Sunday morning I was horny and hadn’t cum in two days. I really wanted to videotape something so I was giving a preference to guys who said they’d be up for it. A guy responded, his pics weren’t all that great, but I told him to come over. When he got there unfortunately his pics weren’t all that far off the mark. I knew pretty quickly I just wasn’t that into him and he wasn’t going to be the one getting my 2 day load, and I didn’t even want to videotape it…

I did fuck him. On a certain level he was a nice guy and an eager bottom. Thanks to pills I didn’t have a problem with an erection and his hole did feel good and I could have cum if I had wanted to, but I held back.

Was it bad sex? Not really. It was IML and he was just another hole. He just wasn’t who I wanted to give my load to.

I’m home (finally), but a frustrating and funny thing happened at the airport. I’ll update this with pictures tomorrow, but they saw a big black spot on the xray and wanted to see inside my carry-on bag. It was chock full of sex toys and leather gear. The big black spot were big padlocks I took with me (pic below). But there were leather collars, restraints, floggers (wrapped in a towel that said BarebackRT CUM RAG), etc.

As soon as the guy pulled me over I said “I’m coming from and S/M conference. I apologize for what’s in the bag”. He was good about it though, he found the padlocks but then inspected the rest of the contents and came across a small billy club – maybe 8 or 9 inches in length (see pic below). He said he had to check to see if it would be considered a weapon. Turns out his boss had zero sense of humor and declared it a weapon. That meant the Chicago Police had to be called. When they got there the officer asking me questions didn’t know what S/M was – I had to explain it to him.

I’m sure they all thought I was a freak, but I just squared my shoulders, looked them in the face and answered their questions in a friendly manner. That got me some credit. Instead of escalating it, they realized I was pretty harmless. They still had to run a check on me and write up a report.

The funniest part was they were all handling the little billy club having no clue I stick it up guys butts. If they had known that, I think they would have dropped it like a hot potato. One of the officers asked another one, “what does he use that for?” and the other officer said “I don’t even want to know…” Indeed, he didn’t want to know. So there was a humorous aspect to it, though I couldn’t enjoy it too much given that they were watching my every move.

The guy who initially pulled me over was super nice about everything. I didn’t have a key to lock my carry on, so he went out of his way to find some tape to put around the bag. He even told me about a security check point that had no lines so I could get to my flight on-time. And United handled it perfectly as well. When I came back and said the TSA was making me check the bag they put me to the front of the line and didn’t charge me for the extra bag.

It was a huge hassle and rattled me a bit, but in hindsight it was pretty funny. It reminds me of when I went to Puerto Rico years ago with a sand-filled leather ball stretcher in my bag. The security guy pulled it out and studied it for several minutes and finally asked “what’s this for?” I said “you don’t want to know” and he just dropped it back into my bag and told me to have a nice day.

Load 2009-8

Yesterday afternoon was the perfect moment in my IML experience. While I have issues with how IML is run, it’s moments like this that will get me back here next year.

For starters the guys who were taking over my blackout party wanted to come by to talk to me (NotSoInnocent and BountyHunter from BarebackRT). Then while I was waiting for them a hot black bottom from LA contacts me and wants to come over. While I was chatting with him the straight married lawyer who I played around with last year called me and was in the hotel and wanted to stop by.

First the guys who were doing the party got here. One was in leather the other in street clothes. Nice guys. We chatted a bit and then there was a knock at the door – it was the straight lawyer. He came in and was curious that I had other guys in the room who were potential bottoms… After doing his forceful dominance thing with one of the guys – basically sitting on him like he was a horse or a dog or something, he saw that my gear was out on the desk from the session the day before and he picked through it and started putting a collar on one of the guys. Then he got one of the floggers and started using it on the guy’s ass…

The other guy decided he wanted to get into his leather and come back, so he left. It wasn’t long before the remaining guy was tied up and the lawyer and I were using him. I let the lawyer lead – he has this subtle but persistent energy to him where he forces you firmly but gently to do what he wants.

