Load 2012-43

Yesterday I went over to Astoria to fuck a bottom I’ve fucked a few times in the past – the guy who looks Samoan (even though he isn’t) – he’s the guy I thought was Ian Cody (though now I’m not so sure about that). Last time I fucked him was over two years ago now.

I really didn’t want to have to go to Astoria. Bridge tolls each way are nearly $5 – and that’s with the EZ Pass discount. Last time I went over there for a hookup I had a miserable time with a guy who was PNPing. (Can’t find the post right now) – it just wasn’t worth $10. But I’ve fucked this guy a few times before so I figured why not…

Actually there were a few guys I wanted to hookup with that didn’t come through. One in a Time Square hotel, another who was 18, and then a guy who’d been getting gangbanged over by Union Square. One way or another they had all fallen through. The “Samoan” guy had hit me up in the middle of trying to hookup with the other guys, and since I usually prioritize new holes, I gently blew him off. But when the others started dropping like flies, I hit the  Samoan guy up and made plans with him. $10 in tolls and a guaranteed decent fuck was better than hoping something would work out with the other guys.

Parking wasn’t easy when I got there, and when that was resolved I got to his place. He took forever to come down and open the door for me. But when he came down he was as cute as ever – and I think he’d even slimmed down a bit in the past two years. His roommate was home but didn’t look at me when I came in.

The guy is pretty sweet and we started making out – which isn’t something I regularly do, but didn’t mind it with him. We eventually got naked. He didn’t volunteer to suck my dick, in fact he never did suck my dick the entire time I was there… I just wanted his ass, and so I got him on all fours on the edge of the bed and started rimming him. Things were going well and then he started spreading his ass. That made his hole gape a little bit, which was hot visually, but what it meant was the muscles around his ass got hard. It went from rimming a fleshy soft hole to rimming a hard gaping hole. I tried to stick my tongue down his hole, but honestly, I sorta preferred it when he wasn’t pulling his ass cheeks apart. Still, I thought it was hot that he was so hungry for dick…

I started lubing up for the fuck and when I stuck a lubed finger up his ass I felt something and told him he seemed to be dirty. At the same time my finger didn’t smell, so I was a little confused. So off he went to the bathroom while I laid on his bed and jacked my dick. He came back and said everything was clean, which made me wonder what exactly I felt just inside his ass. My guess at the time was he’s got warts. They should be dealt with, but it wasn’t the time to tell a bottom he’s got a problem like that. I’ve had HPV, so it’s not like I can catch anything from him… [BTW, if you’ve never had HPV – get vaccinated. You really don’t want to experience a colorectal surgeon burning warts out of the inside of your ass. Just get the vaccine.]

So I just ignored the problem (whatever it was) and fucked him. He asked me to take some pics/video on his phone. So I took a few of his hole and then when I shoved in, but then turned off the camera and focused on fucking. His hole was nice and tight when I had him doggy style, but then I pushed him down on his belly. He had this really soft bed and he sorta sank into it when he was on his belly. I had to put a pillow under him to make things work – something I almost never do. Even then it would have been better to double up the pillow.

Finding the right position with him was a little difficult. I tried a few things and finally came to the conclusion that it felt best when his legs were together and I rode him like a log. Despite the physical positioning/chemistry being off a bit I did eventually cum.

Then I rolled him on his side and we had some quiet time with me pumping my dick in and out of his ass. Actually it went on and on… We chatted a little bit. I was able to stay in his ass for a really long time. When my dick was finally too soft to stay in he showed me a video of him getting fucked by this Hispanic guy. The Hispanic guy’s boyfriend was cameraman so it was pretty decent. That got me hard and I went back to fucking him. This time I took out my PA. I had already cum and wasn’t psyched enough to cum a second time. But he got another fuck, though it didn’t last long. Again I got him on his side and we had more quiet time with me pumping in out of his ass. I stayed in there a really long time.

He talked about going to sex clubs (seems there’s  a decent one near Astoria). He readily refers to himself as a slut, but it seems he’s a little picky about who fucks him. Though he did say he had one weekend a couple years ago where he went to Ft. Lauderdale, stayed at a gay hotel, and basically let anyone fuck him. He just left his door open and guys would come in and breed him. At night he went out to Slammers and got even more loads. Says he probably took 30 loads that weekend. Seems that was his slut period and it was about two years ago (when I was fucking him). I’m not sure why he’s so inhibited now. I’m guessing he got pozzed back then. So if he’s poz, why not be a cumdump. He clearly wants it.

