You may be asking, who isn’t in love with François Sagat – I mean the guy is a fucking hot porn star? But there’s a creativity about him that I absolutely love. IMHO, the the type of creativity that was wiped out during the AIDS crisis when the gay community lost a lot of it’s best creative talent.

I mean before the AIDS crisis you had the start of organizations like The Radical Faeries and The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence – both were founded in 1979 at the zenith of creative gay culture before AIDS made gay men want to be more “normal” and “healthy”. Maybe it’s just that I’m in New York which has been gentrified and commercialized in a massive way since I moved here 18 years ago (you can’t find an unsafe place in Manhattan anymore). Berlin used to be the hotspot of creativity, but what cities are creative these days?

I’m actually sort of surprised François Sagat does condom porn – when I look at his blog and his YouTube channel he seems so free, uninhibited and creative. It surprises me he’s not uninhbited sexually as well. Who knows, maybe he is off camera?

Here’s some stuff that I think is “out there” in a really wonderful wacky sorta way… Unfortunately, my favorite of his personal videos got taken down from YouTube. It featured him repeatedly saying he doesn’t do steroids while you see him injecting steroids in his ass…

His latest blog/YouTube is a music video of sorts with him as the abusive/confused bisexual who is rough with his woman (a drag queen) and really wants to be a femmy bottom chasing guys…

Then there are plenty where he just likes to show off his body, like this one…

Or this one that’s mostly about his dancing in a club, but shows some “skin” in “an artful manner”…

Then there are the ones that just seem like he’s high on drugs or something…

It’s not all about YouTube videos… This photoset he did for Slick It Up is what really made me fall in love with him… I mean how many “muscle men” would A) do this? and B) be able to pull it off?

Then there’s this one of him in Daisy Dukes rollerskating along the Seine, in front of the Eiffel Tower… God that makes me want to fuck him!

So how do we bring back creativity of the 1970s? I mean gay men these days should be known for more than apartment makeovers and transforming straight guys into metrosexuals… Where’s the really “out there” sorta creativity? God bless all the fags who want design-perfect homes in the suburbs and 2.5 kids, but if that’s all we have, we’ve lost something major as a community. When the AIDS crisis was in full swing we could say it was killing off the creative guys, but we can’t say that anymore…

I’ve had a ton of people asking about the pills – what are they, etc…

Well, they’re “Rock Hard Extreme” from Drive Total Energy. Previously I had taken their “Boom Energy” “energy capsules” and two of those worked well enough for me (of the recommended dose of 3 capsules), but they stopped producing those and came out with their new formula.

As you’ve seen in the posts, the pills work too well. Honestly, “extreme” is an appropriate part of the name – they’re actually a bit too powerful for my tastes – I wish they had a half strength version. I get all flushed and red, but I gotta say I also have a raging hardon that won’t go down.

The other thing is they last a while – I can get hard really easily the following day – it’s not until like two days later that things go back to “normal”…

So, would I recommend them? Sure, except with the warning that they may be too powerful and you should be careful. I think in the future I’ll open the capsule and dump half the contents in a glass of water to try to get the amount of results that I want.

So there you have it… If you feel like you need help in “that area” – give them a try… The trial 4 pack is a good way to start (a single bottle is actually more expensive per pill). Then, if you like them, you can order 5 bottles for the price of 4…

Load 2008-54

It’s a good thing opposites attract, ’cause I really like skinny guys. Woke up this morning and was sorta horny. Since I had had the pill yesterday it was really easy to pop a woodie. Didn’t think I’d find anything, but I logged into BarebackRT and Adam4Adam and there were two guys within sorta a long walking distance, surprisingly both wanted to hookup and there were other guys as well who were interested but not as convenient.

