It’s always a bit of a pain when I use a hookup site and don’t have the profile name rawTOP. Well, I asked Recon for the name and even though it was assigned to another user, they gave it to me. It helps that the former rawtop hadn’t logged in in over 3 years – it was pretty much a dead profile, so they gave it to me.

I haven’t been very successful so far on Recon, but hope to change that. There are times when I just want to beat the shit out of someone and that’s where I look when I’m in that mood… Of course I’d beat the shit out of them in a very controlled way – flogging and whipping… But my intent is to cause a shitload of pain – to really take the bottom to his limit in terms of pain.

Problem is, true pain pigs are pretty rare. And I think for the hardcore ones I may not have enough gear, etc. And for the novices who have potential but aren’t quite there yet – it’s often a fantasy and I don’t get them to actually follow through and do it.

So if you’re in NYC and get into pain, hit me up on Recon…

Load 2012-27

Today’s been a weird day. There was a really stressful meeting around lunchtime and then I had a beer and sorta crashed. When I got up I looked online for someone to fuck. The stress of the meeting put me in the mood to inflict some pain, so I got on Recon. A guy hit me up there. He just wanted a simple fuck and in hindsight I should have fucked him. But my emotions were all over the place and when I got distracted with something mid-way through talking to him my sexual energy went to zero, so I bailed. He was on a tight schedule so by the time I was in the mood again he wasn’t available.

So I got on BBRT but it was one of those days when everyone is out-of-town (even though their profile says they’re 1 mile away), or they just didn’t answer. I felt like my emails were going into a void. At one point I looked at my sent emails and of the 15 on the first page only one had been read. And I was sending to guys who were “online”.

Whatever. So when the reliable Latino cumhole who I’ve been fucking for years hit me up, I went for it even though I really wanted to seed a new hole.

Within a half hour I was over at his place. On the way I picked up a pack of peanut M&Ms – which proved to be a bit of a bad idea… I got there, and he unlocked the door and assumed the position on his bed. I got undressed (thankfully he had the A/C on and it was cold). I fumbled around a bit getting my rawhide string tied around my cock for a cockring, but eventually got it in place.

When I was ready I pulled him back to the edge of the bed and started eating out his hole. He had two loads in him already and at one point he pushed out some cum. Problem was it mixed with the taste of the M&Ms – so it was like chocolate cum – very odd…

I lubed up my cock and pushed in. Learning from last time I pushed the ball (of my PA) on the underside of my dick up so it didn’t protrude and cause a problem – everything went in without a problem. He was on all fours – so I fucked him like that for a bit – it felt good, but then I pushed him down onto his belly.

OMG – on his belly with his legs together his hole was PERFECT. The two loads made everything silky smooth, and it just felt incredible. I came pretty quickly. Since I had taken a Cialis the day before I stayed hard and kept pumping him – and it still felt so good…

Then I rolled him over on his side and kept pumping in and out of his hole. He got in this weird position – like he was getting up, but stopped half way – but he just stayed there with his ass in position as I fucked him. In that position I felt him and he felt “thicker” (to use a polite term) than he had in the past. But honestly, with the sensations his hole was giving my dick – I couldn’t care less.

Eventually I pulled out, he looked down and was surprised to see my PA. “How long have you had that?” Remember – I’ve been fucking him since about 2004/2005… I told him I’d had it for years, but usually didn’t have it in. I could swear I remember him asking me to take it out in the past – I’m sure he’s seen it at some point, but he forgot. Anyway, he was surprised he had just been fucked with a PA… Maybe that will make him more receptive to it in the future.

On the way home I ran to get onto a 3 train that was just entering the station. It was the tail end of rush hour and the train was packed to the gills. As luck would have it I had to stand incredibly close to this young black guy who had his shirt open – showing off his washboard stomach. He was so hot – maybe 5’7″, 120 pounds. And next to him was this thuggy 20-something Latin guy who was a little muscle cub. He had taken off his work shirt and just had on a wife beater… Yum! And then I turned around later and there was this muscley black guy in work clothes… It was like everywhere I looked there were hot guys on that train…

Not a bad ending to a stressful day… 🙂

Load 2012-26

The last two months have been good for fucking. In the last 59 days I’ve fucked 19 guys – so just about a fuck every 3 days, or just about 10 fucks a month. And, other than the lame “raw” sex party where the bottom I fucked wanted me to rubber up, I’ve cum every time (even came twice with Drew Vergas). In fact so far this year I’ve already given 3 more loads than I did in all  of last year (it wasn’t the best of years). And I’ve beat 2006 & 2007 (which were the first years I started keeping track – and sorta slow years0. If I can keep that pace up I’ll average 100 fucks and loads a year – which has always been a goal of mine… The most loads I’ve given in a year was 67 (in 2009) – even with the slow start this year I could beat that number.