The hookup went on far longer than most of my hookups. I was surprised my bf wasn’t texting me asking where I was. Finally after an hour and a half with him I said I had to leave and made my way home.

Load 2012-42

Before I start – I should mention I checked my spreadsheet and I’ve now given more loads this year than any other year other than 2008. The 2nd best year had been 2010 with 39 loads given, but I’m well past that now. The goal now is to beat 2008 when I gave 61 loads. I need to give 20 more loads this year – shouldn’t be too hard despite having a slow start to the year. When I’m not sick I’m averaging 9 or 10 loads a month, and I’ve got 3 1/2 more months to go.

And another point of follow-up from past posts… I went to see a colorectal surgeon about the anal fissure I’ve had for 20+ years. She said it was pretty deep and serious. There’s even scar tissue that migrates down the fissure and is collecting in a hard lump at the bottom of the fissure. (I was worried I had warts when I felt it). The good news is that she’s put me on this cream that I put up my butt 3 times a day. There’s a 2/3rds chance it can completely cure the problem. If that doesn’t work, they can inject Botox into the area to relax the sphincter muscle to let things heal. Or the last line of defense is surgery. I’m going to be religious about using the cream – I really really want it to work. I hate needles, an really want to avoid surgery. Then again, my fissure has been pretty stubborn about not going away.

So it’s taken me a few days to get back to normal after being sick for so long. Even now my stamina isn’t was it was. So I figured I’d take it easy with hooking up. Once again, I did a bad thing and on Tuesday found myself cumming while jacking off. I figured I wouldn’t be hooking up until at least Thursday, but then the opportunity arose on Wednesday to fuck. Since I wasn’t 100% I went for the skinny black guy in the neighborhood. Including this load, he’s gotten 3 of my last 5 loads. I almost think I’m seeing a bit too much of him.

Thing is, he’s practically on call. He lives a few blocks away. I don’t think he works. So if he’s in town, he’ll come right over when I text him. This time he was there a half hour after I contacted him – that included cleaning out and walking over to my place. I gotta say that’s convenient for me… 🙂

The hookup was pretty straightforward. He came over, we stripped down. I had him get on all fours so I could rim him. I fucked him on his belly and I came in his ass.

I did experiment a bit when I was fucking him. With some bottoms it feels better to fuck them at an angle. I’ve even seen pics of guys fucking 180 degrees around. That’s gotta feel sorta cool. I just went 30 or 45 degrees off and the sensation just wasn’t as good as it was with the two of us lined up. He’s SO skinny – like he has practically zero body fat. As I was fucking him I could feel how skinny and frail he was – it was sorta hot.

Afterward I came, we had a bit of a quiet moment. I kept my dick in his ass, rolled us onto our sides and we just laid there for a while. He’s got an “outy” for a belly button and combined with him being skin and bones every time I’d brush over it, it felt weird – like it was a tumor or something. We haven’t had a really non-rushed quiet time before. It was nice. We talked a little, but mostly just laid there in silence.

Finally my cell phone went off with a text. I was sorta done and it was a good excuse to get up (turned out to be an amber alert from the City of NY about a little girl who had gone missing). He threw on his clothes and was gone a little later. I’m sure next time I need a quick easy hole, he’ll be over… 😉

Speaking of skinny… For some reason, I haven’t regained any of the 10 pounds I lost when I was sick those two weeks. Is it possible it was fat, not water weight? (That would be a deficit of 2500 calories per day – almost impossible, but not quite). Anyway, I’m now around 219/220 (down 34 lbs off the peak or 29 off my average high). Problem is, because I lost 10 pounds quickly while I was sick I do have some loose skin issues. When I bend over my pecs look more like saggy boobs, and my bf was kind enough to mention a few minutes ago that my ass looks a little saggy (lol). The saggy skin will fix itself over time if I continue to loose weight at a more manageable 3-4 lbs a month. And IMHO, even with the saggy skin I look better thinner. It’s just nice not to have such a big gut, and not to have to carry all those pounds up staircases with me, etc.