One of the guys who was close I’d seen for a while now and wanted to fuck. He has these really cool tattoos and had an incredible body – super skinny with definition…

Long story short, he comes over and when he pulls up his shirt there literally isn’t an ounce of fat on him. He’s got these washboard abs that were just absolutely incredible. I compliment him and tell him I like how skinny he is, and he says he doesn’t like the term “skinny” – prefers “thin”. Whatever – he’s skinny and I’m loving it…

He had told me before that he was into leather, and it turned out he brought a leather vest. I had worn my IML t-shirt, but took the hint and pulled out a leather vest and chaps, but then decided the chaps were too much trouble… I think he wanted more, but I just wanted a quick fuck…

After a little kissing he gives me a blowjob, but let’s just say blowjobs aren’t his specialty, so I bent him over the bed and rimmed him. Great ass – his waist must be like 27 or 28″… After a little rimming I got him nice and wet, spit a little on my dick and shoved in. Wasn’t sure how he was going to take it, but he did just fine.

We fucked a bit and it would have been so easy to cum, but I held off a bit. Finally I knew it was pointless to hold back and just came in him – nice and deep. After I came I continued to fuck him slowly. Then rolled him on his side and continued to work my dick in and out of his cummy hole until it finally went soft.

As soon as I pulled out I went down to felch his hole and it was all nice and cummy – tasted good   🙂

We talked a little and he asked whether I had fucked Dawson in a video – I said yes – in Dawson’s 20 Load Weekend. He said he had just watched it a few days ago and I looked familiar. We talked about a few other things and then wrapped it up and he left…

I really liked fucking him – the chemistry was a little awkward ’cause I think he wanted me to be more leather and bondage oriented than I felt like being right at that moment. But I’m hoping there will be repeats and we can work on that!  😉

I don’t usually reminisce on the blog, but you’ll understand why by the time I’m done with the story…

I moved to New York in 1990 to go to grad school. When I came here I was pretty inexperienced sexually. I had had sex for the first time just 8 months before, and had sex with a total of 3 guys at that point. A one night stand who was “my first”. An older guy I dated for the Spring semester of my Senior year before he moved to San Francisco, and a party boy I dated over the summer before I moved to NYC.

New York was like a big playground and I was this shy, sorta geeky, guy who didn’t know how to make the most of it. In hindsight I really should have gone to the big sex (“j/o”) club everyone was going to, but it scared me. I was taking things at my own pace, which in hindsight was way too inhibited…

Long story short, I ran up credit card debt (in part by going out to see the ex-boyfriend who moved to SF) and by the end of January I needed money. I knew there was a respectable hustler bar over on the east side – Rounds @ 53rd and 2nd avenue, so I went there and started doing sex work which I did for about 9 months to supplement my income.

Despite the fact that I had dated someone who did drugs every weekend, I hadn’t done drugs until after I moved to NY – and then only X and only a handful of times. One of those times was the Saint-at-Large White Party. I went out to clubs a lot back then, but the White Party was huge. I had nothing but these skimpy white little shorts on that didn’t leave much to the imagination. I remember seeing guys walking around in K holes… And then there was him – this adorable Latino who I saw on the dance floor. He was muscular, very little body fat, short, great smile – in other words totally my type (even today). I’ll call him “Alex”, but that’s not his real name…

He liked me, I liked him and we left the dance floor together. I was on cloud nine. From my perspective he was totally out of my league and here he was just wanting me. I had never had someone that hot want me before… We made out, talked (as much as you could in a club) and then he mentioned he was working the party – that he was a bartender and had to work the second shift.

If you know anything about circuit parties the White Party is up there and being a bartender at the White Party is about as good as it gets if you’re a bartender. When he had to go check in for work I followed him back into the kitchen and saw a guy from my gym. Alex asked me how I knew Jason and I said he went to my gym. I knew Jason managed a club – what I didn’t realize was that he had been the General Manager of the Saint, he was then the manager of the Saint-at-Large, and he then became the General Manager of the Roxy until it closed a couple years ago. Funny how small the world is – even in a city like New York. Anyway, Jason was Alex’s boss.

Alex then went on duty. He’d sneak me a drink every now and then, but there was a guy watching him and he could really only give me soda… Finally, I went home. Since I couldn’t really hang out with him and didn’t have any intention of hooking up with anyone else, there wasn’t any point in staying once I had gotten the dancing out of my system.

