So I had all sorts of grand plans for MAL – very few of them have turned out as envisioned, but it’s still been a good weekend so far.

Problem 1: The boy I had lined up to be my boy for the weekend wasn’t physically or mentally ready to get gangbanged all  weekend. So after less than a day he headed home.

Problem 2: The only bottom I had lined up and hour and a half before the first gangbang on Thursday was the afore mentioned boy and he was running seriously late. I managed to find bottoms and everything went OK.

Problem 3: Without a cumhole for other bottoms to dump their loads in, the concept of a “cum exchange” just couldn’t work. So that went out the window.

Problem 4: The Friday gangbang was possibly the worst gangbang I have ever organized. Seemed everyone who showed up wasn’t all that interested in topping – there were tons of spectators who just stood around and jacked their dicks. Problem was it was hard to tell who was a spectator and who might actually fuck if there weren’t spectators.

Problem 5: I realized the orgies were probably just going to be full of spectators and there were tons of other things I’d rather be doing than a repeat of Friday’s gangbang, so I just canceled the orgies.

Problem 6: The sexual energy at MAL this year is somewhat off the charts. You’d think that would be a good thing, but for someone like me who wants to organize big gangbangs, it’s bad because there are 10 other gangbangs happening at the same exact time. [I hate to say it, but what it’s taught me is to get the absolute hottest guys possible in order to compete.]

Problem 7: Other than giving a load to a bottom just before the start of the Thursday gangbang, I haven’t been able to cum this weekend. Though I suspect I have given loads, but I didn’t feel them.

Problem 8: I was completely unrealistic in thinking I’d be giving out 200 wristbands.

Problem 9: I’m not completely over the nasty cold I’ve had for 2-3 weeks now. I feel OK, but still have congestion and get run down easily.

But despite all that, it’s actually been a good weekend. This furry, beefy muscle cub bottomed for my Friday morning gangbang and we sorta hit it off and I’ve spent most days in bed with him fucking his hole. He works nights, so it’s not a ’round the clock thing, but it’s good.

And other thing is that the weekend has felt pretty balanced. Sure I didn’t accomplish 1/2 of what I wanted to, but just tonight I was down in the bar drinking a beer with my bud PortaUrinal and we were talking to some folks we hung out with a couple of years ago. I remember that night really well – I got so seriously drunk it sorta ruined the next day (and there are only a few days in a weekend like this – so that was a big problem). They were drunk off their asses, and I was just thinking “thank god I won’t be hung over tomorrow”. I may be tired from not getting enough sleep ’cause I’ve been up since early in the morning fucking my muscle cub’s ass… but that’s the sorta problem I like 🙂

More details in a day or two…

I’m heading down to MAL (Mid Atlantic Leather) tomorrow. My buddy PortaUrinal is driving with me both ways and will have a room next to mine. Should be fun.

I haven’t been posting here because 1) I had family in for Christmas, and then 2) got a nasty cold from the family. Bottom line I’ve been effectively out of commission for weeks.

Believe it or not, I haven’t fucked anyone in a month! MAL will break that trend in a big way. I’ve got multiple gangbangs and orgies planned every day I’m there. Given that BreedingZone had become the biggest bug chasing site anywhere, I figured I’d just feature neg bottoms at my gangbangs this year. I’ve got just about every gangbang covered with 2 or 3 bottoms – just have one big one on Thursday night where I’m a little short and may need to bring in a poz bottom to cover the number of tops (I’m expecting 50+ tops).

I’m also giving out Breeding Zone wristbands (stop by my room to pick up yours) – they’ll help you identify other guys who are there for barebacking.

The other semi-big thing I’m doing is a “cum exchange” where gangbang bottoms share their loads with other bottoms by dumping loads from one ass to another with funnels. For that matter tops can take loads this way too – without getting fucked… Basically this lets bottoms get MANY more loads than they would otherwise and means a top’s load can be passed on to bottom after bottom… It also means that even if I use poz bottoms on Thursday, all the loads can still wind up in the one neg bottom I do have signed up (plus anyone else I want).

And for the first time I’m organizing orgies. I didn’t want anything too crazy, so I’m doing them in the afternoon. Should be interesting, but I can tell I’ll have to turn people away and/or be really selective. I’m mandating a jockstrap & boots (or less) policy – that should weed out the spectators. And I’ll charge a “clothes check fee”. Charging will reduce the numbers further. Anyone who walks the halls in a jockstrap and doesn’t need a clothes check can get in for free – guys like that are sexually uninhibited and will be fun at an orgy.