Back in May I told myself I’d never cum except when it was in a bottom’s ass. Well, I violated that on Friday… I’ve been sick for way too long and on Friday it had been two weeks since I last came. I had tried to fuck someone earlier in the week but it hadn’t been successful. So with a 14 day load in my balls I was casually looking at profiles on BBRT. One profile in particular got me going and I figured WTF and just let myself cum. I knew it would be a few days before I’d be up for fucking so why not?

If you’re wondering, my being sick started with what I thought was viral gastroenteritis. I never did see a doc – in part because I was pretty confident about what I had (I’d had it several times before – though not recently), and things improved. But then as the gastro was wrapping up my ass started being really really sore during bowel movements and there was blood. I chalked that up to an old anal fissure opening up. It wasn’t too bad early in the week and seemed to be improving. But then later in the week it got worse. I should have called to go in on Thursday, but I waited until Friday. I go to Callen-Lorde and they’re understaffed and were completely booked. I just didn’t feel like going anywhere else, so I figured I’d suffer through it  (how New England WASP of me).

Finally this morning my bf dragged me to an “urgent care” place. The doc there suspects I have some sort of infection in my lower bowels, so he’s put me on Cipro. He ran a bunch of tests (including stool samples). All in all it didn’t feel like he was all that helpful (he didn’t even look at my ass). But I guess he’s got the tests started a few days early for my doctors.

I’m just completely sick of being sick. I need to get back to normal…

One thing though… All of this has made me decide I want surgery on my ass to finally fix the fissure. I’ve had it for 21 years now – usually it doesn’t cause problems and it’s never caused this level of problems before. That fissure is a big reason why I’m an exclusive top. It just hurts like a mother-fucker when I get fucked and I almost always bleed… I think mentally I’m still 95% top, but we’ll see what happens after the surgery 😉

I wasn’t really planning on hooking up today. I knew I wasn’t at a 100%. When I got on BBRT & A4A I set my status to “Not Looking”. Despite that a Latino who’s been hitting me up a lot lately convinced me he should come over. I told him I might not be 100%, but he wanted to come.

He got here a bit late, ’cause he had sent a confirmation e-mail and I didn’t see it until just before he was supposed to be here and he didn’t leave until I responded. [That’s the sort of think I gave him the cell number for – but whatever…]

He gets here and he’s come from work and needed to clean out. I jacked my dick a bit and was a little concerned – “junior” wasn’t really responding.

He came out and wanted to suck my dick, and he did for a moment, but I knew the only way to get hard was to rim him. He wanted legs up, which was fine, but the problem was he didn’t seem 100% clean. I was rather “delicate” in my rimming. On any other day he would have been just fine, but today he wasn’t quite enough to get me going.

Well, he did get me just hard enough that I could fuck him, but I wasn’t completely hard. I wanted him to roll over on his belly, but when he pulled off my dick to do so I just wasn’t hard enough to go back in.

He sucked on my dick – which considering that I didn’t think his hole was perfectly clean was a bit daring – nothing like a little ATM where the dick isn’t quite clean… (yuck!)

Bottom line, we never really got back in the swing of things. At one point he was hard and I could see he was thinking of jacking off – but I think he was bugged by my not being hard. For god’s sake – I told him it was day #7 of being sick…

Another part of it was I haven’t taken Cialis in forever. When I feel better I’ll take one and fuck like a bunny for a few days 🙂

So my 9 day load is still in my balls. Tomorrow it’ll be a 10 day load. Maybe I’ll feel good enough to hookup tomorrow…

I’ve been slowly losing weight this year. I maxed out around 253 lbs – a weight which I hit and held a number of times before going down. But more typically my weight would fluctuate around 248 – stayed around that weight for a probably a couple years.

If you read this you’ll know I’m not really into bears, which means I didn’t really like my own body. And honestly, I remember what it used to be like to have a thin body with some muscle definition. That pic is way old, but I was in even better shape in 1997 when went from 236 down to about 180. You just feel more alive when you’re thin. You’re not carrying around so much.

I mean I like to fuck bottoms when they’re on their bellies, but one of the reasons why I cum so quickly (or don’t come at all) is because it’s an incredible amount of work to support 200+ pounds in the air above the bottom while you fuck. That wears me out pretty quickly. I’ll just be a better top if I’m thinner.