The walk home was magical. I was in love (so to speak), it was sunrise, snow was gently falling, and I was coming down from a wonderful high on X. If you’ve been in NYC on a quiet morning when it’s snowing you’ll know it’s really special even when you’re not high and coming home from meeting a really hot guy… The City gets really quiet when it’s snowing… As I walked through Times Square the lights were brightly flashing, and the subway generators, which you can’t even hear on a normal day, seemed incredibly loud.

It was puppy love – infatuation – whatever you want to call it. It only lasted for six weeks, but it was a really memorable six weeks… On the plus side – he was bartending at Uncle Charlie’s which was one of my favorite bars (and a really popular bar back then), and then he quit there and started bartending at the Roxy. In fact some nights he was the only gay bartender at the Roxy. The owner was straight and tended to hire straight guys who’d sorta half way pretend to flirt with the gay guys to get good tips. And then right about the time we broke up he started bartending and then go-go dancing at a club named Parallel Bar where John Blair was throwing parties (but it turned out to be a bit of a flash in the pan).

Sexually things were pretty intense. He had this wonderful uncut cock that was always hard as steel. Back then I was “versatile”, but he was always a top with me. My memory is pretty fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure he’d always want to fuck me raw, but I’d always put a condom on him when he fucked me (we’re talking the height of the AIDS crisis). At some point before I met him I had gotten a tear “down there” and wasn’t the best bottom, and I always felt like he wanted more from me sexually. Maybe it was just my insecurities – I don’t know…

There were some notable firsts with Alex… He showed me how to trim my body hair with a beard trimmer. I still have a trimmer just like the one he used on me that first time. He taught me to use black hair care products to style a short “Chelsea boy” haircut. And he had me buy my first pair of combat boots…

But there were some downsides – he worked weird hours. Even though he’d been here for years his English was pretty rough and it was hard to communicate. That was particularly difficult when I went out with his friends and they were all speaking Portuguese and I didn’t have a clue what was going on around me. We were also just very different. I still remember him always watching this “feel good about yourself” sorta “spiritualist” who was on late night community access TV back then. I thought the guy was silly, but Alex was his #1 fan.

And the other big problem was that I was escorting and there were nights I needed to make money and he’d ask me what I was up to and I had to lie. I think he felt something was going on. It was, but it wasn’t what he thought it was… The escorting was also an issue ’cause I had started doing it a year after I had first had sex, which was confusing enough, and then I was trying to balance letting old men fuck me with having a hot go-go boy as a boyfriend…

Eventually he broke up with me. I was crushed – I’d see him out at the clubs and bars – he was friendly, but it was over. Curiously his next boyfriend was a blond Latino I had fucked the previous fall/winter. His English was really bad too – and they didn’t last long together since one spoke Spanish and the other Portuguese and neither spoke English all that well.

A few years later (’94/’95) I was at a gym and saw him. He had moved to Miami, but was in town for some reason. I still remember his face lit up when he saw me. There was a chemistry between us, even if we weren’t meant to be…

Fast forward 13 or 14 years to last night. I get an e-mail with pictures the new models on ManifestMen.com. I go and download some of them – there’s Zeb Atlas, and a few other guys. Loving Latinos like I do, I download pics of this one guy they call “Alexandre” and as I’m looking at the pics I realize it looks a lot like the guy I dated. He had been on a club flyer back when he was go-go dancing which I had kept, and I pulled it out and I’m almost certain it’s the same guy. It’s 17 years after the picture was taken, but the mouth is the same, his facial features are really similar. His body has changed a lot over those 17 years – far bigger and more ripped now.

