 days later came down with the fuck flu. Looking back on it he thinks it’s ironic that he had a bit of a lame time while he was here ’cause he was sorta trying to stay “safe”, but he still wound up getting pozzed. Since then he’s been taking loads whenever he can, and now he’s back at IML and wants to have the fun he missed last time.

I still don’t understand the weird chemistry between us. He was obviously here to do exactly what we were doing. I also don’t understand why he keeps coming to IML, but didn’t seem to wear leather… He’s a curious guy, but a decent fuck…

I’m not sure the video will get posted publicly. We’ll see. If so, I’ll update this post…

The guy I fucked when I first got here set up a gangbang for himself and invited me to come. Since my loads are few, I didn’t really want to give the same bottom two loads, but I figured I’d go. I was especially sensitive on the loads issue ’cause the only other load I’ve given here at IML was to him – it’s not like he was going to get all my loads when I wanted to be able to give them to people like the hot Latin guy with the silky hole, or twinky bb porn star Jarod Steel. From the gangbang I set up a couple months ago I saw the importance of having a “doorman”, so I offered to act as doorman for him…

I got up there 10 minutes or so after it was scheduled to start figuring gangbangs never start on time. He tells me I just missed the first top who wanted to fuck him before the party. He said he was a little disappointed ’cause the guy came in his mouth, not his ass… He had also hooked up with one of the guys who was working down in the leather mart earlier in the day. The guy had taken him back to the room and used him as a punching bag – punching his chest and gut. The bottom was disappointed he didn’t have bruises yet… This was all a side of the bottom I hadn’t seen before…

We chat for a bit and then there’s a knock on the door… He jumps into bed and I answer the door. Honestly I don’t remember much about the first top physically. He came in, fucked him and came pretty quickly (in his ass) and left. I fuck the bottom a bit wanting to feel his now cummy hole.

My dick was pretty big and engorged ’cause I was wearing this Y harnass that was connected to a big thick (fairly hard) rubber cockring. It would have been really easy to cum, but I didn’t want to…

We then chat a bit more. I had worn my hood for the first top, but it was cutting across the bridge of my nose, I had taken it off when the second knock came. This guy was much more dominant. The first thing he wanted to establish was that the bottom was “more than just a hole”. For the next hour he put the guy through his paces… Choked him (fingers down his throat), flogged him, punched him, spanked him, worked his nipples to the point of serious pain, and generally kept control of him. He was a really good dom top. Really abusive (like the bottom likes), but not too abusive. He was about control and had a good ebb and flow to how he worked the bottom so it wasn’t just constantly abusive.

In the middle of that top another top arrived. This top was sort of a dark, swarthy bear. He took off all this clothes except his socks and just fucked the bottom and dumped a load in him. As he got dressed, I stepped up to fuck the bottom’s cummy hole again.

The other top didn’t want the bottom to see the other top, but the bottom looked so he instantly denied the bottom his cock (which he was sucking), and had him stand up and close his eyes. Then without warning he pushed the bottom forward so he fell onto the bed. It was sudden and sorta shocking, but at the same time it showed he was a really good top. There was punishment for disobenience, he thought quickly on his feet, and the punishment was more psychological and controlling than abusive (since the bottom wanted abuse)…

The whole time the dom top never once actually fucked the bottom. He liked seeing me and the other top fuck him, but he never used the bottom’s ass (other than getting it really red with hard spanking)…

The dom top also never seemed completely comfortable with me being there. I tried to keep reassuring the top I was fine and to stop worrying about me, but you could tell at a minimum I was a problem for him. Just before he left he made a comment of “since I’m boring you (referring to me), I’ll wrap this up”. Again, I tried to reassure him…

He did put me to some good use. Right after he got there he asked me what I was into. I said fucking and some watersports, so he told me he wanted me to give the boy my piss. It’s not like I can piss on demand, so I did trip after trip to the bathroom to drink water so I could piss. Finally after probably 20 or 30 minutes I had enough piss built up. I was a little confused ’cause the top kept asking me if I was ready to give the bottom my piss, but there was no move to go to the bathroom and everything was happing on top of the hotel sheets…

Finally it dawned on me the bottom wanted to drink the piss. So at one point I asked the bottom if he liked to drink piss, he said “yes”, then I asked if he liked to drink rank piss (’cause I know my piss tends to be pretty aweful). Again he said yes. Well, he was warned, so I stuck my dick in his mouth. It took me a while to be able to piss and the weird thing was I couldn’t tell how much I was pissing. I knew it wasn’t a huge amount, but he just kept swallowing…

Eventually the dom top left – he was late for a party, and the bottom and I talked about him. It’s funny – he’s what I think of when I think of “dominant top”. I’m not that – so much of what he’s about I just don’t have in me. I can get into flogging and the like, but it’s more structured and relaxed, not as spontaneous and intense. And I’ve always been told I’m horrible at spanking… Yet, the bottom insisted (as others have as well), that I’m a dominant top – but he also couldn’t define how exactly I’m dominant.

We thought that was the end of it since it was getting near the end of the 2 hour period the bottom had defined for his gangbang, but another knock came at the door. This guy was also dark and swarthy and somewhat bearish. He took off his shirt, and dropped his jeans around his ankles. He was different than the others in that he wanted me involved. He wanted to see me fuck the bottom, he wanted to touch me, play with my nipples, etc. But after fucking a while he wasn’t able to cum. More likely I think he chose not to cum. As he and the bottom were talking afterwards it was clear he was all about getting invited to as many sex parties as possible and he had more to do that night. The bottom was just another notch on his bedpost – someone he’d had his raw cock in. He was nice and friendly, but a bit of a slut for a top…

When he was done we thought we were really done. But after sort of a wrap up chat I was getting ready to go when there was another knock on the door. I told the bottom I’d open the door, but I was going to leave, but it turned out to be the dom top (he had forgotten his poppers and came back to get them) – only he was now in rubber – rubber muscle shirt and rubber shorts. He had changed costumes and was now off to be a piss bottom. His personna was completely different. Chatty, flirty, and very social. We stood around and talked for another 10 or 15 minutes. It was interesting seeing him in this different light. He was much more of a person. I trusted him a lot more seeing him this way.