After a while he had the bottom on the bed pushing the bottom down with his legs as laid back on the bed. I was flogging the backside of the guy’s legs. (BTW, the “bottom” is usually a top.) After a bit I took some rope and some restraints and basically did a loose version of a hog tie with the guy on his belly and his ankles tied to his collar.

Then there was another knock on the door. I was expecting the other guy doing the party to come back, but it was the black guy. I had told him the straight guy was coming over so he asked if he was still there, and I brought him into the room… He’s not big on S/M and just wanted to get fucked. He stripped down and presented his ass to me. I ate out his ass for a while as the straight guy continued to play with the guy who was all tied up.

I started fucked the black guy with him in a doggy position, then I pushed him into the middle of the bed where he was right next to the guy tied up and the straight guy started forcing him down on the bed with his legs. That lasted for a bit but the black guy was a bit nervous and didn’t like being forced down so he pushed himself back up a bit.

The straight guy had already started feeling the scene was changing and I could tell he wasn’t 100% into what was going on. He’s about dominance and control. He seems more interested in the fact that he could fuck you if he wanted to than actually fucking. He’s simply not motivated to fuck at all – it’s all about dominance to him. When the black guy pushed himself back up that was sorta the end of his attention span. Plus the bottom who was tied up was getting to his limit as well.

The straight guy got up, we untied the bottom to the point he could get himself out of the rest of what he had on, and I went back to fucking the black guy. The straight guy then asked if he could take the whip he had left with me the year before – he wanted to go walk around the hotel. I figured that was the last I was going to see of him and the whip, and he left. Then the bottom got himself untied and he left too – wondering why his friend hadn’t come back…

At last the black guy and I were alone, which was a good thing. I can fuck when I’m around other people, but I’m better when I’m 1-on-1… Being watched makes me a bit nervous. He had a bubbly full ass (and a lean body). His ass felt good, but it was a bit of a challenge getting just the right part of my dick rubbed the right way. I was starting to think I wasn’t going to be able to cum when I had him change a bit and I fucked him on his belly with one leg bent – so I was sorta coming at his ass from an angle. That was better, but I still wondered if I could cum. Finally he was almost falling off the bed (supporting himself with his arms touching the floor) and I found the goove and knew I’d get my nut. A couple minutes later he got my 2 day load up his butt.

We talked for a bit and then he was on his way. One of the things he mentioned was that I needed new pics – that my pictures didn’t do me justice. So I pulled out the camera and had him take a few. The first couple didn’t come out very well (see pic to the right – lol) – I was backlit so the initial pics were completely useless. I tried to get the flash to work, but finally gave up and took a picture in a different location in the room.

I then laid down for a bit and thought that was a cool ending to the last afternoon at IML. But then there was a knock on the door – the guy who was hosting the party had come back in leather. I told him I had just come, but if he wanted to play with flogging or something I was up for that. He had never been flogged and was a versatile top, but was willing to give it a try.

I knew I had to be pretty gentle on him since it was his first time. He pulled out a video camera and a blindfold and so we recorded his flogging. Hopefully he’ll put it up on a tube site so I can embed it here.

It was a good session. Couldn’t go all that hard on him, but he took more than he thought he could and actually got off on the pain, which wasn’t something he was expecting. Eventually my wrist was getting tired and he was starting to reach his limit, so we stopped.

All in all, pretty much the perfect IML afternoon…

I’ve been bugging my boyfriend to buy a better video camera. Actually we’ve been wanting a better still camera (the 21 megapixel Cannon EOS 5D Mk2), but I convinced him it would make more sense to buy a better video camera since we can make money shooting porn with the video camera, where a new still camera can’t really make us more money. (Of course, it’ll be a while before we actually see a return off the porn and we’ll have to put money up to may models in the meantime, but…) Anyway, I had picked out one I thought would be good and while it was more expensive than the still camera it wasn’t completely crazy expensive. Finally he came around, and decided right before I left for IML that we should get a camera. I spent a day trying to figure out which camera was really best and chose a different one than I had initially though. When I had him review it he wanted the professional version of the camera which was even more expensive. Long story short, we got the video camera he wanted, so we’re on our way to being able to shoot HD porn…

We literally got the camera the night before I left for IML. I spent the plane flight reading the manual and I was hoping I could videotape a few people while I was at IML. But since I hadn’t made any plans, that was easier said than done. However, one guy did say he was up for it, so I had him over. He said he was up for more than fucking and when I told him I was into stuff like flogging, he seemed fine with it.

