Question: My friend has been watching bareback porn. And it gets him off in a big way. Now he obsseses about it, and the result is he has two top guys lined up to give it to him, all the way. What should I do?

Answer: For starters, you don't automatically become poz when you start barebacking. The fact of the matter is that some of us have been barebacking for many years and are still negative (in my case 10 years on and off). Even bareback bottoms may stay negative if they're careful.

What is important is for your friend to figure out what he feels is "acceptable level of risk". It comes down to risk, reward, and regret… 5 or 10 years from now if your friend regrets that he didn't take more risks sexually, then he should have taken more risks. But at the same time he needs to balance that with an understanding that he is choosing to take risks and he may become poz as a result.

We take risks in many aspects of our lives and many every day things can kill or disable us if things go wrong. I don't understand why we expect our sex lives to be risk-free when we accept risk in other parts of our lives. It's hypocritical for a society to accept and even glorify some things that are risky and stigmatize others.

So tell your friend to find a balance between enjoyment and risk, and be sure he's not getting into barebacking for the wrong reasons (depression or drug usage). If he takes it slow and is picky about who fucks him he can probably stay neg for quite a long time, but he needs to find the right tops. He can do blindfolded "pump-and-dumps" and still stay negative IF he can find negative tops. 1) Ask about HIV status (don't assume) and also ask when the last test was – I find most guys don't ask that and it's really important. 2) Go with guys who take less risk themselves (i.e. total tops are at less risk than versatile guys, and guys who hookup less frequently are less risk than those who go to sex parties). 3) Stay away from guys who do hard drugs.

What's important is that he not just throw in the towel. The more people tell him barebacking will end with him becoming poz, the more likely he is to just give up and "accept" that he's going to become poz anyway, so he might as well not try to stay neg.

But be there for him in a supportive manner – help him make choices that are less risky but still satisfy his needs.

Question: What is the obsession with getting fucked raw? I understand wanting to fuck raw, though I never do that with guys, but I don't understand why the risk is worth it. I have friends who are in their late 20's and are positive from Barebacking. They missed the AIDS Boom of the 80's. Shouldn't we all have learned by now? I do not mean to lecture. I am just really curious about what the desire is all about.

Answer: If it doesn't appeal to you, then don't worry about it. But at the same time try to not be so judgmental.

Ever watch someone on TV ski down the face of a mountain after jumping out of a helicopter? Ever drive fast on the highway (or for that matter travel in a car on a highway)? Ever run across a street against the light when there's oncoming traffic and you might trip and fall?

The point is that we all take risks every day – some of which could kill or disable us. We take some of the risks for no other reason than to enjoy ourselves in the moment. It's no different with sex.

The difference with sex is that we're biologically programmed to want to inseminate and be inseminated. If that weren't the case we wouldn't be the dominant species on the planet.

So stop and think for a moment why it is that you're asking the question about this one particular risky activity when you probably don't think twice about extreme sports, or fatalities on highways, or people who run in front of oncoming traffic…

Last night, the guy who used to clean for us came over. He's moved on in his life and doesn't clean apartments anymore, but the industry he's in now is pretty calm in January, so he said if we needed him to come over and clean a few times this month, he'd be happy to.

So I come home to him cleaning and after I grab myself a glass of wine and relax a bit I go into the bedroom where he's cleaning my bf's desk. I initiate and we play around just a little… The guy is a smoker – a serious smoker (unfiltered cigarettes he rolls himself). He's tried to mask it by chewing gum or something, but it's not all that effective – and the issue is that he likes to frenchh kiss with tounge and it's just not working for me. I like the guy and think of him as a friend, so I play along a little. About the time he's sucking my dick my bf comes in to see what we're up to, and gets his dick sucked a bit too before he has to go back and check on dinner that's cooking on the stove.

We play a bit more – I feel up his hole and when I get to his dick I realize he's into CBT 'cause he's got a neoprene ring around his dick and balls. Then my bf wants a cigarette which is a production since he rolls them, so we take a break and then have dinner…

After dinner he's cleaning a bit more and we play some more. I finally get my cock in his ass, but I'm not totally hard 'cause the chemistry is off for me. My bf didn't join us this time so he went out and got him. My bf wasn't totally into the situation so he did like I did the other day and just layed there and was one of those "do me" tops… I got it up enough to fuck him while he was sucking my bf, but it didn't last all that long and I didn't cum. After that he rode my bf but my dick never got hard again…

So, it was and OK experience, and I don't mind a little affection and maybe a blowjob next time he comes over, but that's about all I'm interested in…

I finally got the new ring for my PA in this morning (2 gauge, 1" diameter which is pretty big and hefty) – it required some stretching since it seems to be considerably thicker than my other ring that I thought was 2 gauge (maybe it was 4 gauge and I didn't realize it). I gotta say I love feeling the weight of the new ring swinging from my dick and hitting my leg – being stainless, it's a lot heavier then the niobium ring that I used to wear. I'm definitely looking forward to fucking some bottoms with it – this one's big enough and heavy enough that they'll really feel it bumping around in their ass.

