Sunday morning I had a hookup with a guy in the neighborhood. He’s one of those “neg for neg” types who I wonder about. Probably is neg, but not sure how much longer… He made the comment before I went over that he’d been partying a bit. PNP + bareback isn’t a good formula for staying neg – especially when you’re a bottom…

But I digress. When I woke up I had morning wood so I got online not really sure whether I wanted to hookup or just stay in bed and rest. The guy hit me up and he was so close I couldn’t really say ‘no’, so 5 minutes later I was at his place. He had a duplex and he went ahead of me down the stairs. As we got to the lower level things were really dark. I could barely see where I was going and actually walked into a side table at one point.

We got to his bedroom and the blinds were drawn but there was still just enough light to see what was going on. The guy had a stocky build. Some might consider him a cub, but he definitely wasn’t a bear. That body type is hit or miss with me, but other than when I was sick, and the sex party where the guy wanted me to rubber up after I started fucking him raw, I’ve had a perfect streak of being able to cum every time for 6 months now. I had thought I was past my problems with not being able to cum every time.

But that’s not how it went. For the most part my dick cooperated to the point where I’d get hard enough to fuck – I’d say it was about 80% hard. But I just couldn’t find a position with him that rubbed my dick the right way so I’d go the extra 20% and be hard as a rock and cum. Hell, I’ve even cum when I wasn’t fully hard, but that didn’t happen with him either.

I’m not sure if we’re just not a good match physically, or if my dick just wasn’t in the mood that day, but I tried a number of times with him and couldn’t make it work. He definitely got a few decent fucks in there while I was trying (it wasn’t a complete waste of time), but the point of it all – cumming in his ass – just never happened.

Finally I just gave up and left.

Since he mentioned he’d been partying a little I asked if he’d gotten fucked by other guys. He said ‘no’. That actually worries me a little – I wonder if he’s partying by himself. Doing drugs solo is always a bad idea. Besides being a little sad, you could have a bad trip and need help and there won’t be anyone there with you to look out for you.

Afterwards I realized he lives next door to someone I know socially. I’m sure they know each other. I’m starting to wonder whether fucking people who live so close is really a good idea. Verdict’s out on that one…

Load 2012-46

So Wednesday I was looking to hookup. Guests had been in town and I hadn’t had a chance to fuck. In fact I had a 6 day load in my balls. This guy hits me up and says he wants to make a video. His profile said he was 20, and “Neg, Safe Sex Only”. I wasn’t really planning on videotaping a fuck, but figured “why not?” Thing was I wanted it to go well, so needed to take a Cialis. But Cialis takes hours to kick in, so I put him off until late afternoon / early evening.

There was just something about his responses that told me he was going to flake on me. They were positive, but sorta non-committal. Thing was he lived really close to me, and I wanted him to become a regular fuckbud, so I went along with it…

I confirmed an hour before and gave him the address. But the time came and he didn’t show up. He’s SO close there’s no reason to be late. So I texted him and he was so late in responding that I had already given up and started looking for other guys. Then he says “leaving now”, so I give him another chance. He should have been at my place a few minutes later, but he wasn’t. So I gave up again and started the process of making plans with other guys. I was in the middle of setting up hookups with another guy (and possibly one other if that one fell through) when the doorbell rang. Turns out the guy finally showed up.

When I saw him he didn’t look 20 – looked more upper 20s. He came in the bedroom, took off his pants and sat on the bed. He was a bit non-communicative. He didn’t want to suck my dick, didn’t want to do much of anything. At one point I asked him “are you OK?” He sorta nodded he was fine.

Well, if he wasn’t going to do anything, I’d take the lead. I told him I wanted to rim him. I got his legs in the air and started rimming him. Usually bottoms make some sort of indication that they like being rimmed. He just laid there.

When I got hard enough to fuck I stood up, lubed my dick and his hole and started shoving in (he was still on his back with his legs up). Just about the time I got my head in he pushes me off him and says it hurts. I ask “so you don’t want to get fucked?” He didn’t.

In hindsight I think he went from wanting me to videotape him to not wanting anything because he was PNPing and when we finally hooked up he was coming down. This just reinforces my belief that guys who PNP are lousy lays.

Needless to say I wrapped things up with him and got him out the door fairly quickly. I wasn’t rude or anything – I did ask him again if he was OK…

So after he was gone I got back to the guys I was making plans with. There had been a 10 min delay for the wasted guy, but they were still interested. There was one guy in the Bronx and one that was a 20 minute walk. I picked the guy I could walk to, which sorta pissed off the guy in the Bronx (“I’m only 3 stops away…”)

I walk over to the guy’s place – he said he had wanted a quickie. I was wondering if that meant an anonymous pump-n-dump, but he answered the door and showed me to his bedroom. When I was taking off my clothes I noticed the size of his shoes – they were huge. I wear size 12. He must have been at least a couple sizes bigger than that. (Big feet, big meat, right?)

