Fear, Loathing, Shame, Self-Hatred & Mason Wyler

21 August 2010 | 25 Comments

UPDATE: I had an hour long IM chat session with Mason Wyler. It changed my perception of him and I think I understand him a lot better now. Read my write up of the chat

If you haven’t heard by now, Mason Wyler disclosed this week that he tested HIV+ in May, but he only came out with the news after having his status “outed”. What I’m about to say here is a lot of conjecture, but I’d almost put money on most of it being true…

Let’s go back to October 2008 when Mason posted a blog post with alternate wording to the song “Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer”…

Then all the gay boys hated him
as they shouted out with glee:
“Bobby with your unsafe sex,
you’ll die alone in misery!”

From that post it’s clear Mason looks down on poz guys and apparently thinks barebacking is so awful that barebackers are punished by becoming poz and that they will (or should) die alone in misery. Thing was, even when he wrote that, he was secretly attracted to barebacking. A few months after that post he put up blog posts talking about his attraction to bareback sex and bareback porn and then he’d take them down a little while later apparently out of shame/guilt. [Read more in my blog post back then about Mason’s love/hate relationship with barebacking.]

Now he’s poz and apparently still holds his negative attitude about poz guys. Even the wording of his disclosure shows he feels shame and self-hatred…

I tested positive. I have only myself to blame. I have HIV and it kind of sucks.

“Blame”… There’s no acceptance in that statement – just self-loathing and shame. I mean really, in what way has his life changed? Well, maybe some condom-Nazi studios won’t work with him any more, but other than that, how is his life all that worse now than it was a couple years ago?

And lets not forget – with the amount of sex someone like Mason has, there’s a good chance he got infected through safe sex. He hasn’t revealed details, but safe sex is not safe – it’s just lower risk. Have enough of it and the cumulative risk builds up. If he was fucking a lot with condoms then he could have very well gotten infected that way – which makes his shame all the more sad (potentially).

Then a few days after he disclosed his status he felt the need to clarify things a bit…

I have not gone around fucking, barebacking, or infecting HIV negative people. I am a sex fiend. I am NOT a monster.

So apparently he thinks poz guys who have sex with neg guys are monsters. Interesting choice of words. To be blunt, the poz guys I fuck are anything but monsters. And guys who have bareback sex are consenting adults.

So let’s put things in perspective… First off, he’s a HOT messed up little boy who is listening to all the wrong people. I mentioned he’s hot, right? I mean that is one beautiful poz ass…

Mason Wyler

But I digress… The issue here is Mason’s fear, loathing, shame and self-hatred. It’s just sad. He’s like this confused messed up little boy. Where did he get the idea poz guys die alone in misery? Really? Who gave him that idea? Probably “Condom Nazis”. And they think barebackers and bareback porn are hurting the gay community. As far as I’m concerned their fear and hatred does more damage to our community than barebacking ever will. Mind you, back in the day there really was something to fear – HIV could kill you in a couple years. But these days I’m more worried when I find out someone is a chain smoker or likes to PNP.

I’m not saying HIV is desirable, instead I’m saying it’s really sad to see someone like Mason hate himself for becoming poz. It’s completely possible he got pozzed by a high-viral load top while he was wearing a condom. Most poz guys are on meds, and it’s safer to bareback with a poz guy who’s on meds than it is to have protected sex with a poz guy who’s not on meds. I don’t get the sense that he has any big picture sorta perspective. It’s like he’s back in the late 80’s and he thinks his life just ended or something.

There’s a reason why I tell guys to accept risks before they take them. If you like taking anonymous loads, just accept the fact that you’ll probably become poz, it’s not the end of the world, and then go on and enjoy your life. I don’t get the sense that Mason is enjoying his life or that he’s accepted and embraced his new status. He loves sex and has only hooked up 3 times since he tested poz in May. For someone like him that’s just horribly wrong. It’s done. It’s over. Move on and make the most of it…

And for god’s sake reject all the negativity and the people who spread it…

I really hope Mason comes to peace with being poz and learns to make the most of it. I would love to see him in some good bareback porn – maybe getting gangbanged by a bunch of poz tops. That’s one video which would be really hot if it included “poz talk” – seeing him get past his fear and really embrace being poz and beg guys to shoot toxic loads in his cunt would be incredible.

Finally, Some Common Sense About HIV/AIDS

20 April 2010 | 26 Comments

The NY Times has an essay in it today on current attitudes about HIV in the US. Here are a few quotes from it (emphasis mine)…

Most states enacted punitive legislation back in the hysterical old days of AIDS, a period lasting roughly from 1981, when the first reports of the syndrome were published, to 1996, when combination drug “cocktails” proved remarkably effective against H.I.V. Back then, transmitting the disease to an unknowing sexual partner was considered tantamount to murder.