I don’t know if he’d even remember me, but I’m just glad to see he’s still around and looking well…

Here are the recent pics of him from ManifestMen.com…

And here are the pics of him back in 1991…

Since some of you will find this interesting – here’s pics of what I looked like back then. These are from a photoshoot I did for Playguy within a few months of dating Alex… I did the photoshoot ’cause I was tired of having guys fuck me for money, but the photographer (Roberto Romo) fucked me in the middle of the shoot. I went away thinking it was pointless – I didn’t avoid getting fucked and now my pictures were going to be public. The reason why my ass looks so puckered is ’cause it’s freshly fucked 😉

What’s funny is how insecure I was back then. I really didn’t think I looked all that hot. But looking at the pics, I’d totally fuck that… 😉

So how’s that for a blast from the past? Don’t see an ex for over a decade and he winds up on Manifest Men. It really is a small world…

Load 2008-53

I sorta felt like fucking someone today – been in a weird mood sexually the past few days. That research study I’m in asks about sexual desire in three different ways – 1) sexual interest, 2) sexual arousal, and 3) horniness. I never really thought about it in those terms, but they’re a good way to break it down. I mean there are times when I want to fuck someone (sexual interest), but I’m not all that horny and can’t necessarily get it up. Then there are times when I see things on line that get me hard, but don’t feel like going through the bother of hooking up…

Anyway, getting back to the story, today was one of those days when I had sexual interest, but intermittent sexual arousal and horiness. But I was still determined to fuck someone… There were a few possibilities on Adam4Adam and BarebackRT. One was too far away (Brooklyn), another was a bit flaky but I probably could have set something up, but there was this one black guy who had an incredible body who I really wanted to fuck, but he delayed things ’cause he was hooking up with two other guys who were going to give him loads. I figured a cummy hole and a great body were worth waiting for…

At one pointed he asked if I “partied” and I said ‘no’, but didn’t care if he did. I probably should have been more complete in my answer. I don’t really care if a bottom has been partying (provided they aren’t messy and distracted), but I don’t like it when they do it around me. It’s one thing if they do a quick snort of something, but completely different when it’s a whole complicated process.

So the guy shows up, he’s just as hot as his pics (which are incredibly hot). Muscular with zero body fat and a really thin waist. He gets naked and I start playing with his hole, but he wants to party a little first… OK, whatever – I figured he’d do something quick and we’d be on our way. But no, he pulls out a thing that looked like a little bong, the drugs, a lighter, and a little mini torch. It was all way too much. I put up with it just ’cause, I wanted to fuck and didn’t want to completely ruin the moment. I figured it would be over quickly, but it took forever…

When that was done we finally got down to business. He sucked my dick and then I fucked him on his back with his legs in the air. I could tell he wanted me in really deep. I had taken a pill and was really hard, so no problems there. But after fucking him for a while I couldn’t hold back and came in his ass. It didn’t seem like it had been that long so I didn’t let on that I had cum. I just rolled him over and kept fucking him and pounded him pretty hard.

The nice thing was there was a few times when I felt like I was really close to cumming a second time. In hindsight I probably should have faked an orgasm so he knew he got my load, but I didn’t… But he was definitely getting a good fuck.

Then he wanted to take a breather, but it turned out he wanted to smoke some more… UGH!!! At this point I started losing it. Despite having taken a pill, I wasn’t getting more than a chubby. When he was done I sucked on his nipples, and then we went into the shower and I pissed on him. But it completely lacked any chemistry and wasn’t all that hot at all.

He rinsed off and came back and I just wasn’t getting hard. I rimmed him a little, then had him suck my dick. That got me just hard enough to fuck him again which I did, and then he had me piss in his ass which was sorta hot (been a long time since I’d done that).

While he was cleaning up I got dressed. When he came out he saw me and said “Are you done” and I nodded. I was absolutely not going through another round of him smoking.

If he hadn’t been so hot it would have been a bad hookup, but he was hot (and a nice guy too) which meant it wasn’t all that bad, though I wouldn’t do it again (at least not that way).