He had gone to do something in the bathroom and when he got back I was naked. I usually don’t take clothes off for a quickie, but since he was off doing something in the bathroom, I figured I would. When he got back I offered to take out my PA when he looked at it weird. Then we got down to business…

I had him get on all fours so I could rim him. He was a big guy – pretty muscular, sorta beefy and solid. I rimmed him, got hard, and then lubed my dick and started fucking him. I got him on his belly pretty quickly. I knew he wanted a quickie, so there was no point in drawing things out and I came in him pretty fast.

Thing was I couldn’t tell when I was fucking him whether I was in his hole or my dick was just between his legs. (I had him legs together on his belly). Back in the day I used to do a lot of frottage with my boyfriends – especially the one who was poz (before ARVs). Fake fucking between a guy’s legs can actually feel really good. And if you pop out of a guy’s hole it can be hard to tell if you’re in or not. When he got up I checked for cum on the bed – there wasn’t any. With a big 6 day load there would have been if I hadn’t been inside him when I came. Phew… Would have hated to waste the load…

We got dressed and then talked very briefly about living in Harlem as he walked me out (he hasn’t had near the number of problems I’ve had – then again he looks like a big, straight, muscular Latino).

Total time from entering the front door to leaving the front door was 12 minutes… Nice and quick, just like he wanted.

Load 2012-47

There’s another couple hookups I have to write up from Wednesday, but let me tell you what happened last night…

Yesterday I woke up with a hardon that wouldn’t go away. I had taken a Cialis the day before and as typical Cialis seems to give me the biggest boners the next day. I couldn’t hookup until the afternoon but when I looked in the afternoon no one was available. Around 5 or so there was suddenly a flurry of guys who wanted to hookup. I’ve learned in the past you go with whoever commits first. (A bird in the hand, is better than 2 in the bush).

My bird in the hand was a mixed race guy with a stocky build. Of course just after I told him to come over this smooth, young, muscular blatino guy wanted to come over… But that was just too bad…

I’ve been paying a little more attention to Adam4Adam lately. There’s a lot of guys on there who say “Neg, Safe Sex Only” and then tell me they have no problem barebacking. My mixed race guy was one of those. When I asked about bareback he said “Yes, you’re neg, I am.” Thing was, he didn’t actually ask me my status. He was going off my stated status on my profile and we all know how accurate those are.

Around the time I was telling him to come over I was noticing the raging hardon I had all day wasn’t there anymore. That concerned me a bit… But more about that later…

So he shows up, he’s stockier/beefier than I usually hookup with, but still attractive. Even though he’s mixed race, he looks black (it feels like I’m fucking a lot of black guys lately). Then I notice he’s nearly fully hard and not even touching himself, while I’m completely soft. Ugh… I really didn’t want to have to deal with my dick not cooperating…

He immediately gets on his knees to suck my dick, and I let him for suck for a little bit. But I knew that was going to go anywhere, so told him I wanted to rim him. He gets on his back and throws his legs in the air and I dive in. I couldn’t quite tell how clean he was, so I didn’t really suck on his hole. It was more of a “polite” rimming.

That got me to about 80% hard, so I got up, lubed my dick and started fucking him figuring I’d get fully hard as I fucked him (it usually works). But the problems I’ve had with beefy guys in the past came into play. It was hard to find a position that rubbed my dick the right way. The best position I could find (him on his belly, legs together), just wasn’t doing it – I couldn’t get in deep enough.

I give him the best fuck I can manage and when I get worn out I stop and we roll on our sides and I continue pushing in and out of his ass. But it turns out he’d rather suck my dick, so he pulls off me and cleans off my dick and continues sucking. (That answered my question about whether he was clean or not). He sucked and sucked and sucked. I realized he was a very oral bottom. I ranged between about 40% hard and 80% hard – the dick wasn’t really cooperating, but he didn’t seem to mind too much. At one point he licked my balls and my taint while I jacked my dick. That got me pretty hard…

Finally I told him I wanted to rim him some more. This time I did a better job rimming him, but just didn’t get hard enough to fuck. I was just about to give up and call it a night, but he got me on my back and started sucking my dick again. Then he had a stroke of genius – he decided to 69 me – me rimming him, him sucking me.