He arrives and while he wasn’t like his pics (he was bigger and beefier) he was still pretty hot – like a big piece of man meat. He had this big grin on his face which just wouldn’t go away. Since I was videotaping it, I figured I’d do a variety of things and start with stripping him down, restraining him a bit, and having him walk down the hall to get some ice. So there he is lumbering down the hall in a jockstrap and boots with his wrist bound together and it strikes me – OH SHIT – my wallet with the key card is in the room. I’ve just locked us out of the room! There was nothing I could do about it right at that moment, so I wait to tell him until we’re almost all the way back to the room. HotBttmTO had the room next door and we had exchanged key cards, so I knock on his door hoping he’s in, but he’s not. There was nothing I could do at that point except leave the bottom in the hallway and run down to the front desk. Luckily we were on a pretty private side hallway, so it wasn’t much of a spectacle.

At the front desk they tell me they’ll send security up to unlock the door since I didn’t have photo ID on me. When I get up to the room HotBttmTO had just arrived and he let me in (thank god – didn’t really want to deal with security on that one). Luckily the bottom was still all smiles and while that was a hiccup, nothing bad happened.

We get into the room and I hood the bottom and put him against the wall to flog him. We had talked briefly about limits and he said his limit was “no extreme pain”. He had also mentioned that he was a regional title holder for Mr. Drummer some years back, so I figured he had the same definition that I did for “extreme pain”.

I start flogging him (had to use the two floggers I had bought the previous day). Started with the soft thuddy moose one, and then worked up to the cowhide one that’s sorta a low to moderate pain flogger (depending on how you use it). His back was getting nice and red, but he started having problems taking it. A few times he indicated that he was about at his pain limit. I hadn’t even broken out the wire flogger/whip I had used on the bottom last year. That’s painful, but even that’s not quite “extreme pain”. Clearly this guy had a different definition of “extreme pain” than I did.

Since he had pretty much had his limit, I wound that down and put him on the bed. Now I should mention he had a 000 gauge ring in his dick (a Prince Albert). That’s absolutely huge. A 00 gauge ring is the thickest gauge that will fit in my urethra – so he was bigger than that. In addition, he had a big thick copper cockring on – the type that goes down and pushes on your perineum. His dick was all shriveled, which I discovered is his reaction to any type of hitting (flogging, cock and ball whip, etc.)

I play with his body a bit and then his hole and I’m hard so I shove my pierced dick up his hole (I had the curved barbell in my PA). I’m not usually all that into big beefy types, but his hole felt good. He had lubed up and it was all wet and slick. After a little fucking I noticed he wasn’t totally clean, but it wasn’t so bad that I was going to stop. But as I fucked him more it became more of an issue, so I stopped.

I figured I’d videotape him douching. He was still hooded, so I led him into the bathroom, got him situated in the tub and used the shower shot on him. Thing was, I could tell I was putting more water up there than was coming out, so after a while it sorta seemed counter productive.

We went back to the bed and fucked a little more, but like I expected it was now an even sloppier mess up there. My dick goes soft when shit is an issue and all of that sorta put my dick out of commission and stopped the fucking. [And for thoe of you who are critics – no that doesn’t make me a bad top.]