And with all that going on, I still hope to have some time to do some fisting and flogging…

I’ll see how much of it I can videotape and get up on my tube site – Raunchy Fuckers…

I’m still not 100% recovered from the cold. So hopefully I won’t overdo it and get sick again…

I’ve been in a really melancholy mood lately. Nothing is wrong, I just feel like I want to get work done and be quiet and by myself most of the time. I haven’t been hooking up as much lately, but I’m still hooking up every now and then… I thought I’d quickly relate the last two hookups that didn’t go so well, and then add a third in for good measure (since two strikes doesn’t make as much sense)…

So the theme here is hot guys who don’t manage to get me off…

First up is Jayson Park… Jayson is really pretty hot – he’s got pretty much an ideal body – he’s thin/lean with decent definition, and he’s an eager bottom… Should get me off right? Well, I fucked him, and fucked him, and fucked him. Overheated and had to stop several times, but even though I hadn’t cum in something like 4 or 5 days, I just couldn’t cum with him. It’s happened before with him. In fact more than half the times I’ve fucked him I haven’t been able to cum. It doesn’t make sense – he’s totally my type – but it just doesn’t work out (most of the time).

I did get a whole bunch of video out of it… Here’s a pic from the video…

One thing I realized (not sure why it took me so long to fully realize it) – is that Jayson is a pretty dominant bottom. He’s definitely not submissive. I mean he tries to get into a submissive mindset sometimes – but it’s work for him. Being the dominant top I am I wanted to make him submit, so I blindfolded him and put on restraints and locked his wrists together. I knew he wouldn’t go for more than that – even that was stretching it a bit for him…

Not sure if you can tell all that well by looking at that pic – but I’ve lost a fair amount of weight. I’m a little surprised it looks like I have such a belly in that pic – when I stand up straight it’s not so pronounced. But that’s still a lot thinner than I was 6 or 12 months ago. The holidays (and my melancholy mood) are kicking my butt when it comes to weight loss. Right now I’m just trying to not gain weight. I’ll try getting back to weight loss again next year.

That was actually almost two months ago now. Then there were the latest two hookups – again with hot guys, but I didn’t get off…

First was a couple of weeks ago now – a black guy who I’ve been wanting to fuck for probably a year or more now. We used to live a few blocks from each other but timing always sucked. Anyway, he came over for a quickie on his way to work. I was surprised he was so tall, but otherwise he was pretty much what I was expecting. GREAT body. Eager to get fucked. But once again he was sort of a dominant bottom. He kept trying to call the shots. At one point I was in a groove and he started bouncing up and down – for god’s sakes – why do bottoms do that? I had to tell him to stop and lay still… Anyway I was turned on but couldn’t cum. He jacked off and then ran off to work (he was late).

Then the last guy was a week ago. On paper he’s not quite my type – but I still found him incredibly hot. He was this hairy, tattooed little muscle bear. His hair was so thick you couldn’t see some of his tattoos clearly. Just that day I had gotten an Oxballs Pig Hole, and when I realized his hole wasn’t rubbing my dick quite right and his hole was semi-loose I figured I’d try it out on him. Problem was the Pig Hole felt too much like wearing a rubber. It didn’t have enough lube inside so it felt dry and uncomfortable. I gave him a good long fuck, and later took out the Pig Hole and kept trying, but never could cum with him.

The only thing I really found wrong with that guy was that he was a heavy smoker. To a point the muskiness of it was a turn on, but at other times it was a bit too much. If I were a bottom I could see getting fucked by him – he had that sort of vibe about him. And at the end he was even admiring my ass – wanting to fuck me…

So now the “out” part… For a couple days I’ve felt a “sensation” now and again but didn’t think anything of it. Then last night I noticed discharge. UGH… I didn’t get a chance today, but tomorrow morning I’ll run to the STD clinic and get treated. So I’m out of commission for the next week. In a way it’s decent timing since I’ve got a busy next week…

The weird part was that I told the furry guy about it – going as far as saying that I suspected I got it from him since the timing was right and I haven’t been fucking much. His responses seemed appropriate, etc. though I found it odd that it seemed like he was always online… He knew he had been at least exposed to an STD and yet he was still looking to hookup with guys. Then as soon as I had read his second reply he blocked me before I could reply. I really have no clue what’s up with him, but I’m not sure I’d want to hookup with him again anyway. I prefer guys who are a bit more conservative about STDs.

Speaking of STDs, there’s an eBook out now that supposedly tells you all natural things you can take/eat that makes you immune to STDs. Apparently they’ve found breast milk and some other stuff actually kill STDs and so they go into stuff (other than breast milk) that can also kill STDs. It’s put out by straight guys and the sales pitch is incredibly gimmicky, but I think I’ll give it a try. With MAL coming up I could use some STD protection. And by the end of MAL I’ll know if it works or not.