I went to town on his hole now that I knew it was clean. I really started sucking on it. After a few minutes of sucking ass the coolest thing happened – his ass lips started to get puffy and prolapse a bit. I think that’s the right term – basically they started extending out and actually got a bit hard. I’ve never had sex with a woman, and know almost nothing about female anatomy, but I’ve always heard the clitoris is a bit like a little dick. That’s sort of what his prolapsing hole became – it was actually a bit hard – it was like I was sucking on a really small dick – only it was his ass. I’ve never really experienced that with anyone else – it was sort of weird. It was totally cool and a huge turn on (I’m getting hard thinking about it).

Needless to say my dick responded and after a bit I realized he was choking on my dick as he tried to deepthroat it. I let him have some fun for a bit and then said I wanted to fuck. I put him on his belly, legs together and start fucking him. There still wasn’t a lot of sensation, but my dick was harder and hence longer, and so I was going deeper. There was just enough sensation – especially when I did longer strokes and fucked him harder. So fuck harder is exactly what I did. My mind went to him assuming I was neg ’cause my profile said I was neg and then to the flu-like illness I just had a few weeks ago. While it probably wasn’t fuck flu, I can’t rule that out. It was sort of hot thinking I could be blowing a toxic load in his hole. With all that going through my mind I didn’t cum quickly, but eventually I did feel the load building up and I was able to blow in his hole. Not the biggest load (since I’d cum the day before), but big enough to do the job. 😉

After I came he wanted me to stay inside him while he jacked off. It took quite a while for him to cum, but he did eventually cum. As he came his hole tightened up and pushed out my semi-hard cock.

As we lay next to each other we got to talking – and he was quite the talker – he sorta had verbal diarrhea. But what he was saying was pretty interesting and relevant to my experience living in Harlem (he grew up in a similar neighborhood and was telling me stories about what it was like as a black man to grow up in a place like that). Eventually things needed to wrap up, so I turned on the light, and then started getting dressed while I continued to listen to him. He got the hint and got dressed himself, and that was the end of things.

So this is one hookup where I was glad to not be with a submissive bottom. If he hadn’t worked and been so insistent about keeping things going I probably wouldn’t have cum and I definitely wouldn’t have figured out the joys of a slightly prolapsed hole. 🙂

Load 2012-44

I had one of those nights tonight that would be funny if so much didn’t go wrong…

First I had this hot young bottom who’s been texting me a fair amount wanting to get fucked. I really want to fuck him, but he lives in Brooklyn or Queens or something and it’s not terribly convenient to hookup. So today he was running errands in Manhattan so he thought he’d come over. But then he told me he hadn’t cleaned out… I really didn’t feel like dealing with that, so I said “another time”.

So I get online and there’s a guy on the Lower East Side that wants to come over. He just had to do a little cleaning out and he said he’ll be right over. Last I heard from him he was going to do a little more cleaning and then leave. I didn’t know if he actually left or not. I didn’t know if he’d show up, so I waited. After an hour and 15 min I give up.

Meanwhile there’s this hot black guy who wants to come over and isn’t far away. Great. But then as we’re confirming he also goes missing.

Then there’s this 23 year old neg guy who’s a bit new to barebacking who wants to come over. But he wants to clean out here – he doesn’t have any equipment to clean out. I’m a top, I’m not exactly set up for it either so I just blow him off…

Then there’s a guy in a hotel on Times Square who’s in from San Francisco who goes round and round. He sorta says he could host or travel, but then he starts saying “well, I just got in and have an early flight tomorrow”. What’s that have to do with anything other than you don’t want a long hookup. Bottom line he didn’t have equipment to clean out either. Again? Seriously? I was even willing to deal with that and let him clean out here. Then he said he wanted assurances he’d get fucked rough and I’d cum multiple times. That just was too much (I almost never cum more than once, and I’ll fuck however I feel like it) so I blew him off.

There were actually a few more in there. Guys who on a normal day I would have hooked up with, but as the saga was going on and on I just didn’t have the patience for.

So I tell myself I’ll hookup with the guy on the Upper West Side who I’ve been fucking for years now. He’s a dependable bottom. Not a whole lot of excitement – I’d rather try out new hole, but at this point dependable was looking good. He said he had three loads in him. Then on the way over he said the first top probably didn’t cum – still 2 loads should be better than none.

I get over there and I’m rimming him and he goes to push out some of the cum in his ass and it’s dirty and I get some in my mouth. YUCK! I run to the bathroom and wash my mouth out as best I could. Luckily I didn’t swallow.

I go back and barely get hard enough to fuck him (I wasn’t rimming him again). But then my dick gets hard and I’m able to fuck. But I can smell a little shit. That’s usually a huge turn off, but I just want to cum so I push through it. It was far from my best fuck – sorta a lame fuck actually. But I do manage to cum and give him a proper 3rd load.