Well, I didn’t think much of it, but for some reason my body decided early this year to start loosing weight. I won’t even claim credit for it, and at first I didn’t think much of it. But instead of hovering around 248, I was hovering a few pounds lower, then another few pounds lower. I always figured it would just go back up – but it didn’t. I didn’t really change much of anything in my diet or anything – other than I wasn’t eating because I was bored or nervous – which I used to do a lot.

When I got into the 230s I started taking the weight loss seriously and I’d consciously eat less to the point of being hungry at times. Every now an then I’d hit 229, but I was finally hovering/plateauing around 231. A week ago I got a couple 229 readings, so I knew I was entering the 220s.

Then I got sick with viral gastroenteritis – ran a high fever for a few days, couldn’t think about eating much of anything ’cause I had diarrhea that even Immodium couldn’t control sometimes. I’m on day #6 of that and slowly returning to the land of the living.

My weight the last few days has been in 225 or below. Today it was actually 221.4. I know a lot of that is water weight and may come back, but I’m guessing with all the fever and not eating much I probably lost an honest 2 pounds this week since you need a 3500 calorie deficit to loose a pound of fat – and when you do the math you just can’t physically loose 8 pounds of fat in a week (unless you do liposuction).

My goal is to loose 60-75 pounds. So far I’ve lost about 25 of that – so I’m well on my way. If you liked me as a bear, I’m sorry to disappoint, but in future videos I’m going to be getting thinner and thinner (insh’Allah).

If you’re wondering what I’ll look like when I’m thinner… Here are some body shots of me from +/- 10 years ago when I was around 190 – I think I can get to something pretty close to this…

So there you have it – what I’m shooting for… Let’s say I regain the water weight and go up to 227 at some point this week. That means about 35 pounds to go. At 3-4 pounds a month – so hopefully I’ll be there early next summer. It’s a long process, but the end result is a hell of a lot better than the fat slob I had let myself become. I know some of you liked that fat slob – apologies… But with any luck he’ll be going away and won’t be back.

Load 2012-40

Over a week ago now I hooked up with this guy who wanted an anonymous pump and dump. (Sounds good to me). I get down there, ring the bell, go up and the door’s unlocked so I go in. It’s a small, but nice loft and he’s in the bedroom area on all fours, head down. What I see is a pretty nice ass so I start rimming him. I didn’t take off my clothes – figured I’d make it a real quickie and I wasn’t particularly hot, so didn’t need to take off my clothes to avoid overheating…

I rim him pretty well and get fully hard. I stand up to find some lube and start fucking and he turns around, takes off the blindfold (which I hadn’t noticed) and asks me if I’d like a drink – juice? water? I’m thinking WTF? I’m in the middle of having sex with you and you want to interrupt things to serve beverages? [Guess he was a flight attendant in another life.] I politely say ‘no’ at which point he suggests/insists I take off my clothes… I didn’t really want to argue about that one so I took off my clothes. I just got this sense from him that he was high on something (I’m guessing not Tina since from what I hear and have seen guys on Crystal just want to get fucked).

Once we were naked I just wanted to fuck, but I got this vibe off the bottom that it was too soon to fuck. It was like he had some etiquette handbook from Miss Manners that said you needed to serve beverages and snacks and have a conversation before fucking. Which was baffling ’cause this was the same guy who left his door unlocked so a complete stranger could find him ass up, blindfolded in bed. It was actually sorta funny.

Well, I just pushed past his reservations and told him I wanted to fuck, and not long after my raw dick was up his hole – though he did have me take out my PA. It being over a week now the details are a bit fuzzy. But I got him down on his belly and gave him a decent fuck. True to form for me I didn’t last all that long. When I came in his ass quickly I think I must have violated another rule in his Miss Manners etiquette book – I think he was a little shocked he was on the receiving end of a session that was basically “slam, bam, thank you ma’am”.

There was something about the vibe that spooning with my dick in him wasn’t right – which is funny – ’cause what he wanted was a longer hookup. When I got up he once again offered a beverage – I think he just wanted me to hang around a bit longer or something. I get it – especially if he was tweaking… But it was time to go. It took a while to get my clothes on and my PA back in, and we talked a bit during that time – he seemed like a nice guy… One thing he said when I was standing there naked in front of him was “you look better than your pics – more of a cub, not so much of a bear.” I have been loosing weight, but still consider myself pretty bearish. Still, it was nice to hear.