And that’s been despite some obstacles – like workmen in our place just about every day (it’s sorta hard to host when you might be walked in on or be heard). The other obstacle is they still don’t have our A/C working yet and without going into detail, we can’t just throw an A/C in the window. The heat’s been brutal and it just drains energy out of you. Needless to say I have zero sex drive when I’m that hot. I’ve had guys say “I have A/C, come over”, but honestly, it take a couple hours in the cold for me to regain my sex drive. It’s not like I want to sit around talking to a bottom for 2 hours while I get in the mood. Given that I like pretty anonymous fucks, that would be rather counter productive.

So when it’s hot I’ve been looking for fucks first thing in the morning when it’s still sorta cool. This morning I got hit up by the “skinhead” I fucked 3 weeks ago. I told him I could be there in 45 min, but then just as I was leaving I remembered I didn’t write down his address, so I checked my email and there was a message saying come a half hour later – he was gonna get another load really quickly before I came over. That was fine with me for a couple reasons – 1) I had taken a Cialis and it would give it more time to kick in, and 2) I’d much rather fuck a cummy ass.

I get to his place a little early so I send him a message but he doesn’t reply until a couple minutes before I was supposed to get there. I go up (he’s in a 5th floor walkup – not the most fun on a hot day), when I get to his door it’s ajar, so I just go in and lock it behind me. Like last time he’s on the bed ass up. He looks back briefly and then just puts his head down. He hat turned his A/C off – so there was some residual coolness but it was pretty warm. I strip down ’cause I know I’ll never last in the heat with any clothes on.

When I’m ready I get him to scoot back so his ass is on the edge of the bed. It’s a little awkward ’cause he doesn’t have a box spring and his bed was made for one so the wood on the side goes higher than the mattress. But I make it work. His hole was lubed and unfortunately I sucked and sucked on his ass, but never did taste the load he just got. I don’t think he got the hint that he should push some cum out. [Bottoms – if a top is literally sucking on your ass and you’ve got cum in there – be nice and push some out…]

When I went to fuck him I had the curved barbell in my PA, not a full ring (see picture to the left). He mentioned it had been a long time since he’d gotten fucked with a PA. I pushed in pretty hard, but I just couldn’t get my dick in. I’ve done 3 fucks with the curved barbell lately. I had problems getting in the first time too… I think what’s happening is that the ball on the barbell is pushed in my dick at the tip and then that pushes the ball out on the underside of my dick. The ball protrudes so far from my cock that it makes it nearly impossible to get in a tight ass.

So I took out my PA. He flipped over on his back, put a pillow under his ass, and threw his legs in the air and I pushed in that way. Despite the fact that he’s a load collecting slut, he was pretty tight (usually guys like that aren’t all that tight).

After a couple minutes of fucking him missionary style, I rolled him over and shoved back in. By this time I could really feel the load in him he got earlier. His ass was this silky hole that felt great on my dick. I gotta say, I love sluts like him who live for cum in their ass. They’re a lot of fuck to fuck.

It didn’t take long to cum. I could feel it boiling up and had to stop and then spurt after spurt poured into his butt. It had only been 3 days since I came, but I think I gave him a nice big load.

After I came I rolled over and pumped his hole with my still-hard dick (thank you Cialis). It wasn’t tender like it usually is with other bottoms – there’s something about him – he’s not someone who seems like he’s about tenderness and “the connection” – to him the connection is the moment he gets the load.

After a few minutes of pumping his ass my dick was starting to deflate so I let it pop out and then I got up. As I was getting up I leaned over and took a few sucks on his cum-filled butt. It tasted really sweet. (I LOVE felching loads. Then I got up and started putting my PA back in and we started talking a bit – I asked about his other load – seems his ex is in the neighborhood and calls when he needs to unload.

I was pretty sweaty and so he pointed out which towel I should dry off with. The interaction with him was interesting – his persona when you just see him is a bit tough – which is why tenderness wasn’t really on the agenda. But when he spoke he was “clearly gay” – I don’t mean feminine – just not all that “straight acting”. It was a twist I wasn’t quite expecting and it made him a bit more multifaceted and interesting..