These statutes are still on the books, but the science behind them has changed radically. People do still die of AIDS in the United States — the death rate, after plummeting in the late 1990s, has remained constant at about 16,000 per year. But for a person infected in 2009 to die of AIDS in the future would probably require a substantial amount of bad judgment or bad luck: the medications, if properly prescribed and properly taken, appear almost infallible.

Were it a matter of science alone, all those AIDS statutes could be rescinded tomorrow. But the science was only a small part of the panic that created them. And effective treatment has not altered the rest of that potent emotional brew: the virus still sows terror, uncertainty, shame and endless complications, whether the infection is concealed or revealed.

… And so whose fault is a new H.I.V. infection, really? Is it mine, for giving it to you, or is it yours, for being stupid and cavalier enough to get it?

It’s pretty incredible something so honest and accurate is being published in what’s arguably the most prestigious paper in the US. Mind you it’s just the first step in a very long process of decriminalizing HIV, but it’s good to see the first signs of the discussion.

[That said, there are times when I think transmission of HIV should be considered when sentencing for other crimes. The 35 year old poz guy who infected a kid by having sex with him 55 times between the ages of 12 and 16 is a good example of what I mean. The HIV infection should be considered as a special circumstance when sentencing him on statutory rape. But the HIV transmission itself usually shouldn’t be a crime. And when neg person dodges the bullet and there’s no infection, just unprotected sex, then that should definitely never be a crime, IMO…]

People need to think differently about HIV now. It’s 14 years since ARVs came on the scene. I know some of us went through truly traumatic experiences watching loved ones die of AIDS, but it’s just not like that any more.

And just to reiterate what I’ve said before… Unless you’re just incredibly unlucky, there’s no reason you can’t live a long life with HIV. But to live a long life you need to get tested and take your meds when it’s time to take them. That means you should get tested at least every year. Never let more than 2 years pass without an HIV test. If you’re nervous about getting tested – just relax. Chances are very good you’ll be OK if you test poz – as long as you haven’t waited too long…

Levi Johnston Pics Are Out – Not So Sexy, IMHO…

21 November 2009 | 5 Comments

Levi Johnston in a shirt and a leather jacketLevi Johnston posing on a rooftop in NYC
Sexy shirtless Levi JohnstonAll soaped up in the shower

So Playgirl’s photos of Levi Johnston came out today (that was quick). Frankly, I think the photographer did a horrible job, but maybe that’s just me. He looks awkward. Why in the hell did they shoot him in NYC for anyway? Wouldn’t a nice rural resort in Alaska have been better? He looks awkward and uncomfortable in some of the pics. As they say, confidence is sexy, and he doesn’t look confident – and his not showing his wang just furthers that point – confident guys have no problem with other people seeing their dick.

Then there’s his ass… I’d fuck it, but honestly, I was expecting better.

If you get off thinking about fucking Sarah Palin’s sorta-son-in-law, then these will seem hot to you. But otherwise, I’d stick with something like Frat Men – the guys there are what he should look like if he’s going to do porn for real. But he is an average Joe, so he’s excused for not being in perfect shape on short notice.

I’m hoping he’ll get inspired to do more. After all, I’d love Sarah Palin to have to explain to her grand kid why daddy is doing gay porn…

If you want to see the whole shoot – head over to Playgirl.com.

Levi holds a towel over his dick in the showerLevi Johnston showing his ass in the shower
Naked Levi Johnston shows off his ass and smilesLevi Johnston's uninspiring ass
Levi Johnston's assLevi Johnston covering his dick with his hands

Like Sexy Straight Guys? Check Out Playgirl.com

18 U.S.C 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement-

Drama With Levi Johnston’s Shoot For Playgirl

17 November 2009 | 2 Comments

Well, America’s favorite baby daddy was in New York this week – Levi Johnston was doing the shoot for Playgirl.

Levi Johnston in a hockey uniform at Chelsea PiersThe first day of shooting was apparently at Chelsea Piers where Levi posed with a hockey stick that belonged to a gay guy. It was on this day that I found out that somehow Daniel Nardicio (the infamous gay club promoter) was the point person for Playgirl. That just seemed weird to me, but whatever…

That same day there were reports that The Rivington refused to let them shoot in their penthouse suite, but The Rivington is a pretty hip hotel – I couldn’t see them having a problem with it. Then the news came out that the real story was that Playgirl couldn’t afford to pay for it. That’s just sad.