So since I had this big beefy guy tied up on the bed I figured I’d have some fun with him and started playing with his dick and balls. My goal was to edge him and see how much he could take. So I licked his balls and his dick. Didn’t suck his dick – just licked it. He definitely responded and got totally hard. I licked and licked and licked. Looking at the time code on the video I think it went on for about 20 minutes. He was in agony ’cause he wanted to cum, but couldn’t. I gave him permission to cum, but he really needed to be sucked not licked to cum, but what was cool to me about videotaping it was the size of his PA. I tried very briefly to put it in my mouth, but that just wasn’t going to work and I had zero interest in giving him a regular blowjob.

Finally I just gave up getting him to cum and we wound down the scene. When I took off the hood he was in a very different mood than when I had put the hood on. He wasn’t smiling, he was withdrawn and was difficult to read. I kept pushing him to talk and explain what was going on, but he was just shut down. The more I pushed the worse things got. He did mention something about being upset about not being able to cum.

He did show me photo ID and I took a photo of it, but he was reluctant to sign the model release. He took a copy with him “to look at it”. He also said he was a cop and people didn’t know he was into fetish. So frankly I don’t think he’ll ever get it back to me. Lesson learned – have them sign before you start. The weird part was he said it was OK when he started…

After he left I sent him a message. I realized I may have pushed him past his limits and there could have been a point at which the scene started going bad for him. If that was the case, I apologized. He wrote back saying I didn’t do anything wrong. I have two theories of what happened… First, he felt like he failed – between not being able to cum and having a dirty ass maybe he felt like he disappointed me. Second, it’s possible he was high and the drugs wore off. It was such a huge change in mood I sorta suspect that was the case. Or maybe I did do something wrong and he’s just being polite… Who knows? It’s too bad it ended that way though…

<rant>

I just sat through the IML (International Mr. Leather) contest and I was shocked and really pretty saddened… A few big issues popped out at me…

First, IML is fucking racist. A “judge emmeritus” was announcing the top 20 finalists and what did he say before announcing the 20th finalist? Something like “I hear there’s a movement in Asia and next year we’ll be having Mr. Eggroll Leather and Mr. Sushi Leather”. And the really sad part was most guys in the audience laughed along with it. A few of us booed him. There was no apology, no correction of his statement, everyone just went along with it. And the really scary thing was he travels around the nation judging leather contests, so he’s still VERY influential in the process of someone becoming IML.

Then during the final entertainment segment they had with the puppet Madame With An E (the one who used to be on Hollywood Squares), she made the comment about going to East India “where the people have the red dots on their head. What does that mean?… [long pause] Coffee’s Ready!!!” (laughter).

How in the hell do they manage to have two major racist comments in one program? It’s fucking shameful. And on top of everything else everyone kept talking about being “inclusive”, but it turns out “inclusive” means bringing people like the tennis shoe and sports kit fetishists in under the fetish umbrella. True, IML 30 (’08) was Latino, but there were shamefully few minorities as contestants, and of the 20 finalists the darkest person they had up there was a very well Americanized Arab.

On top of that they’re completely hypocritical on barebacking and HIV… For starters, IML makes money off bareback porn. In their leather mart they had Dick Wadd Fetish, Treasure Island Media, Spunk Video, Helix Studios, and LeatherMatch.com (an offshoot of BarebackRT) – and those are just the ones I can remember.

Then there’s all the bareback sex parties in the host hotel. I’d say more people are at IML for barebacking than are there for BDSM. IML is a bareback event… There was even a conversion party schedule in the hotel (though it fell through). I mean honestly, how many of the attendees get infected each year? I’d be surprised if it w

Oh, and best yet – the guy who won IML this year announced in his speech that he found out he was poz this year. While I can’t say for sure, I’d bet money he got HIV from being a willing bareback bottom – the numbers are on my side on that bet.

Yet IML’s founder, Chuck Renslow, gives this big long speech about how horrible barebacking is. It was noteworthy that no one applauded any of his comments, but at the end he had everyone stand up who had lost someone close to them to HIV. This is how he was trying to show support for his cause. I stood up ’cause I had lost a boyfriend to AIDS in ’95, but did he honestly think someone like rawTOP standing up in anyway supported what he was saying? His message was to support yet another “just say no” sorta campaign. It was so out of touch with reality it was sad (and irritating).