But looking back on it I realized how we’re different but both dominant. The difference is my dominance (what there is of it), is just who I am. It’s deep rooted in how I interact with bottoms. I get my way and for the most part bottoms give me what I want. His dominance is more of an act. One moment he’s a dom top, the next he’s a watersports bottom. He’s shallow but wide, where I’m narrow but deep.

So the bottom got two loads, and I got a little more perspective on the issue of dominance and got to watch a great a great performance by a dom top. All in all, a lot of fun.

I still hadn’t cum. Originally my plan was to go to The Eagle and then Man’s Country (the bathhouse next door to The Eagle), but I just didn’t have the energy for it, so I decided to “order in”. I came home, found a bottom online and he came over and got fucked. But that’s another post… I need to get to bed to get some sleep. Hopefully there aren’t too many typos in this post, ’cause I don’t have the energy to proof it right now…

UPDATE: The bottom e-mailed me back about the rest of his night…

so from last night after you left: the dom came back less than 30 mins later and gave me a huge load of piss down my throat. i went back online, went upstairs and got fucked by another top who was with his boy (he didn’t come). then the last guy from my party texted me and came back upstairs (that was the ‘party guy’). he told me he had come inside me earlier. then he dumped another load. i had already messaged someone else my room number and he came up during and he fucked me and dumped his load. then party guy dumped another one inside me. then i went down to your floor and played with two leather guys, one of them fucked me with a condom, but we were all too tired!

so total of 6 loads from 4 guys, and two down my throat. not bad for a day.

I also forgot to mention that the last top in the original story fed the bottom a HUGE amount of piss – it went on and on and on. When the dom came back we talked about him drinking our piss. He said the other top had pretty watery piss, but (like I expectd) mine was pretty rank… He took it like a champ though…

UPDATE #2: The dom top (who goes by ‘Blu Moon’) has written up his perspective on things – you can read it here.

Woke up this morning. Body clock went off before I really had had a proper sleep. There were tons of messages waiting for me, but I finally cleared all of them… A few guys wanted to come over, but just about all of them were Chicago natives and parking around here would be a nightmare right that time of day and I didn’t feel like traveling.

There was one guy who was visiting a buddy in the hotel next door who wanted to come over. I gave him my room number and told him to confirm. 20 minutes later I hear a knock on the door…

I go over to the door, look through the peephole and see a guy (not house keeping), I open the door and there’s Jarod Steel (he’s the twink porn star who used to work for Falcon, then went bareback and has done stuff for S/X and Dick Wadd Fetish among others). I had given him my room number yesterday and he said he’s be over in 30 minutes. Long 30 minutes, but whatever…

I had just gotten out of the shower and was in nothing but my towel, which I find ironic since Jarod Steel is hot and if he’s OK with me in my towel then all the guys at the bathhouses who didn’t think twice about me… Well, whatever…

So he comes in, apologizes for not telling me he’s coming over, but I didn’t care – I was looking to fuck anyway…

And by the way – Jarod Steel is fucking cute. Taller than me (which I wasn’t expecting), but very very cute… He wasn’t dressed in leather – just running shorts, t-shirt, and hoodie. He wanted to take a shower, so he jumped in the shower to clean off…

After he got out we got to talking. He had been at Steamworks during the time I was there, but somehow I hadn’t seen him. He said he waited 4 hours for a room which makes me wonder how the guy I fucked yesterday got a room so quickly.

He then gets on his knees and starts sucking my dick. I tell him I have a dresser full of toys, but he says the only toy he wants is the one between my legs.

I then tell him I want to rim him and get him on the bed face down. I dive in and he’s got this great musuclar bubble butt which he flexes a bit. It makes his butt seem really hot, but does make it a bit difficult to get in there and properly rim him. He loves getting rimmed – and I do it for a while until my dick is totally hard and then kept rimming him some more (nice hole…)

When I’m finally done rimming him he says it’s been a long time since someone’s eaten his ass as well as that, which to me is a little sad – he should have his ass eaten all the time…

So then I fuck him with his legs in the air… Then he wants to ride me, so we do that for a while. Felt really good – there was a certain way he rode my dick that massaged the top of my dickhead just right… Then we swapped up again (forget the position). Then when I put him on his belly I rimmed him again. Then fucked him some more, then rimmed him some more… etc.

While I got pretty close to cumming when I had him on his belly, the orgasm just didn’t cum. He was hungry to get fucked and rimmed though… The kid’s insatiable…

So while I’m really disappointed he didn’t get my load, it was a fun fuck.

This afternoon he’s shooting a video for Dick Wadd. We talked a bit about his “job” – that he used to do 2 or 3 shoots a month a couple years ago, but now he’s only done two so far this year and one was a tickle film which he wasn’t really into (he just wants to get fucked and seeded). We also talked about where he lived, what’s he’s studying in college, and then he asked questions about what I did. I told him about my regular job and then told him about the blog…

And for the record… While I’ve heard people say he’s messy and has a drug problem, I didn’t see any of that. The light from the window was bothering his eyes, so he might have done something last night when he was at Steamworks, but all in all he seemed well put together and just a nice, normal guy…