A couple months ago I had a weird illness. I’m guessing gastroenteritis but it felt like my whole body was shutting down. My best friend was pretty convinced it was fuck flu so lately when I’ve been going to pharmacies I’ve been looking to see if they have the OraQuick at home HIV tests. Well, the pharmacy I went to today did have it, so I bought it and did the test. Here’s the result…

That’s the instruction booklet on the left and the test stick in it’s little container of fluid on the right.

One line = neg.

It would have been weird if I had converted. My risk profile has been pretty much consistent. Yeah, one of my regular fuck buddies is poz and not on meds – but he’s a long-term non-progressor and his viral load isn’t all that high.

I’m sure one of these days I’ll test poz. I’m OK with that. But for now, I’m still neg…

There are two fucks I need to write up – one of  which was the hottest ass I’ve fucked in a while. And in an hour Jayson Park is coming over to film a fuck scene with me… So I’m a little behind on my posts… Sorry about that. Will try to catch up soon, but I’ve been in a pretty mellow mood lately…

A friend told me yesterday that Dick Damonson was found dead in his apartment. Dick had appeared in a number of Treasure Island Videos – 20 Hole Weekend, Best of Brad McGuire, and Fuck Holes 2. (That’s him getting fucked in the picture to the left. Does anyone have a better picture of him?)

He lived up in Washington Heights close to where I used to live. I fucked him a couple times back in 2009, but then he got a little weird on me – he didn’t like that I mentioned his apartment was messy in my write up. I didn’t think that was something someone would have a problem with (though looking at the posts I did remove that from my write up when he complained). I mean I thought I was being pretty nice by leaving out the fact that he had me stop once or twice so he could smoke up with his little glass pipe.

The friend who told me about his death had been pretty close to him. Apparently Dick had pretty big issues with crystal meth (which I saw in action) – it changed him and made him paranoid. There were cameras hidden all over his apartment, etc… His going off on me because I mentioned his apartment was messy sorta fits the profile.

Dick had made it pretty clear he was seriously upset with me, so I was amused when he kept hitting up another profile I have online – he didn’t realize it was me. I mean I liked him a lot and clearly on a certain level he was into me – it’s just I didn’t want to deal with all his PNP baggage.

If you’re one of those types who thinks that crystal meth only affects losers – Dick Damonson wasn’t a loser. He was a sweet, adorable guy who just couldn’t control his drug use. But once the physical damage was done it was sorta just a matter of time. It’s always incredibly sad to watch someone you know is on a seriously self-destructive path…

People… Meth kills – literally. There are plenty of other drugs out there that are a lot less destructive. If you have to do drugs, please pick something other than meth. 20 years from now when you’re still living a productive life, you’ll be glad you stayed away from it.

Personally I’m getting rather concerned with the effect meth is having on the bareback community. If you are as well and you have graphic design / advertising skills – contact me – rawtop@breedingzone.com.

UPDATE:

My friend who was Dick’s close friend told me a few days ago that the cause of death was meningitis. Thanks to meth, Dick had grown so paranoid he rarely left his apartment. Unfortunately that meant he didn’t go to the doctor when his life was literally in danger. His death certificate will say he died of meningitis, but the real cause was meth addiction – since his meningitis probably could have been dealt with if he had sought medical care.

Monday morning I woke up and went to the bathroom to take a piss. As I was pissing there pain for a second and then things were normal. I thought, WTF? So I looked at my dick and saw some “crusties” on my Prince Albert. That’s never a good sign. That day Jayson Park hit me up to come over the next day and film me fucking him. I told him that might not be possible since there was a chance I had gonorrhea. I’ve also had similar symptoms from the PA just getting in a bad position overnight (since I sleep on my belly). It’ll get irritated and then have to heal.

There were no other symptoms the rest of the day so I was starting to think I was in the clear, but then… Tuesday when I woke up I had to run to the bathroom to take a shit and I forgot to check my dick before I sat down and started pissing. Afterwards I looked and there were a few “crusties” built up on my PA, so I called things off with Jayson – two days in a row wasn’t good. But again there were no symptoms the rest of the day.

Wednesday I took a good look before taking a piss and there was goopy thick yellowish discharge in my urethra. That settled it – I knew for sure I had gono. At 8:30 I called Callen-Lorde (the gay health clinic) and they said their first STD appointment was on Monday (WTF?!?!). They suggested I come into the Saturday drop-in clinic. Ummm… That’s 3 days away. I wanted to get treated sooner than that.