When the piercing is stretched sufficiently, I'll definitely move up to at least a 0 gauge ring, not sure if I want to go up to 00 gauge or not. A year or so ago I wanted to buy a bigger ring and I liked the size of the 00 ga ring when I looked at it in the store, so I bought it thinking with a little stretching I could jump from 2 ga to 00 ga. WRONG. The thing's a real whopper. When I put it in the head of my dick it filled my entire urethra, which means if I ever go up to that size then I'll have two equal size holes in my dick. I then bought a 0 ga ring, but couldn't quite get things stretched out enough to fit that one either since my 2 ga wasn't a true 2 ga. But if I wear the new ring for a while I should be able to go up to 0 ga, then I'll have to figure out whether I really want to go to 00 or not. Once you stretch out a PA it takes forever for the hole to get smaller.

Pics of the new baby will come in a few days…

Load 2007-2

I was in a mellow mood last night – sorta felt grounded and centered – it was nice. I got myself a drink, sat down and tried to figure out the details of my new cell phone and watched a little TV. As usual, I checked out the hookup sites, but wasn't really looking to hookup since I usually can't perform all that well when I've had a few drinks in me.

I got a note from a guy on Adam4Adam who's been wanting to hookup with me and my bf for a while now. I told him it would just be a 1-on-1 with me since my bf had just jacked off. He was good with that so after a little back and forth he came over. I was worried that he'd be dirty after a day of work (since he was coming from work), but he said he had douched at work (that's a well prepared bottom!). He shows up and he's more or less like his pics except he had a bit of a belly that wasn't evident in his pics, and he had this big long pony tail that went half way down his back that you couldn't see in the pics. I'm not against pony tails, but this guy was balding so he would have looked a lot hotter if he went with really short hair…

I figured, what the hell – he seemed like a nice guy, he wasn't disgusting, and despite the unexpected "items" he still seemed fuckable. But mentally I set my limits… This was going to be a "no recip" hookup. We took off our clothes I laid down on the bed and he started by giving me a blow job. I was just going to be one of those "do me" tops that lays there and expects the bottom to service him. After a while I started playing with his ass – seemed nice enough. He was shoving my cock down as far as he could get it – trying to deep throat me. He changed positions so he could get it deeper in his his throat which put his ass closer to me so I played with his ass some more and finger fucked him. I was in a mellow mood, so I wasn't in any rush – just let him gag himself on my dick… He seemed to be having fun…

Blow jobs are fine and all, but eventually I get bored of them, so finally I got up and he knew what that meant. He layed face down, ass up on the bed. I spit on his hole and my dick a little and shoved in. He had no problem taking me. Usually I'm all wound up when I fuck – nervous energy. And in those cases I like to cum somewhat quickly 'cause if it goes on for too long I run out of energy and can't cum. But last night I didn't feel like I was really in a hurry. Honestly I didn't know if I could cum – I just let things progress naturally and figured if it happened, it happened. If he didn't get my cum, at least he would get a good fuck.

But eventually, I could feel it coming. His ass was stroking my dick just right… I kept in that groove and after a while I came in his ass. I had been fucking him longer than I usually fuck guys, so I just collapsed on the bed next to him and we had a quiet moment until we both caught our breath…

All in all, it was an interesting fuck – very mellow. Would I hookup with him again? Probably not, but you never know… If only he'd cut off the pony tail…

Adam4Adam does seem to supply plenty of bottoms…

This latin guy on there hit me up last week. His ass shot was beautiful and his face pic made him seem really cute. So today he e-mails me and asks if I want to hookup. I knew he wasn't into my bf 'cause he doesn't like little guys, and since my bf was into him it wouldn't be cool for me to hookup with him and not include my bf. BUT, today my bf had scheduled a hookup with a really hot black guy, so since he was doing the black guy, I could do a 1-on-1…

The latin guy's profile said he was HIV- and looking for "safe sex only", but when he called me before he left he asked point blank "You're looking to bareback, right?"…

Long story short, he came over. When he walked in the door he wasn't so much cute (like his pic), but he was really handsome – definitely a hot guy. We went into the bedroom, kissed a little. His body felt well toned… Then we took off our clothes and he starts sucking my dick. I hadn't been all that horny today and my dick wasn't responding all that well. But the other thing was that while he was in good shape, and he was latin, there was something about his body that wasn't quite my type. The best way to describe it was that he was "thick" and not very curvey…

Meanwhile, I start playing with his ass and notice he's already lubed up with an oil based lube… Since the blow job wasn't going so well, and I'm playing with his ass, he stops blowing me and just bends over and gets in position so I can fuck him. It hadn't been two minutes since he came into the bedroom… But I like that sort of eagerness to get fucked and my dick was hard enough to fuck (just not rock hard).

Right after I started fucking him his cell phone rang. When I took a little break, he leans over picks up his phone and calls the person back. I figure, we're in the middle of sex, and I'm not stopping and he's got his ass in the air, so I start rimming him. He starts moaning a bit so I take it a little easier so the person on the other end doesn't figure out he's in the middle of having sex.

We fucked for a while in a bunch of different positions, but I never did cum and it never did feel quite "right"… It just seems like it's that way with some guys… Finally, he had had a good fuck and I was tired, so I stopped. I was disappointed I hadn't cum, but that's how it goes sometimes. He calls back the guy he was chatting with, so of course I ate out his hole while he was on the phone…

I did find out before he left that the person he was calling was his coach and he needed to leave and go to a game (low level professional sports).