And lastly, they fail miserablably with bringing people into the leather community. They had a hotel full of guys into barebacking who know very little about what it means to be a leatherman, yet there was zero outreach to them. There were no educational seminars, no organized activities for guys who are leather curious. Most of that group think leather is a fashion statement. Guys would come to my room and I’d ask them if they wanted to get into bondage or flogging and they’d look at me like I was crazy – they just wanted vanilla fucking. Yet many of those same guys genuinely understand sexual submissiveness (and for the tops, sexual dominance). It’s easy to teach a bareback bottom about bondage or flogging or being a puppy – it’s an easy sell ’cause mentally they’re most of the way there already. And the concept that sex can be about power and control isn’t alien to barebackers either.

Let me put this bluntly. The “just say no” program Chuck Renslow told everyone to support isn’t going to do squat. What might have an impact is to reach out to barebackers and bring them into the leather community (much of the leather community are barebackers to start with), and then teach barebackers about caring for each other – which is one thing the leather community is good at (if you can get included in the first place).

</rant>

OK, that’s all the negative shit. On the positive side it was clear there’s a bit of a war going on in the leather / BDSM community. Many of the contestants speeeches were about the divide between “the old guard” and “the new guard” and quite a few others mentioned “inclusion” but almost no one defined that term. Put simply, the new guard is going to win through attrition. I hope they’ll be a bit smarter than the old guard. But honestly, with that many people laughing at racist comments and jokes I may hope, but I can’t say I’m hopeful.

Woke up Saturday morning a bit boned, wanted to fuck, but I wasn’t sure whether I was going to be able to cum. I was just one of those feelings… Anyway, the fact that the poz guy I fucked the other night had fucked Christian (from Treasure Island), and just a couple weeks before Johnny Miles from Horndawgz had fucked him, I was feeling a little left out. There was a point in time when Christian had shown some brief interest in hooking up with me, but ever after that he sorta ignored me. I figured IML was my chance to get in his hole. I saw him online and asked if he was looking and he said sure, but he wanted a blindfolded pump-and-dump (as if that would be a problem for me).

Bottom line I showered and was at his room about 15 minutes later. I gotta say, he’s totally my type – short, thin, skinny waist, hot ass… He sucked me a bit, but my dick wasn’t really in the mood for a blowjob, so I had him get on the bed on all fours and I rimmed his ass. His ass tasted a little funny, and before I even asked he said he had put a booty bump up there and I might taste it. I usually don’t like fucking guys who are PNPing, but he didn’t seem all that high. But I didn’t eat out his ass as vigorously as I usually do ’cause I didn’t really want anything in my system. Nice hole though…

When I went to fuck him he asked me to take out the curved barbell I had in my dick ’cause he was filming later that day and needed to be in good form. He mentioned he liked PAs, had one himself, but just couldn’t take jewelry up his ass right then. First I fucked him on all fours and then on his belly. I gotta say it was one of the most wonderful holes I’ve ever fucked… Imagine a thick silky muscular ring – that’s his sphincter. Maybe he had just lubed really well, I don’t know, but it felt like putting your dick in a silky bag that was tight at the top and then just a big chamber.

Thing was, I’ve come to the conclusion that what gets me to cum is when the underside of the head of my dick is rubbing against something when I fuck. It’s why fucking a guy on his belly is usually what gets me off. Thing was the only point of pressure in Christian’s hole is the first part of the sphincter. It may feel incredible, but for me at least it wasn’t rubbing the right bits of my dick. I know some of you will say I’m a lame top, but it’s just how my body is built. On top of all that I hadn’t eaten a meal in 24 hours – just Ensure and some small granola bars, so my energy level wasn’t where it should have been.

Bottom line, I didn’t cum with him (like I didn’t cum with Jarod Steel at last year’s IML), but it was still a good fuck.