So I spent the next hour or so texting my recent tricks. I told the little skinny kid, the black fuck bud, plus the guy who tagged him with me. It’s weird, I always tell my tricks when I get something. But I can’t remember the last time someone told me. Maybe it’s just easier for a top to figure out he’s got a problem.

Today I went to one of the Department of Health’s STD clinics. I had only ever been to one before a long time ago and was expecting the worst. I went to the one in Manhattanville (125th on the 1 train – the neighborhood Columbia University sorta took over via eminent domain). I was expecting to be there all day and have anti-gay people asking me questions. Honestly it wasn’t all that bad…

There was almost no one there. The only problem was DOH officials came to do “a training” with the doctors at just the wrong time. One was on lunch and they took 20+ minutes with the other doctor when I was next in line to see her. I it hadn’t been for that I would have been in and out of there as quickly as I could have hoped.

The only bad thing that happened was the doctor was a little judgmental when she asked how many people I had sex with in the past 3 months. I pulled 20 out of thin air, and she seemed shocked and mortified. Looking at my spreadsheet, he real number is 23 hookups with 20 different guys – so I was actually spot on. I said “well, maybe the number was closer to 15” to make her feel better – but it didn’t seem to work. She was rather incredulous that my last test was negative saying something about me being high risk. At that point I stopped and told her I really wasn’t high risk – at least not for HIV. What I do is only slightly more risky than what safe sex bottoms do. When I said, “look, the CDC has released the numbers on this stuff – given what you do all day, you should understand relative risk levels”. She did not like me being an assertive dom top and started arguing with me – saying it was her job to read certain questions. To which I replied, yes, but I don’t need the commentary and judgments. “I’m not being judgmental” she replied. That went in a circular argument for a minute or two at which point I just stopped it and said “Can we get back to the questions?” She was much more polite and friendly after that and knew not to fuck with me. At one point she said something like “so if I want you to see a counselor, you’d say ‘no’, right?” Hopefully I’ll get a note on my record chart that says “just stick to the questions”. Apparently I have one like that at Callen-Lorde too.

I mean seriously… I went through the AIDS crisis. I cared for a lover who died of AIDS. I’ve thought about these issues a lot. Respect my informed decisions. It’s my body. As things were wrapping up I apologized and said I have a long history with some of “the best” doctors telling me to do things which in hindsight were poor medical decisions for me. Unfortunately that means I have a rather adversarial relationships with doctors until I know them and trust them.

Anyway, today the discharge isn’t just in the morning – it’s pretty constant. I just snapped a pic of my dick – this is the hole of my Prince Albert oozing yellow discharge (lovely, eh?)

When she saw that she was pretty certain I had gono, but treated me for chlamydia as well.

BTW, as I was leaving she told me I should tell all my partners for the past 90 days. Again she’s wrong – the NIH says it can take up to a month to develop symptoms. Why she tripled that number, I don’t know. Can’t these people read the literature on what’s supposed to be their specialty.

Anyway, there was a point to all of this that’s gotten lost in the drama of the test…

I always take STDs seriously. There are a few crazies on Breeding Zone who disturb me greatly because they get into spreading STDs (other than HIV). That’s just fucked up. I let them post in part so other people will be aware that they exist. If someone hits you up wanting to hookup and you see they’re posting saying how hot STDs are, you’re gonna think twice…

Right now gonorrhea in particular is quite worrisome. There’s a strain going around that only responds to one type of treatment. Once it mutates and is resistant to the one treatment that’s available we’re sorta fucked – there will be incurable gonorrhea on the loose.

What’s curious is that the DOH didn’t give me the treatment for the new strain of gonorrhea. They gave me two Azithromycin plus a shot of something. I guess the City doesn’t want to pay for anything other than generic drugs unless they have to. They even handed me a survey when I got there asking how I’d feel if they started charging for their services – which is pretty absurd since it’s in taxpayer’s best interests if clinics like theirs are available for easy, free treatment of STDs. But the same thing could be said of all healthcare I guess. So I’m guessing if I have the type of strain that doesn’t respond to conventional meds, I’ll get a call and be asked to come in. But I should know pretty soon – usually things dry up in a day or so. If that doesn’t happen I’ll know I have the bad strain even before they call.

So if you even suspect you have an STD, go get tested. “What goes around comes around” is absolutely the case here. The more aggressive we are getting rid of STDs, the fewer we’ll get. And if you have a lot of sex (especially as a bottom who takes loads), have regular STD checks every 3-6 months depending on how active you are.

This means I’m out of commission sexually for another week. Next time I’ll be able to fuck is next Thursday. In the meantime I’ve given myself permission to jack off until Monday. Then I’ll go back to my “all loads go in an ass” policy.