The chemistry was all off, so I wound up washing off my dick, getting dressed and leaving pretty quickly.

It actually gets worse… As I was riding the subway home I realize my shirt is inside out. It was one of those shirts where they print the inside and it bleeds through to the outside to give it a faded look. So I had this bold lettering that was completely backwards. I didn’t want to be seen by someone I knew with my shirt on backwards, so when we got to 125 I waited as people left the platform and then when there weren’t too many people around I took off my shirt and put it on properly.

What a miserable evening… Oh well… Win some, lose some, right? I mean it’s just a law of averages. If you’re not having bad sex you probably aren’t having good sex either. Still, I could do without nights like tonight.

Load 2012-43

Yesterday I went over to Astoria to fuck a bottom I’ve fucked a few times in the past – the guy who looks Samoan (even though he isn’t) – he’s the guy I thought was Ian Cody (though now I’m not so sure about that). Last time I fucked him was over two years ago now.

I really didn’t want to have to go to Astoria. Bridge tolls each way are nearly $5 – and that’s with the EZ Pass discount. Last time I went over there for a hookup I had a miserable time with a guy who was PNPing. (Can’t find the post right now) – it just wasn’t worth $10. But I’ve fucked this guy a few times before so I figured why not…

Actually there were a few guys I wanted to hookup with that didn’t come through. One in a Time Square hotel, another who was 18, and then a guy who’d been getting gangbanged over by Union Square. One way or another they had all fallen through. The “Samoan” guy had hit me up in the middle of trying to hookup with the other guys, and since I usually prioritize new holes, I gently blew him off. But when the others started dropping like flies, I hit the  Samoan guy up and made plans with him. $10 in tolls and a guaranteed decent fuck was better than hoping something would work out with the other guys.

Parking wasn’t easy when I got there, and when that was resolved I got to his place. He took forever to come down and open the door for me. But when he came down he was as cute as ever – and I think he’d even slimmed down a bit in the past two years. His roommate was home but didn’t look at me when I came in.

The guy is pretty sweet and we started making out – which isn’t something I regularly do, but didn’t mind it with him. We eventually got naked. He didn’t volunteer to suck my dick, in fact he never did suck my dick the entire time I was there… I just wanted his ass, and so I got him on all fours on the edge of the bed and started rimming him. Things were going well and then he started spreading his ass. That made his hole gape a little bit, which was hot visually, but what it meant was the muscles around his ass got hard. It went from rimming a fleshy soft hole to rimming a hard gaping hole. I tried to stick my tongue down his hole, but honestly, I sorta preferred it when he wasn’t pulling his ass cheeks apart. Still, I thought it was hot that he was so hungry for dick…

I started lubing up for the fuck and when I stuck a lubed finger up his ass I felt something and told him he seemed to be dirty. At the same time my finger didn’t smell, so I was a little confused. So off he went to the bathroom while I laid on his bed and jacked my dick. He came back and said everything was clean, which made me wonder what exactly I felt just inside his ass. My guess at the time was he’s got warts. They should be dealt with, but it wasn’t the time to tell a bottom he’s got a problem like that. I’ve had HPV, so it’s not like I can catch anything from him… [BTW, if you’ve never had HPV – get vaccinated. You really don’t want to experience a colorectal surgeon burning warts out of the inside of your ass. Just get the vaccine.]

So I just ignored the problem (whatever it was) and fucked him. He asked me to take some pics/video on his phone. So I took a few of his hole and then when I shoved in, but then turned off the camera and focused on fucking. His hole was nice and tight when I had him doggy style, but then I pushed him down on his belly. He had this really soft bed and he sorta sank into it when he was on his belly. I had to put a pillow under him to make things work – something I almost never do. Even then it would have been better to double up the pillow.

Finding the right position with him was a little difficult. I tried a few things and finally came to the conclusion that it felt best when his legs were together and I rode him like a log. Despite the physical positioning/chemistry being off a bit I did eventually cum.

Then I rolled him on his side and we had some quiet time with me pumping my dick in and out of his ass. Actually it went on and on… We chatted a little bit. I was able to stay in his ass for a really long time. When my dick was finally too soft to stay in he showed me a video of him getting fucked by this Hispanic guy. The Hispanic guy’s boyfriend was cameraman so it was pretty decent. That got me hard and I went back to fucking him. This time I took out my PA. I had already cum and wasn’t psyched enough to cum a second time. But he got another fuck, though it didn’t last long. Again I got him on his side and we had more quiet time with me pumping in out of his ass. I stayed in there a really long time.