At one point he turned to walk back into the bedroom – he was naked and he had the most perfect hairless ass… And his body was lean and slightly muscled. It was a good visual.

Load 2012-25

A couple days ago I fucked this black guy who I’ve fucked a couple times before. The first time we fucked it was a little awkward – we started fucking on his couch and I couldn’t get the position right (eventually we moved to his bed and it was all good). The next time I fucked him I videotaped it actually. It was in my place while it was under construction. Problem was I just couldn’t cum.

This time he got here – hot as ever – tall, skinny & young – even already had a load in him. Problem was when I fucked him I never felt like I was completely hard. Usually I can start before I’m fully hard and the sensation of fucking gets me the rest of the way. This time the position never quite felt right and there were times I felt like I was about to slip out. At one point I pulled out and thought I saw shit on my PA, but I didn’t smell anything and wasn’t completely sure (I wasn’t wearing glasses) – so I just continued on. For a while I didn’t think I could even cum, but then, somehow, the feeling came and I was able to cum in his ass. And when I pulled out he did seem clean – so that was a false alarm.

Next time we fuck I owe him a good fuck. I’ll take a Cialis ahead of time, etc. And since he’s up for video – I’ll see if I can videotape it.

Load 2012-24

Yesterday there was this guy who was hitting me up saying he wanted to take my load – he said he was neg but poz friendly. He kept practically begging me to tell him my status, but I just wanted to mindfuck him and make him wonder so I told him I’d tell him after he got my load. In the meantime I planned on teasing him a bit while I was fucking him – asking him if he wanted a poz load in his ass and then when he said ‘yes’ I’d razz him for being a bug chaser. Then when I was done I’d tell him chances are I’m neg…  (Sorta due for a test, but I’d be really surprised if I test poz). I know it’s a bit callous, but honestly, if he’s taking poz loads, what’s the harm? It’s all about mindfucking him and getting him to face his fears – and even be turned on by his fears…

Anyway, as we talked he started to seem like he was the type who’d flake – there just seemed to be too much fantasy. It went over the top when he said he was into bondage and wanted to be tied up. At that point I just sorta wrote him off. Maybe he was for real, but it was looking less and less likely… I mean a neg guy wanting to get tied up and fucked by a potentially poz top? IF he showed up, chances are he was going to start wigging out in the middle of sex. But he did come back online in the evening when he said he would – problem was when I asked if he was cleaned out and ready to go, he said he couldn’t douche where he was. Not only that, but he didn’t really say how he was going to clean out. I just told him I hated dirty bottoms – and ignored him.

So that meant I needed a hole to fuck. There were a couple options on BBRT, but I didn’t feel like traveling, so I went with this black guy who lived a few blocks away. He’d been hitting me up pretty intensely since I moved to Harlem. He said he was cleaned out and could be over in 20 minutes. He gave me his number and told me to text him. I texted him my address, and he came over right away.

When he got here he looked older than the age on his profile. I’m not sure if he was older, or if he’s the PNP type (drugs age you pretty quickly), or if that’s just his genetics… Even though he looked older it wasn’t a big deal to me – he was still pretty hot.

How he was dressed was actually really nice – simultaneously really casual but refined – it’s a look I always want to achieve and never manage to pull off.  But even though he was dressed well, when he took off his clothes he got even hotter. He was skinny as a rail, but still had definition and muscle (washboard abs, etc.), and while he didn’t have an ounce of fat on his body, he had a HUGE fat dick. Literally the only place on his body that had any fat was his dick – it was soft and looked like it would be a third leg if it got hard.

Anyway… Getting to the sex… He dropped to his knees pretty much immediately and started sucking on my cock. I had a curved barbell in my Prince Albert – not a full ring. I could feel the metal hit his teeth a couple times, but he got the hang of it pretty quickly. Usually I don’t get hard all that quickly when a guy sucks my dick (that’s why I rim their ass almost immediately). On top of that it was well over a week since I’d taken a Cialis in over a week. But despite all that I could feel my cock slowly begin to grow. He managed to get me hard – which hasn’t happened so easily with a blowjob in a long time.

I then have him get on all fours so I can rim him. When he gets up on the bed his big dick is swinging between his legs – it’s sorta hot – but I ignore it ’cause I want his hole, not his dick. I go to rim him and he’s pre-lubed. The taste of the lube was a little distracting so I didn’t spend too long down there or get into it too much.