The best part is his profile – “HIV negative” / “Safe Sex Only”. Yet he spent all night last night PNPing with two guys, and apparently had two more give hm loads before he came to me. He needs to learn to be uninhibited without the drugs…

Load 2008-52

I ordered some new pills on Monday and they came two days later on Wednesday, but for one reason or another I didn’t hookup until Friday. (Sorry I’m just getting the post up now – I was out of town yesterday)…

So Friday late afternoon I was looking for some ass to fuck and not having an easy time finding it. When I just couldn’t find a hole I wanted to fuck on BarebackRT or Adam4Adam (lots of potentials, but nothing definite), I finally succumbed and checked out Manhunt. It was the last day of my paid membership so there weren’t any restrictions. I noticed a guy who I’d fucked before was online which in his case meant he was looking, so I e-mailed him and the first e-mail back from him was “yes” and the second one confirmed the address and time. [Just what I like, a guy who doesn’t beat around the bush.]

I had actually taken one of the new pills before I noticed him (I was determined to fuck someone). I didn’t know how it would work, so I figured I’d give it a little time. It said to take it at least 30 minutes before but around the 30 minute mark I was about to go out the door and didn’t see any “improvement” down there, so I put on a leather cock ring just in case.

By the time I got to his place I could feel a bit of a bulge down there and knew it would be fine. With the old pills I’d take 2 of the recommended dose of 3 and would do just fine, but this was a one pill sorta thing. I was a little worried if this was and improved formula, that it would work too well…

I get up there and like last time he greeted me at the door in a towel. He’s sorta cute – short latino with a lot of tattooes and the best part is that he’s way cuter than his pics. I notice there’s a sling in the hallway – didn’t remember that from last time – made me wonder how often he’s just laying in the sling waiting to get fucked. As I’m taking off my clothes I see he has “What I Can’t See 2” from Treasure Island playing on the TV. This guy was blindfolded and getting fucked (it’s a good DVD).

The guy’s bed was covered in sorta a black heavy plastic S/M style play sheet. I know the guy can be pretty hard core, but I wasn’t really looking for that… After a quick blowjob, he laid down on the bed (on his back) and I started playing with his body. He’s got a big uncut dick which was rock, so I sucked on that for a bit. His nipples had seen some serious use, and I was playing with those as well. It felt like there was “chemistry” between us, which as much as I like fucking anonymous holes, felt nice. I was envisioning taking a boyfriend like him out to some sex club and watching him take loads from whoever wanted to fuck him…

Eventually his legs went into the air and it was clear he wanted to get fucked. I started by rimming him – his hole looked like a nice loose “slot” that had seen just the right amount of use. After rimming him a bit, I got a bunch of spit on his hole and some on the head of my dick and shoved in.

I should mention I had gotten rock hard pretty quickly and had zero trouble staying that way. So it just sorta aimed my dick at his hole and shoved in no problem. He felt good and we were kissing a lot while I fucked him. There sorta seemed like there was this chemistrty between us.

I was so close to cumming quite a few times but I held off, but eventually I unloaded in his hole. It had been a few days since I’d cum, so he got a nice big load. But since I had taken the pill and had a cockring on there was no way I was getting even a little bit soft, so I just kept fucking him.

His ass was all cummy and felt really great. That plus the chemistry made things sorta intense. A few times I pulled out and felched my cum out of his ass (tasted good and since there was no lube in there it was nice and bitter). At one point he reached down, got some on his fingers and tasted it so he could taste my cum…

This is where the “problems” started… I wasn’t going soft – not in the least. I had blown my load like 10 minutes before and was still rock hard. All I could think to do was keep fucking him (which I did). It felt really great since his hole was all cummy, but after a while I sorta got tired of fucking. He was just laying there – not really interacting with me all that much and after a while the “chemistry” sorta wore off as well. I didn’t feel the same connection with him I felt earlier.

Finally I pulled out and he sucked my dick clean (since it was all nice and cummy). Then I told him to sit on me and ride my dick. He did it for a little while, but didn’t really seem into it. His raging hard on from earlier has sorta gone limp, and then he got off and just seemed to want to watch the porn on the TV.

That was my queue to leave, so I got up and stuffed my rock hard dick into my pants and left… It’s almost like the fact that it didn’t go down much at all sorta changed the chemistry and became a problem. If he had been a little hungrier it coulda been a great thing – he could have gone to town riding my dick and sucking it, but he seemed to just want to watch porn.

Oh well, at least most of the hookup was really good…