He talked about going to sex clubs (seems there’s  a decent one near Astoria). He readily refers to himself as a slut, but it seems he’s a little picky about who fucks him. Though he did say he had one weekend a couple years ago where he went to Ft. Lauderdale, stayed at a gay hotel, and basically let anyone fuck him. He just left his door open and guys would come in and breed him. At night he went out to Slammers and got even more loads. Says he probably took 30 loads that weekend. Seems that was his slut period and it was about two years ago (when I was fucking him). I’m not sure why he’s so inhibited now. I’m guessing he got pozzed back then. So if he’s poz, why not be a cumdump. He clearly wants it.

The hookup went on far longer than most of my hookups. I was surprised my bf wasn’t texting me asking where I was. Finally after an hour and a half with him I said I had to leave and made my way home.

Load 2012-42

Before I start – I should mention I checked my spreadsheet and I’ve now given more loads this year than any other year other than 2008. The 2nd best year had been 2010 with 39 loads given, but I’m well past that now. The goal now is to beat 2008 when I gave 61 loads. I need to give 20 more loads this year – shouldn’t be too hard despite having a slow start to the year. When I’m not sick I’m averaging 9 or 10 loads a month, and I’ve got 3 1/2 more months to go.

And another point of follow-up from past posts… I went to see a colorectal surgeon about the anal fissure I’ve had for 20+ years. She said it was pretty deep and serious. There’s even scar tissue that migrates down the fissure and is collecting in a hard lump at the bottom of the fissure. (I was worried I had warts when I felt it). The good news is that she’s put me on this cream that I put up my butt 3 times a day. There’s a 2/3rds chance it can completely cure the problem. If that doesn’t work, they can inject Botox into the area to relax the sphincter muscle to let things heal. Or the last line of defense is surgery. I’m going to be religious about using the cream – I really really want it to work. I hate needles, an really want to avoid surgery. Then again, my fissure has been pretty stubborn about not going away.

So it’s taken me a few days to get back to normal after being sick for so long. Even now my stamina isn’t was it was. So I figured I’d take it easy with hooking up. Once again, I did a bad thing and on Tuesday found myself cumming while jacking off. I figured I wouldn’t be hooking up until at least Thursday, but then the opportunity arose on Wednesday to fuck. Since I wasn’t 100% I went for the skinny black guy in the neighborhood. Including this load, he’s gotten 3 of my last 5 loads. I almost think I’m seeing a bit too much of him.

Thing is, he’s practically on call. He lives a few blocks away. I don’t think he works. So if he’s in town, he’ll come right over when I text him. This time he was there a half hour after I contacted him – that included cleaning out and walking over to my place. I gotta say that’s convenient for me… 🙂

The hookup was pretty straightforward. He came over, we stripped down. I had him get on all fours so I could rim him. I fucked him on his belly and I came in his ass.

I did experiment a bit when I was fucking him. With some bottoms it feels better to fuck them at an angle. I’ve even seen pics of guys fucking 180 degrees around. That’s gotta feel sorta cool. I just went 30 or 45 degrees off and the sensation just wasn’t as good as it was with the two of us lined up. He’s SO skinny – like he has practically zero body fat. As I was fucking him I could feel how skinny and frail he was – it was sorta hot.

Afterward I came, we had a bit of a quiet moment. I kept my dick in his ass, rolled us onto our sides and we just laid there for a while. He’s got an “outy” for a belly button and combined with him being skin and bones every time I’d brush over it, it felt weird – like it was a tumor or something. We haven’t had a really non-rushed quiet time before. It was nice. We talked a little, but mostly just laid there in silence.

Finally my cell phone went off with a text. I was sorta done and it was a good excuse to get up (turned out to be an amber alert from the City of NY about a little girl who had gone missing). He threw on his clothes and was gone a little later. I’m sure next time I need a quick easy hole, he’ll be over… 😉

Speaking of skinny… For some reason, I haven’t regained any of the 10 pounds I lost when I was sick those two weeks. Is it possible it was fat, not water weight? (That would be a deficit of 2500 calories per day – almost impossible, but not quite). Anyway, I’m now around 219/220 (down 34 lbs off the peak or 29 off my average high). Problem is, because I lost 10 pounds quickly while I was sick I do have some loose skin issues. When I bend over my pecs look more like saggy boobs, and my bf was kind enough to mention a few minutes ago that my ass looks a little saggy (lol). The saggy skin will fix itself over time if I continue to loose weight at a more manageable 3-4 lbs a month. And IMHO, even with the saggy skin I look better thinner. It’s just nice not to have such a big gut, and not to have to carry all those pounds up staircases with me, etc.