Then when I stood up to fuck he curls up in a way to sorta make his body compact and just be a hole. It’s hard to describe but I hadn’t seen a bottom do that before. Or maybe it was just that because he was so skinny he was able to get into a position other guys aren’t able to do.

I went to push in and it seemed like his hole was really tight, but then I stated wondering if I was just messing up somehow with my PA and it was getting in the way. I don’t remember fucking with the curved barbell before. I think it may have been sticking out from the underside of my dick or something. But I did finally work it out. It didn’t go in easily, but I did finally get inside him. The sensation on my dick was a little uncomfortable. It didn’t feel like the ball on the underside of my dick ever made it past his sphincter.

I stood behind him and fucked him like that for a little bit and then pushed him forward onto his belly. His body and hole felt SO good that way… It’s hard to describe exactly, but it everything was just in the right place and our positioning seemed absolutely perfect. And yeah, didn’t take long for me to unload, but before I did I gave him a decent pounding (I’m never sure how much a new trick can take).

When I was done he did a motion that made it clear he wanted me to lay on top of him, which I did – but I did it in a way that didn’t put all my weight on him. Then, after a little of that, with my dick still in him, I rolled him onto his side.

What was cool was when he looked around at me he had this HUGE grin on his face. It was like he was a little kid who just got the bike he wanted for Christmas – and the grin didn’t go away. It was sorta sweet. I don’t know if he grins like that a lot or he was just really happy to get my load. He did say “I’ve been wanting that load for a long time” – and said it twice. And later he said “do you still blog?” – so it’s not like he’s just seen me online for a while – he knew I was rawTOP. Either way, he was a really good fuck – he liked it and so did I… Since he’s so close, hopefully we’ll fuck on a regular basis.

Sometimes people don’t realize I’m just human, with a life, etc. Late last week a guy contacted me on BBRT and asked…

hey man, on a serious note, could i talk to you for a minute? I am writing a one man show called “[Title redacted]” and I have a hunch that you are a brilliant man, and a perv like me. if you could i would greatly appreciate it kind sir. [name & phone # redacted]

you can google my musically name, [name redacted] just so you know i am not a psychopath

cheers

I respond…

sorta busy right now, and prefer emails over calls…

I just hate talking on the phone – always have, unless perhaps I know the person really well. I even get my bf to order food for delivery. I’m a geek and phone calls just make me uncomfortable.

Then he really goes off on me…

its cool. Im trying to get a feel for a persons experience and it doesnt happen through email. in fact what is so concerning my dear is that although very fucking hot dude, your blog and site and whatever is a bunch of bullshit in my opinion now… because over years and years, u are always busy, and people i know who have hit you up have had the same sort of interaction. i know you would rather communicate through email because are absolutey a writer of fiction because you dont strike me as the type of man who is bangin a bunch of ass all the time and you use that really outdated picture of you creaming Dawsons hole as your claim to fame. And where are the releases for your amateur film company? You are no Paul Morris I am afraid because Mr. Morris is not just keeping focus on the disconnect which is/can be hot but he also through his ART captures the real beauty of it all

[Emphasis mine]. All that because I’m busy and don’t like phone calls… Seriously? And to be clear – I do ask the guys who fuck for me on camera to sign releases and show ID… I’ve just been too busy to get a site up and make the videos public (I have a life)…

So I said…

geez… that’s a lot of anger considering you don’t know me… i have a life. i do not exist to serve you or fuck your friends on demand.

To which he responded…

no but i think you have a responxibility [sic] to your community. that was not a dose of anger btw. you see, through email and communication where there is little brain activity, it is hard to notice inflection, tone and demeanor

So apparently he thinks it’s my “responsibility” to fuck his friends whenever they want to get fucked. All I could do was state the facts in reply…

i’ve fucked 14 guys in the past 42 days. that averages a guy every 3 days… that’s not enough? i still have construction workers in my place every day & my A/C is out so it’s not like i can host during the day. if it weren’t for those factors it would be closer to a guy every other day.

honestly, you should see my inbox here and on A4A… a lot of bottoms want my load (not bragging, it just is what it is…) but there’s only so much time in my life to fuck and i only have so many loads in me…

If I tell you I think  you’re hot or I want to fuck you, I really do think your hot and want to fuck you. But I only have time to fuck so many guys… Whoever is close and easy when I’m looking gets my load (this guy was in Brooklyn).

It’s like the guy took it personally that I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone and I didn’t fuck his friends. Whatever… I have a life. I have no reason to apologize.