So then the question was whether we were going to get to see Levi’s baby making cock. Unfortunately, despite the fact that his manager was promising everyone full frontal nudity – none of the pictures show his dick. UGH! I mean, what’s the point? [Of course, what I’d want to see his his hole spread and him shoving a dildo in it or something – but if he ain’t showing his dick, there won’t be no hole either…]

And then to top it all off I find out they only did pictures – no video. What in the hell were they thinking? How difficult can it be to take a video of a photoshoot? They were seriously doing it on the cheap… I guess there’s a reason why Playgirl.com they advertise other sites. Maybe they should take a few pointers off what makes those other sites successful.

Oh well, maybe he’ll get the adult modeling bug and want to do more and he’ll show his dick and hole for some softcore gay porn site… We can only hope.

Levi Johnston getting all sexy in a shower

Like Sexy Straight Guys? Check Out Playgirl.com

18 U.S.C 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement-

Gay Teen Killed, Burned, Decapitated & Dismembered In Puerto Rico

16 November 2009 | 10 Comments

dead-teenOn a day when some angry fool is getting press by saying we should be mad about HIV, here’s something we should really get mad about.. An adorable, 19 y.o. gay kid (George Steven Lopez Mercado) was killed in Puerto Rico. But not just killed. He was decapitated, dismembered, partially burned, and then left by the roadside. And it doesn’t end there – the investigating officer says he deserved what he got because he was gay. God, I’d love to be in a room alone with that officer – I’d beat the crap out of him.

We’re being killed on a consistent basis. Many of the people who are getting killed are minorities and either fem or trans. The people around them just won’t accept who they are and think they’re worthy of death. Even if you’re butch and white (like me) this should bother you – deeply.

Make sure your straight (and gay) friends know about this and other killings – like Lawrence King. Even with under-reporting, the FBI says there are 4 anti-gay hate crimes each day and we’ve seen documented periods where one of us is getting killed every 8 days – and that’s just in the US – it doesn’t even start to capture what’s happening worldwide in places like Iraq.

Fan Letter: Should I Bareback?

6 October 2009 | 18 Comments

Here’s an e-mail I received… I get a lot of questions like these, so I thought I’d share my answer and let others chime in as well…

Hi rawTOP,

I know you’re really busy (I read your blog, huge fan) so I’ll try to keep my fan letter brief. I can tell you’re a really smart guy. You don’t sugar coat your opinions, and you don’t back down from your positions. This makes your writing extremely gratifying and affirming to read. I know I can point my browser to your site, read some hot, mind-blowing posts, blow my load, and be happy for the day.

I guess that this is the problem. Lately, I’ve gotten more and more preoccupied with bb sex (reading about it, thinking about it, beating off to it). I used to think of your blog as a simple “safety valve” for these raw fantasies. But now, more and more, I’m finding myself swayed by your astute and foreceful arguments.

I guess, to get to the point, I’m hoping you’ll give me some guidance in this. I’m 22, just graduated from a really good school (ivy league) and since the job market is so shitty and my degree (liberal arts) is so useless, I’ve been escorting a bit to pay my rent, which has actually been really fun. I’m in a young, uninhibited time, and I’m plagued by hot dreams of going “all the way” as it were, taking raw loads from all cummers (generally, while vers for “professional” reasons, I’m a happy sub bottom when I’m off the clock).

In your extensive experience, do you think I should just go for it already, and maximize my fun while I’m young and carefree? Or do you think there are other factors I need to consider? I’m very curious about your opinion, since I look up to you. Do you have any words of advice?

My response…

You didn’t mention whether you were neg or poz. If you’re poz it’s simple – be a cum dumpster and have fun. There’s actually research out there that poz guys who take loads do better since their body is constantly being asked to defend against new strains of HIV. Fighting the other strains of HIV actually helps the body fight it’s primary strain of HIV and keep viral levels relatively low compared to poz guys who avoid sex or rubber up.

But I’m assuming your neg – hence the angst. Every person is different – there’s no single correct choice. There are guys for whom it’s not a question – always bareback or always with a condom is just 100% natural for them. The fact that you’re even asking the question says something, but like most of us you’re probably in the middle somewhere.

I can’t make that decision for you. All I can do is give you some guidelines… First would be to be realistic. If becoming poz would totally freak you out – don’t bareback. But also don’t pretend there’s no risk or never think about the risk. Be honest with yourself. There are ways to reduce the risk of bareback sex – but never pretend you’ve reduced the risks to zero. And whatever you do, if you become poz – don’t blame someone else. It’s your life – take control of it and own it.

Look at other areas of your life and ask yourself what sort of person you are… Do you take risks just to experience things and have fun or are you more calculated in your risk taking? Pick an approach to sex that’s consistent with who you are on a fundamental level.

These days you’ll probably live a long life even being poz, but it will probably cut short your retirement. If that’s not OK with you, then reduce your risk.




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